Until My Heart Stops Beating (27 page)

I WOULD HAVE WAITED FOREVER

              Makeba became emotional as thoughts of good times with Declan crowded her mind. She wanted to shut it down but she couldn’t. The display of timeless memories played over and over again like a recording on a CD player with no pause button.  She wished she could turn her brain off, stop thinking, end the visions that infiltrated the mental territory that affected her heart, a heart that was so damaged she didn’t think it could ever be healed.

      One month, that’s how long it’s been since she’d seen her husband. It wasn’t for lack of desire or trying. She tried to get him to remember who she was, what they had, and the love they shared. Nothing worked. She sent letters to be read to him by her allies, Granny Whitaker and Sam and even Shyanne, took part in the efforts. They agreed to help anyway they could so they would read them to Declan whenever Ms. Whitaker and Deena wasn’t around. They knew if she got wind of what was going on she would hit the roof. After a month of consistent letter writing she realized it was all in vain. Her letters didn’t accomplish what she set out to do. Instead, she received a letter of her own from him asking her to cease and desist. Sam hated to have to tell Makeba the news. She had been through so much already but there wasn’t anything he could do. Declan was adamant about wanting nothing to do with her. Finally coming to the realization that she wasn’t going to get her husband back she made a conscious decision to try to move on without him.

             
Makeba tried to convince herself that she should move on. At least that’s what her head was telling her but her heart defied everything that her mind was saying she had to do. She loved him and no matter what was going on she couldn’t let go. Her heart belonged to him and deep down inside she knew she was in his somewhere. She prayed that somehow the love they shared would be strong enough to pull him into remembrance of their lives together. Was she crazy for thinking such a thing? She prayed many times for God to hear her cries and turn this thing around but for some reason it seemed like
God
wasn’t listening because as of yet, he hadn’t answered her prayers. On second thought, maybe he did. Maybe God said no. The thought of “no” sent her into emotional turmoil.
Her breath quickened, her pulse was racing, and a flood of tears fell from her eyes down her cheeks. She covered her mouth with her hand trying to stifle the sounds. Her breaths were rapid and shallow. She sat up in her chaise rocking back and forth as if the movements would appease her pain, but nothing was going to soothe the ache embedded deep within her heart but the return of the man she loved, her unborn children’s father. A few minutes later she was able to compose herself. She wiped the tears from her eyes with the backs of her hands.

      “Girl, I made us some hot chocolate.”

       Finally, Rasheeda made it outside. She felt relieved thinking that she’ll be able to keep her engaged in conversation so that she wouldn’t think of Declan. “Good,” she replied never turning around.

       “I figured the wind would make it a lot chillier out here.”

      Makeba never looked up to acknowledge Rasheeda. If she did, her cover would be blown. She would know that her friend had been crying again. Her efforts were null and void. Rasheeda knew her friend. She could tell before she even got close up on her that she had been crying. The shaking of her body and the rocking back and forth she saw when she descended the steps of the beach house told it all.

              After laying the serving tray on the sand, Rasheeda pulled her chaise closer to her friend. “It’s ok to cry Keba. You love this man. After getting to know him the way that I do now I can understand why. Don’t give up hope honey. You’re in the eye of a storm and it’s raining quite heavy mama but it can’t rain all the time. The love I’ve witnessed between the both you is like nothing I have ever seen before. Keep the faith. Love will prevail.”

      She bent down and picked up a cup of hot chocolate handing it to Makeba.

      “Thank you.” She accepted the mug.

      “No problem,” Rasheeda replied taking a sip from her cup. She stared at Makeba curiously as she removed the mug from her lips lowering it away from her face. “Talk to me Keba. Tell me what you’re feeling. You need to get it out. Keeping all that stuff bottled up inside couldn’t possibly be good for them babies.”

      “Babies. Babies.” Makeba stared at Rasheeda as tears ran down her cheeks. “I can’t stop loving him. How do I move on when my heart is so deeply attached to his? I feel…I feel…I feel like I’m suffocating,” she sobbed losing her grip on the mug.

      Rasheeda rushed to her side taking the cup from her hand placing it on the tray. Her heart ached for her friend. If there was a way she could take the pain away she would in a heartbeat but she couldn’t. This was Makeba’s journey, her life’s experience and she had to go through it. The only thing she could do was be there for her as long as she needed her to.

      “He’s the air that I breathe. How do I learn to breathe without him when he’s my air supply?” she asked looking at her friend as if she had the answers she was looking for.

     
Rasheeda shook her head as she began to shed tears of her own. She wrapped her arms around Makeba and cradled her in his arms. She hated seeing her like this, so hurt, so broken and distraught. Rasheeda was going through the  motions as well. Her friend was going through it and it wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it but lend her a listening ear or a strong shoulder to cry on, somehow that seemed so little right now.

      “Listen honey,” she said looking at Makeba, “you need to eat something. Why don’t I go back inside and fix us something good
to munch on.” She pulled back, wiping the tears from Makeba’s eyes.

     “Thanks but I’m not hungry.”

      “Too bad. You are not going to starve my godbabies missy.”

      “I don’t think I could eat anything.”

      “Try.”

       Makeba relented. “Ok, I‘ll try.”

      “Good girl.”

      Rasheeda bent down to pick up the tray so she could take it inside and wash the soiled dishes. As she stood she thought she saw a figure walking towards them. It was quite a distance away but she was certain she saw someone familiar. If the wind would stop blowing just a little she could get a better view. It was as if God had his
ear to
her mouth because the wind slowed down just enough for her to get a clearer visual. She couldn’t believe it. Too excited, she couldn’t find her voice so she tapped Makeba vigorously on the shoulder.

     Holding on to her straw hat, Makeba looked up at her then returned to her original position.

     
Rasheeda saw the silhouette of a male figure again. This time she whispered, “Makeba,” while tapping her again.

              Makeba glanced up at her like she had lost her mind hitting her like that. “What?” she asked annoyed.

              Rasheeda didn’t say a word. She just stood there immobile like she was stuck in quicksand instead of standing on top of dry sand staring down the beach at the person walking towards them.

              Makeba glanced in the direction Rasheeda was looking. It was difficult to see. The wind had increased making it almost impossible to get a visual of the person approaching them. She stood up to get a better look while holding her hat in place. She didn’t want it to blow away. She turned her head to the side in an effort to avoid direct contact from the sand hitting her face. The winds calmed a little. She couldn’t believe it. Was her eyes playing tricks on her? Perhaps it was her mind giving her an image that wasn’t actually there. Maybe it was wishful thinking.

      She took a few steps forward squinting her eyes. The person wearing olive green cargo shorts, a white short sleeve shirt buttoned halfway and a white tank top underneath. The closer he came the weaker she got in the knees, her heart raced, her hands began to perspire, and nervousness stirred in the pit of her stomach.

              Rasheeda took a few steps bringing her closer to Makeba. She stood still looking on in wonderment. If she had ever had any questions concerning their relationship, the scene that was playing out before her was sure making them dissipate. She was not only happy for her friend but relieved as
well. In her heart she knew Declan had come to stake his claim. Love does conquer all after all, she thought, as tears stung her eyes.

      “Go to him,” she whispered, gently pushing Makeba in the direction of the love of her life.

              Makeba made a swift turn and kissed Rasheeda on the cheek then turned on her heels wobbling toward Declan. The wind had started to blow again but she
refused to turn away. She didn’t want to lose sight of the prize. She waited so long for this that she didn’t want to miss a moment, even though the blowing sand felt abrasive against her skin. Walking was taking too long. She began to run as fast as the sand and her
weight would allow as she held onto the sides of her stomach, losing her straw hat in the process. She didn’t care one bit about that silly hat. Running
to her husband was the only thing on her mind.

              Time stood still as they stood face to face in silence. Neither of them knew what to do next. He wasn’t sure how he would be received and she wasn’t sure of his reasons for being there. Had she given up on him? Had he come to ask for the dissolution of their marriage? No words were exchanged for the longest time. They ogled one another in a way that spoke volumes. Passion, lust, burning desire and undying love was all present as they stared deep through the windows of their souls answering questions that had been thought of but not verbalized.

              Declan’s eyes traveled to her midsection. He wrapped his hands around her waist and kneeled down on his knees pressing his head against her protruding belly, the belly that provided residence for his babies. Overwhelmed with emotions he squeezed her tighter. His eyes filled with tears. No longer able to control his emotions teardrops fell from his eyes staining her dress. He moved his face to the other side of her abdomen and bawled gripping a fistful of the material. Emotions were high, beyond any of their control. She ran her finger through his hair as she cried. Bending down, she kissed him on top of the head as she silently thanked God for being an on time God. Right when she thought of giving up, moving on,
letting go, her prayers were finally answered.

              Rasheeda continued to look on from afar. She was envious of Makeba. She had found true love, a love so deep, so rare and truly divine. She secretly prayed that she would get to experience a love so great herself one day. She cupped her hands over her mouth watching the broken pieces of her friend’s life mend back together. She was confident that this was the beginning of a new and deeper love for Makeba and Declan.

              Declan rose to his feet while holding on to his wife’s hand. Together they walked up to the house that would surely be a home now that they had found their way back to one another. They entered the bedroom closing the door behind them. He escorted her over to the bed. Their eyes said everything to each other their lips could not say. He unbuttoned her dress letting it drop to the floor at her feet as he kissed her shoulders and gingerly pushed the straps of her bra off her shoulders with his fingertips. Slowly he glided his hands down her sides and around her back unsnapping the bra allowing it to fall to the floor as well. He gently cradled her face in his hands as he covered her mouth with his, parting her lips with his tongue, and exploring every inch of her mouth as he touched her in places she hadn’t been touched in a long time. Slowly,
he grabbed the tips of her panties pushing them to her knees, holding them until she stepped out of them and threw them on the pile with every other stitch of clothing he removed. He picked her up, gradually lowering her down on the bed. She laid still. Closing his eyes, he traced the roundness of her abdomen with his fingertips eventually adding soft sensual kisses. For so long she had waited to feel the touch of his hands against her flesh, his pillow soft kisses against her skin, to feel the heat of his breath brush against her flesh like a feather. She often wondered if she’d ever have him this way again. She had received her answer.

      There was no longer the feeling of blocked air. Any feelings of exasperation she had was now nonexistent. Her whole world had been turned from upside down to right side up in a matter of minutes.  The feel of him all over her sent tingling sensations through her body. She released a deep sigh as Declan’s hands touched her in ways she had forgotten about. He planted trails of kisses from her midsection down her legs then up her body stopping at her lips. He looked deep into her eyes then kissed her ardently and aggressively. The more he explored her mouth with his tongue the hungrier for more he became. He let out a loud groan as a slew of emotions began to overtake him. Fighting like hell he managed to keep them under control.

      “It’s been so long,” he managed to whisper between kisses.

      “Yes,” she replied through labored breaths.

      He lowered his mouth onto hers again reclaiming his territory. He was like an addict consistently trying to achieve the feeling of that initial high but falling short every time. His flesh was burning with desire. He couldn’t prolong it anymore. He had to get inside of her, have her walls clamp onto his manhood like crab claws, accepting him like the
missing piece to a puzzle.