Untangle Me (27 page)

The Holidays

Thanksgiving had arrived. I spent the day combing through ads and mapping out our plan of attack. Kayden never shopped on Black Friday; I wanted him to experience the frenzy first hand. We had limited funds, and I wanted to get as much as we could for our family Christmas gifts. After dinner I grabbed our list and Kayden and I made it to our first stop.

“I can’t believe how insane people are,” Kayden said, as people were fighting and throwing video games across the aisle.

“This is pretty tame compared to some of the sales. You’ll see,” I told him, moving with the crowd.

He looked lost. “They don’t have the game we’re looking for. What are we going to do now?” he asked me.

We made our way through the store, trying to find the exit.

“The next store has them, too, and they haven’t opened yet. Let’s head there and get in line,” I told him as we walked outside.

“I’ve never seen people act like this,” he said, shaking his head and laughing.

“Just wait, we’ll be lucky to get half of our list tonight.”

As we pulled into the second store, we saw a line that stretched around the entire building.

“What the fuck? Is that the line?” Kayden said in disbelief, noticing the line dotting the landscape.

“Yes, the store doesn’t open for another hour, so we better get in line quick before we’re too far back to get anything good,” I said to him as I searched for a parking spot.

“Do you think we’ll get anything at this store?” he asked me.

“Yeah, we’ll get some of it,” I told him.

We waited for the hour and passed the time talking to and holding each other. Over the last week the air in Florida had turned chilly. Kayden warmed my fingers between his hands and I buried my face in his neck. His smell and warmth were intoxicating.

“Oh, the line is moving,” Kayden said letting go of my hands.

“Finally... You go for the video games and gadgets and I’ll head for the other stuff,” I said to him. “We may do better if we divide and conquer.”

As I walked around the store, almost everything I wanted was snapped up before I could grab it. I threw the few items I was able to find in my cart and texted Kayden.

Me: Where are you?

Kayden: Still in the electronics area. I’m stuck with a woman that won’t stop talking. Save me!

He looked like a trapped animal, I watched from a distance as he tried to be polite. Kayden made his way through the crowd and found me in the main aisle waiting for him.

He was very patient during the night as I dragged him from store to store. The night had a somber feel at times. Kayden didn’t have the money to buy gifts, but I gave him as much as I could to help him buy what he needed. We were exhausted by the end of the night, mentally and physically. Tomorrow we were having Thanksgiving dinner with Suzy’s family; they did things a bit backwards at times. I worried about Kayden though; alcohol would be part of the meal. He said he had it under control and wouldn’t drink more than anyone else.

He held true to his word during our post-Thanksgiving dinner with Suzy’s family, only having two beers. We excused ourselves after a card game, going into our room to give the family some private time together. Neither of us had fully recovered from shopping, and the liquor made me sleepy. It was a perfect day, and I was thankful to have shared it with Kayden.

The holidays were going to be hard for him, I knew it would be. He’s had disappointments in his life and demons haunted him, personal ones that I couldn’t rescue him from. Something usually triggered his drinking—a memory or an event that sent him straight for the bottle. I wanted him to turn to me for help and understanding, not vodka.

It wasn’t the Christmas we both imagined. Kayden made breakfast for Suzy and I, he lit the Christmas tree lights, and had carols playing on the radio. The house smelled of cinnamon, vanilla, and bacon. He made the morning festive for the three of us. We cleaned up the kitchen and crawled back in bed to watch a montage of Christmas movies classics.

Kayden and I had the house to ourselves after Suzy left for her dinner at her parent’s house.

“Do you want to open gifts first or have dinner?” Kayden asked after we finished the Christmas movie marathon.

“You got me a gift?” I asked stunned.

“I have a couple things for you.”

I loved gifts and surprises even more. “Dinner then gifts,” I replied clapping my hands in excitement.

“Anything you want, beautiful,” he said kissing me on the lips.

I watched him from the countertop stool while Kayden prepared a feast for us. He was so meticulous when chopping and prepping his ingredients and I was growing impatient. Thank heavens the meal was a simple one; steak covered in sautéed mushrooms and onions with baked potatoes. I set the table and lit candles when he put the steaks on the grill. I turned the radio on to have a little background music, the setting was romantic.

We ate our dinner and talked about our trip we would be making tomorrow. Kayden’s company would be closing the company apartment before the first and we needed to collect his things. He would be saying goodbye to New Orleans. It added a somber tone to the evening, but we were both looking forward to returning to where we first began.

“Let’s go open gifts and we’ll clean this all up later,” I said smiling at him.

“Okay, baby doll,” he said standing from his chair holding out his hand for me.

I grabbed his hand and held it tightly as we walked to the bedroom. We crawled on the bed for the gift exchange. “I’ll give you yours first,” I said.

I handed him two packages to open. They were practical gifts that I knew he needed, a beautiful sweater that would bring out the green in his eyes and keep him warm during the cool Florida winter and a pair of tennis shoes. I had seen him looking at them a couple months ago since he only had sandals and work boots in his wardrobe.

His eyes lit up when he saw the tennis shoes. “I love them, Sophia,” he said placing them on his feet and climbing off the bed to see if they fit. He leaned down and placed a kiss on my lips.

“You’re welcome, baby. Have to keep you warm when I’m not home,” I said.

He reached down under the bed and grabbed two boxes placing them in front of me. I rubbed my hands together; I couldn’t wait any longer to open them. I tore open the first package and it contained a beautiful coffee mug and a package of Café du Monde coffee. I fell in love with the coffee laced with chicory when I was in New Orleans.

“I love it, Kayden.” I set it down on the bed and ripped open the second package. Inside was a small container that held a CD. “What’s on it?” I asked.

“I put together a collection of all the songs that remind me of you and of us,” he said. It was a thoughtful gift. It was filled with love and butterflies filled my stomach. Kayden put thought into even a small thing, it meant more to me than coffee and a mug.

“I love you, Kayden,” I said standing up and placing it in my CD player to listen to. I hugged him and kissed him, showing him all the love I felt in that moment.

I didn’t notice at first, but as the night went on his behavior became more and more unpredictable He must have raided the pantry and consumed all of the left over liquor from Thanksgiving. He grew more sensitive and emotional. I tried to console him, crawling into bed to hold him. He rested his head on my chest and mumbled about how much he loved me and couldn’t imagine life without me. Stroking his face and rubbing his back until he drifted off to sleep.

His life was in turmoil. His probation deadline grew near, everything he owned was in NOLA, not a job interview had been scheduled, he was broke, living in my bedroom, and the pull of alcohol. I couldn’t help but stare at him while he slept. I always stared at Kayden, but I looked at him differently this night. I wanted to give this man everything I had, patch his fragmented life and make it whole again.

Christmas was always a source of sadness for me, too. It’s hard to live hundreds of miles away from family and friends. Holidays made it even more unbearable and lonely. I understood his sadness, although I hated that he turned to drinking, but today I could understand his despair and wrapped him in my arms, loving him.

New Orleans Bound

Tom, Kayden’s roommate in NOLA, called a couple days before Christmas. The company would be closing down the apartment by the end of the month. They were heading home and locked his room before they left.

The day after Christmas we left for New Orleans. He needed to pick up his remaining clothes and personal belongings. Sadness filled us as we drove to New Orleans, it would be a goodbye trip. Dread filled me the closer we got, I’d fallen in love with this city… it had become part of us.

I parked the car in the parking lot and we sat for a moment. This is where we began; the love, passion, and crazy journey we’d experienced together.

Kayden looked around the parking lot surveying the cars. “I don’t see my truck, Sophia. It’s missing,” he said. I covered my eyes with my hands, my stomach felt uneasy. “It must have been towed; I’ll call them when we get inside.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” I said through my palms.

Kayden peeled my hands off my face. “Shit happens, babe. I’ll get it back, come on,” he said as he reached for the handle and I did the same.

I walked next to Kayden, holding his hand as we approached the apartment. He paused before placing the key in the door. The apartment looked exactly like it did when we left in October, minus some personal effects and the television in the living room. A fold up chair was propped against the wall and some trash was strewn across the kitchen table.

I walked away from Kayden, turning the corner to his room. I stopped in the hallway, his bedroom door was open and the doorjamb had been damaged; someone had pried the door open. My heart sank as I walked through the door. ”Your TV is missing,” I exclaimed.

“What?” he asked, as he rounded the corner behind me. Kayden came to a halt, staring blankly not saying a word. The flat screen television no longer sat on his dresser beside his Blu-ray player. It was missing too, along with all of his movies. I heard rustling behind me as Kayden disappeared in his walk in closet. “Mother fucker,” he said.