Authors: Charlotte Mills
Tuesday
When I arrived at the hostel it was strangely quiet for a
change, with the ground floor empty except for Jill behind the reception
counter, after inquiry I found out the eerie silence was due to a birthday
bowling evening leaving only a few residents roaming the halls. I ventured up
to the larger common room above finding Sam playing pool by herself on one side
and another resident I was unfamiliar with working at one of the tables.
As I walked over, Sam seemed totally unaware of my presence.
I stood there watching for a few seconds taking in her long limbs as she
stretched across the table, her hair was up exposing her neck. I was sorely
tempted to run my hand up that lovely soft neck kissing it gently as my hand
gently hugged her waist from behind. As she turned I saw her deep green eyes as
they focused on me, I was lost for words for a moment.
“Hey....not bowling tonight?” I said embarrassed at being
caught.
“No...didn’t really feel like it, I might meet up with them
later.......fancy your chances at pool?”
My gaze fell to her lips a she spoke, I quickly lifted my
eyes to hers as I registered what she had said. I raised my eyebrows. “Is this
the decider as its currently one all?”
“That first game was just a lucky shot....and you know it?”
She replied grinning. “If I win....you have to tell me what you did to get
community service”.
I don’t think so, but I’ll go with it. “What do I get if I
win?” I asked trying not to look at her lips again.
“What do you want?”
I frowned. “I’m not sure Mike would approve of your
tactics”.
“Mike’s not here”.
“Quid pro quo – it’s a bit like ‘Silence of the Lambs’ –
you’d be a good Hannibal Lector”. I giggled.
“You would”. She tried to look offended.
“So you have to tell me something in return if I win?” I
said.
“That sounds fair as I’m not going to lose”.
Her confidence made me grin. “Indeed......rack em up then”.
The high steaks of the game brought me into sharp focus,
quickly taking control of the game potting four balls off of Sam’s break,
failing on the fifth. The lack of small talk told me Sam was just as focused
taking risky shots which to my advantage failed to pay off this time as I
cleared the table and sank the black.
I couldn’t help chucking at Sam’s dumbfounded expression.
“Well?.....It seems I have won again”.
“I swear you’re a ringer....pretending to be a bad player
then pulling it out the fire at the last minute”.
“I’m not sure what you mean......I believe you have
something to tell me”. I said quietly as I leaned towards her.
“Okay okay...fairs fair.....so what do you want to know?”
“Umm what about how you ended up here?” I asked voicing the
first thought that came into my head.
Her face changed instantly sucking in all the air in the room,
I rapidly regretted my request. “I’m Sorry I’ve changed my mind I...” She cut
me off raising her hand before I can backtrack anymore.
She nervously bit her lip before beginning. “No its fine
I’ll tell you it’s no big secret.....when I was at Uni...My best friend was
also studying there but on a different course she was doing physics, she
started acting weird started losing it.....struggling with her course....I
tried to help but she wouldn’t let me..Sh...She killed herself....I found her
hanging in her room”.
I looked her in the eye seeing the immense sadness.
“Sam...I’m sorry I should never have asked that.....I’m a total fucking idiot”.
She blanked me focusing on the floor as she continued. “I
stopped going to Uni eventually got kicked out of my flat as I couldn’t pay the
rent....ended up...here eventually”.
“Shit....I’m so sorry Sam”.
I felt terrible what right did I have to pry into her life,
she would have told me already if she’d wanted me to know I felt so stupid. I
had to spill now in an effort to balance out the knowledge we knew about each
other. Aware of my swearing I turned to see that we were alone now, thank god.
I put the cue down moved towards her placing both hands on the sides of her
arms gently rubbing them I could see her eyes had become glassy with tears.
I leant against the pool table my back to the door. “Okay
it’s my turn to spill, I’m on community service because I smashed up two cars
with a baseball bat”.
Sam quickly wiped her eyes and began laughing. “No
shit...why would you do that?...Whose cars were they?”
“Well....they belonged to two different people....are you
sure you really want to hear this it’s quite a long story”.
“You can’t stop now...come on whose cars were they?”
I took a deep breath feeling I was back in therapy again.
“One belonged to an ex-girlfriend the other one was her neighbours, I was a bit
drunk and both cars looked the same in the dark, I trashed his first then
realised I was in the wrong driveway....I went next door and did it all over
again”.
Sam was howling with laughter at my expense, although
anything was better than her tears, she raised her eyebrows focussing on me.
“Are you a bunny boiler?”
I should have expected that. “No....we had broken up a few
months before it was all very amicable”.
“Why did you smash up her car then?”
Shit now I had to really spill, I couldn’t look her in the
eye anymore deciding to focus at my hands instead. “I heard through a friend
she had been caught drunk driving...lost her licence for a year”.
“Right....okay I’m guessing there’s more to it than that?”
Deep breath. “Yes.....just over two years ago my dad was
killed in a car accident, he was driving home from work when he was hit by a
drunk driver....who strangely was uninjured...so I guess I just flipped
out....she knew how I felt about it, we were together when he died she helped
me through it”.
I felt her eyes on me but I couldn’t move I was still locked
in position staring at my hands.
“Hey...Alex”. She was so close to me now her hand was
cupping the side of my face lifting it up to look at her. ”Hey I’m sorry about
your dad....I think you beat me again and not just at pool”.
I forced myself to look at her though watery eyes. “I don’t
think so....I was just lucky I had people around me to stop me going off the
rails completely”.
Taking advantage of our solitude I pulled her into a quick
hug relishing the feel of her body next to mine I gently whispered into her
ear. “I can’t believe no-one helped you....I’m so sorry”. I felt her heaving a
deep breath, and hugged her tighter.
I pulled back realising how inappropriate my actions were.
“I...I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that”.
“I’m glad you did...I needed it....thank you”. She wiped her
eyes on her sleeve finishing with a smile.
“So another game....double or quits”.
I laughed. “Sure why not I’ve got nothing to lose now I’ll
rack em up”.
We played pool half-heartedly for another hour before any of
the residents stated to appear, it was so satisfying being alone without anyone
else around not have to watch what we said I really enjoyed her company. We
chatted about our childhoods and siblings Sam’s brother who lives in Canada
after meeting a Canadian while studying in London. She had not seen him in a
number of years after losing touch, but had plans to rebuild their relationship
when she got back on her feet.
I told Sam about my time at University studying photography,
how much I enjoyed it but felt a bit disconnected from it now after so many
years away from it. We discussed the expense of going to university now, the
debts that it brings and how she was not looking forward to adding to them.
Before leaving I remembered the DVD’s in the car leaving by the back door I
retrieved them from my car. Returning by the back door I handed them over in
the stairwell our hands touched for a moment too long my eyes locked on hers
confirming what I hoped was our unspoken attraction for each other as my
stomach flipped furiously.
After getting home I chewed over my conversation with Sam,
she didn’t need any more worries about debts that would hold her back from
achieving her potential and stop her getting on with her life. Thinking about
Sam’s disclosure could they have been more than friends? If they were why did
she feel the need to hide it from me, I wouldn’t have been offended. I had started
to realise how much I enjoyed volunteering at the hostel meeting lots of new
people it had given me a focus and perspective in many ways.
Wednesday
After a good night sleep my decision was made I called Nick informing
him I would pay the fees for Sam to return to University, he seemed a little
surprised by my actions but I explained that Sam deserves a second chance after
all she has been through. After asking him to send me the invoice for the fees
I gave him Sam’s address and ask him to send her out a letter explaining all
fees are still valid from her previous enrolment on the course. He was dubious
of my actions but I reassured him I knew what I was doing – I secretly hoped I
did, I don’t want to lie to her but if I offered to pay I knew she would refuse
my offer of help.
Thursday
I arrived at the hostel early, impatient to pass on the news
to Mike about Sam’s fees, he was grateful for my help and although I expected
some suspicion from my news I couldn’t see it in his face. Mike decided to
schedule a 1-1 catch-up meeting with her in the morning to let her know she
should expect a letter confirming her place on the course. Relieved I continue
with the night working in the kitchens and shadowing Mike with 1-1 catch ups
with residents.
At seven thirty Mike gave me the nod that I am free to use
the gym, retrieving my bag from the car I made my way down to the basement. The
gym lights were on but the place was deserted, taking advantage of the
seclusion I swiftly change my clothes. Sam arrived as I was lacing up my
trainers, eyeing my discarded clothes on the floor.
“Damn....did I miss it?” She asked making her way to the
machines.
“I’m afraid so....my dignity is intact for a while longer”.
“Unfortunately”. I heard her say as she sat on the exercise
bike, tying up as much hair as possible, I turned on the running machine next
to her setting the gradient and timer. Beginning with a brisk walking pace then
slowly increasing the pace to a suitable jogging speed. To dispel my temptation
of informing her of my inside information, I attempted some general chit chat.
“How did you know I was down here?”
“Ahh now I can’t reveal my sources”. She replied grinning.
Her smile was infectious. “I see......so what’ve you been up
to today?”
“Not much....helping Jo with a job
application......recovering......I’ve just seen Mike on my way down he wants to
see me tomorrow morning”.
Realising Mike must have told her I was here. “Ooh....what
have you done?” I asked eyebrows raised.
She frowned before looking over to me. “It could be about
using the gym the other day when I was drunk”.
I giggled as much as I could while jogging. “When was
that?”
“Wednesday.....we were talking about how much weight we
could lift so we had a bit of a competition”.
“Really.....so who won?”
“Let me tell you Jo is freakishly strong but Josh beat us
all easily”. She beamed at what I assumed was the memory.
“He is about twice the size of both of you”. I said puffing.
“Not with beer goggles on.....I think it was more the noise
we made....he wasn’t too pleased when he came down to tell us to keep it down”.
“He’s not said anything so he can’t be that mad.......is Jo
applying for a job?”
“Yeah.....just shop work at Boots.....she’s so bored with
nothing to do...she really wants to get back on her feet, especially now she
has Josh”.
“That’s good”. Friendship and love were obviously a good
motivator it was definitely time to rethink my hermit lifestyle.
“Yeah it is”. I could feel her staring at me, as I turned to
meet her eyes she turned away fiddling with the bikes controls. We were silent
for a while concentrating on our exercise.
“So...have you watched the DVD’s yet?” I asked breaking the
silence.
“No....I’ve just asked Mike if I can borrow a lap top over
the weekend, he said I could pick it up later....will I need earphones?”
“Earphones?” I repeated with a furrowed brow.
“Are they you know....noisy?” She said grinning.
“Oh ummm”. I said trying to recall “I think ‘Kiss Me’ might be
the noisiest one you might need earphones for that one”.
Her eyebrows raised. “Really?”
I sniggered relieved my exercise would hide my blush. “But
as the other one is English you might want to wear earphones for both I guess”.
She smiled. “Good plan”.
Another twenty minutes passed of pounding footsteps
accompanied by occasional looks between us before my timer made me jump as the
running machine started to power down. Stepping off the machine I took a few
moments for my legs to adjust to a stationary floor.
Looking over I could see Sam’s gaze had rested on me once
more, returning a smile I asked if she was going on the treadmill tonight.
“No not tonight I’m still recovering......I’m finished I
think....are you?”
“Yeah....” I gathered my discarded clothes stuffing them in
my bag, before we headed for the doors.
Reaching the top of the stairs I realised I was losing
something from my bag turning to gather it up we came face to face in the dimly
lit corridor. Just inches away from each other I honestly thought she was going
to kiss me at one point from the way her dark eyes held mine I struggled to
speak. I could feel my heart beat going crazy in my chest as I struggled for
words.
“I...I’d better go....enjoy the films...see you next week”.
Why did I always stutter in front of her I smiled trying to hold it together as
her dimples began to appear.
“Sure”.
How did she manage to keep so cool, I could have sworn I saw
a flicker of interest and not for the first time? Was she waiting for me to
make the first move, was that a good idea with my sudden stuttering affliction,
winking and stuttering now surely I qualify for some form of incapacity status.