“What are we doing here?” “I just need to make a quick stop to pick up a few… supplies .” “What the hell is wrong with you, Brianna? Supplies? What the fuck are you talking about?” Yes. I was now in full monster mode. I need air so I open the window. Brianna pulls up next to a medium size storage unit so that the trunk lines up with the storage door, places the car in park and shuts off the engine. She turns her head and stares at me for a second. I take a deep breath and try to stay calm. “I will answer all your questions, Colton. I promise you. Please allow me a few minutes to get what I need out of there and we will be on our way. When I get you home and make sure you are safe, I will tell you the entire story, but you have to promise to listen to everything before passing judgment.” “What makes you think that I am going to judge you?” I ask her feeling confused. She looks ahead and takes another deep breath. Then, sounding defeated, I hear her say “Because everybody does. Please stay in the car. I can guarantee you that you want no part of this.” Brianna gets out of the car and I watch my happy life slowly crumble with every step she takes away from me. Brianna I can feel it deep inside my heart. Rejection is coming. Just like a snake rearing its ugly head and getting ready to strike, I feel Colton’s previous admiration towards me changing into disappointment, morphing slowly from bright happiness into a dark and unappealing lava, running slowly but surely out of his heart, burning and incinerating everything it touches along the way. It’s not that I am having a pity party, I truly do not know another way to get out of the mess I created. My heart is heavy and the mask that I put on every morning in order for me to cope with the lies I tell myself is finally fading away. It’s slowly melting to show the sadness that simmers in my heart on a daily basis. The sadness that I have been able to keep at bay only by having Colton in my life. Once he is gone, I will have no other choice but to embrace the darkness. I will have nothing to lose. I open the climate controlled storage unit Ciara and I secretly keep. It should not take me long. The gym bags are already packed with our special order suits and ammo. Unlocking and opening the three lockers we keep stocked, I admire our collection. I start moving the weapons I believe will be best suited for my plan and place them inside the large duffle bag. I hear someone approaching. Fuck! Why can’t he just do what I asked? It is not that hard. Stay in the fucking car. He would never make it in the Army because he is unable to follow a simple fucking order. “ Sweet baby Jesus! What in the HELL is all this?” His arms spread wide as he takes in the contents of the storage unit. I roll my eyes before I turn around. “I asked you to stay in the fucking car. If I asked you to stay in the car, why the fuck are you standing there, at the storage unit door, looking like somebody just beheaded a chicken right in front of you?” “Brianna, what are you… What is… Why do you need all… of these for? For goodness’ sake, is that a machete ? Last time I checked we were most certainly NOT living in the jungle. Why would you need a machete while attending college?” I walk past him, taking the first load to the trunk of the car. I try to answer as casually as possible. “You never know when you need to clear some brush.” I give him a just a hint of a smile. His jaw tightens, and his hands are in fists on each side of his leg. He is pissed. I can’t blame him, but if I am going to keep him away from my troubles, he needs to start listening to me. I come back inside the storage unit, and proceed to load up more stuff into a smaller duffel bag, and then I start gathering more magazines and ammo. I’m going to need a scope, too, for my rifle. I stand in front of the locker that has the archery supplies and ponder whether to take my bow and arrows. I grab them just in case. When I turn around, Colton is walking slowly, taking in all the weapons we keep. “It must have taken you a long time to acquire all of these. It’s an almost endless list. Guns, rifles, rope, knives, machete, batons… Shit, is that a fucking pike ? How did you land your hand on that? You know what, never-fucking-mind. It’s so not important. Let’s continue the inventory, shall we? Wow, look at these nice bows and several different types of arrows, so are you an archer, too?” He is starting to freak me out a little. It’s like he is barely keeping himself together. Oh, look here! What do we have? I guess this last locker is the one holding the really weird shit! We have some kind of spike hammer, and a motherfucking battle ax! Can you even carry that effectively? ‘Cause I hear those bitches can be quite heavy. And finally, last but not least, we have a couple of Japanese swords! If I remember correctly, I think they are called katanas, but I am sure you will let me know the proper term. Right, Brianna? As he was doing the accountability for all the weapons, I continued loading the trunk. With every mention of a different weapon, his tone got more and more sarcastic. By the time he finished, you can say Colton was in full asshole mode. I refuse to engage with him like this. He is not receptive and will not give a shit about anything that I would try to explain. “Let’s go.” I tell him at the same time I turn off the lights. “Are you sure you have everything that you will be needing? I don’t think I saw any grenades. Oh, I know! You forgot your missile launcher! See? I knew I could be of help!” He walks towards the car’s driver side and asks me for the keys. “Colton, I don’t think you should drive after you have been drinking.” “Brianna, don’t be full of shit. You know as well as I do that the little alcohol I consumed was flushed away by the adrenaline coursing through my body when we got attacked by those thugs. Give me your keys, please.” I hand them the keys if nothing else for the mere fact that what Colton needs the most at this moment is to be in control of something . If he wants to calm down by driving my car, so be it. The threat is momentarily gone. There is no need to make our relationship balance more precarious, so I give in. I smile to myself, because even in the midst of this craziness, all I seem to care about is his wellbeing. God! This is going to hurt like a bitch.
Chapter 19 Colton What the hell is happening? One minute I am sitting with my friends and my beautiful girlfriend having a great meal and wonderful conversation, and then, few minutes later we are under attack like in a fucking Quentin Tarantino movie. Damn! Am I being punked? It’s possible. My friends are crazy that way. As I am looking around for cameras filming, Brianna looks at me with a puzzled look on her face. “What are you looking for?” “The show’s cameras.” I tell her with a serious look on my face. “What show? What are you talking about?” “Well, I figured that the idea that my girlfriend is being sought by mobsters keeps playing in my head, and it’s so unbelievably ridiculous and preposterous, that I think you all are playing a really tasteless joke on me, and you all decided to punk me, you know like the show on TV.” I start laughing, I mean really, really laughing. She turns her head and starts to look out the window. “Please, Brianna, tell me it was all a crafty joke and it’s all over so we can both laugh about it.” “It is not a joke, Colton. No one is playing a joke on you, or me, or both. Everything you have seen is very real. Crazy? Yes. Hard to explain? Most certainly. But it is not a joke.” I bite my bottom lip, to prevent myself from saying something I would definitely regret. I continue to drive in silence depending on the built in GPS to take us home. “Please stop by a convenience store. I need a Coke and something sweet.” Brianna tells me casually. I reach for her face and make her look at me. “Look at me Brianna.” She briefly looks at me, but immediately looks away. “Why can’t you look at me? Hmm? What is going on? “Because I don’t want to remember you the way you are looking at me now. Because it’s all going to go downhill after this. I know it.” “I am upset, yes, but that does not change the way I feel about you.” “How do you feel about me, Colton? Tell me please, I need to know.” She looks at me expectantly, but this is not the right time or the right place. It’s going to have to wait a little longer. “What do you mean, Brianna? You know I care deeply for you, just the same as I know you care for me too.” I try to give her a reassuring smile as we pull into the convenience store’s parking lot. I grab her hand and gently squeeze it. I feel Brianna squeezing my hand back and then she releases it. “Of course, Colton. That’s exactly it. We care deeply for each other and I am just concerned that when you hear what I have to say, you may not care as much.” She opens the door and with her head down, not making eye contact with anyone, she slowly walks into the store. I get out of the car and follow her. By the time she reaches the cashier with an extra-large Coke, a Snickers, a Whatchamacallit and a bag of sour gummy worms, I realize without question that this is going to be a long night. We drive in silence to her apartment. I park next to my truck and kill the engine. I turn to face her. “I am ready, Brianna. Please tell me what is going on.” “I can’t talk about this in the car. I feel like I’m suffocating. Can we please sit on the steps and talk? Or actually, let’s just go upstairs.” “I will go upstairs with one condition. Even if Ciara is there, you are not going to feed me excuses to avoid talking to me. It’s time to fess up, Brianna. It’s time to tell me everything – and I mean everything . No holding back. I am here for you and will continue to do so, but you’ve got to come clean.” “I hear what you are saying, but I also know that what I am about to tell you is going to be hard to believe. And once you know all of it, our relationship will tilt out of balance. It will be up to you to restore it, because I have tried and tried to avoid putting you in this position and you keep insisting for me to lay all my cards on the table. I have a feeling that you will regret it. Let’s go.” We walk up the stairs to get to her apartment, and as she unlocks and opens her front door, I hear the beautiful notes of “Crazy Love” by Michael Bublé, and I smile, because four months ago, I would have never thought to be in this crazy situation or to be in love for the first time of my life. Brianna makes me feel whole. She has touched my lonely heart. I am lucky to have her. There is nothing, absolutely nothing she can say that will make me want to stay away from her. The place is quiet. It appears Ciara is asleep. Brianna asks me to stay put while she goes in ahead to make sure everything is okay. When she returns, we go into the living room. I sit on the couch and she sits on the ottoman facing me. This shit feels serious, and I am having a panic moment and cold feet. Do I really want to know? Yeah, I not only want to, I need to know and my girl is about to bring it. Brianna I grab one of his hands, hoping that it’s not the last time. With my free hand I take a large swig from the can of soda, then, put it down and look at him. I say a silent prayer so that all the right words come out and that I can explain this situation and not be - yet again - a casualty of my own life. “Okay, Colton this is what you wanted. Once you know all of it, it can never be unheard. Everything will be out in the open and we will have to deal with all of it, agreed?” “Yes, agreed, and even though you look cute as hell while you do it, you can quit stalling and get on with it. I am ready.” “Well, you already know part of it. You know about my childhood with my mother and how I left on a bus to a different state to try to make it on my own. It was the first time in my life that I rode the bus with a purpose other than methodical transportation. My dreams were coming true. My life ‘road’ that I had traveled up to that moment was long and difficult. I had to push through and find a way when nothing but hate surrounded me. I was happy to break free. There was light at the end of the tunnel. Unbeknownst to me, the hell I feared the most was waiting to cover me and pull me into the darkest world I didn’t even know existed. “I left home for Atlanta, because I thought it would be easier to get a job and find a place in a big city. I was not counting on how hard it would be to get a job being a minor. I was afraid to make friends because everyone I met on the streets were either drunks or junkies. I would lock myself in public restrooms and try to wash myself with the liquid soap. That always ended up in a huge mess. Slowly, within a few weeks, the money I had saved was gone. I didn’t want to go back home. I was always on the lookout to make a few bucks. I would rummage through trashcans and dumpsters looking for unspoiled food. I didn’t know what to do. My spirit was broken and I was getting to the point that I did not give a shit if I lived or died.” He looks at me with surprise and a hurt look on his face. Nothing came out of his mouth, so I continued. “It was the very next day that he found me.” She smiles thinking about this person. “Uncle Pete.” “Your uncle found you? How?” I look at him fondly and admire his beautiful eyes. I hope he can understand all of this. With the gentlest voice I have, I explained further. Damn, this is so hard! “He was not my real uncle. Everyone called him that. I was out in the back alley, going through his trashcan. The smell coming out of his kitchen was so good, I just knew – I knew! – I was going to find something good to eat. I was so hungry and thirsty. I was filthy, too. I had no one, and I was ready to give it all up. I was also weak and had lost so much weight… I’m sure I was malnourished. “He came out and asked me what I was doing. I almost took off running, but there was this kindness in his eyes, I could not lie to him. I told him the truth, that I was hungry and looking for scraps of food. I also added that I would make sure all the trash I took out would be put back inside his trashcan and I promised I was not going to create any trouble. He told me not to move and went inside. I was certain he was calling the cops and I was so desperate at that point, I would have been grateful if he did. I would have had a place to sleep and a decent meal, but when he came back out, he was carrying a bag with a burger and fries and a bottled drink. I ate it all so fast, I was afraid I would have a stomach ache later that night. He smiled at me and told me to come by the next day at the same time if I wanted something else to eat.” I stop speaking and attempt to look at him quickly, but end up looking down at our joined hands. The worse is yet to come. I need to be strong. I inhale his scent and I rub his hand soothingly because it may be the last time that I am able to feel him near me, to touch him. “When I went back the next day, Uncle Pete told me he needed some help in his establishment and asked me if I wanted the job, he would provide me with a small room, a comfortable bed and food in exchange. “I asked him what kind of work, he explained he ran a gentleman’s club, but I knew that was just a gentler way to say strip-joint. I thought my eyes were going to pop out of their sockets and I started to shake my head no.” I laughed a little at the memory. “He quickly explained that what he wanted from me was to help him clean the place and run the front desk. I could also help in the kitchen too, but I had to shower first because I ‘smelled terrible’ When he said that, he smiled and made me feel at ease. He was missing some teeth, but it only made him more endearing. “And that was the moment Uncle Pete saved me. I was down to eighty five pounds, nothing but skin and bones. The room he gave me was not much bigger than a broom closet, but I had a comfortable twin size bed and a chest of drawers. There was a full bathroom at the back of the building, not meant to be used by the patrons, but instead it was the bathroom used by me and Uncle Pete. He also lived in the same building and had a room similar to mine in size and simplicity. He encouraged me to take online classes so I could get my GED, and in our little spare time, he taught me about the business and said that maybe one day I could run it all for him so that he could finally go fishing! “Everybody who worked there loved him. He was an old soul but was such a nice person and took good care of all the girls. He refused to allow drugs in there. He told us that many years ago drugs killed his only son at seventeen years old, and his wife took her life soon after because she could not live with the pain. Uncle Pete went on a drinking binge right after burying her, and it took him years to climb out of the hole he had thrown himself in, a self-imposed sentence he used in order to go from one day to the next. “Unfortunately, the damage was done. Uncle Pete had many health ailments and one of my saddest days was about seven months after I moved into his place, when I found him dead. Heart attack, the coroner said. At least he didn’t suffer. After a few days all the employees had a meeting, decided to try to continue his legacy, and tried to purchase the establishment from the bank. We were outbid and had no idea who the new owner would be and how he would run the business. We were hopeful, though, so we waited patiently for a couple of weeks until the new owner came to introduce himself.”