Twelve Red Herrings (23 page)

“Certainly,”
said Ted. Tll see that Carruthers brings a light breakfast up to your room at
7.3 – unless you’d like something cooked.”

“A light
breakfast will be just the thing,” Mounthatten said.
“A
perfect evening.
Your staff could not have done more, Hazel.

Good night, and
thank you, my dear.” The Governor bowed and his lady curtsied as the great man
ascended the staircase two paces behind Carruthers. When the butler closed the
door of the Queen Victoria Room, Ted put his arm around his wife and said, “He
knows we know.’

“You may be
right,” said Hazel. “But does he know we know he knows?’

Tll have to
think about that,” said Ted.

Arm in arm, they
returned to the kitchen, where they found Mrs.

Travis packing
dishes into a crate under the supervision of Lady Cuthbert, the long lace
sleeves of whose evening dress were now firmly rolled up.

“How did you get
back in, Dotty?” asked Hazel.

“Just walked
round to the back yard and came in the servants’ entrance,” replied Lady
Cuthbert.

“Did you spot
anything that went badly wrong?” Hazel asked anxiously.

“I don’t think
so,” replied Lady Cuthbert, “Not unless you count Mick Flaherty failing to get
a fourth glass of Muscat de Venise.”

“Mrs.

Travis,” said
Ted, ‘the head chef at the Savoy couldn’t have produced a finer banquet.
Perfect in every part.
I do no more than repeat Lord
Mounthatten’s exact words.”

“Thank you, Your
Excellency,” said Mrs.

Travis. “He’s got
a big appetite, hasn’t he?” she added with a smile.

A moment later,
Carruthers entered the kitchen. He checked round the room, which was spotless
once again, then turned to Ted and said, “With your permission, sir, we will
take our leave.” “Of course,’ said the Governor. “And may
I
thank you, Carruthers, for the role you and your amazing team have played.

You all did a
superb job. Lord Mounthatten never stopped remarking on it.”

“His Lordship is
most kind, sir. At what time would you like us to return in the morning to
prepare and serve his breakfast?”

“Well, he asked
for a light breakfast in his room at 7.3-’

“Then we will be
back by 6.30,” said Carruthers.

Hazel opened the
kitchen door to let them all out, and they humped crates full of crockery and baskets
full of food to the waiting cars.

The last person
to leave was Dotty, who was clutching the silver pheasant. Hazel kissed her on
both cheeks as she departed.

“I don’t know
how you feel, but I’m exhausted,” said Ted, bolting the kitchen door.

Hazel checked
her watch. It was seventeen minutes past one.

“Shattered,” she
admitted. “So, let’s try and grab some sleep, because we’ll also have to be up
by seven to make sure everything is ready before he leaves for the airport.”
Ted put his arm back around his wife’s waist.
“A personal
triumph for you, my dear.”
They strolled into the hall and wearily began
to climb the stairs, but didn’t utter another word, for fear of disturbing
their guest’s repose. When they reached the landing, they came to an abrupt
halt, and stared down in horror at the sight that greeted them. Three pairs of
black leather shoes had been placed neatly in line outside the Queen Victoria
Room.

“Now I’m certain
he knows,” said Hazel.

Ted nodded and,
turning to his wife, whispered, “You or me?” Hazel pointed a finger firmly at
her husband. “Definitely you, my dear,” she said sweetly, before disappearing
in the direction of the Nelson Room.

Ted shrugged his
shoulders, picked up the Admiral’s shoes, and returned downstairs to the
kitchen.

His Excellency
the Governor and Commander-in-Chief of St George’s spent a considerable time
polishing those three pairs of shoes, as he realised that not only must they
pass inspection by an Admiral of the Fleet, but they must look as if the job
had been carried out by Carruthers.

When Mounthatten
returned to the Admiralty in Whitehall the following Monday, he made a full
written report on his visit to St George’s. Copies were sent to the Queen and
the Foreign Secretary.

The Admiral told
the story of his visit at a family gathering that Saturday evening at Windsor
Castle, and once the laughter had died down, the Queen asked him, “When did you
first become
suspicious ?”

“It was
Carruthers who gave it away. He knew everything about Sir Ted, except which
regiment he had served in. That’s just not possible for an old soldier.” The
Queen had one further question: “Do you think the Governor knew you knew?”

“I can’t be
certain, Lillibet,” replied Mounthatten after some thought. “But I intend to
leave him in no doubt that I did.” The Foreign Secretary laughed uproariously
when he read Mounthatten’s report, and appended a note to the last sheet asking
for clarification on two points: (a) How can you were not part (b) Do you think
be certain that the staff who served dinner of the Governor’s entourage?

Sir Ted knew
that you knew?

The Admiral
replied by return: (a)
After
dinner, one of the maids
asked Lady Barker if she took sugar in her coffee, but a moment later she gave
Lady Cuthbert two lumps, without needing to ask.

(b) Possibly
not. But he certainly will on Christmas Day.

Sir Ted was
pleased to receive a Christmas card from Lord Mounthatten, signed, “Best
wishes, Dickie. Thank you for a memorable stay.” It was accompanied by a gift.

Hazel
unwrapped
the little parcel to discover a tin of Cherry
Blossom shoe polish (black). Her only comment was, “So now we know he
knew.;
“Agreed,” said Ted with a grin. “But did he know we
knew he knew? That’s what I’d like to know.’

AND SO IT WAS AGREED: DAVID WOULD LEAVE
everything to Pat. If one of them had to die, at least the other would be
financially secure for the rest of their life. David felt it was the least he
could do for someone who’d stood by him for so many years, especially as he was
the one who had been unfaithful.

They had known
each other almost all their lives, because their parents had been close friends
for as long as either of them could remember. Both families had hoped David
might end up marrying Pat’s sister Ruth, and they were unable to hide their
surprise – and in Pat’s father’s case his disapproval – when the two of them
started living together, especially as Pat was three years older than David.

For some time David
had been putting it off and hoping for a miracle cure, despite a pushy
insurance broker from Geneva Life called Marvin Roebuck who had been pressing
him to ‘take a meeting’ for the past nine months. On the first Monday of the
tenth month he phoned again, and this time David reluctantly agreed to see him.
He chose a date when he knew Pat would be on night duty at the hotel, and asked
Roebuck to come round to their apartment – that way, he felt, it would look as
if it was the broker who had done the chasing.

David was
watering the scarlet clupea harengus on the hall table when Marvin Roebuck
pressed the buzzer on the front door.

Once he had
poured his visitor a Budweiser, David told him he YOU LL NEVER LIVE TO REGRET
IT had every type of insurance he could possibly need: theft, accident, car,
property, health, even holiday.

“But what about
life?” asked Marvin, licking his
lips.

“That’s one I
don’t need,” said David. “I earn a good salary, I have more than enough
security, and on top of that, my parents will leave everything to me.”

“But wouldn’t it
be prudent to have a lump sum that comes to you automatically on your sixtieth
or sixty-fifth birthday?” asked Marvin, as he continued to push at a door that
he had no way of knowing was already wide open. “After all, you can never be
sure what disaster might lie around the corner.” David knew exactly what
disaster lay around the corner, but he still innocently asked, “What sort of
figure are you talking about?”

“Well, that
would depend on how much you are currently earning,” said Marvin.

^”$2o
,ooo
a year,” said David, trying to sound casual, as it was
almost double his real income. Marvin was obviously impressed, and David
remained silent as he carried out some rapid calculations in his head.

“Well,” said
Marvin eventually, “I’d suggest half a million dollars – as a ballpark figure.
After all,” he added, quickly running a finger down a page of actuarial tables
he had extracted from his aluminium briefcase, ‘you’re only twenty-seven, so
the payments would be well within your means. In fact, you might even consider
a larger sum if you’re confident your income will continue to rise over the
next few years.”

“It has done
every year for the past seven,” said David, this time truthfully.

“What kind of
business are you in, my friend?” asked Marvin.

“Stocks and
bonds,” replied David, not offering any details of the small firm he worked
for, or the junior position he held.

Marvin licked
his lips again, even though they had told him not to do
so on
countless refresher courses, especially when going in for the kill.

“So, what amount
do you think I should go for?” asked David, continuing to make sure it was
always Marvin who took the lead.

“Well, a million
is comfortably within your credit range,” said Marvin, once again checking his
little book of tables. “The monthly payments might seem a bit steep to begin
with, but as the years go by, what with inflation and your continual salary
increases, you can expect that in time they will become almost insignificant.”

“How much would
I have to pay each month to end up getting a million?” asked David, attempting
to give the impression he might have been hooked.

“Assuming we
select your sixtieth birthday for terminating the contract, a little over a
thousand dollars a month,” said Marvin, trying to make it sound a mere
pittance. “And don’t forget, sixty per cent of it is tax deductible, so in real
terms you’ll only be paying around fifteen dollars a day, while you end up
getting a million, just at the time when you most need it. And by the way, that
one thousand is constant, it never goes up. In fact it’s inflation-proof.” He
let out a dreadful shrill laugh.

“But would I
still receive the full sum, whatever happens to the market?”

“One million
dollars on your sixtieth birthday,” confirmed Marvin, ‘whatever happens, short
of the world coming to an end.

Even I can’t
write a policy for that,” he said, letting out another shrill laugh. “However,
my friend, if unhappily you were to die before your sixtieth birthday – which
God forbid – your dependants would receive the full amount immediately.”

“I don’t have
any dependants,” said David, trying to look bored.

“There must be
someone you care about,” said Marvin.
“A good-looking guy
like you.”

“Why don’t you
leave the forms with me, Mr. Roebuck, and I’ll think about it over the weekend.
I promise I’ll get back to you.” Marvin looked disappointed. He didn’t need a
refresher course to be told that you’re supposed to nail the client to the wall
at the first meeting, not let them get away, because that only gave them time
to think things over. His lips felt dry.

Pat returned
from the evening shift in the early hours of the morning, but David had stayed
awake so he could go over what had happened at the meeting with Marvin. Pat was
apprehensive and uncertain about the plan. David had always taken care of any
problems they had had in the past, especially financial ones, and Pat wasn’t
sure how it would all work out once David was no longer around to give his
advice. Thank God it was David who’d had to deal with Marvin – Pat couldn’t
even say no to a door-todoor brush salesman.

“So, what do we
do next?” asked Pat.

“Wait.”

“But you
promised Marvin you’d get back to him.”

“I know, but I
have absolutely no intention of doing so,” said David, placing his arm round Pat’s
shoulder. “I’d bet a hundred dollars on Marvin phoning me first thing on Monday
morning.

And don’t
forget, I still need it to look as if he’s the one who’s doing the pushing.” As
they climbed into bed, Pat felt an attack of asthma coming on, and decided now
was not the time to ask David to go over the details again. After all, as David
had explained again and again, there would never be any need for Pat to meet
Marvin.

Marvin phoned at
8.30 on Monday morning.

“Hoped to catch
you before you went off to sell those stocks and bonds,” he said. “Have you
come to a decision?”

“Yes, I have,”
said David. “I discussed the whole idea with my mother over the weekend, and
she thinks I should go for the million, because five hundred thousand may not
turn out to be such a large sum of money by the time I reach sixty.” Marvin was
glad that David couldn’t see him licking his lips.