Authors: Audrina Cole
H
oly crap
.
I hadn’t meant to give my entire family—and our tribe—away. He may have already known about me, but that didn’t mean I needed to out every Healer I knew. I felt like all my defenses were down when I was around him, even though they should be on high alert.
“So…River, too?” He was shocked.
“Yes.” I bit my lip.
“He—your whole family—can heal people, and have heightened senses?” He looked at me, and I knew I didn’t even have to answer him. “So the healing, it’s something that’s inherited?”
“It seems to be,” I sighed. “Some Healers have it stronger than others. It’s rare to have a Healer child born without any gift of healing at all. My dad is a researcher, and he’s tried to figure out what exactly causes us to be this way. He thinks it’s either a genetic mutation or the result of a virus.”
“So you were born able to heal people? Even as a baby?”
“No, our abilities are nearly non-existent when we’re born. They develop slowly over time, but you really can’t heal anything major until you hit puberty, or just before it.”
“Wait.” He frowned. “You said
abilities
, plural. You can do other things?”
Crap
. This guy would make a great police detective someday.
“Um…sort of. Nothing else as grandiose as healing, though.” I found myself embarrassed to tell him about the fact that I could sense the emotions of others. To some people, it would sound tantamount to mind reading. Everyone has secrets, and no one wants them broadcasted to anyone else.
“Like?”
I sighed. “Like I can sense the emotions of others.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“You can read my feelings? What am I feeling right now?”
“Oohhh no. I’m not going there.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not some psychic charlatan looking to perform parlor tricks. Plus, if I told you and got it wrong, you’d think I was a liar, and if I got it right, you’d feel like your space was invaded.”
“Can you…have you been reading my emotions up until now?” His eyes widened as the idea struck him.
“I don’t go out of my way to sense the emotions of others. I respect their privacy, and avoid trying to pick up on their signals. Of course, when a person is feeling heightened emotions, such as fear or anger,”
or attraction
, I thought, “I tend to pick up on them right away.”
Alex must have been thinking the same thing—the blush creeping up his neck matched the bloom of embarrassment that radiated from him.
“Ember, what
are
you?”
“Geez, that’s a nice question. Like I’m not a real person, or something.”
“I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant…you’re not like other people. I don’t know anyone else who can do the things you do.”
“Actually, you might. Most people never find out someone is a Healer.”
“Yeah, but don’t you think they’d have healed me?”
“No, they probably wouldn’t.” I heaved a sigh, and drew my knees up to my chest. “Healers generally don’t go around healing terminal patients all the time.”
“What’s the point of being a Healer if you can’t heal?”
“My point exactly. It’s not a rule I’m fond of.”
“That sounds messed up.”
“It is. I get it, but I don’t like it. Think about it—if I went around healing one person each week from a serious, terminal disease, don’t you think that would attract attention sooner or later?”
“Yeah. But why hide it? Why not heal as many people as you can?”
“It’s not that simple. I can easily heal you from a cut or bruise without feeling it. I can even heal a broken arm, and not be too bad off.” I looked up at the waning moon peeking through the clouds. “But when I heal someone who is in serious condition, it…it takes a lot out of me. I couldn’t do it all the time.”
“Okay, I see why you aren’t doing it every day. But why not do it as often as you could?”
“Because people would still notice. It would attract attention. At first people might dismiss it as urban legend, but sooner or later someone would start to wonder. Someone in power…who might decide that healing would be a great talent to harness for military use. They’d lock me up in an institution somewhere and treat me like a lab rat, testing me and my abilities until I either went mad, or died. Then they’d autopsy me to see how I worked. My whole family could disappear, never to be seen again.”
“The government can’t do that.”
“Sure they can. They do it now. They can declare anyone at any time a ‘terrorist’, and that person no longer has any rights. Their property can be taken away, their home searched without a warrant, and they can be questioned without an attorney and shipped off to Guantanamo Bay, to that prisoner camp, without a trial by a jury their peers. The government can do what it wants, if it wants to badly enough.”
He was silent for a minute. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
I looked over at him, my eyes boring into his. “Alex, that’s why you can’t
ever
tell anyone about me or my family. It would be far too dangerous. I’d never have told you if you hadn’t already figured it out.”
“If it’s so dangerous to heal terminal patients, why did you heal me?”
I looked away. “Because I had to. I can’t explain it any better than that. I just looked into your eyes, and I decided to just give you a little healing, some relief from the pain. But once I started I couldn’t stop. I had to keep going. I had to save you. It was like there was no other choice for me.”
“You risked your life for me?”
“Well, I wouldn’t be that dramatic about it. As long as no one figured out what I did, I was willing to take the chance.”
“But
I
figured it out.”
“Yeah, I still don’t know why that is. Some people feel a little something, but it’s unusual to really feel the sensation of being healed. I must have done something differently…somehow.”
“Are you sorry you did it?”
I shifted to face him. “No! Of course not. I
had
to do it. And I’m glad I did.” I leaned forward and grabbed his hand. “You deserved it.”
He smiled, and squeezed back. “But…wait…you said earlier today that healing really sick people has repercussions—and I don’t think you only meant being tracked down by me or a government entity, did you?”
“It’s nothing to worry about.”
“Ember.” He touched the fingertips of his free hand to my chin, tilting it upward so that I was forced to meet his gaze. “You said it took a lot out of you. How much? Tell me.”
For a moment I was speechless. His chocolate eyes appeared almost black in the dim light. My skin heated where he touched my chin, and the hand that enclosed mine squeezed tighter. My breath caught, and I couldn’t remember what he’d asked.
“I...”
“Please tell me it didn’t hurt you.” His eyes searched mine.
I pulled back, leaving his hand raised in the air. The spell was broken. “It didn’t,” I whispered, my breathing shallow. “When I heal someone that is seriously ill...it just takes a lot out of me. Like I said.”
He lowered his hand, laying it on top of the one he already held. “How much?”
“Not much.” I avoided his gaze.
“You’re lying. Look at me.” He leaned down in an attempt to catch my eye.
I shifted my gaze away again. “I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“Is that why you left so quickly?” He looked concerned, then horror spread across his face. “Oh man, you didn’t take my sickness into you, did you?”
“No, no it doesn’t work that way. Like I told you earlier, it’s not my energy you receive; it is life force energy, the energy all around us. I merely concentrate it into you, like a focused beam of light. Then you’re healed, and everything goes back to normal.”
“Then why did you look so sick afterward?”
“I was just tired and…hungry. It does take something out of me when I heal someone who is really sick, or badly injured. I get really…low energy.” I averted my gaze and hoped that the deep shadows would hide my lie. “But I get over it.”
I pulled my hand away, my stomach clenched with tension. There was no way I could tell him about the bloodlust. He’d think I was insane. A freak. An animal. I couldn’t risk telling him, no matter how understanding and trustworthy he might have seemed. I cringed at what his reaction might be if I told him that I drank blood to replenish myself after healing. I imagined the horrified look on his face as he edged away from me, as if I were a dangerous wild animal that might devour him. The idea of it made me shiver...
“Well…,” he hesitated, “I hope you recovered quickly. I hate to think of you feeling bad because of me.”
I stood up, taking a few careful steps across the giant rock, facing away from Alex. I could feel his confusion...he probably was thinking he’d done something wrong. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t him...it was me.
I
was the monster.
I sighed.
“Alex, you’re worth a heck of a lot more than having to put up with feeling crappy for a while. You shouldn’t feel bad. Besides, Mom…fed me…and I was fine not long after that.”
“Kind of a low blood sugar thing? That’s not so bad.”
“Yeah.”
Not so bad, since Mom saved me from eating Jenna.
I searched for a way to change the subject. “So…I guess you’re going to have to get started with applying for colleges, huh?”
“Oh yeah!” He shook his head. “There are so many things…it’s unbelievable. I put my whole life on hold—canceled it, really—because I didn’t think I’d live to see this spring. I somehow managed to finish enough of my homeschooling coursework to graduate, but I didn’t bother to even look at colleges. Mom encouraged me to apply for college, but I refused. I was just too tired to humor her any more. I couldn’t take poring over brochures filled with happy college students who had their whole lives ahead of them.” He was sad, but then he smiled at me. “Now I can be one of them.”
“Will you have time to apply for the fall semester?”
He shook his head. “Maybe for a community college or something like that. But I’m thinking I’ll take a year off. Mom will lose it…but I just want to experience life, I think. And I don’t want to go to ‘just any’ school that has room for me. The good schools are full, by this late in the year. I’ll wait, and apply to a good school a year late, maybe.”
“What will you do? Aren’t all of your friends already gone off to college?”
“What friends?” he scoffed, and I could feel the bitterness before his voice took on a hard edge. “They all ditched me back when I first got sick. One by one they stopped calling or coming around. Ryan is the only one who even tries to stay in touch, and that’s mostly by the rare text message.”
“Ryan?” I asked. I could sense his anger, but it was overtaken by sadness.
“Yeah, he’s—he
was
—my best friend. He’s a jerk, forget about him.” He held up his cell phone, swiping it to check the time. “It’s getting late. We should go.” He stood up abruptly, then held out his hand to steady me as I got up. “I know it’s not
that
late, but my mother’s still in crazy mode.”
“No problem.” I brushed my skirt off, and we headed back down the trail toward the park. Now he was the one hiding things, but I let it go, rather than risk the conversation returning to questions that I’d rather not answer. He was quiet until we reached the car.
“I never even got to ask you half the questions I planned to.” He eyed me quizzically, and I tried not to squirm.
This guy was dangerous—he could read me far too well for my own good. The connection we had seemed to grow stronger by the minute.
I didn’t respond.
“Well, that could only mean one thing…”
Oh no, he knows I’m hiding something.
I caught my breath.
“We’ll have to see each other again.” He grinned, but he was nervous at the same time.
I exhaled, trying not to let my nerves show. I knew I should say no. I’d gotten off lucky, but if he kept asking questions, and watching me like that…
“Sure,” I found myself saying.
There wasn’t much point in pretending that I didn’t want to see him again. I did. And I
would
see him—no matter the repercussions. That should scare me, but it didn’t.
“Good. Then it’s a date.”
“A date?” I asked, and squelched a joyous grin.
“Yeah…is that okay?” He was nervous again, searching my eyes for any sign of reluctance.
“No—yeah—that’s fine. Great. A date.”
Wonderful
. Not only did I sound like an idiot, but my idiocy
rhymed
! I unlocked the car and jumped in to hide my flushed face.
Alex shut the door for me and went around to the passenger side and got in. I felt his gaze on me as I started the car and put it in gear. I tilted my head down a bit to hide behind my hair. When I had to look up, I glanced over at him.
Yup. Still looking at me. And smiling.
He really is kinda cute…
“
Y
ou are
such a dud to shop with,” Jenna whined. “Can’t you get excited about anything?”
I sat up straighter in the designated “bored husband” chair just outside the fitting room, and tried to look more animated. It had been two weeks since my first date with Alex. We’d seen each other almost every day since then—I’d never been so grateful to have a mom who didn’t need to know where I was every second.
Alex and I had grown close so fast. He seemed to occupy my every waking thought, and I couldn’t keep my mind off of him while Jenna droned on about each article of clothing she tried on.
“I told you it looks great on you. What do you want me to do, chant a cheer and do a split?”
Jenna grinned. “That would be a start.” She spun around. “Seriously, are they too saggy in the butt?” The jeans were practically painted onto Jenna’s lithe body.
“If they were any tighter, I’d have to cut you out of them.” I tried not to be envious of Jenna. She was thin and beautiful, with long legs and long dark hair. She wasn’t perfect, and I fixed up pretty good, but I felt like a troll next to her. “How do you wear those? Walking around with a perpetual wedgie would drive me nuts.”
“That’s because
you
have a butt and I don’t,” she sighed and walked back to the three-way mirror, checking out her butt from every angle. “Not that you ever show yours off. Would it kill you to wear a pair of jeans once in a while? Or a halter top?”
Leaning back in my chair, I tried to peer into Jenna’s dressing room, where gargantuan piles of clothing hung precariously from the hooks inside.
Darn it!
There were so many items in there, I couldn’t tell how many of them Jenna had to go through.
I should have brought a pillow. And a blanket. And a cot.
I sighed, leaning back in my chair. “I do wear jeans…sometimes.”
“Hardly ever,” she said.
The changing room door opened, and Jenna stepped out, heading for the mirror again. She didn’t bother to ask for my opinion this time.
“Any chance you’re almost done?” I sent out positive vibes to Jenna.
Please say yes, please say yes, please…
“No,” Jenna’s tone was petulant. “Can’t you pretend to be a girl, for once?” A cloud of resentment billowed around her, ramping up into anger.
It seriously annoyed me. I’d suffered through hours of shopping, and
she
was mad at
me?
“Hey!”
I stood and walked into the fitting room area. “Why are you being so pissy today?”
“You’re the one with your head in the clouds!” Jenna stood, hands on her hips, eyes blazing at my reflection in the mirror. “You’ve barely paid attention to anything I’ve said.”
“Well excuse me for not hanging on your every word like I do every time we go out. It’s like The Jenna Paulson Show every time I talk to you. Maybe I have other stuff on my mind besides the new guy you saw at the mall or how your ass looks in your fortieth pair of jeans!”
“Oh please, I try to pry information out of you all the time. It’s like your private life is classified and you don’t think I have a high enough clearance level to be ‘read in’!”
“Well you—” I halted. “Wait…what?”
Jenna glared at me through the mirror and didn’t say anything.
I busted out laughing. “Wow. You have been watching way too much
N.C.I.S
.
Los
Angeles
.”
Jenna pursed her lips, then cracked a smile. “I know, right?” She giggled, turning around. “How would you know? You don’t own a TV.”
“Uh…nice try, you make me watch it every time I sleep over at your house. I could kill your parents for buying you the DVD set.”
“I could totally be an N.C.I.S. agent.”
“You’d do okay with the designer clothes and acting like someone else—
if
the N.C.I.S. really has a fancy undercover branch in L.A. But as soon as gunfire broke out, you’d be crying and begging to go home.”
“Well…that’s true.” Jenna laughed, and reached out to hug me. She squeezed me tight, then let go. “I guess I am being a little witchy today.”
“A little?” I raised an eyebrow.
She frowned. “Ember, you never tell me anything. I know something’s going on, and you won’t let me in. You’re my best friend, but sometimes I don’t feel like I’m yours.” She looked away.
I took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. “Jenna, you
are
my best friend. I don’t know what I’ve done to make you think you’re anything less.”
“I love you dearly, but you are like a recluse, sometimes. I mean, you’ve had diabetes forever, and you never bothered to tell me? And now I can’t pry a word out of you about this mystery guy you had a date with. I feel like you’re avoiding me lately, and even when you’re with me, I feel like you left a part of yourself behind. You could really use some lessons in communication.”
That was a shock to me. Because of my empathic abilities, I was usually very good at communicating with other people. How could it be that I wasn’t communicating well with my best friend?
“Well, that’s going to change today. Come on, let’s go.” I grabbed her hand and started dragging her out of the dressing room.
“Wait, my purse! And I’m wearing the store’s clothes.” She ran back to change, then we left with our purses, apologizing for the dressing room mess on our way out.
We went for ice cream and talked for a long time. I knew I’d be sorry later when I crashed from the sugar high, but it was worth it. And it was delicious.
“Let me get this straight,” Jenna said around a mouthful of ice cream, “you have a secret
boyfriend
that you never even told me about!” The last part was screeched, much to the displeasure of the other ice cream shop patrons. “Is this the same guy? You said you only saw him once, and it wasn’t a real date!”
“Sshhh!” I hissed. “Announce it to the world, why don’t you? It wasn’t a real date, at first. I wasn’t hiding it or anything. I’m still trying to figure things out.”
“Figure out what? Is he hot?”
“Uhh…kind of.” I reddened.
“Kind of?”
“He’s really cute.” He was more than cute. A lot more. He was filling out his clothes now—it had been a complete transformation. It was becoming a chore to keep my eyes off his ass whenever he had his back to me.
“Hmmm. Normally I’d say dump the cute guy for a real hottie. But let’s face it…your social life is a graveyard.”
“It is not!”
“Is too. Take what you can get.”
“Excuse me! My social life is fine. I have a very full life of…activities…and…stuff… I like to do.”
She rested her chin on her hands and waited.
“Seriously.”
“Mmm-hmm.” She challenged me with her gaze.
“Okay, fine. I’m not exactly a social butterfly like you. But I’m happy. I enjoy the things I do. I don’t need a guy to have a full social life.”
“Sure.” She was mocking me.
“Look, he’s great. I like him. And he
is
hot—”
“I knew it!”
“—but things are…complicated.”
“Wow, don’t share everything all at once.”
I sighed, pushing away my dish of ice cream. I couldn’t tell her everything about Alex—even if it was just the non-healing-related stuff. She wouldn’t understand the situation with my parents. But I had to find some way to be more open with her. “My parents…don’t approve. I don’t think his do, either. At least not his mother.” There. Close enough.
“Who cares? You’re seventeen now. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”
“It’s not that easy. My mom is like…a ninja. Stealthy. She just knows stuff. If I even try to sneak around behind her back, she’ll find out, somehow.”
“I don’t get why it’s a big deal. Your mom is so cool and laid back. My mom is pretty lenient, but your mom wins the Cool Mom of the Year award...except for all the health stuff and making you live like the girl with the braids on
Little House on the Prairie
.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, well, she’s not cool when it comes to this. She’d come unglued if she knew.”
“Why?”
“He’s…not into natural stuff.”
“Oh! Well, that will do it, with your mom.”
“I know.”
She bought it!
Relief washed over me.
“I mean,
I
don’t care about natural stuff, but there’s no risk of you and I doing it, and having a baby, and ending up at least pseudo-attached for life.”
I almost spit my ice cream out on the table. “Jenna, geez, I practically just met the guy.”
“Hey, I know how things can happen. I watch TV.”
I shook my head, scooping up the last bit of melted ice cream and not-so-hot fudge. I knew Jenna was dying to have sex—she thought about it all the time—but the last few guys she’d dated were losers. Jenna had standards—she refused to “lose it to a loser.”
“So,” Jenna said as she licked her spoon, “is this guy worth the hassle?”
That was the question I’d been asking myself all week. I didn’t want to admit it…but the answer was yes. I knew I was putting myself, my family,
everything
at risk. But deep down it didn’t matter. I would keep seeing him. I
had
to. I didn’t know what would come of it, but at that point I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
“Ember?”
“I don’t know.” I twisted a napkin in my hands. “I think he is. There’s just this…connection. I can’t explain it. But I feel like I know him. Like I’ve known him forever.” I threw the napkin down on the table.
“Must be some guy.”
“He is.”
“If he’s that special, then go for it. Don’t let anything stand in your way.”
I laughed, hollowly. It wasn’t that easy, but Jenna couldn’t know that. I felt like the weight of the world was pressing down on my shoulders.
“So when do I get to meet Prince Charming?” Jenna leaned forward. Nothing perked her up like a little gossip or meeting a new guy. “You have to at least tell me his name.”
“Uhh…you know…I don’t even know if this will relationship will really go anywhere....”
“Come on-n-n-n,” she whined. “You can’t hold out on me now.”
“Yes I—” My phone interrupted us both.
Jenna gave a little squeal. “Is that
him?”
I shushed her and glanced at the caller ID. It showed no name, but I recognized the number. I didn’t dare add him as a contact on my phone, for fear Mom would see it.
“Hello?”
“Hey.”
I couldn’t help but do a little mental cheer when I heard his voice. A huge grin spread across my face. There went any chance of hiding the caller’s identity from my friend.
Jenna stomped her feet quietly under the table in a little dance, fidgeting, and I knew she was dying to hear what was being said on the other end of the conversation.
“Hey there.” I blushed.
Jenna’s grin spread wider.
“I was wondering if you wanted to get together tomorrow.”
“I—I would, but I promised Mom I’d go to the library and do some research for an essay she wants me to write.”
“Well…what if I came along, and helped out?”
“You?” I laughed. “You’ll just be goofy and distract me.”
“I won’t. I promise. If you don’t get your work done, your mom will suspect something, and if she finds out about me, we’re over. So I have to let you get some work done. Right?”
“Okay. I’ll see you at the library. I told her I was going to the Coeur d’Alene library. I don’t want it to be a lie.”
“I can meet you there. Dad has been working on Mom, and he’s going to let me start borrowing his car, sometimes.”
“Geez, you’re almost eighteen. In a couple of months, you can move out and get a car and an apartment of your own without their permission.”
“I know, right? But don’t tell Mom that. She might have a heart attack. She still expects me to keel over at any minute. Besides, I need money to do all that. I only just started my job.”
“I know! I’m so excited. You have to tell me all about it tomorrow.” It was almost impossible to talk to Alex on the phone when I was at home, without risking Mom or Dad overhearing. So we were limited to texting and emails when I was at home—which was most of the time, when I wasn’t with him. I was eager to see him again, and have some nice, long conversations.
And stare at his very fine ass.
I blushed as the thought intruded. I couldn’t help but notice that every time I saw him, his frame had filled out more…and in all the right places.
“Don’t worry, I’ll regale you with all the exciting details of my very boring job.” He laughed, and I could tell he wanted to say more. “I should let you go. You said you were shopping with Jenna this afternoon.”
“I am.” I glanced up at Jenna, sheepishly. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Around three in the afternoon?”
“Yeah, that works. I’m off tomorrow.”
After I’d hung up, Jenna pressed me for more details. “Are you ever going to tell me his name?”
“No.”
“Ember! I thought you were bearing your soul to me today!”
She whined some more, until I couldn’t take it. She’d find out sooner or later.
“Alright, alright, it’s Alex.”
Jenna blinked. “Alex who?”
I rolled my eyes. “Alex
Baxter
. Ring a bell?”
She blinked again. “Wait—do you mean Mr. and Mrs. Baxter’s son? Cancer kid?”
“Jenna!”
She shook her head. “I didn’t mean it like that. But…I mean…he
does
have cancer. He’s dying!” I could feel the wheels turning in her head, trying to match up what she knew about Alex, and my description of him as being attractive. The Alex she’d known was pale, gaunt, and hollow-eyed…and looked years younger than his actual age.
“Apparently, he’s not. I guess…the cancer must have gone into remission, or something. He looks much healthier now.”
She was confused and skeptical, but there was relief there as well.
“I just hope you’re not in for disappointment,” she sighed. “He looked like he was on death’s door at his fundraiser. I just…I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate that. But I know what I’m doing.”
The truth was—I didn’t. I was in over my head. Playing with fire.