Authors: Audrina Cole
“And where would we come up with the blood so that each of us could heal once a month? Mom would get found out, for sure, if she took that much from the hospital.”
“We wouldn’t need to each do it every month. We could take turns. Don’t you think we deserve to do it once in a while?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he shook his head. “Mom will never change her mind. And none of that changes the fact that you can’t be around this guy. If you like him, and he’s asking questions, sooner or later either he’ll figure it all out, or you’ll spill your guts.”
My adrenaline spiked as he said the words, and instantly I put up my shields and focused my thoughts elsewhere.
“What was that?” he asked.
“What?”
“That…thing. I felt it. You panicked for a second, there…”
“I—I’m just nervous about tonight,” I sputtered, before he had time to turn it over in his mind and figure things out. If he knew I’d told Alex, he’d spill the beans for sure. “I haven’t ever been out with a guy before, unless you count those awkward dates with a couple of guys from the homeschooling support group. I mean…not that this is a date, or anything...”
“Oh, judging by the way his heart rate spiked, I’d say it’s a date,” he laughed. “But the question is, will the date begin with an interrogation, or end with one? Something tells me that guy isn’t going to give up.”
I quelled the guilt that rose within me. “Yeah, I got that sense, too. Good thing I lie better than you do.”
But not by much,
I thought.
I had the feeling things were going to get way out of hand.
I was right.
J
enna didn’t mind
that I wanted to blow off our plans, as long as I came back with all the juicy details. Insisting that it wasn’t a date had done nothing at all to deter her “gossip radar.” I knew I’d be interrogated Sunday morning.
At the rate I’m going, I’ll be an excellent liar by the end of the month!
Even worse, once Jenna found out that it was Alex who I was meeting with, I would never hear the end of her questions. As it was, she was chomping at the bit to find out who the “mystery man” was.
It was after eight o’clock when I arrived back at Alex’s house. He called me a little after six to relay the afternoon’s events to me, and to explain that he was still working on getting his mother to chill out. Apparently his mom blew a gasket after he got home, and spent the next half hour alternating between tears and anger, swearing never to let him out of the house again. It took a good half hour after that for his dad to “talk her down”.
Mr. Baxter finally came through for Alex, convincing Mrs. Baxter that it would be cruel for them to deny Alex a little innocent fun, when he’d spent most of the last six months in bed or hospitalized. Mrs. Baxter had grudgingly agreed, but refused to let him take her car, obsessed with the notion that he’d go into some kind of “cancer fit” behind the wheel and crash. I’d hurried over as soon as Alex gave me the “all clear”.
Alex watched the side mirror as I pulled away from the curb. I suspected he thought she might try to follow us in her car, and I had to hide a smile.
“She really does worry about you.” It was sweet that she loved him so much, but I’d suffocate if my mom did that to me. Not to mention die of embarrassment.
“I saw that! Quit smiling, it’s not funny.” He tried to frown, but soon the corners of his mouth turned up. “Seriously!
You
try living this way.”
“No thanks. My mom hardly has any rules, and her one big rule is the one I hate the most.” I rolled my eyes.
“What is that? ‘Don’t heal strange cancer kids you meet on the street’?”
My eyes widened, and I glanced over at him.
“She does
not!
” He scrutinized my expression. “Oh my gosh, your mom actually tells you not to heal people?” His jaw dropped in shock.
“It’s not exactly like that.” I shifted in my seat. Five seconds in the car and he already zeroed in on the worst possible topic.
What is it about this guy?
“She…just wants me to be…careful.”
“Careful of what?”
“Um…I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about that yet.” I glanced at him. He wore a blue polo shirt and jeans. “You’re looking even better than you did this morning.” I’d noticed when he had gotten in the car that his skin was beginning to show a healthy glow.
“Don’t change the subject.” He shot me a glance of irritation.
I sighed. “Can we go somewhere before we talk about anything serious? Let’s get something to eat.”
“Okay.” He wasn’t happy about me dodging his question, but he let it slide that time.
I suggested going to a nearby health food store, which had a great salad bar. Alex raised a skeptical eyebrow at me, but agreed. Along the way, I mentioned a few ways to eat healthier, in order to facilitate his healing and avoid other health problems in the future. He wasn’t crazy about some of the suggestions, but I wasn’t surprised. Making lifestyle changes was hard, and I knew the choice was up to him—it wasn’t my place to bug him about it.
As we ate, Alex asked me about my family. Like most people, he was amazed at the odd way we lived. I hadn’t let on that my whole family could heal, so it would never occur to him that we lived that way because we were all so connected to nature, and to living as close to a natural life as possible.
“So your mom is really crazy about the health stuff, huh? Weird, considering you can heal any illness anyone in your family gets.”
I looked down at my salad, picking at it, choosing my words carefully. “Well, if I eat really bad foods all the time and do other stuff that compromised my health, it would also compromise my ability to heal. I kind of feel like it’s my duty to stay healthy. Otherwise, it’s like throwing my gift away.”
“That makes sense. But your whole family eats naturally, too?”
I nodded. “Everything we own is natural and organic, from the food we eat right down to the clothes we wear, for the most part. We eat mostly vegetarian.”
“Do I have to live like that to avoid getting cancer again?” He eyed the raw broccoli floret on his fork like it was the enemy. I could tell he liked most of the salad, but the broccoli dredged up feelings of disgust in him.
“Everyone is different. I can’t say for sure. You know how it is—some people’s bodies can tolerate a lot of unhealthy habits before they end up sick, while others get sick at the drop of a hat. Unfortunately, I can’t predict that. No one can.”
He worked to chew his broccoli. “I guess I’ll be forcing myself to eat broccoli.”
I laughed. “There
are
other vegetables out there, you know. I prefer cooked broccoli myself. Raw broccoli is just weird and dry.”
I speared a fresh red bell pepper strip in my salad and ate it, enjoying the burst of flavor on my tongue. “It’s nice to be able to talk to someone else about healing and stuff. None of my friends know the truth. And you’re the first person I’ve healed that I can actually talk about my abilities with. Normally, I can’t even share any information about their healing—I just have to heal and run.”
“But at least as a Healer, you’ve helped them.”
“Yeah, but what good am I, really? Even if I healed one cancer patient a
day
, that is nothing compared to the number of people
dying
of cancer every day. I feel helpless, sometimes.”
“You saved
my
life. You’re not helpless.” He bit his lip, as if he wanted to say more, but he just stared at me a moment, then turned back to his food. We ate in silence for a few minutes, until he spoke again.
“That’s what my mom always says—that she feels helpless.” He looked up, staring out the windshield at the shadowy parking lot. “My mom blames herself for me being sick, and it’s not her fault at all.”
“Of course not. But she’s your mom. She feels it’s her job to protect you, even though you’re already a man. You’ll always be her baby…at least that’s what my mom always says to me.”
“I guess that explains why she treats me like one,” he rolled his eyes. “
All
the time.” He frowned. “It kills me to even think how my mom would have felt…what would have happened to her…if you hadn’t come along. Or to think of what would have happened to me. I’d have been six feet under in less than a month.” He poked at his salad, and I could feel a rush of sadness coming from him.
“Not even that long,” I murmured, and my chest felt tight, thinking about just how soon Alex would have vanished from this world, had he never met me. It felt like I would have lost a part of myself, and I would never have even known how or why.
His gaze met mine, his eyebrows raised. “What do you mean?” I could hear his heart thudding in his chest.
I sighed.
Boy, I’m saying all kinds of stupid stuff tonight.
I knew I shouldn’t tell him, but it was too late now. “Alex, I could see inside you while I was healing you. Your insides were riddled with cancer. I can’t believe you were even walking around. Most people who look like that…they have
maybe
a couple of weeks.”
The fear welled up, like a creature from the deep that threatened to overtake him. He swallowed. “The doctors said I was an unusual case. They were surprised I wasn’t dead already. But to hear that…from you…knowing what you can do…” his heart raced.
“You have no idea how unusual you are.” It hurt to feel the terror in him. I put my salad box on the dashboard, and laid my hand on his. I opened the channels within me and let soothing energy seep out.
He closed his eyes and sighed. “You’re doing it again, aren’t you?” His head fell slowly back against the headrest.
“Yes. Just a little, to help you relax. I don’t want you to worry. You have nothing to be afraid of. You’re healing. You’re not dying anymore.” Tears stung my eyes. The pain he’d been feeling was too much for me. He meant a lot to me already, and I knew my parents wouldn’t approve.
But I didn’t care.
Alex opened his eyes, but his head remained tilted back against the seat. “You’re really amazing, do you know that?” His eyes shined, and I looked away.
“Everyone has a gift. This is just mine.” I had decided to let him think that my gift was a rare or singular occurrence. There was no reason to put my whole family at risk.
“
Just
? Yeah, you
just
saved my life,” he chuckled, then sighed. “That feels really good.”
He was staring at me with heavy eyelids, as I fidgeted with my free hand, tucking wild strands of curls behind my ear.
“But that wasn’t what I meant, Ember.”
“Huh?”
“You’re amazing, but not just because of what you can do. It’s because of who you
are
.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“We may not have known each other long, but it feels like I’ve known you a long time.” His eyes darkened. “Do you understand what I mean?”
I nodded, afraid to speak. I didn’t really understand it, but I knew what he meant. It wasn’t some kind of crush. I wasn’t head over heels for him, and my hormones weren’t in overdrive. Oh sure, they were there, on a “low level alert.” But I wasn’t ready to jump his bones or anything.
The way I felt was almost like he was someone I’d known my whole life, like a best friend who had lived next door to me for as long as I could remember. But there was more to it, too. I shook my head, as if that could put some order to the jumble of confusion in my mind.
“What’s the matter?”
“It’s just…it’s so weird to say,” I looked away. “But you’re right. I feel…connected.” I glanced back to see if he thought I was crazy. He didn’t. I could feel that he knew exactly what I meant. It was disconcerting.
We sat there a few minutes more, in a comfortable silence. When the energy stopped flowing, I left my hand a minute longer, reluctant to sever contact with him. As I finally took my hand away, he reached over and held it.
I smiled. “You know, we can’t just sit in the parking lot holding hands all night.”
“Why not?” He grinned.
“Because the health food store is getting ready to close,” I gestured to the clerk coming out the back entrance, carrying garbage bags.
“Just one more minute. You can’t deny poor Cancer Boy a moment of feminine affection.”
I blushed, then swatted him on the shoulder. “Don’t try that on me, of all people. I know you’re not dying.”
“Oh well, it was worth a shot. Can’t use that excuse much longer.” He squeezed my hand and let it go. His lighter mood was palpable.
My hand tingled from his touch.
W
e hadn’t made
any plans as to what to do, except talk, but it seemed like we should be doing something else
while
we talked. So we drove over the Idaho border to Lake Coeur d’Alene and parked in the public lot near the resort so we could walk around down by the water. We walked across the park, toward the dock that encircled the resort’s tiny marina.
It was still early in the season, and the night was cool, so there weren’t too many people around, except for several guests from some event at the resort, wandering along the docks.
“What do you think—wedding or prom?” He indicated the array of eveningwear on some of the guests.
“Definitely prom. Although…it’s too early in the season. Maybe a formal dance.” I nodded toward two giggling girls with A-line dresses pouffed out by some kind of petticoats underneath. “Very formal dresses, and they don’t match each other, so it’s not a wedding.” The girls’ floor-length dresses skimmed the boards of the dock, making them appear to glide behind their dates, as the two young men in tuxedos joked around, pretending to nudge each other toward the water.
Alex watched the couples, deep in thought. “I missed my own prom. And I was already being homeschooled by the end of senior year, because I was sick, so I missed having a real graduation. But…someday I’ll get to wear a tuxedo at my wedding. I’m going to have a wedding. And a career. And children. And grandchildren.”
I imagined it must be so strange for him, being able to make plans for the future now, when only a week ago, he had no future.
“I’m planning on applying for a job next week,” he said, as if he were privy to my thoughts.
“What kind of job?”
“I’m still not sure. The only jobs I’ve had was mowing lawns and working as a bagger at a grocery store, before I got sick. I tried to keep working—I was sick for a while before they figured out what was wrong with me—but eventually I missed too many shifts at the grocery store, and lost my job.”
“I can’t believe you lasted as long as you did.”
“Dad says it’s because I’m stubborn. I get that from him.” He flashed me a grin. “Which is a good thing, because if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have been able to see you tonight.”
I ducked my head, feeling a little shy. I’d been so worried about the questions he might ask me, assuming it would be a night of torturous squirming and changing the subject. But I found myself feeling more and more at ease as the night went on, enjoying his company without a thought as to what my parents would say if they knew.
He stopped. “Let’s not go down on those docks. Too many people down there. Let’s go up that walking path.” He pointed to the left, where in the distance a path just past the park led past some boulders, up the side of Tubbs Hill, and down a winding dirt path that followed the edge of the lake.
“It’s really dark, I don’t think it’s safe. And these aren’t exactly walking shoes.” I stuck the toe of my ankle boots out from under the blue denim skirt I wore.
“We’ll just go as far as that giant rock over there, and sit for a while. I’ve got an LED flashlight on my keychain that should give enough light to get us that far.”
“Okay.” We turned and headed to the trailhead. I lifted the hem of my wide skirt to avoid tripping, and Alex put his hand under my elbow to keep me steady.
“You wear a lot of skirts.”
“Is that bad?” I walked gingerly on the uneven ground, watching my step in the dim light.
“No, just unusual. Seems like most girls like to wear tight jeans and short shorts once warmer weather hits.”
“And you’re not a fan?”
He blushed. “Well…I mean…they look good. I mean…I’m a guy…”
I knew I should help him out, but my mischievous side wouldn’t let me. “Oh, so you’re a
big
fan.”
“No! It’s just…now you’re messing with me.”
I said nothing, but had a hard time stifling a giggle as I walked, narrowly avoiding a tree root.
“What I meant was…” he paused and frowned, trying to find the right words. “A lot of girls wear tight clothes and a lot of makeup, and they look good, but they also look like they’re trying too hard. You don’t.”
“Um…was I supposed to consider that a compliment?” I kept going, and Alex followed a step behind, still supporting me by the arm.
He sighed, frustrated with his inability to get across what he meant. “I’m trying to tell you that you look good. Really good. Without even trying.”
“Hmm. You haven’t been around girls much lately, have you?” I teased. We got to the point where the trail evened out, and turned to the right toward the huge rock which jutted out at the water’s edge.
“Actually, I see them all the time. They just don’t usually see
me
. They see my disease.”
I found that incredibly sad, because it was obvious to me that—despite still being well under a healthy weight—he was attractive. He might even be a hottie when he filled his clothes out a bit more. If he hadn’t gotten cancer, he’d probably have ruled his school as the reigning senior hottie.
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“It is. I knew a guy at the hospital who said he actually was
more
popular when he got cancer, although he thought it was mostly because some kids, girls especially, love an underdog. Sometimes he felt like a charity case more than homecoming king. But I would have settled for that. It was different for me.” He stopped in front of the rock, looking out over the lake. “When they saw me sitting in a chair, sick, weak, and pale, girls either stared at me or avoided looking at me altogether. Either way, they almost never talked to me.”
“
I
did.”
“That’s my point. You’re different. Everything with you is just…natural. You treated me kindly, without feeling sorry for me. You look great, even though your clothes don’t completely show off your figure. You don’t iron your hair or whatever it is girls do to make it flat. You don’t wear much makeup. You just seem…natural and good, in so many ways.” He reached the rock and leaned against it and sighed. “I sound like an idiot.”
“No. It’s sweet.” I climbed up onto the rock, sitting close to the edge. Alex clambered up behind me. “I’m actually quite a tomboy. I wear skirts because they make me feel a little more girly. Plus they’re less constricting than jeans. But they’re not exactly made for hiking. I’d have worn jeans if we’d made plans to hike.”
“Sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. This isn’t real hiking, and this skirt is way better than my broomstick skirts. I’d be tripping all over the place in one of those.”
“Broomstick? Sounds witchy.”
“It’s a long, full, crinkled type of skirt—like the kind I wore the day we met.” I laughed. “I’m not a witch, I promise.”
Yep, not a witch, no need to worry about
that
myth.
“That’s a relief,” he laughed, and looked out at the lake.
It was dark, and we couldn’t see much. The dimly lit resort dock in the distance still had a few revelers wandering around. In the silence I heard a twig snap somewhere behind us. I hadn’t thought until that moment about what animals or creepy crawlies might accost us in the dark. I looked back over my shoulder, hoping it was a deer and not a stray bear out for a night of mauling fun.
We’d get bears every once in a while near our house. They’re cool...from a
distance
. Up close, not so much. Although I was fairly sure that bears wouldn’t come so close to town, you never knew. Wild animals could surprise you, and Tubbs Hill was wooded, bordering more wooded parcels of overpriced waterfront land along the lake.
While I was busy imagining Yogi the Bear’s evil twin lurking behind us, Alex had other things on his mind.
“So…you never did answer my question.”
“Which question was that? You’ve asked so many.” I laughed, trying to cover the surge of adrenaline that hit me. I knew exactly which question he was referring to.
“Why is it that your mom wants you to be careful when you heal someone? Plus, you mentioned that I looked better than I did this morning. And that’s true—I even
feel
better than I did this morning. You still haven’t explained exactly how and why that is. Not in detail.”
His questions were getting dangerous. I realized that if I let him keep going, it would never end. He would want a hundred more answers, and each one would be more difficult to answer than the last.
I sighed. “Look, this is all really hard to explain. Why can’t you just accept the way things are, and forget about me?” I looked away, trying to hide what I was feeling. Because even though I knew I should discourage him—push him out of my life—it was the last thing I wanted to do.
“I
can’t
forget about you!” He pounded his leg with a fist, then froze. I glanced over at him, and when our eyes met, his flitted away to look out over the lake. Silence followed.
“What do you mean?” I asked softly.
There was a long pause, then he spoke without turning back. “I can’t stop thinking about that day. I can’t stop thinking about how it felt, I can’t stop feeling like I’m on top of the world,
when I’m supposed to be dying!
” He turned to look at me. “But most of all, I can’t stop thinking about
you
.”
“Alex…it’s completely normal for you to feel something for someone who has helped you—”
“No. No, it’s not like that,” he looked at his hands in his lap. “It’s not some kind of hero-worship thing, or Florence Nightingale effect. It’s different. It’s deeper. Something I can’t explain. And I think…I think you feel it, too.” His eyes locked with mine.
I wanted to deny it, but my mouth was dry as cotton. I
did
feel it. There was something different about him. He was unlike anyone I’d ever met, and I’d never felt so drawn to anyone before. There was a sense of having known him for a long time, and yet I knew so little about him.
He continued staring at me, and I felt his fear. He wanted to look away, to take back what he said. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
“Do you?” he prodded.
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
“You’re lying.” It was a simple statement of fact.
I looked out into the darkness. “I feel something. But I don’t understand it. I mentioned that I have heightened...senses. But you…” I turned toward him. “You don’t. So you shouldn’t be able to sense the same things I do. But you
do
.”
Alex looked confused. “No I don’t.”
“You do,” I insisted. “Not exactly like me, but you’re much more empathic than most people are. You can tell when I’m lying. Most people can’t read me at all, except my family or other Healers—”
“Wait—your family can heal, too?” His jaw fell slack. “There are others out there like you?”
Panic flooded through me.
I’d just endangered the entire tribe of my people.