“We have time,” he said.
“A few days. Then I have to get home, where your brothers will be able to find us if they still want to.”
His silence spoke volumes.
“Wouldn’t it just be better to…pretend she’s exactly what you thought all those years ago?”
“Rose, you know she has to learn to shift.”
“Yes, yes. I’m not talking about that. Once she learns, she can control it, she won’t be in pain, and she can get on with being a little girl. Why do we have to tell the tigers about her at all? If no one knows about her, she won’t need the protection of tiger laws.”
He frowned a little. “We can’t hide her nature forever.”
“Why not? You said you can’t sense her the way other tigers can sense each other. She
can
sense you, so we teach her to avoid people who ‘feel’ like you. And even if she encounters tiger shifters, they won’t be able to tell she’s one. She can just go on with her life as if she were human.”
“What if she wants to meet other tigers? What if she goes looking for that community, but because we’ve kept her hidden, she has no protection from it? What if, despite all our efforts, they find her anyway?”
Rose wanted to throw something. It wasn’t fair. And yes, yes, life wasn’t fair. But for Zoe it should be.
“Rose.”
He leaned closer and gripped her hand. The contact sent a little tremor through her. She stared at their linked fingers rather than meet his gaze.
“Rose, I’d love to keep her safe from my world. To keep her hidden and protected and never let anything bad anywhere near her. Ever. But someone will eventually figure it out. If not my brothers, then someone else. It’s better if we control her introduction to the tiger world and ensure, through protection from the elders, that she’s safe there.” He touched her face with gentle fingers, forcing her chin up so she had to look him in the eyes. “I promise I will do everything in my power to keep her safe.”
His sincerity shined with a fierceness that surprised her. His jaw was firm, his lips set in a hard line. She could practically feel his determination through his fingers on her chin and the hand holding hers.
He meant what he was saying. At least in this moment, he meant every word.
Before she thought better of it, she leaned in and kissed him. Whether out of gratitude, relief, or simply because she loved the taste of him, she wasn’t sure. A little of all of that. Plus a bit of desperation for something normal amidst the upheaval. They’d always been good at lust. The way his lips felt so right against hers was something she could grab onto as solid and real.
She edged closer, angling her head to better the contact, and he opened to her. The instant her tongue brushed against his, her body flamed to life with a passion she’d been afraid she’d never feel again. Lust as strong and intoxicating as it had been before all the hurt and anger and betrayal.
It felt so good. So right.
She tunneled her fingers through his thick hair, savoring the feeling and texture, melting against him when he wrapped his arms around her waist. She wanted to climb onto his lap and take and remember and give. The thrill of the moment, the rush of adrenaline was like a drug to her—it always had been—and she was beyond desperate for that simple, uncomplicated sensation that washed away everything else.
He changed positions and before she knew it, she found herself sitting on his lap, just as she’d wanted, their kiss turning into something serious fast. The feel of his erection against her hip heightened her need. Everything about this felt so damned familiar, as if four years didn’t separate this moment from the last time they’d been together. She wiggled closer and swallowed his groan with so much satisfaction it was like a mini-orgasm all by itself.
She hadn’t been with a man since Vlad, so the feel of strong hands stroking along her spine and over her hip left her weak with wanting. Familiar, but new. She remembered what it felt like to just be a woman in the arms of a man she wanted. She hadn’t felt this release and freedom in so long. And it would be so, so easy to forget the real world and just wallow in his heat. Her body felt heavy and lush, ready for the sensation of his warm palms on her bare skin. Even the thought of it made her thighs clench.
“Rose.” His voice was harsh and deep, sexy as all hell, and he sounded as desperate as she felt.
She remembered that sound, that tone. The power and satisfaction of knowing he wanted her as badly as she wanted him had always made her feel strong and feminine. She gave herself permission to explore the hard muscles of his shoulders and back, running her fingers up his neck, triumphing in his hard shiver. When he moved a hand to her breast, cupping her through her clothes, she arched into him. He squeezed gently, then ran his thumb over her nipple and all she could think was that there was too much material between her skin and his fingers.
She dropped her head back as he moved from her mouth to her throat, kissing and sucking, nibbling at the sensitive spots he knew made her crazy. The tension in her core built. She’d been alone for so long, she was pretty sure he’d only have to brush her clit through her jeans and she’d come. Her hips bucked at the thought.
She gripped his wrist, intending to move his hand lower, to give her that longed-for orgasm, when the little voice of reason that had gotten stronger since she became a mother warned her to stop. She wasn’t ready for it. Too much history and emotion still remained between them. Too much distrust. Sex might have been simple and uncomplicated at one time, but not anymore. Not with him.
That irritating voice poked a hole in the lovely sensual world she’d lost herself in and forced her to face reality. Instead of moving his hand to her jeans, she linked her fingers with his and then pulled back so she could see his face. His eyes were dark and hot and for just an instant she forgot her resolve. Then she blinked and straightened.
“I’m sorry. I know I started this, but I have to stop it, too. I’m not ready yet.”
He nodded, but she watched him swallow visibly and the tension in his body didn’t ease. “This is why I offered to leave.”
“I know, and I appreciate that.”
“I can still go. If you want me to.”
“No. Just because I have trouble controlling myself around you isn’t any reason to force you to sleep in the snow.”
“I don’t know. I could use a hit of cold air about now.”
She laughed. Then sighed. “I’ve missed this.” She spoke so quietly, she wasn’t sure he’d hear her, though she should have known better.
“I’ve missed you,” he said.
She traced her fingers along his jaw, rubbing her thumb against the prickly texture of his unshaven cheek. Her heart thumped hard with the continued kick of need running through her blood and a sharp thrust of emotions too complicated to tease out just yet.
When she felt herself leaning toward him again and realized she was staring at his mouth, she jerked away and stood. “Come on. I’ll show you the spare room.”
He followed without a word. She was both relieved and disappointed that he didn’t try to touch her as she led him down the hall, past hers and Zoe’s rooms to the third bedroom. This was the smallest room, with only a single bed and a small closet. But it was better than freezing outside, she was sure.
Away from the fire, the only light was the faint glow of moonlight on snow that snuck in through the windows. She stared up at his shadowed features, memories of times past colliding with the here and now. If she let herself, if she gave up all the pain and resentment, she realized she could easily love him again. She wasn’t entirely sure she’d ever stopped loving him, even when she’d hated him with every ounce of her being. She suspected she wouldn’t have hated him so much if she hadn’t still loved him, too.
“So complicated,” she murmured. “Too complicated.”
“Worth it,” he said quietly. He cupped her cheek. “We have time, as much as you need.”
“Do we? And to what end? I can’t afford to take anything lightly anymore, Vlad. Not with Zoe to consider.”
“I know. I don’t take what’s between us lightly, and I never have. It’s never just been about sex with us, Rose.”
“Well. Maybe it was in the beginning. Just a little.”
He dipped his chin to look her in the eyes. “Are you telling me when we first met, you were only interested in me for sex?”
“Well, yeah. You’re sexy as all hell. I couldn’t wait to get you naked.”
He scowled, but the expression turned rueful a moment later. “I’m trying to be offended by that, and I can’t seem to manage it.”
“That’s because you’re vain. You like that I want you and think you’re hot.”
“True.” He smiled. “We have always been good at sex.”
“Don’t remind me or I won’t sleep.”
He leaned in close, as if he would kiss her again, and she felt herself falling toward him. Then she shook her head, not a denial as much as a way to clear the fog of desire from her brain.
“Goodnight, Vlad.” She stepped out of the doorway, moving away from his touch.
“Goodnight, Rose. Sleep well.”
She stayed in the hall as he closed his bedroom door, then she rolled her eyes. “Sleep well,” she muttered. “Yeah, right.”
His answering chuckle followed her to her room.
Rose came to, groggy and out of balance, when Zoe shook her awake not long after the sun had come up. Her daughter climbed up next to her in bed and snuggled against her as Rose forced herself to some semblance of wakefulness.
“Are you hungry, baby?” she murmured, savoring the warm sweetness of her daughter cuddling with her, healthy and not in pain. She lived for these quiet, peaceful moments.
“Thirsty,” Zoe said. “Can I have chocolate milk?”
“Yes, you can because we’re on vacation.”
“Love vacations.”
Rose chuckled. “Me, too.”
Though she was loath to disrupt the cuddling time, nature called. She patted Zoe’s back, then sat up, rubbing her hand over her face as she worked to shake off the slightly nauseous feeling of having gotten too little sleep. “Head out to the kitchen,” she said. “I’ll be there in a minute after I use the bathroom.”
Zoe danced out of the room, singing the alphabet song as she went. Rose smiled, then grimaced. Zoe wasn’t exactly quiet. That singing would probably wake Vlad.
Ah well. He wanted to be in their lives again, he’d better learn now that sleeping in was a thing of the past.
Though, as she recalled, he’d never slept in as much as she had.
By the time she got to the kitchen, she was only a little surprised to see Vlad awake and putting the kettle on for tea. Zoe was sitting at the small kitchen table, her legs swinging as she told Vlad some story about a squirrel. He smiled and nodded at all the appropriate places.
Rose watched them from the doorway for a moment. The scene left her feeling a complex mixture of joy and sadness, melancholy and worry. She shook off the confusion as she cleared her throat and walked in to join them.
“Mommy! Vlad drinks tea like you. He said coffee was yucky.” Zoe giggled into her hand.
Rose smiled. “Don’t tell Granny.”
By the time they finished breakfast and Zoe nagged them into going outside to play again, Rose’s already confused emotions were a tangled mess. Having Vlad with them felt too damned right. He
belonged
with them. He was Zoe’s father.
And she deserved to know. Rose just didn’t want to cross that bridge yet. Despite what had happened, or almost happened, between her and Vlad last night, she really had no idea what his intentions were going forward. He still wanted her. And he wanted to protect Zoe. As far as Rose could tell, he intended to stay in their lives.
But what did staying in their lives mean? Marriage? Co-parenting with the occasional tumble in bed on the side for Mommy and Daddy? So many years had passed, she wasn’t even sure what
she
wanted anymore. Before he’d left, she was positive he was the only man for her.
Unfortunately, the intervening years hadn’t actually changed her mind about that. As she watched Vlad help Zoe build an even bigger snowman, she admitted—if only to herself—that she couldn’t imagine bringing another man into her life. Ever.
He was the only one for her.
If her daughter hadn’t been around, Rose would have cursed, long and colorfully, with language that would have had her mother sending her to confession.
Whatever the future held for her, though, she had to protect Zoe. For the moment, that meant keeping the fact that Vlad was her father a secret. She didn’t have any idea how to tell her anyway.
“Look, Mommy!” Zoe pointed at the lopsided stack of snowballs. “It’s as tall as a giant!”
“Sure is, baby.”
Vlad looked up and smiled at her over the top of the snowman. She smiled back, despite the worry gnawing at her gut. They had time, she assured herself. She’d figure this out. She just needed some time.
After lunch, Vlad excused himself to make some phone calls. “I’ll go for a walk,” he said, “and let you guys rest for a bit.”
“No naps,” Zoe announced before plopping down in front of the cold fireplace to color.
Rose shook her head. “Shame,” she muttered. “I could use one.”
The sound of Vlad’s chuckle as he headed out the door made her stomach flip-flop with pleasure.
She settled on the couch next to Zoe, content to flip through a travel magazine while her daughter amused herself. She had no idea how long Vlad would be away, but the house felt very quiet without him. Anticipation kept her checking the clock on the mantle, excited for his return.
That she was waiting for him, even though he’d only been gone a half hour, was irritating and embarrassing all at once.
She’d been happier hating him.
Okay, well, maybe not. But she felt silly mooning over him like a teenager. She should have outgrown that nonsense years ago.
She was about to toss the magazine aside and find something else to read when she heard a sound she dreaded with every ounce of her being.
A soft little moan. And then, “Mommy, I hurt.”
*****
Vlad paced in a circle, his cell to his ear, listening to the ringing. He’d made a few calls to associates keeping tabs on his brothers. All three had shown up to their respective offices on the east coast over the last two days, which meant even if they were still looking for Rose and Zoe, they hadn’t found them yet. Then he called in to his own office in Saint Paul to make sure his business wasn’t falling apart and manufacturing of their latest climbing ropes was well underway. Everything was functioning as it should. He’d hired excellent people—one of the few lessons his father had taught him that he’d found useful.