To Love and Protect (41 page)

Slowly, he limped over to the bar and placed a pile of money on it and nodded at the keep.
 
He dropped some money on the unconscious man’s chest and looked at the men around the room.

“See he gets medical attention, and make certain he doesn’t talk about women like that again.”
 
Justin turned, limping out of the alehouse and back to the inn.
 
He did a hop step as he climbed the stairs.
 
After entering the room and locking the door, he limped over to the washstand.

“Justin, is that you?”

“No, it’s the local welcoming committee.
 
Who else would it be?
 
Or are there other men you don’t want bothering you as well?”

“For heaven’s sake.
 
I’m sorry, all right?
 
I’m tired and riding the horse for so long has made me sore.
 
And I still don’t feel quite the thing.
 
Are you happy?”

He merely shrugged.
 
No, he wasn’t really happy because it was still his fault that they had ridden so hard.
 
So truly everything was still fully placed on him.
 
He made his way to the chair and fell onto it, moaning a little.

“What was all that noise?
 
I started to come look, but thought it best not to.”

“Go to sleep,” he practically growled.

“What’s wrong?
 
You used to be fun and laugh.”

“That was before I met you,” he replied, ignoring her question.
 
“Go to sleep.”

She pulled herself from the bed and walked over to him, hands fisted at her side.
 
He made her so incredibly angry.
 
Then she saw his face.
 
She released the air she held on a sigh.
 
Even in the firelight she could see the swelling on his face and the bruising on his knuckles.
 
There were two cuts, one in his brow line and one at the corner of his mouth that were still bleeding.
 
His right knee was swelling grotesquely and he had an arm wrapped around his ribcage.

“Nothing, is it?
 
What did you do?
 
Take on the whole village?”

“Just one man.”

“One man did this to you?”

“You should see what he looks like.”

“I know you were mad at me, but did you have to go looking for a fight?”

“No, I went looking for a way to drown my anger and get you off my bloody mind.
 
I went to the alehouse and a local man was talking about you.
 
He compared you to a harlot he had known in the past, and was betting his friends he could make you scream by the time he was done with you.
 
Are you happy?
 
Is there anything else you want to know?
 
Should I have sat there and listened to him talk about my wife like that?
 
Should I have showed them the room and let him see if he could do what he claimed?”
 
Justin watched as her eyes filled with shadows.
 
He studied her as she sucked her lower lip into the deep recesses of her mouth before nibbling on it.
 

“What have we done to each other?” Clarissa asked huskily.

“I don’t know,” Justin sighed.

“We used to be friends, didn’t we?”

“No, Clare.
 
We were acquaintances.
 
Then desire and lust took over.
 
Yes, we had begun to learn things about each other, but we were still merely two people connected by one person.
 
If it weren’t for Gertie, I don’t know that I would have ever approached you.”

“Why’s that?”

“I hate to say this, but the
ton
considered you to be aloof.”

“Aloof?”

Justin cleared his throat before saying, “I believe I have overheard some of the men refer to you as the
Ice Princess
.”

“Oh, really?” Clare asked, pulling away and arching a finely sculpted brow at him.

“I didn’t say I ever did.”

“Am I really that intolerable?”

“No.
 
You are just very select as to whom you open up to.
 
The women resent not being able to pry every little detail of your life out of you.
 
I find it refreshing to know that I can tell you anything and not hear about it at White’s within the hour.
 
If I can admit it without you hitting me, I don’t think of you as the
Ice Princess
at all,” he finished as a smirk lifted his upper lip on one side.

Clarissa sank on the floor in front of him and leaned against his uninjured leg.
 
Justin could not keep himself from running his fingers through her blonde curls.
 
He reveled in the way they snaked around his fingers and then bounced free once he reached the end.

“I don’t want to live like this.
 
I hate fighting.
 
Why can’t things just be normal?”

“What’s normal?”

“I don’t know.
 
Remember, I never had two parents except when I was very small.
 
What is normal in your family?”

“Oh, there’s fighting.
 
But you must remember, Mamma has a fierce Scottish temper.
 
Then after the fighting, my parents would disappear for hours.
 
When we saw them again, they would be blushing like they had just fallen in love all over again.
 
Da’ is the head of the family, but if he needs advice, he always looks to Mamma,” he looked down at Clarissa and saw her looking up at him.
 
The shadows and worry had not left her face.
 
“Come here.”

“No,” she shook her head.
 
“I’ll hurt you.”

“No, you won’t.
 
I only want to hold you.”
 

“You can hold me in bed, where we will both be more comfortable.”

“When did you become such a termagant?”

“Since I married a stubborn ass.”

He couldn’t stop the low chuckle.
 
He watched her add a log to the fire as he carefully crossed the room and eased himself onto the bed.
 
The light made her sedate gown practically indecent.
 
She moved to him and carefully crawled onto the bed next to him, making certain she lay on the side of his good leg.
 
He held her snugly against him despite the discomfort.
 
“We are going to make this work.”

She only nodded her head and fisted her hand in his shirt as if holding on for dear life.

***

Justin was awakened from a dreamless sleep that night by objects clattering.
 
He heard Clarissa mumbling to herself and saw her moving around the room.

“Clare, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing, go back to sleep,” she said distracted.
 
The backache and headache she had fought most of the day were easily explained now, her courses had begun in earnest.
 
Why could this not have happened last night, or even this morning?
 
Now she was tied to a man who thought she only needed him for stud services, as he had so eloquently put it earlier.
 
She could only begin to imagine what he would say about her courses starting now, only hours after the ceremony.
 
Why had her life become so complicated?

Sleep eluded Justin with the commotion Clarissa made, so he rolled over and stared at the ceiling.

“Are you looking for something?”

“Do you have a knife?”

“Aye, in my boot.
 
There is a hidden sheath built in.
 
Why do you need a knife?”

“Please, just go back to sleep.”
 
She sounded flustered.

“That’s not going to happen until you are back in bed with me.”

“Fine,” she disappeared behind the screen and he heard the ripping of fabric.
 
Minutes ticked slowly by before she came out from behind the screen.
 
She did not join him back in bed, but instead walked to the window and watched the moon glisten on the fresh snow.
 
“There is no baby, my courses started.”
 
He barely heard her whispered words.
 
Disappointment and relief slammed through him.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Neither do I.
 
You know what this means?” she asked, never taking her eyes off of the landscape.

“That no one will question the legitimacy of our future children?”

“No.
 
Since you and I are the only ones that know we are married, you do not have to stay with me.”

“What in the hell are you saying?”

“You married me because you thought there was a baby.
 
We married over the anvil.
 
There is no baby.
 
Who’s to say our marriage is legitimate?
 
We can burn the certificate now and no one has to be the wiser.
 
It hasn’t even been consummated.
 
This is your chance to not have to worry about a family while in service to the Crown.
 
I won’t stop you.
 
You deserve your chance at fulfilling your dream.”

“Are you through?”

“No,” she walked over to him with something in her hand.
 
Her eyes were clear and bright.
 
He had married the most stubborn woman in the world.
 
She laid the beautiful wedding ring on the bedside table and turned to walk back to the window.
 
Before she made it a foot, a hand quickly lashed out and grabbed her, pulling her back on the bed.

Justin reached for the ring and placed it once more on her finger.
 
“You will never take that off again, do you understand me?”

“You are no longer under an obligation.”

“As I remember it, when I asked you to marry me, I was not under obligation then either.”

“Yes, but that was before you realized what your service would do to a wife.”

“That may be true, but I have not changed my mind.
 
You are the only woman I want as a wife, regardless of how incredibly stubborn you have become.”

“Justin, I will not hold you to a promise you do not want to keep.”

“I want to keep this promise, now will you get back in bed?”
 
She obliged, but remained stiff in his arms.
 
“Relax and get some rest,” he whispered in her ear and soothed her until he heard her even breathing.
 
He should have let her go.
 
It would have been the safest thing for her, but when he thought about another man holding her, anger and jealousy inundated him.
 
She was his and would be for however long they had together—hopefully that would be a hundred years.

Chapter 17

They created an unspoken truce between them that night.
 
They decided to stay on in the village for a week in order to give him time to heal a bit and Clarissa time to rest.
 
She had not realized how weak the illness had made her until they had started traveling.
 
Her courses had finally come to an end as well, which also made her feel better.
 
The innkeeper guaranteed there would be no more trouble from the man that Justin had quarreled with at the alehouse, which also brought her a measure of peace.
 

They slept late into the morning each day, which is something neither did very often.
 
The two also spent time talking and getting to know each other.
 
The fifth afternoon, they had fallen into a comfortable silence.
 
Clarissa read a book she had found downstairs that a traveler had left behind, while Justin read old newssheets from London, catching up on the latest happenings.

Clarissa had read the same paragraph for the third time when she heard Justin toss down the newssheets.
 
She watched from under her lashes as he stretched his muscular form on the bed.
 
They had not been intimate in several days, but it did not matter all that much to Clarissa.
 
Every night he held her close, and they talked until they drifted off to sleep, and each morning she awoke in his arms.
 
That mattered most to her, the affection that he showed her.

As long as he kept showing her that kind of attention, she thought she could live without hearing him tell her he loved her.
 
Perhaps she should take a lesson and be more studious in protecting her own heart.
 
She moved her gaze to watch the snow that fell lightly outside.
 
When they did start back to London, it would be a chilly trip, but she did so love the snow.

She had a vague memory before her mother died of her father taking them for a sleigh ride.
 
Closing her eyes, she slipped back into time as if she were reliving the moment.
 
She had been seated between her parents, and her father had pulled her mother close for a kiss.
 
Clarissa remembered giggling as she looked up at the two adults before they both hugged her tightly to them.
 
She gave a soft sigh and felt a smile tip up the corners of her lips.

“What has put that smile on your face?” Justin’s low voice intruded pleasantly on her memory.

“Just remembering one of my only memories about my mother.”

“And?”

She relayed the story to him.

“Let’s go for a walk.
 
I think we both need out of this room for a bit,” he said as he pushed himself off the bed.

“What about your knee?”

“Stiff, but the walk will do me good.
 
Wrap up so you don’t catch a chill.”