To Love and Protect (10 page)

“I shouldn’t have hit you with the mud balls or called you an ‘obstinate ass,’ though you can be sometimes.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Aren’t you sorry for not staying put?”

“No.
 
I didn’t think you were going to return.
 
Are you sorry for spanking me?”

“No.
 
You should have stayed put.”

“We have to stop this.
 
I am trying to remain strong and positive, yet my stomach is constantly upset.
 
I know the weather is an irritant neither of us can control, but imagine how I feel on top of the physical discomfort.
 
He’s
my
father.
 
How would you feel if your father came up missing, and you were unable to find him?”

“I don’t know,” he murmured thinking back to when he had found out about his older brother’s death.
 
It had been a dark time for his family, him especially.
 
No one would have known it by the way he had acted though, turning to women, drinking, and gambling.
 
Only those close to him had seen the excessiveness and how it was destroying him.
 
Then there had been the lies Liam had told him about Jonathan.
 
Lies that even now had his blood boiling and made him want to take out his anger on his ex-best friend.

“Exactly.
 
I didn’t know either until I had to live it,” Clarissa said, bringing Justin back to the present.
 
“I’m doing the best I can.
 
Do you understand?”

“From now on, it goes without saying.
 
You stay put, unless I tell you otherwise.”

“Fine.”

They lay side by side that night, seeking warmth from each other, having come to an unspoken truce.
 

Chapter 5

They ended up spending an unexpected three days with the farmer and his wife.
 
The snow had not stopped for hours, and they waited until they could travel with some confidence.
 
They avoided each other as much as possible while there.
 
She would help the wife with chores, cooking, and the children.
 
Justin would help the farmer outside the house.
 
Each night they fell asleep, lying stiffly next to each other.

Into their second week of searching, they stopped by a brook to cool off.
 
After the snow, the temperatures had turned unseasonably warm.
 
The water felt cool and soothing to Clarissa.
 
She lay stretched out on the bank, her eyes closed to the world around her.
 
They had come across some leads in regards to her father.
 
The stress depleted her energy, and she fought against a headache that threatened to bloom into a debilitating one.
 
She and Justin had not sparred lately, but the tension between them did not help her any.

After tending the horses, Justin walked up on her and caught his breath at the sight.
 
She looked to be a creation of the faerie world.
 
Her hair had been braided earlier and tucked under her hat, but since arriving here, she had taken it down.
 
Currently it lay fanned out on the bank behind her.
 
The sun filtered though the leaves dappling her skin and hair in light.
 
She had an arm flung over her eyes to block out any remaining light and let out a little snuffle.

They had not fought anymore since the day of their terrible row.
 
He still did not think she realized the fear he felt when he saw her flying through the air followed by her nonchalant reaction.
 
Did she know that people were killed all the time from riding accidents?
 
She had been lucky to land in a mud hole instead of on a rock.
 
Then she had had the nerve to throw mud at him.
 
Even then, after shaking her thoroughly, he had wanted to kiss her.
 
And then she had taken off on her own, fearing he would not return.

He tried to keep the attraction he felt for her at bay, but it became more difficult the longer he spent in her company.
 
They had not spoken to each other all that much since the fight, only speaking when necessary.
 
He knew her thoughts were wrapped up in her father’s disappearance, and he attempted to respect that.
 
They had also come to a sort of truce about the nights they spent together.
 
After giving her privacy to change, he would go to bed on a pallet she had created for him on the floor.
 
One time he had come up on her asking one of the maids for extra blankets blaming her cold nature for the need.

She continued to wear his shirt as a nightgown.
 
He did not even bother to pack it in his bag anymore.
 
Besides, he had decided if he tried to wear it, he would be in a permanent fix, all day engulfed in her scent.
 
Justin leaned against the tree, watching her sleep peacefully.
 
The only things that belied her stress were the smudges beneath her eyes.
 
She had not lost her appetite nor given into histrionics.
 
Thank goodness for both of those.
 
But she did not share her worry except for during their fight on the day of the storm.

At every village or town they stopped at, he could see the pensiveness set in.
 
Every time they talked to a local vicar, he watched as she held her breath for either confirmation or denial of the death of a man who could be her father.
 
He could hear her toss and turn at night.
 
But, as much as he would like, he refused to go to her.
 

They were playing at being married, a far cry from the actual act.
 
So instead, he watched from afar, and made certain she took care of herself.
 
He also prayed that they found something out soon, one way or another.
 
She could not keep pushing herself this way.
 
Clarissa also had to realize that they might never find him.
 
Even now he could be lying in a cold, unmarked grave somewhere.

Justin walked over to her side and lowered himself to the ground.
 
He propped his head up with one hand and lay on his side so he could watch her better.
 
An insect that had braved the warm temperatures tried to land on her nose, and he shooed it away so it would not disturb her rest.
 
He watched her forearm move just enough so she could peek past.
 

“What are you doing?” she asked groggily.

“Saving you from killer insects,” he replied teasingly.

“I guess that is worthy enough for a thank you,” she yawned her reply.
 
She stretched her arms above her head pulling her bodice tight against her breasts.
 
His mouth went dry as he watched.
 
“How long have I been asleep?”

“About half an hour is all.
 
You can sleep longer if you would like.”

“No, then I won’t sleep tonight.”

“You haven’t been sleeping at night anyway.”

“I didn’t think you noticed.”

“I’ve noticed more than you think I do.
 
By the way, thank you for the pallets every night.
 
It is much more comfortable than that first night.”
 
She merely nodded, but a faint blush covered her skin.
 
“Clare, why don’t we get you on the next mail coach back to London or even rent a carriage for you?
 
I promise I will continue searching for your father and send news as soon as I have any.”

“No,” she adamantly refused.
 
“The not knowing would be worse than being here.
 
At least I’m doing something.
 
If I were home, I would be wearing holes in Aunt Gertie’s floors.”
 
He looked at her for a moment then nodded his head in agreement.
 
He relaxed, lying fully against the bank, one hand behind his head.
 
“It’s beautiful right here,” she said softly.
 
Three birds chased each other amongst the trees.

“There has always been at least one beautiful sight this entire journey,” Justin said softly.
 
Clarissa glanced at him and then quickly looked away focusing on other things.

“Look at that deer.
 
My, he’s a big one,” she commented trying to divert his attention.

“Clare, you take my breath away.”

“Please, Justin, no.
 
Not now.
 
We are here to find my father, not each other.
 
I can’t.
 
Do you understand?
 
I have to find him before I even allow myself to consider a future of any kind.
 
Besides that, what do we truly know of each other?
 
We have had scarce over a dozen conversations since we began the search and most of them have ended in arguments.”

“My word.
 
What is it with you women?” he asked, anger and annoyance tinged his voice.

“What are you talking about?”

“I merely gave you a compliment, not asked for your hand in marriage.
 
I was not asking you to be my mistress.
 
I was not asking for a lifetime commitment.
 
I merely said you were beautiful.”

“I’m sorry, I thought...”

“Perhaps you and others of your kind should merely listen to what a man is saying rather than trying to guess what he means.
 
We usually mean exactly what we say,” he pushed himself up and stood towering over her.
 
He fisted one hand on his hip and ran the other through his dark hair, the sun highlighting the auburn strands.
 
“I’m going for a walk.
 
Try not to run off.”

“Southerby, I’m sorry,” she began to apologize.

He held up a hand to stop her.
 
“Say nothing else.
 
I will return.”
 
He turned and stormed off into the trees.
 
She could hear the cracking of twigs under his boots.
 
Birds flew up into the air, startled from their perches by the angry intruder invading their domain.
 
She sat up and pulled her knees close to her chest and rested her chin on them.
 
Everything had been so serene for a change, so calm.
 
Had she truly read more into his words than what he meant?

Clarissa heard the rumbling of wheels on the road behind her.
 
She turned her head to glance at the passing conveyance then turned back to the river.
 
Realization dawned on her, and she quickly flipped over onto her stomach so she could look at the carriage once more.
 
It was a fine, black lacquered carriage that showed to be well maintained.
 
The fading sun shone on it and the shades were pulled over the windows.
 

The team of horses pulling it looked even smarter than the carriage.
 
All four horses were black, every one of them, with white stockings on their legs.
 
The two leaders had a white star on their forehead.
 
Of course they had already passed her by, but she knew this with absolute certainty.
 
Clarissa knew all of this because the crest on the door of the carriage represented the Duke of Hamilton,, and the horses were his favorites.
 
More importantly, they had been at home when she had left for Gertie’s.
 
Her father had wanted to travel quickly and instead had traveled with a rented hack and horses so he could switch at the coaching inns along the way.

Who was in the carriage?
 
Was it Franklin?
 
Did he have Lorraine with him?
 
Where the devil had Southerby gone?
 
She quickly stood up and slyly followed the carriage on foot.
 
It pulled up to a small cottage just around the bend and off the road about fifty yards.
 
Trees surrounded the hovel, and when the door creaked open, it emitted an old crone.
 
A woman dressed in black from head to toe, including a veil to cover her face, stepped out of the carriage first.
 
She rushed over to the withered old woman and gave her a hug full of warmth and familiarity.
 
Franklin stepped out of the carriage, a black mourning band around his upper sleeve.

A small squeak escaped her, and she quickly dropped to hide in some bushes.
 
All three people turned quickly towards her.
 
She prayed they had not spied her.
 
When she felt brave enough to look once more, the trio was moving into the cottage.
 
Franklin gave one more look around before closing the door.
 
What other reason could they have for wearing black?
 
Had they found Papa?
 
Was he truly dead?
 
Why were they here?

She watched so intently that she jumped when she felt a large hand clasp firmly around her mouth.
 
Had Franklin snuck out the back and come for her?
 
Dear God, please help me
, she pleaded silently.
 
She squirmed and tried to bite the hand covering her mouth.

“Do not move nor say a word, or I swear by all that is holy, I will take you over my knee again,” the voice whispered viciously into her ear.
 

The hand loosened a bit and she sagged against Justin in relief.
 
“You frightened me half to death.”