Authors: Bethany Sefchick
The Julia she'd been when she'd
arrived in London would have cowered in fear.
Then again, the old Julia would never have asked to be seduced.
Tonight, she'd been the woman she remembered
from a time before.
Gathering her
strength, she closed her eyes and allowed her gown to fall away and pool at her
feet.
She heard Ben's sharp intake of
breath, followed by a rustling noise.
However, she did not hear a door close, indicating that he had
fled.
The last time he had seen her
thus was when they had been children.
She'd had no breasts, the scars thicker and more pronounced than they were
now.
Still, at the moment, she was
being judged as a woman.
She prayed
that she was not found to be lacking.
"You are exquisite."
There was a reverence in Benjamin's voice
that made her open her eyes.
"I
knew you would be."
He was standing before her as if in
awe and when he reached out to follow the line of the scar as he had done
earlier, she allowed it.
Down to the
tops of her breasts, each line radiating outward.
He slid his fingers over the scars down her side, caressing the
jagged one as if it were the most precious thing he'd ever seen.
She wanted to cover herself.
Even though this was Ben, she was
ashamed.
Ashamed she could not tell him
how the scars had come to be there.
Ashamed that they were there at all.
She moved a hand to cover herself, but he stilled her with his own.
"No."
He voice was soft, and she was surprised
when he sank to the floor in front of her, his hands on her hips.
Then he looked up, a hint of pleading in his
eyes.
"Do not be ashamed with me,
Jules.
You could never be anything less
than beautiful.
You know that.
You are perfect as you are."
"I am scarred," she
replied, allowing her hand to rest on his head, marveling at the softness of
the silky black waves.
"Damaged."
"No."
He said it again, this time with a note of
anger in his tone.
"You are many
things, Jules, but not damaged.
Never
that."
Then he placed a kiss on
her stomach and she felt her knees go weak with a mix of need and desire.
When he kissed her again, lower
this time, she wanted to pull away, but his hands held her there.
When he urged her thighs further apart, she
did as he silently requested, unable to tell him no.
This was what she had longed for, after all.
This was a taste of paradise, the only one
she might ever have.
She would not shy
away.
When he parted her soft mound and
pressed a kiss to the heated flesh, she gasped and tried to wiggle away again,
but once more, he held her tightly, not allowing her to escape him.
"Ben, you can't..."
Then the rest of what she meant to say was
lost as he dipped his tongue inside of her heat, teasing the hard little nub of
flesh that she knew could bring her pleasure.
She'd explored her body before, but nothing she'd done with her own
hands had prepared her for what she felt now, the rush of heat and desire
swirling through her, making her ache deep inside - a part of her that she
hadn't been aware existed.
He chuckled and lapped at her
again.
"I can, Jules.
And I know you're enjoying this."
Then, to her surprise, he dipped a finger
inside of her and she moaned.
"So
wet.
I knew you would be."
Julia lost all sense of time after
that.
She had no idea how long Benjamin
kissed her, only that at some point, he lifted her onto the bed and lay down
beside her.
He could have kissed her
for hours or minutes.
She wasn't
certain.
All she knew was that with
each nibble of his teeth, each lap of his tongue and each caress of his lips,
she was pushed higher and higher until she felt as if she were someone
else.
A wanton woman who luxuriated in
the pleasures of the flesh.
For truly,
that was how she felt.
Benjamin could not believe that
Julia was allowing him to worship her body, at least not to the extent that she
was.
He'd thought that, despite her
brave words, she would allow some kisses and caresses, but no more.
He'd meant to go slowly, but then she'd
dropped her gown and he had lost all control.
It still tore at him that she bore
the scars of a sin she did not commit, but he could not change it, just as he
had been unable to stop it when he'd been a child.
But he no longer saw them.
Instead, all he saw was Julia, so willing and wet, her body eager to
receive his, even if she did not know precisely what it was asking for.
She would learn.
He would teach her.
He wanted to keep her, but knew that it was
impossible.
He could not live a
lifetime of lies and he could not tell her the truth.
So they had this night, and whatever ones that followed that she
would allow.
He would have to make the
most of it.
By the time he was certain that she
was ready, Benjamin's cock was swollen and aching.
He should protect her, he knew, but he found that he really
didn't want to.
Would it be so bad if
he got her with child?
She would have
to marry him then, no question.
Then
again, the humiliation might be more than she could bear.
This strong, defiant Julia was new.
If he pushed her too hard, she might shrink
back into her old shell.
He was still debating the issue
with himself when she reached out to stroke him, nearly setting him off like an
untried youth.
"I need..."
She searched for the words and he stroked
her face.
"I do not know
what
I need, Ben.
Only that I need you to
help me figure it out."
Chuckling, he tucked a lock of hair
behind her ear before he kissed her lightly on the lips.
"I know what you need, pet.
Just know that this first time may not be
all you have dreamed of.
I will try to
be gentle, but that is no guarantee."
"I do not care."
She pressed closer to him, the ache between
her legs now a throb that she could no longer bear.
"Help me, Ben.
Please."
He settled himself between her legs
then and slid one finger inside of her, just as he had in the garden, to test
her readiness.
She was beyond wet, and
the way she tightened around him told him all that he needed to know.
Slowly, with more restraint than he
believed he possessed, he slid himself inside of her a fraction of an
inch.
He did not want to hurt her, and
damn, she was tight.
Except that Julia
knew her body better than he did, at least at the moment, and she arched up so
that he slid deeper inside of her, his cock coming to rest against her fragile
barrier.
"Ben."
She was begging now.
Breathless.
Waiting.
"Please."
With a hard thrust, he pushed his
way through the barrier, feeling her tense beneath him.
When he was all the way inside of her, he
paused, giving her time to adjust to him.
"The worst of it has passed, Jules," he told her, praying that
he hadn't hurt her too badly.
Given the
expression on her face, he could not tell for certain.
Julia gave an experimental wiggle
and was surprised when Ben groaned this time.
"Did I hurt you?"
That
was the last thing she wanted.
"God, no," he ground out
through clenched teeth.
"You just
feel so damn good, Jules."
"Oh."
She had not expected that, especially since,
while this was nice, it wasn't quite as spectacular as she had
anticipated.
Then he flexed his hips
and pulled out a bit before driving back in.
Then she understood precisely what all the fuss was about.
"Oh!" This time that single word
had an entirely different meaning.
That seemed to give a him
permission he didn't know he'd been seeking.
Thrusting in and out of Julia's luscious body, he took them both to the
brink and back several times before finally pushing them both over the edge.
As he spilled his seed inside of her, he
thought again about the possibility of a child.
It did not bother him as it once might have.
The sensations crashing through her
body were exquisite, Julia decided when she had a moment to think.
Then, Benjamin thrust one last time and she
was over the edge once more, her body spiraling into a place of contentment
that she had not known existed.
It was
magical.
It was perfect.
And it could not last.
Even as the last of their shared
pleasure ebbed and flowed, Ben's softening cock still buried deep inside of
her, Julia knew that nothing this perfect could be forever.
There would be problems in the morning -
from any number of sources.
However,
that was for later.
Right now, there
was just Ben, and she would live in the moment he had given her.
When he finally did pull out of her
body, he rolled onto his side and snuggled her close.
"Was that what you expected?" he asked, nuzzling her
ear and nipping lightly at the lobe.
"Or did I disappoint?"
"Better," she sighed
contentedly, needing him to know exactly how much he'd pleased her.
"I had no idea.
No wonder the young ladies of the
ton
are kept in the dark about things such as this.
Otherwise, that would be all they could think of, especially at
balls and parties."
Truly had she
known, she probably would have asked Benjamin to seduce her long ago.
She also wanted to tell him that
she loved him.
That she always had and
always would.
But she could not.
The words could not be spoken unless she
wanted what was between them to change.
If he did not feel the same, they would never share another moment like
this.
So she simply snuggled deeper
into his embrace.
He placed a kiss on her shoulder
blade.
"Tonight was only the
beginning, Jules.
There is so much more
than I can teach you."
Then he
rolled her over onto her back to begin the next part of her education.
For the next week, Julia lived in a
state of unparalleled bliss.
She and
Benjamin snuck off as often as possible, though their intimate moments were
limited, since they did have to keep up a good front for society.
Not to mention that, while Nicholas had not
said anything specific, it was clear that he had his suspicions about their
relationship.
What was unclear was
whether or not he approved of the potential match, but if he didn't, he
remained silent on the issue.
Much to
the relief of both Julia and Benjamin.
Otherwise, it looked to everyone in
the
ton
that the two of them were courting and that a proposal, or at
the very least an understanding was imminent.
The news, predictably enraged Lady Letitia and Lady Henrietta, both of
whom were convinced that the Duke of Radcliffe should have been theirs.
There was even the potential for a
scandalous scene between Julia and Henrietta's duke-grasping mama at a soiree
given by Lady Berkshire.
That had only
been avoided by the quick work of the gray-gowned woman who constantly shadowed
Julia's every move when she was out in society.
The narrow miss had been prevented when The Gray Lady, as she'd
come to be called, escorted Lady Cartwright to the retiring room before the
older woman could catch a glimpse of Julia and Benjamin dancing.
Even now, Julia had no idea who the
Gray Lady was, and did not dare ask.
Though given her continued, and now extremely close presence in Julia's
life, there was reason to suspect that Lady Berkshire, at least, knew the truth
of what Julia and Benjamin had done.
Still, it was enough that the woman was there and had not been removed
from her duties.
Everything else was
irrelevant.
Benjamin, for his part, relished
his time with Julia, no matter how scandalous it would be if word got out about
their true activities.
He loved her; he
needed to be with her.
It was as simple
as that.
He spent their long nights and
occasional afternoons together teaching her how to please him, and was
delighted to find that she was a quick study at everything from sucking his
cock to learning how to ride him like a horse as they fucked.
He also took no precautions to
prevent her from getting with child.
If
she bore his babe, she would have no choice but to marry him, and, he prayed,
that in time, she would learn to love him as he already loved her.
It was too much to hope that she loved him
now, but the spark was there, glowing brightly every so often when she looked
at him as if she could imagine no other man in her life.
That was the way he wanted it to remain and
the longer he loved her, the more hopeful he became.
The only shadow over his happiness
was, of course, Landover, but the marquess hadn't been seen much the last few
weeks.
Not that Benjamin was looking,
of course.
He had far more important
things to concern himself with - like how to bring Julia to the brink of
ecstasy repeatedly before plunging himself deep inside of her, and then fucking
her until they both thought they would die from sheer pleasure.
However, proprieties did need to be
observed on occasion, as Nicholas reminded Julia as their carriage pulled up to
the Smithson's ball as the season neared its end.
"You will behave tonight, won't you, Jules?" he asked
as their carriage waited in line to allow the passengers in coaches ahead of
them to disembark.
Blinking, Julia sat back, more than
a little stunned.
This was the first
time that her brother had even hinted that he knew what was going on between
her and the duke.
"I do not know
what you mean," she protested, knowing that her denial sounded weak even
to her own ears.
"I have not yet
caused any scandal, have I?"
Then
she looked at him, truly looked at him, and for the first time, noticed the
dark circles under his eyes and the lines creasing his forehead.
"Nicky, is there something wrong?"
He shook his head and brushed at
non-existent lint on his jacket sleeve.
"Jules, I know about you and Radcliffe.
I know that you have been together - repeatedly.
In fact, I've known if for some time
now.
It is plainly written on your
face, at least to me."
He held up
his hand when she began to speak, silencing her.
"I don't care, really.
In fact, a part of me thinks it's wonderful, even though I do wish you
would have waited until you married.
I
could force that, you know."
"We will not marry."
She needed to be clear about that so that
Nick didn't have any unreasonable expectations.
His mouth set in a grim line, he
nodded once, seemingly unsurprised.
"As I figured.
Stubborn,
the both of you.
Bunch of mutton-headed
idiots."
"It is not like that,"
she tried again, surprised that her brother truly did not understand.
"You know that Radcliffe needs to marry
a woman that can venture into society with him.
That cannot be me.
And I
cannot tolerate more than a season of the looks and the whispers."
"I thought you were
staying," he shot back, his temper clearly rising.
If there was one trait that the three of
them shared, even though Radcliffe was not related by blood, it was hot
tempers.
She shrugged, avoiding his now
piercing gaze.
"I said that I
would consider it.
I made no
promises."
That wasn't exactly a lie.
Julia was shocked when he reached
across the narrow space between them and grasped her by the shoulders.
"Damn you, Julia!
You are better than all of these women!
You could have Radcliffe in an instant, if
you'd only allow yourself to drop the martyr act!
Both of you!"
His
chest was heaving and his eyes were wide, a wealth of hurt visible inside of
him.
"All of my life, I have grown
up watching the two of you in this ridiculous dance!
Now that you have the opportunity to be free of the past, you do
not take it!
Neither of you!
In my estimation, that makes both of you
fools!
You are both stronger than
this!"
"You do not understand,"
she cried, on the verge of tears now, her happiness from earlier evaporating
quickly.
"These scars, Nicky, they
define who I am.
Neither of us can
escape that, so if we find pleasure for a few weeks in each other's arms, what
is the harm?"
"Bullshit!"
She jumped when he swore.
She had never seen or heard her normally
sedate brother acting like this.
"You use those scars as a shield, Jules, and you well know it.
Yes, as a child, they were an issue and yes,
people will talk.
That cannot be
avoided.
But if you were stronger, if
you truly wanted a life outside of Sussex, you would face the dragons and live
your life.
You would not allow them to
dictate your life to you!"
He
squeezed his eyes shut and looked away.
"You and Radcliffe are both free.
It's not like..."
Whatever he was about to say was
cut off when the carriage lurched forward and the door opened, the tiger riding
in the back springing forward to lower the steps.
He handed Julia down, and Nicholas followed silently behind
him.
Neither of them said a word as
they walked into the ball and were announced.
Once they were safely inside and Nicholas saw the gray-gowned woman in
the corner, he made a brief bow and then left, leaving Julia alone, and feeling
more than a little despondent.
In all of her life, Nicholas had
never spoken to her the way he had in the carriage.
It both shocked and hurt her, deeper than she could have
imagined.
However, a small kernel of
truth had begun to grow in the pit of her stomach.
Was her brother right?
Did she hide behind the scars?
Could she forge a life for herself, perhaps even one with Benjamin, that
was free of the past?
Honestly, she wasn't certain.
She could admit that not everyone she'd
encountered thus far had been horrible.
In fact, most of them had been lovely, even when she'd gone out of her
way to hold them at arm's length.
Lady
Amy could have been a friend, Julia decided.
Perhaps she still could be.
All
that would take would be for Julia to unbend a little.
Lady Henrietta and Lady Letitia
still hated her, but then, they were cruel creatures, both of whom wanted
Benjamin for themselves.
That might
have a little something to do with their behavior, Julia allowed.
Perhaps the scars didn't really matter.
Even if she had been beautiful and
unblemished with impeccable manners, rather than a slightly wild thing from
Sussex, they probably still would have been mean and cutting.
Looking around the room, Julia took
an honest look at the scene before her - bright and glittering, and, since she
was being completely honest this evening, one that she would love to be a part
of permanently.
Candles flickered and
jewels sparkled.
People danced and
laughed, enjoying themselves.
They were
having fun.
And for the first time, the
wall of ice that Julia had built up around her heart long ago cracked, and she
wished for something that was, as of yet, out of her grasp.
She wished to be a true part of the scene
below her, and she wanted to be a part of it with Benjamin.
Knowing that she needed to find
him, she turned, only to discover the Marquess of Landover directly behind
her.
She'd nearly forgotten about him
but now she knew that if she was ever to move forward with her life, she must
deal with him.
Giving a curtsey, she greeted him
with as much politeness as she could muster.
"My lord.
It is a
pleasure."
"Is it?"
There was a odd note in his voice and
immediately, Julia went on alert.
"Come now, Lady Julia.
I
think we both know that you are merely being polite."
"Better polite than a
scoundrel," she replied evenly, unwilling to allow him to bait her.
She wished he would leave, but knew he would
not depart until he had said whatever he so clearly wanted to tell her.
"Better a scoundrel than a
whore," he replied, that same odd smile on his face.
Julia froze.
How did he know?
He reached out to pat her arm.
"I know all of your secrets, my
dear.
I now I employ a friend of
yours.
Meggy, I believe her name is?"
He grinned lasciviously.
"She does have the most enjoyable tales
to tell.
So many things that, well,
let's just say go far beyond scandalous."
She knew he wanted her to react,
but she also knew that to give his claims credence would be to sentence both
her and Benjamin to shame.
"I'm
afraid I don't know what you mean, my lord.
I have no secrets."
That,
too, was a lie, but she needed to be strong.
Nicholas had been right.
She
could not allow these people to dictate her life.
She needed to fight back and claim a place for herself.
She needed to be stronger than she had ever
thought possible.
"No, my lady?"
He was handsome in his own right, she
decided as he stood there glaring at her, but his black heart made him look
ugly everywhere.
"Not even that
you are fucking the Duke of Radcliffe at every available opportunity?
That your innocence was lost to his cock
some time ago?"
When she didn't
react, he continued smoothly.
"Do
you not care that, should others find out, you will be thoroughly ruined?
For we both know that he will not marry
you.
He might care for you, but you are
not suitable to be the wife of a duke."
Julia sniffed haughtily, even
though she felt her face flame and knew that the patchwork of scars was
probably an unsightly mix of red and white once more.
"Since none of what you have just said is true, it is not of
my concern.
Spread your lies, but know
that the duke and I shall weather them just fine."
He clucked at her with
distaste.
"Come, my dear.
You know that even a hint of scandal is
enough to ruin a chit."