The Wolf You Feed Arc (20 page)

Why was Annike saying this?

I want you to find someone else. It’s the only way you will find peace, the only way you can heal from what your brothers did to you.

Tore groaned. He didn’t want these thoughts hovering in his head. How could she want him to find someone new?

I don’t think I can ever look for someone else, not yet. You were always the one, Annike; there can never be anyone else.

Tore, take our boys, move on with your life. What we had was beautiful. For four years we had everything. It was unfair that this was taken from us, but you can have it again. I want you to find a new love.

Annike, how can you say that? You chose me and I’m yours forever. I’ll never be someone else’s.

Yes you can. I want you to do it for me, for Kjell and for Rune. They need you, but they also need a mother
.

Tore’s heart felt heavy, her words crushed him. How could she be so cruel?

Look around you, Tore. Open up your eyes. She is already here, waiting for you. She wants you and she cares for our boys. Are you so blind? Tore, move on. I’m going to leave now. Don’t visit me anymore. I’m letting you go. She will take care of you.

Who, Annike, who do you mean?

Now his head was silent! He called out to her again and again, but she did not answer and in his gut, he knew she would never speak to him again.
 

Annike had broken their bond, released him from this place and from her. But was he ready to be set free?

***

On the first of December, Hania departed for his powwow, leaving Tore to look after Kachina. The house felt empty without him and Tore sensed she was already missing her father. Tore was glad he’d agreed to stay with her, while Hania was away. He didn’t like to think of her in this house all alone.
 

After he put Kjell and Rune to bed that night, he joined Kachina outside on the porch. She was rocking back and forth on the double swing, looking out across the fields towards the Rockies. She smiled and patted the space beside her.
 

“You okay?” Tore asked.

She nodded. As he sat, she threw part of the quilt she had wrapped around her legs across his lap.
 

“I’m used to it. Hania travels from time to time.”

Tore became lost in thought. Annike’s words, from a few days ago, were going around in his head.
 

Kachina noticed his distraction, “What’s the matter, Tore?”

“Annike has gone.”

 
“Yes, I felt her leave.”
 

Kachina always surprised him. She sensed things with a spirituality he couldn’t begin to understand.
 

“Her spirit has always been so strong, but this past week I haven’t felt her presence once,” she said by way of an explanation. “Did she talk to you before she went?”

“Yes. She said she wanted me to move on, told me to open my eyes and look around.”

Kachina listened while Tore poured out his heart. She slipped her arm around his waist and he rested his head on her shoulder. Rocking back and forth on the swing, she hummed to herself. As she comforted him, familiar warmth grew between them. Her soft skin smelled of rosemary. It mingled with the lavender that was laced through her hair. He buried his nose deeper into her shoulder, inhaling the comforting perfume.

Kachina put her hand to his head and stroked his hair. Her big, beautiful, exotic eyes were so full of warmth and understanding, her caramel complexion so smooth. Tore’s fingers touched her face, his eyes focused on her lips, and he imagined how sweet they’d taste. He cupped her head in his hands and his mouth found hers.
 

Tore’s fingers combed through her silky hair, his body pushing hungrily against hers. A soft sigh parted her lips and his tongue slipped between them. Her mouth tasted sweet and warm. Their bodies molded and they became lost in each other.

Breathless, Tore pulled away.
 

What had he done? Why was he kissing this girl? How could he give up Annike this easily?
 

Kachina’s eyes filled with tears.
 

She knew what he was thinking.
 

She shivered,
 

“Are you cold?”

“A little,” she replied, pulling away. “I should go, I…”

She was embarrassed, and it was his fault. Why did he start this? “Kachina, I…”

She stood up to leave. “Don’t Tore…” She left her sentence hanging in the frosty air and went inside.
 

Instantly Tore knew, he couldn’t let her go. Right or wrong it meant something. Even though it pained him to admit it, he’d wanted to kiss her… still wanted to kiss her. In fact, he was desperate to kiss her.
 

He searched for her and found her down the hall from his room. She was opening a door into a room he’d never been in before. “Kachina, please.”

She went into the room, leaving the door open. He followed without hesitation. With his heart pounding and his emotions running rampant he found his head full of confusion.
 

Was this what Annike meant?
 

Tore found himself in a tiny room with a small narrow bed.
 

This must be Kachina’s room. It must have been months since she’d slept here. He hung his head. He’d taken her kindness for granted.

“This is my room,” she said, closing the door behind him.

“Kachina…”
 

She placed her finger to his lips, silencing him. Taking his hand she led him to her bed. Shyness and apprehension swept over him. Kachina sensed his nervousness. Taking the lead she ran her fingers through his hair, down his neck, and across his shoulders. Her delicate touch sent shivers across his skin.
 

Tore’s body responded, betraying his need for her.
 

He should stop this.
 

He bent his head to hers and before he could change his mind, their lips touched and something exploded within them. As their tongues tangoed, Tore’s fear and guilt faded. Desire surged through his body as their mouths explored each other.
 

They sank onto her bed and he slid his hands over her. He pushed all thoughts of Annike from his mind as he unbuttoned her blouse. Reaching beneath the fabric, he explored her smooth skin. Kachina’s whispered moans filled his head and he lost himself in her.

***

They lay wrapped in each other’s arms, her body molded against his. He traced a finger along her damp, naked skin. Her breath hitched and her eyes opened. She held his gaze, giving him a shy smile. Tore’s body felt logy after their lovemaking, but he was reluctant to close his eyes and sleep. He didn’t want to lose this moment.

Kachina’s eyes flickered and closed. She dozed while Tore listened to her shallow breathing. Calmness enveloped him. Plucking up courage to face whatever would be waiting for him inside his head, he closed his eyes too.
 

Remorse, guilt, shame washed over him. But before the negative thoughts took hold, he saw Annike’s face.
 

She was smiling,
I love you, she whispered. Go now Tore, live your life.

Tears slid down his cheeks. Kachina reached up and wiped them away with her thumb. He opened his eyes and gazed into her’s and something warm and beautiful began to grow inside of him.

A soft glow filled the dark room. Annike’s gentle face appeared once more. The crushing weight of despair that had felt so heavy in his chest, dissipated as an overwhelming feeling of love flowed into him.

Annike’s smiling image began to fade away and he touched his fingers to his lips and blew her a kiss.
 

Thank you, Annike. You will always be in my heart, but thank you for showing me that there is room for another.
 

The light dimmed and Annike was gone. Fate had taken her, and now fate was giving him a fresh start and a new reason to live.

 
19

For the rest of the week, Tore and Kachina talked and made plans. Now that he had opened his eyes and seen her as the loving and lovely person she was, Tore knew he wanted Kachina to join him and the boys in Arkansas.

Each night, after he put his sons to bed, he and Kachina went to her room and explored each other. Later, they returned to Tore’s bed. In the morning, Kjell and Rune woke surrounded by the two people that loved them most in the world.

One night, later in the week, Kachina took him by the hand, “Come with me.”
 

She led him into the woods, looking at him over her shoulder as she pulled him through the trees. After a few minutes they reached a clearing and Kachina dropped his hand. “Wait.” She hunted around, pulling back foliage and parting the ferns. “There we are!” She bent down and picked up something. She held out her hand for him to see. A soft feather lay on her palm. One side was pure white, the other caramel brown. Three dark brown stripes crossed over the pale caramel and bled into the white.

 
“You brought me all the way out here to see a barn owl’s feather?” Tore’s mouth turned up at the edges, his eyes twinkling with amusement.
 

“No.” She whispered, “I have something else to show you.” He frowned at her. “A little while ago you shared a secret with me Tore. Showed me how you shift from human to wolf.” He nodded. “You’re not the only one who has secrets,” she whispered. “Like you, Hania and I have to hide who we are. Men fear us too.” Tore opened his mouth but she silenced him. “If we are to be together, we have to be open and honest with each other. Watch, Tore, I want to show you my secret.”

As her words faded to nothing, there was a silent whoosh and Tore ducked as a barn owl flew up over his head. He hadn’t seen it coming and its appearance startled him. Catching his breath, he swung his head back to Kachina. “Whoa! Did you see that?”

She was gone.

The owl hooted, drawing his attention to the branch where it now sat. The bird held his gaze and, for a second, he recognized something familiar in its eyes. The owl broke the stare and drifted down to the woodland floor. Kachina rose from her feet as the bird vanished.

“You…shift?”

Tore had never heard of any human species that changed into owls, but there was no mistaking what he’d seen. Kachina and the owl were one in the same.

“Not quite in the way you do, but yes, I can take on animal forms.”

“Forms? You mean you can change into other animals?” Kachina nodded, wary of his reaction. “What types? Are they all birds?”

She shook her head. “Anything. Bird, mammal, insect, even a wolf.” She giggled at the shocked look on his face.

Tore couldn’t believe what he was hearing, they had so much more in common than he’d thought. No wonder she hadn’t freaked out when she saw his wolf. His transitioning seemed unremarkable compared to hers.

“But I can’t do it like you. For you, I believe it’s a metamorphosis but me I’m human. It’s….” she searched for a phrase to describe what it was. “It’s a sort of magic,” she finished.
 

“Magic?”

“Um, kind of. It’s complicated. Hania has tried to explain it to me. My people have the ability to use an ancient skill. Some humans have psychic tendencies or photographic memories. My people have an inherited gift. We can pull images, and sometimes power, from nature. We adopt and harness it as our own.”

Tore pondered on the nuances, “So you’re born with this?”

“Yes, though it’s not usual for it to be passed down from generation to generation. For those that inherit the capability, it takes years to perfect and hone those skills. A child born with this might show early signs of the ability but won’t know how to control it. They could stumble upon it, like changing into animals when using their imagination. Sometimes if they want to hide, they blend into their environment and disappear. These skills, if not harnessed or trained, can be unreliable. Some forget how to use them or the ability becomes dormant as the child gets older. Untrained children use these skills like a mask. It is little more than a theatrical trick they perform. But if mentored, their abilities develop into something more sophisticated. They learn to call on it at will. As their control grows, they look like the creatures they mask themselves as and adopt their strengths and skills. They become that creature.”