—
April
—
Coast to Coast
: Carrying the puck from deep in your own defensive zone all the way to the opposing team’s goal.
—
Graham
My mother spent almost a
month
at Harkness helping me stay current on my schoolwork. I ended up dropping my computer programming class, but everything else got done.
Eventually, as my stamina increased, there was less for her to do. So, in mid-April, the morning after taking Rikker and I out for a nice steak dinner, she flew home to Michigan.
For the first time in fifty-three years, the Harkness hockey team had made it all the way to the Frozen Four. This time, I rode the bus to Boston with the team. And I watched from VIP seats as my teammates eked out a win over North Dakota. And then promptly got their asses handed to them by the Minnesota Gophers.
Watching the loss of the national championship game was heartbreaking. On the other hand, it was our most winning season ever. And apparently, the hockey alumni gave more money to the school’s endowment than any other year in history.
So at least somebody at Harkness won.
Now the world’s longest hockey season was finally over. All that was left was the end-of-the-season surf ‘n turf party that Coach always threw. On a sunny Sunday around noon, I walked out of the Beaumont Gates with Bella and Hartley. We were supposed to clear the last few items out of our lockers, and then head over to Coach’s house together.
I didn’t have any stuff in my locker, obviously. It had all been cleared out for Bridger. But I tagged along anyway, following my friends to the rink.
The first thing I saw when I walked back into the locker room was Rikker.
Eight months ago, I’d been sent into a tailspin by the sight of him. This time, he was a sight for sore eyes. Rikker sat on the bench in front of his locker, pulling his phone out of his pocket. But instead of looking up at me, he frowned.
Rikker put the phone up to his ear. “Hey,” he said. “I saw that you called, but I’m kind of…”
Whomever was on the other end of the call must have interrupted him. Because Rikker’s mouth closed into a grim line. And then I watched the color drain from his face. The phone slid out of his hand, clattering onto the bench beside him. Then Rikker hunched forward, his free hand covering his eyes.
One second later I was across that room, grabbing the forgotten phone. The display said SKIPPY on it. And the thin sound of a voice was coming from the speaker. “Rik? Rikky, are you there?”
“Hey,” I said into the phone. “Skippy?” I sat down beside Rikker. “What the hell happened?”
“Who is this?”
“Mike Graham,” I said.
There was a beat of silence. “I had some bad news for Rikker. Can you get him to talk to me?”
I took another look at my boyfriend. He was staring at the floor with unseeing eyes. If I had to describe him in one word, I would have chosen “catatonic.”
My chest got tight. “Skippy,” I prompted. “Just tell me what’s the matter.”
He sighed into the phone. “Rikker’s Gran collapsed after church this morning. They took her away in an ambulance.”
“No!”
“Yeah.”
In my head, I was chanting it again.
No. No. No
. She had to be okay. She just had to. “Where is she now?”
“Fletcher Allen, I’m pretty sure. It’s the big hospital up here.”
“Uh, okay.”
Fletcher Allen
. I didn’t even have a pen. I looked around, and Hartley was standing beside me. “Can you… I need something to write on.” He turned on a heel and walked off. “Okay, Skippy. Does Rikker know how to get there?”
“Yeah, he’ll know where it is. And I’m going over there now to see what I can learn.”
“How did you hear about this, anyway?” I had a wild hope that maybe Skippy was just wrong. Rikker’s Gran was just about the heartiest old lady I’d ever met.
“My mom was there at church. She called the ambulance. This only happened like a half hour ago. Mom sounded pretty shaken up.”
Damn
. “All right,” I swallowed. “I’m going to find a car. And it will take us about… three-and-a-half hours of driving time. Maybe four.” In my panic, I couldn’t remember how long it had taken us to drive it at New Year’s.
“I’ll call you when I hear something.”
“Thanks,” I said, uselessly. I ended the call, thinking only about the fact that I needed to borrow some wheels. Who had a car?
I looked up then. And every guy in the locker room was staring at me. At
us
, actually. Because Rikker was still curled into himself. And my free arm was on his back, my palm on his neck, my fingers in his too-long hair. It wasn’t sexual. But it wasn’t how you touch a teammate. It was the touch you gave your boyfriend when his world was splitting in half, and there wasn’t anything you could do to stop it.
For a long second, I just went still. It occurred to me that I could jerk my hand off of Rikker. Any other day, I would have done just that. But for once in my sorry life, there were more important things to worry about. So I took a long breath in through my nose, and left my hand right where it was. “We need to borrow a car,” I said. “We have to get to Vermont. Like, yesterday.”
The deep silence lasted a little longer, until Bridger McCaulley broke it. “My girlfriend has a car. But I’ll have to find her and get the keys.”
I stood then, ready to take him up on it. And I moved my hand to the top of Rikker’s head, my fingers in his soft hair. Until now, I’d failed Rikker at every opportunity. But not today. His grandmother had said that her years with him were a joy. She was practically
bursting
with pride for him. I could do that, too. I could stand here, claiming him as someone who mattered to me. It was really the least I could do.
“You can take mine,” someone said. I turned to see Trevi fishing a set of keys out of his pocket. “And I’m parked right behind the rink.”
“Thanks, man.” I let go of Rikker only so I could catch the keys as he tossed them.
“I’ll walk you out there,” Trevi said, heading for the door.
I bent over Rikker, still feeling eyes on my back. “Come on, Rik. Let’s go see her.” I squeezed his shoulder.
Numbly, Rikker stood up and walked out after Trevi. He’d left his duffel bag on the floor.
At some point Hartley had come back with a pad and a pen, which I no longer wanted. “What’s the problem?” he asked as I hoisted Rikker’s bag onto my shoulder.
The locker room was still listening to every word I said. “Rikker’s grandmother in Vermont — that’s where he lived after his parents kicked him out. She collapsed today. We don’t know why.”
“His parents
kicked him out?
” Hartley sputtered. “Like, permanently?”
“Pretty much. Gotta run.” I left the locker room without so much as a glance back over my shoulder.
Trevi drove a Volkswagen Jetta in cherry red. “Thanks, really,” I said when he showed us his car. “I’ll take good care of her.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Minutes later, Rikker and I were speeding up the interstate. For a hundred miles, he said almost nothing. He sat in the passenger seat beside me, his eyes on the road. During the long stretch on highway 91, I reached over to palm his thigh. And he took my hand absently, holding on to me with dry fingers. I didn’t know what was going through his head. I only knew that it wasn’t good.
“Where does your uncle Alan live?” I asked at one point. Because we really needed to call him. “Somewhere near Atlanta, right?”
“Yeah.”
As we drove through Central Massachusetts, I felt Rikker’s phone vibrate in my back pocket. Since I was driving, I ignored it. If the news was really dire, they’d call back. And there was no way to get him there any faster, anyway. But as we crossed into Southern Vermont, the phone began to vibrate again. So I pulled off the highway in Brattleboro, stopping at a gas station. I set the gas nozzle to fill Trevi’s tank, and then I took a look at Rikker’s phone.
There were two text messages from Skippy. The first one had read:
I’m @ the Fletcher Allen ER waiting room. No news yet
. The recent message said:
She’s alive but unconscious. Being treated for stroke
.
I replied:
Thx. Just hit VT border. -MG
Ducking back into the car, I took a look at Rikker. His head was tipped back on the headrest, staring at the windshield.
“Rik?” He turned to look at me, but his eyes were blank. As if I could see right through him. “Skippy texted that she’s alive, but unconscious.”
My boyfriend swallowed roughly. “Okay. We’re not too late.”
I’d never heard Rikker sound so vulnerable. And if his Gran died, I was going to be really hacked off at the universe. I crawled forward a few inches and captured the side of his face in my hand. “We’re not going to be too late. Come on, now.”
He sighed. “She’s only seventy-six. I’m not ready.”
There was a lump in my throat now about a mile wide. And I couldn’t even blame my concussion. “This could turn out fine.”
He knocked his head back against the headrest. “If she goes, I have nobody left. That’s it.”
Something shifted in my gut, and not in a good way. I leaned all the way over to him now, catching the back of his neck in my hand. “That is just not true. I know she’s special, and I hope she lives to be a hundred. But you are
not
alone. You hear me?”
His eyes shifted in my direction, and for a split second I saw him emerge far enough from his misery to really read my face. So I kissed him on the forehead.
“Thank you,” he said. “For…” he waved his hand toward the steering wheel.
“It’s nothing.” I heard the gas pump click off. “You need anything?” I pointed at the store. Because I was basically starving to death.
“Just need to get there.”
“You got it.” I hopped out to replace the gas cap. Food could wait.
I accelerated up the on-ramp again, marveling at my own stupidity.
You need anything?
That was the question I’d just asked Rikker. Today, for once, I really meant it. Too bad it took a freaking tragedy to extract my head from my ass.
The headache kicked in around White River Junction. And by Montpelier, it was fierce. “How fast can I drive this stretch?” I asked Rikker. I hadn’t seen a cop in a good long time.
“Eighty,” he said without hesitation. “They don’t patrol very hard. Just watch those U-turn spots in the median. Slow down for the ones that are blocked by trees.”
I kept our speed up, and I tried to ignore the pressure along my brow line. Rikker grew agitated as we approached the Burlington area. When his foot tapping started making me crazy, I reached over and settled a hand on his knee.
“Sorry,” he sighed.
There was nothing I could do but drive and give his leg a squeeze. No more texts had come through, either.
“You want exit fourteen,” Rikker said eventually.
Yes, yes I do
. The last five miles seemed to take forever. But then we were finally pulling into a big parking lot, and then jogging on stiff legs toward the E.R. doors.
Inside, Rikker charged toward a desk, although there were too many other people waiting in front of it. Abruptly he changed course, veering into the waiting area. I spotted Skippy with two older women, and they were waving him down.
Skippy stood up to wrap Rikker in a hug, which should not have bothered me. But there was something awfully intimate about that hug, the way he pulled Rikker’s ear close to him and began to whisper. And Rikker’s eyes fell shut, listening to whatever soothing words Skippy had to say.
It’s hard to describe how badly this ate at me. But it wasn’t a typical lover’s jealousy. The problem was that I had
never
greeted Rikker that way, and certainly not in a room full of people. It struck me how badly I wanted
my
share of that affection. I’d been missing out, and all because of fear.
Right then, a little light went on inside my thick head. I already knew that my refusal to come out had hurt Rikker. But until that moment, I don’t think I ever understood that it had hurt me, too. Because the cost of avoiding unfriendly eyes wasn’t nearly as great as the cost of forgoing even one of Rikker’s hugs.
I approached the two of them slowly, making a path between the people. And not a soul was bothered by the two men embracing on the green linoleum tiles.
When I arrived beside them, Skippy stepped back, but he held tightly to both of Rikker’s hands. “Okay, here’s what we know. If you’re going to have a stroke, you want to do it in a room full of people. She got her first CT scan about twenty minutes after she collapsed. And the window for treating a stroke with the strongest meds is something like three hours.”
“Did they give it to her?” I asked. “What’s that stuff… it breaks up clots, if you get it soon enough?”
Skippy nodded. “They gave it to her. She’s being scanned again right now.”