The Storm Inside (11 page)

My presentation hadn’t gone quite as I’d expected. I was more than prepared to sit in front of five of the academics and professors I respected most to present my thesis, but the drilling had been merciless. By the end, I was exhausted, defeated, and on the verge of tears. It didn’t matter that I’d passed or that I’d answered every question.

My brain was mush and my body was done. If I’d run a marathon I wouldn’t feel that exhausted. The only thing I cared about was finding somewhere to collapse.

I pulled into my drive and wasn’t surprised to see two legs sticking out from beneath the Orange Beast. Jake had suddenly gone nuts on the Bronco, taking her apart and replacing her piece by piece. I didn’t know exactly what was driving his sudden need to renovate, but it was something. And I had a sneaking suspicion it had everything to do with his father.

It was the only subject Jake was still reluctant to talk to me about, even after three years together.

“Hey baby!” he called from somewhere underneath the hunk of metal.

I paused beside where I estimated his chest would be, plopped my bag down onto the concrete, and sank down. I would normally care about my nice suit, it was rare I got to wear clothes that made me feel so grown up, but at the moment the only thing I cared about was making eye contact with my boyfriend.

I laid out on the hard concrete and turned my head. He was smiling and covered in grease. In one hand he held a wrench and in the other he was holding some sort of bolt. He looked right at home.

The minute he saw my face, he froze, “Didn’t it go well?”

I sighed, “It went fine. But it was brutal. I think I need to cry.”

He pushed and rolled out from beneath the beast and a second later he was holding himself above me in a push-up. His strength always surprised me for someone so lean. He dropped first one, then two kisses delicately onto my lips. “If it went fine, then why do you look so defeated?”

His green eyes earnestly searched mine and that was when I realized Jake wasn’t just covered in grease, he was covered in bruises. I sucked in a sharp breath, “You went home?”

He closed his eyes and rolled onto the concrete beside me. The evening sky wasn’t too bright, but the puffy white clouds were still an intense contrast. He was quiet for a long minute and I knew he was gathering his thoughts. I’d learned the hard way to give Jake a minute. And space.

“Mom called and said she needed help with the stove. I thought I’d be in and out before he got home from work.”

“But?”

“But he came home early. It’s like the asshole knows when I’m home.”

I swallowed down the freak-out boiling up inside me. The fact that Jake could stand his life at home was beyond me. I was just grateful he lived here with me and only went home when he had to.

“Jake…” I sighed as I rolled up onto my side.

His eyes darted to meet mine. “She’s my mom. I can’t say ‘no’ when she calls.”

I closed my eyes against the pain for just a moment, then studied the soft bruises that marred his beautiful skin. It wasn’t too bad. A faint black eye, a small welt on his chin, and a few bruises appearing on his arms and body. I couldn’t resist the urge to trace my fingers along their edges, wishing I could somehow take away the pain with my touch. But I also knew the real damage was inside. Those punches had come along with words. Horrible, hateful words that would change Jake for the next week. It always took around seven days for him to fight back to the surface.

He cupped my cheek, “Forget about it. We were talking about you.”

“My problems aren’t problems. They’re silly.”

He grabbed my chin and jerked so that I was forced to look into his eyes. “Don’t ever say that, Eve. Our problems are different, this isn’t a contest.”

“I didn’t mean it like that…”

He shook his head and pulled me down onto his chest, “You did. You meant my problems were more important than yours. And that’s bullshit. Your problems are your problems, and I want to know all about them.”

I sighed and burrowed into the comfort of his chest. It was my favorite place in the world. “It was brutal. It didn’t stop the whole hour. I think they asked me about every single aspect of the project. They delved into my background research and my projections. By the time I was done I just wanted to run away and cry.”

He stroked my hair softly, over and over as we lay in the driveway between our cars. “So cry. You just accomplished something that took you a hell of a lot of time and effort. You should be proud. And it is alright to be overwhelmed and exhausted, baby.”

The tears trickled out of the corner of my eyes and onto his bare chest. His hand kept moving through my hair and up and down my back. His deft movements were the only thing that ever brought me that kind of peace. I had never thought of myself as a particularly tactile person before Jake, but he loved to touch and feel so much that I quickly discovered how much I loved it too. At least when it was Jake.

He comforted me, then I comforted him. He left the Bronco in pieces while we went inside and got lost inside each other.

I hated how unfair life was to Jake. I hated life had torn us apart.

Reality was stupid.

I watched Jake handle the Orange Beast as we glided down the interstate. I struggled to rectify the boy I knew with the man sitting beside me. I knew him, but I didn’t. I wanted him, and I wanted nothing to do with him. Every minute near him I felt my heart breaking all over again.

It was heart breaking because I still loved him. I would always love Jake, I knew that. It didn’t mean I could ever be
in love
with him, though. Those were two totally different things.

He glanced at me sideways and smiled, “Get out of your head, darlin’. Ask me something else.”

I asked him question after question, slowly getting to know the man Jake had become. He answered everything without hesitation. Somewhere along the way I began to feel comfortable, like I’d slipped on an old t-shirt.

It was that easy, false comfort that lead to my demise.

***

We made the beautiful drive over the causeway from Fort Myers to Sanibel Island, the pelicans diving as we passed, the boats lazily drifting beneath us in no hurry to get anywhere. This was my home. Time moved at a different pace here. When you drove through the tollbooth, transitioning from mainland to island, you left the real world behind.

The air was different, the light was different, the sounds were different… I always felt the strangest sense of calm wash over me as we turned off the causeway onto the main drag and glided under the tree canopy. Hurricane Charley had done it’s best to ruin that, but time moves forward even if you can’t feel it; the trees growing back and erasing the scars of Mother Nature. We enjoyed the ride down the island in silence making the slight transition from Sanibel to Captiva. The beaches here were white sand and the waves were low. Because of the unusual orientation of the islands, high tide would leave behind treasure troves of seashells and there always seemed to be a slight breeze.

Our house was on the backside of the island—it was even calmer there. A large main house sat back from the shore, but four smaller houses lined the edge of the beach.

The four smaller guesthouses were assigned to my sisters and our friends. It was there my friends and I would be staying this weekend. We were not allowed inside my parent’s home unless it was absolutely necessary, it was their line of privacy and one I rarely crossed.

Behind the main house was a massive outdoor kitchen and patio that gave way to the wide, white sand beach and the dock that stretched out into the shallow water. Two boats and two jet skis were moored to the dock and we’d be on those in less than an hour. I could barely contain my desire to be out on the water. It was a raw need at this point.

Jake parked in the gravel drive, an enormous grin plastered to his handsome face. It was so large and so genuine I couldn’t help but smile, too. “Welcome back.”

“Thanks.”

I felt like I knew him better now that he’d given me free reign to quiz him, but it didn’t do anything to dispel the frantic nervous fear racing through my veins. It just confused me more. This new and improved Jake was amazing. He was sweet and cocky and confident. He seemed like the world was at his feet.

He seemed safe and inviting, a man I could trust and allow to see all the screwed up parts of me without judgment. But I felt that way about the old Jake and look what he had done to me.

The difference, I realized, was the man himself. The new Jake was, at his core, seemingly unflappable. That unwavering strength was the difference. If Jake really had become strong from the inside out, then he was really and truly someone I could learn to trust again.

But I wasn’t convinced. And
that
was the problem. I didn’t know what it would take to convince me or even if I could be convinced. That level of trust may be a one-time thing, once it’s gone it can never be recovered.

Jennie and Andrew pulled up behind us and if it was possible, they looked even more in love than they did last night. They were falling hard and fast, there were no two ways about that.

I felt a pang of jealousy watching them. They were falling in love so effortlessly. There wasn’t a dreadful childhood to overcome or the pain of betrayal to work through.

They were simply two people falling in love. What would Jake and I look like if we had only just met? Would we be falling in love just as effortlessly? Would I be able to simply love him for the man he was now and not the man who left me?

His lips were at my ear, “Don’t.”

I looked up at him with surprise. He couldn’t possibly know what I was thinking, and yet when I looked up at him and saw the depth of regret in his eyes, I knew that he was feeling the same longing I was. “Don’t what?”

His eyes bored into me, “Don’t wonder. We aren’t them and we never will be. It won’t make it hurt any less.”

He turned and followed the path down to the guesthouses leaving me behind with my thoughts.

Regret, I realized, was a powerful thing.

Rum drinks and beer were out and being consumed in record time, as were the appetizer plates we found in the outdoor fridge. Once the sound system came on and the next car arrived, the party really took off.

There was the expected excitement as Jake caught up with everyone. He was the center of everything and I was glad. It gave me a chance to hide on the edges.

It also gave me an opportunity to observe.

I was a truly excellent eavesdropper. I’d used my powers to gather all kinds of useful information over the years.

I couldn’t help myself; there was just so much I needed to learn about this man.

He was sitting around the empty fire pit laughing with Sylvia and Ricardo, drinks in their hands, relaxing. All three of them looked different. We were at that age… life was stressful. Jobs were demanding more and more and I knew from some quiet, intimate conversations with Sylvia that the struggle to have children was straining her relationship with Ricardo. Even the happiest couples had troubles.

It was really nice to see them all smiling.

“What the hell have you been doing for ten years, man?” Ricardo asked.

Jake shook his head and took a long drag of his drink. The muscles in his arm tensed and his jaw locked in place. He didn’t like having to constantly answer that question.

“Learning.”

“I’ve heard. You are making quite the splash in town.”

Jake cocked his head, “Really?”

“Really. Apparently, you’re a badass. Everyone’s talking.” He leaned and hunched his shoulders together and made his voice three octaves higher so that he sounded like a silly girl, “He’s hot and rich and fantastic!”

“Now here I thought you were going to say something useful…”

Ricardo straightened back up, “Well, they are. But the word around the golf course is you’re a man who knows how to handle a club.”

“We should play a round sometime…”

“I’ve got Thursday open. Lunch?”

Jake nodded thoughtfully, “You’re on.”

Ricardo squealed in his girly voice again.

I was so busy listening to their conversation I didn’t hear Andrew walk up beside me. He scared the piss out of me.

“Stalking?” his brown eyes were keen and observant as they studied me.

I was struck once again buy the realization I really liked this guy. He seemed to be a very genuine person. I never got any weird vibes from him, no alarm bells signaling Andrew was anything but a happy, successful guy.

“Sort of,” I admitted, my eyes wandering back to Jake.

A comfortable silence descended between us and I realized Andrew was the male version of me.

He was freaking perfect for Jennie.

“Jennie filled me in on the story of you and Jake. This can’t be easy on you.”

I shook my head, watching Jake laugh with Sylvia. “No, it’s surreal. I keep expecting to wake up and find this was all a very elaborate nightmare.”