The Secret Holocaust Diaries: The Untold Story of Nonna Bannister (22 page)

“I WAS CONFUSED” •
Here Nonna seems to have been grappling with anti-Semitism for perhaps the first time—another indication that she might somehow, amidst her own suffering, have been oblivious to the crisis.

Our train was approaching Lodz, Poland, and the train slowed.We continued to move at a slow pace until we came to a place where the Germans were “staging” railcars and sending the cars in different directions. The area was located out in a desolate spot where there were nothing but fields. As we approached, I could see some buildings that were situated near a large fenced-in area, with the fences being nine to twelve feet high. There was a double fence running through the center of this large fenced area. One side of the compound was where the Jews were being held, and on the other side the people from the East (Poles, Ukrainians, Russians, and others) were held for staging.

Our train had separated from a railcar loaded with Jews, and we were just sitting there, still hooked up to the locomotive engine. It was late in the afternoon, and the weather was cold and rainy. The Germans were very active—stirring around the area as if they were in a hurry to complete their mission. They had a lot of SS dogs alongside of them. There was a railroad track running into the fenced area where the Jews were held, and an adjacent track running into the area where the people from the East were being staged.

Our car sat there; we could hear the activity outside, and we knew that there were a lot of soldiers and SS men scurrying about. The dogs were barking, very excited with all the activity that was taking place. The Germans slid our railcar door open about eighteen inches or so and fed us a piece of bread, and they gave us some water in some kind of old rusty metal cups. The bread was dark in color, and it was just a chunk, as if the dough had been spooned onto a pan and baked. It certainly did not look good. As the Germans were feeding us, my attention was drawn to a railcar loaded with Jews. Their railcars did not have doors, but had iron bars across the door opening.

My attention was caught by a small boy who was standing inside the car, with his mother holding him by his thin little shoulders. He had his frail little arm sticking out through the bars and was making a begging motion with his little hand. As I looked at him, he was not much more than a skeleton, and his head seemed to be larger than normal. His eyes were deep set in his head and appeared to be very large. My attention was drawn to this little boy, and while I knew that there were a lot of things happening, I stared at this young boy and his skinny little hand begging.

I decided that I was going to give my bread to this young boy, but I needed to get out of our railcar and sneak over to where I could hand it to him through the bars of his car door.

I slid through the opening in our door and down to the ground. The Germans were very busy, and if they saw me, they didn’t say anything. I ran over to the Jewish railcar and handed the chunk of bread to this young boy, who was murmuring something that was barely above a whisper. I knew that I had to hurry back and get into our car, but just as I turned around, the Germans were rushing toward the Jewish car along with their dogs, and they were shouting, “
Raus, raus!
”

As they unloaded the Jews from their car, I was caught up in this large group of people. A German soldier pushed me into the crowd and said, “If you want to feed them—join them!” The Germans were using large sticks and the dogs to herd this crowd of people toward a large field, and I was trapped in this rush of people and was being herded along with them. I was scared, and I kept looking back at the car where Mama and the other people were. However, the Germans continued to push, directing this large group of people toward that large field. As I looked back, I saw this little boy and his mother just a couple of feet away, and he was still clutching the chunk of bread in his little hand.

The German soldiers and the SS men were driving the crowd toward this open field where we could see a few Jewish men digging a large ditch. It started to rain, and everyone was running to keep ahead of the German soldiers and their dogs. Everyone seemed to know that we were going to be executed but did not dare to stop or try to escape. When we got to the ditch, the Germans made the crowd separate and line up in front of this large ditch that had been dug by the Jewish men. The little boy grabbed me and pulled me in front of him. His mother was clinging to his skinny little shoulders as they tried to stay together. The Germans started at the other end of the large ditch and made the men who had dug the ditch strip off all their clothing and stand there naked. All that I could think of was, “How did I end up here?” I was thinking of Mama back at the railcar, knowing that she was frantically looking for me.

Then the Germans began to shoot those poor people—one by one in the back of their heads, and they just toppled over into the ditch. They moved down the line of Jews, shooting them with their pistols—the shots sounded more like large firecrackers than guns. However, everyone knew what was coming—and as the Germans were three people away from this little boy and his mother and me, he grabbed me and gave me a heavy push into the ditch, which was now a muddy mess, a mix of mud and the blood of those who were being executed.

I landed facedown in this mess, with my head, face, and body covered in this bloody mud. It seemed like just a moment, but I heard this little boy’s mother scream, “Nathan!” as the Germans shot both of them. Nathan’s body landed on top of me and he did not move—his little body did not have much weight, so I lay there very still. I was afraid to move—even a little finger. I had turned my head so I could breathe before Nathan landed on top of me, and I lay there for what seemed to be an eternity before I opened my eyes after the shooting stopped and the German soldiers had moved away from the ditch.

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Nathan’s body lying on top of me, still with the little piece of bread clutched in his little hand. I knew that Nathan and his mother were dead, and I was not sure if I was dead or alive. I could not feel any pain, but as I lay there, I realized that Nathan had saved my life by pushing me into the ditch just before the Germans shot. By doing this, he had saved my life before his frail little body fell on top of me and covered my body.

I continued to lie there for a long time, listening to every little noise. I could hear some talking not too far away; it sounded like a bunch of drunken men singing and cursing. It was dark, and I had heard about the reputation of the Germans to execute people just at dusk. However, with the rain and the heavy clouds, I could not tell what time it really was. I continued to lie there until I decided that I must get out of the ditch somehow and get back to Mama. I prayed that she was still there. I decided to move my fingers to see if there was anyone watching the ditch.

After a few minutes, all was still quiet, and I started to crawl to a place where I thought I could climb out of the ditch. But whenever I tried to climb up the ditch bank, I would slide backward into the blood and the mud. I continued to try to find a way out of the ditch—over and over again, I would slide backward. My face and body were covered with this heavy mud, and my head felt like a heavy ball. I finally found a spot where a small bush was hanging over the ditch. I grabbed a limb of the bush, but the limb was covered with sharp thorns. I broke the thorns off one by one until I could grab the limb and climb out of the ditch. I cleaned my eyes of the mud, but I heard some talking far away. I found a puddle of rainwater and tried to clean up as much as possible. I continued to hear the talking and decided to hide behind some bushes in case the Germans decided to return to the ditch.

By then it was nearing dawn—I could see the horizon begin to lighten up a little bit. When it became light enough, I started to walk to a wooded area near the field, thinking that it would be safer walking through the woods rather than across the field. I knew I had to walk back in the direction that the Germans had [taken] us. As I was walking through the woods, I saw two German soldiers standing there talking to each other, and again, I didn’t know whether to hide or to just keep walking. The soldiers saw me, and one of them came over and asked me what I was doing out in the woods at that time of the night, and I told him that I was lost from my mother and was trying to find her and get back to her. He told me to continue going toward the buildings way up ahead—he did not try to stop me, so I continued to walk in that direction.

When I got closer to the fenced area, I saw Mama standing by the fence looking toward me, but the next problem was for me to find a way to get inside the fence where Mama was. There were two SS men there. I was afraid that if they saw me they would shoot me or sic the dogs on me, so I decided to squat down by the fence and wait until I could slip through the gate. The SS men opened the gate to let the dogs out. Their attention was drawn away from my direction, and I slipped through the gate and ran to where Mama was standing. I know that Mama and I were in shock. She grabbed me and held me tightly. We sat there on the ground, cold and shaking—not a word was spoken between us.

32: The End of the Line

When Mama and I got over the shock of my near-death experience, we fully realized that our lives were very much in danger. We would have to be extremely careful, and we would have to stay close to each other at all times. Finally, the Germans had put the train loaded with Eastern Europeans back together and continued the train on its way to Germany. We all knew that we were on the final leg of our journey from our homes and our families to work in the slave labor camps in Germany. The train was moving at a fast rate of speed, as if it were in a hurry to deliver us to our destiny in the labor camp.

When we reached the border between Poland and Germany, the train was stopped, and we were met by hundreds of Nazi SS men who were awaiting the train. The SS men ordered everyone to get off the train and to line up in columns of twos. They made us carry our luggage or whatever we had on the train, and Mama and I stayed together as the SS men started to march us across the border, where there were trucks loaded with barrels of soup.

Each of us was given a rusty-looking metal container that was filled with a brew that smelled like bad cabbage, with bits of carrots and maybe cabbage leaves in the soup. We were given a chunk of dark bread, and we were allowed to eat while sitting on the grass. After we had finished eating, the SS men ordered everyone back into the columns of twos, and we started marching.

Everyone was wondering where we would end up. After we marched for several hours, they let us stop and go into the bushes and then rest for a few minutes—then start marching again. This went on all afternoon, and my little feet were so very tired, and my legs felt like they were cramping up. All the women were so very tired and weak, but the Germans made us continue to move. My shoes were too small for me. Mama had cut out the toes of my shoes, but they were still uncomfortable.

At dusk, we reached a spot where the Germans told us that we would stop for the night and ordered everyone to gather in a huge group so they could guard us. We were all bone tired; we just huddled together in an attempt to stay warm, since it was the fall and the nights would get quite cold. I suppose that we all got some sleep by leaning against each other, and somehow we made it through the night. Early in the morning, before daybreak, we awoke to the sounds of motors from a bunch of trucks coming our way. We were loaded onto those trucks in groups until there was standing room only, and the trucks took off—each one loaded with as many people as it would hold. Mama and I held on to each other so we would not get separated, because no one knew where they were taking us.

Soon we reached a place in a field that was fenced in with a tall fence, and there were a few buildings located inside. Once there, they made us all unload from the trucks, and they ordered us to line up our luggage or suitcases next to a fence inside the compound.

LUGGAGE •
Because these women were headed to a labor camp—not an extermination camp (a killing center), like the Jewish passengers—they were allowed to keep their luggage. In her transcript, Nonna did not always make the important distinction between the types of camps.

We were kept there for about ten days while the Germans deloused everyone. They shaved many of the women’s heads and made them shave under their arms and even their groin area. Then they came by with a bucket of liquid and painted this solution over our naked bodies with a paintbrush—then everyone was given a physical exam to check for any diseases.

The SS men were there with the dogs, guarding the barracks and the area inside and outside the fences. The barracks did not have any mattresses, and we were told that we were to sleep on a cot made out of boards. They told us not to leave the area of the barracks, and especially not to go near the tall outside fences, since these were electrically charged and we would be electrocuted if we touched them. They fed us soup and bread, but there was no work to be done, so we spent our days waiting for whatever was to come. We were all praying that we would not be sent to the concentration camps. They took away all our clothes and gave us a uniform made with stripes so that no one could possibly escape. The Germans gave everyone cloth badges to stitch on the outside of the uniforms. The people from Russia and the Ukraine were given badges that read
OST,
which means “east.” The Polish people were given badges that had a large
P,
which stood for “Polish.” They gave us a needle and thread and told us that the badges must be worn where they could be seen at all times.