The Rules Regarding Gray (27 page)

“Wouldn’t it be great if I could answer that question,” Gray remarked as she stared down at her wrapped foot. “He said he wants to spend time alone with me when he returns.” She glanced over at Anna just to see cocked eyebrows.

Anna hummed in contemplation. “Pause this. I’m starving, and since I’m skipping practice this afternoon, we’re having lunch.”

They ended up at a small bistro downtown with sidewalk seating, and as Anna sat across from her stuffing her mouth, she smirked. “So it sounds to me like you have some work to do before Jas gets back from San Diego.”

“By ‘work’ I assume you mean… What do you mean?”

“Breaking up with Ian.”

“Ah… Well, he makes it difficult when he’s never around. I haven’t even heard from him since he left for Dallas on Sunday. But, yes,” she sighed. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Then you’re free and clear to pursue a relationship—”

“You make it sound so simple. Did you forget I happen to be infatuated with a man who prefers his relationships with women to stay on the casual level? Who also happens to be best friends with the man I’m getting ready to break up with. Oh, and let’s not forget he’s also given me no reason to think a relationship with me is what he really wants. If I break up with Ian, it won’t be because of some perceived future with Jasper.”

“I don’t believe for one moment that the demise of your relationship with Ian isn’t completely related to the introduction of Jasper into your life.”

“First of all,” she lowered her voice. “I admit things changed with Ian and I once I met Jasper, but what hasn’t changed is who Ian is. And while Jasper’s presence may have sped up my realization that Ian and I may not be so compatible, it neither alters who Ian truly is or how I ultimately ended up feeling about Ian.” She studied Anna pointedly, but then she shook her head. “Besides, Ian’s the idiot that decided it would be a good idea to encourage me to sleep with his best friend,” she muttered.

“Yeah? Well, falling in love with him is completely on your shoulders, dear.” Anna winked at her.

“Take Jasper out of the equation and it doesn’t change the fact that Ian and I aren’t a good match.”

But Anna was stuck on the fact that Gray hadn’t disagreed with her assertion that she loved the man. “You
do
love him. I knew it,” she said proudly. “You should never have a threesome again, because you’re no good at it.” She said smugly. “Leave the sex play to those more capable of dealing with such things in the future.”

Gray smirked, but that smirk fell from her lips quickly. “Like Jasper,” she commented quietly.

Anna studied her with a wrinkled brow.

“Let’s not forget this is his world as much as Ian’s I’ve been living in.” She stared at the table for a moment. “That’s a sobering thought if nothing else, and a good example of why I’d be insane to think there’s much chance at a normal relationship with him.” She smiled, but it was forced, and it was nothing more than her attempt to hide the pain of that thought.

Anna stared at her, scowling as she leveled her eyes on Gray’s. “He can’t stay away from you. He can’t stop sleeping with you. He actually spends time with you—real time. Like outside of the bedroom time with you. He’s cooked for you, carried your broken ass around, sat in a hospital waiting room for you, and he just told you he wants time alone with you—alone meaning without his best friend there calling the shots. And you think he regards you as some casual fling?”

She shrugged.

“Maybe you should talk to him about this. There’s nothing wrong with telling him you like him and you want more from him. The worst he can say is—”

“I don’t feel the same,” Gray finished for her. “That would be heartbreaking.”

“So what?” Anna asked bluntly. “Heartbreak is part of life. Don’t be afraid of it, because it can kick you in the ass whether you fear it or embrace it.”

Gray looked up the block, letting her focus wander. She wished she had Anna’s attitude. Anna was fiery, and she wore her emotions, all of them, proudly. But Gray had never felt that strong, and getting hurt when it truly mattered terrified her as much as anything in the world did.

By the time they made it back to Gray’s loft is was early evening. Anna left shortly after that and Gray spent the entire evening on the couch being lazy. At midnight, she picked up her phone, and she stared at it. She dialed, and she held her breath.

He hummed out his greeting sleepily. “Gray,” he said on a yawn.

“I woke you. I’m sorry. I thought it was early enough on the west coast.”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you called. I just had an early morning and a long day. How are you?” His voice was quiet and lazy.

“Fine. How did everything go today?”

He chuckled for a moment. “Well, I learned my grandmother was worried enough about her health that she called her lawyer when she was in the hospital and gave him strict instructions to notify my father immediately upon her death that he was no longer in her will and wasn’t welcome or allowed in her home. It did not, however, stop him from letting himself into her home before I managed to get here and start pilfering through her belongings. I had to call the police. It got … interesting. He caused a scene. It just… Where my father is, the drama is sure to follow. He’s already threatened to sue me for what he perceives to be his rightful portion of her estate.”

“Wow. That’s pretty intense,” she remarked. It was also quite sad.

“No, Gray. Intense is fucking you. This is just plain pathetic.”

She smiled. “Well, it would have been rude to say pathetic,” she replied sarcastically.

He chuckled.

“How are you doing with everything emotionally?”

“I have to say I’ve never met anyone who’s as comfortable as you at asking people to open up to her.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” he answered quickly. “It’s an amazing thing actually. One of my favorite things about you.” He took a deep breath. “To answer your question … I’m fine. I’m … still struggling to believe she could be gone. It doesn’t help I’m staying in her home, or my home depending on how you want to see it, surrounded by memories. Seems like everywhere I look I’m seeing some piece of my past.”

“When is the funeral?”

“The funeral is here in Torrey this Thursday at eleven at her church. The problem is I have no idea how to get the notice out to all her friends. I just haven’t been around for so long, and… I’m kind of at a loss as to how I’m supposed to do this. There’s just no help. She was a widow, she had no other children aside from my father, no siblings, and while there are some distant cousins, her real connections were with her friends and neighbors. I spent over two hours just pouring through her address book and calling people.”

“I wish I could help.”

He sighed. “You can. Talk to me.”

“What about?”

“You. Hearing your voice is exceptionally soothing. So just talk. How about your best memory. Tell me about it.”

She curled up on her side, pulling the throw blanket over her legs. “Umm… A few years ago, I guess. When I made principal with the company. Daniel, our director, told me, and I still remember every second of that conversation. I… I felt like I was finally getting everything I ever wanted in life. Like all the work and practice and sacrifice had paid off.”

“Sacrifices, huh? All the three-ways you never got to experience, because you were too busy walking around on your toes…”

She laughed. “Yeah.” She thought about it for a moment. “It’s easy not to see beyond those moments. In those moments, nothing else matters.”

“Yes,” he agreed.

“And
your
best memory?”

“Easy. Paying off Ian. I owed him a lot of money when we opened the bar. I had no idea how profitable it would be, and I can’t tell you how good it felt to have my name, and only my name, on the deed to Graystone. I’d never owned a damn thing up to that point. Hell, I’d never
had
a damn thing—at least not of my own. It meant something to me—just owning it. It’s sounds simple now, but for me, growing up poor, never having new clothes, never knowing where we’d live from one month to another, never believing I could be more than what I was… It meant something powerful to me.”

“That makes perfect sense. Out of curiosity, why didn’t you borrow the money from your grandmother? She was wealthy, right?”

“Easy, if not a bit ridiculous in hindsight. I felt like a huge disappointment to her, especially after I dropped out of high school and disappeared for years. I guess I just didn’t want to disappoint her again. I was worried Graystone wouldn’t be successful. I didn’t even tell her about the venture until I started turning a profit. I needed to know that… Well, in a way that she would be proud of me. I’d put her through so much, and I didn’t want this to be a worry for her.”

She hummed. “I can understand that. How about your worst memory?”

“There’s an order to this conversation, Gray, and you just broke it. You first.”

She swallowed, taking a deep breath. Honesty. It was required, but fuck she hated this one. “Okay. I had this momentary lapse of judgment when I was in high school. A couple friends asked me to go to a party, and I’d said no. But then I got into an argument with my mom, and I decided … fuck it. My friends went out all the time. I was going to go out too. The party was basically just a drunk fest, and a couple guys were hitting on me. Just flirting. There was one in particular though who I just thought was beautiful. The other one seemed far nicer. Friendly. But I wanted the handsome one, or so mildly drunk Gray thought.”

She chuckled quietly, hating that she was actually going to say this out loud to him. “At some point the handsome one turned to the friendly one…” She cleared her throat. “…and said ‘fugly?’” He was talking about me while I sat right there. The nice one disagreed with him. And I sat there trying to figure out how to deal with it, feeling so pathetic and stupid. I didn’t get angry. I was too embarrassed. I didn’t say anything at all because I was so humiliated. I just sat there like an idiot.”

He exhaled deeply. “What did you end up doing?”

She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. She cleared her throat again. “I let the handsome one finger fuck me in a bedroom.” She was silent for a moment, and he said nothing either. “And when I looked in the mirror the next morning, hung over and my mascara on my cheeks, I hated myself in a way I’ve never felt before.” She brushed a tear away, covering the mouthpiece as she sniffed her nose.

He took a deep breath, and he let it out slowly as she listened. “What I wouldn’t give to find that man, tear his cock off, and shove it down his throat,” he muttered. “You’re absolutely stunning, Gray.”

“But it doesn’t really matter, does it? It was never about what he thought. It was about what I was willing to think about myself. It’s amazing the damage people can do to us when we let them. Why did I let him?” she mused.

“You were young.”

“Would it be any different today?”

“I don’t know,” he said gently. He was silent then, and she was too.

But after a while of letting that silence stretch out, she smiled again. “Your turn.”

“Okay. You remember the story Ian told you about my dad showing up at my school and picking me up in the middle of football practice?”

“Yes.”

“The most difficult and painful thing I’ve ever had to do was go back to school a week later. It was humiliating.” He clammed up a bit then, going silent as she waited for more.

“Why?”

“When he pulled up, all the kids thought he was so fucking cool. He had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and he sauntered over to me. And I’ll admit I was so excited. My dad had never, not once, come to get me like that. But there he was, acting as if he actually wanted to see me, acting like I’d always wanted him to act. Like a parent.

“But things changed fast. He didn’t have any money, no food, we literally lived out of his car for days. I stole food from a gas station one morning, because I was so hungry. But I was also so fucking stubborn and proud, and I refused to call my grandmother, because she would never condone my choice to go with him. I didn’t go home until he beat the shit out of me one night.”

She was wiping tears away again, and she pinched her lips tightly closed to stop them from trembling.

“Having to face the other kids after he’d beat me up, looking like my face had been run through a blender… I’ve never been more humiliated. All I could think about was how pathetically proud I’d been of him the week before.”

“I’m so sorry, Jas.”

“You’re right about the power we give people over us. I only went home because he ditched me at my grandma’s house and took off again. Sad thing is, I’d have probably stayed with him…”

“Talk about wanting to rip someone’s cock off and shove it down their throat. Am I allowed to say I hate your father?”

He chuckled. “Yes, you are.”

She smiled, not quite sure what to say at that point. She knew she needed to let him go, but God, she really didn’t want to. She finally took a deep breath. “I should let you go. I know you’re tired.”

“Not yet.”

She could nearly hear his smirk.

Chapter Twenty-Five