She pulled open the doors of her cupboard and was surprised to
find it half full. About four sets of jeans, her boots down the bottom, some singlets and work shirts. She’d always left her work clothes there ready to use when she’d come back from boarding school or uni. Most of it probably still fitted, and for a brief moment she thought about getting changed and helping Noah with the shearing.
She slipped off her high heels and walked back out to inspect the rest of the house, deliberately bypassing the first door. It was her parents’ room and she wasn’t ready for that yet. Noah’s room looked much the same, too, except he now had a double bed and all his walls were clean of his sticker collection and repainted in a lighter shade of blue. Perhaps that was Amanda’s doing?
Lara walked through the lounge room to the kitchen, flicked on the kettle and checked the freezer to see what she could make for dinner. After pulling out a small roast to defrost on the sink, she headed to the laundry and put on a load of washing for Noah. Then she sat back in her dad’s old vinyl recliner, resting her legs on the foot rest. Nothing had changed. It was as if it was 1999 and she was sixteen again. It was the same brown square-patterned lino in the kitchen and dining room, the same cream carpet in the lounge. There were small differences, of course – a dishwasher, she noticed, and the fridge and washing machine had both been updated. But otherwise it was a massive time warp. She could imagine her mum as clear as day standing in the kitchen as she wiped down the bench-top, or her dad taking off his boots by the door and leaving sweaty sock prints on the jarrah floorboards in the hallway. Tears threatened as she felt the memories engulf her. She recalled the number of times she’d crawled onto Dad’s lap in this very chair.
She stared at the high ceiling and realised the brown stain had
gone. She craned her head around, looking more closely. The ceiling wasn’t sagging in the kitchen, either. Noah must have put in a new ceiling at some stage. Lara smiled and pulled herself up out of the chair. She didn’t want to look in her parents’ room as she liked remembering it the way it was, but knew she couldn’t put it off for ever. She’d often wondered what Noah had done with their bed and the old jarrah cupboards they’d inherited from their grandparents.
Lara walked to their door, wondering for a moment why Noah hadn’t moved into this room as it was so much bigger than his. But then again, she didn’t think she could move into it, either. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open. It squeaked as it dragged against the floor. She peered around the door and her shoulders slumped as her hand went to her heart.
‘Oh, Noah,’ she mumbled. It was just as her parents had left it. Her mother’s jewellery beside the bed, her father’s shoes by the cupboard. Everything was dulled with seven years of dust, like an old photograph. Pain gripped her chest as a sob forced its way up. She couldn’t stand the sight any more. With a tug she shut the door and walked away with fresh tears.
THE back door banged shut as footsteps padded up the hallway.
‘Hey, sis. Something smells great!’ said Noah. He pulled up a chair at the table opposite the servery window.
‘Just a roast. Should be ready in an hour. Did you get the shed sorted?’ It was nearly six so Noah was in early.
‘Yeah, I’ll get up at sparrow fart tomorrow and get the next mob in. Jack said he’d stay and do some bales up for me.’
‘What? After he’s spent all day shearing?’
Noah shrugged. ‘That’s the kind of bloke Jack is.’
Lara pulled out two beers from the fridge and handed one to Noah as she sat down beside him. Noah clinked his bottle with hers. ‘Cheers.’
‘Cheers.’
‘So, I suppose you’re wondering what I needed to talk to you about?’ Noah asked.
Lara took a sip before she replied. ‘Yeah, you could say that. Is everything all right with Amanda? You two haven’t called off
the wedding, have you?’
Noah ran a hand through his hair and leant back in his chair. ‘No, nothing like that. It’s about Erindale.’
‘What about Erindale?’ she asked, as her pulse began to quicken.
‘There’s no easy way to break the news so I’ll just come right out and say it. Lara, I want to sell the farm.’
Lara felt short of breath as she clutched the end of the table. ‘Pardon?’
Noah sighed and put his beer down. ‘Look, Amanda doesn’t have any brothers and her dad has offered his farm to us eventually. It’s a big farm, Lara, with cattle, and I want to do that with Amanda. I don’t want to drag her here to Erindale, away from her family. And I don’t have any family here.’ He paused and they both felt the silence weigh down on them. ‘So it makes sense for me to move. Amanda’s farm is much bigger, and quite frankly, I never really wanted to run this place anyway.’ Noah scratched at his scruffy hair. ‘You know how much I hate sheep, Larz. It was always Dad’s dream for me to take over the farm and pass it on to my sons, but I’ve never really wanted it. I’ve dreamt of setting up cattle and I can do that with Amanda now.’ He paused, ready to drop the even bigger bombshell. ‘I want to move as soon as possible, which means putting this place on the market.’
‘But you can’t!’ Lara felt the panic shaking her and couldn’t decide whether to scream or cry. ‘This is our home. It’s all that we have left of our parents. Noah, you can’t.’
‘Larz, I felt the same way at first, but this is my chance of making a life for me and Amanda. I want to use some of the money to
build her the house she wants on the farm and set ourselves up. Plus I have a heap of debt to pay off.’
Lara shot him a glare.
‘Look, I can understand how you feel,’ he went on. ‘But you’re hardly ever here any more. Will it matter?’
She jumped out of her seat. ‘Of course it matters. This farm is our heritage, Noah!’ She paced up and down the length of the table. Just the thought of losing Erindale made her sick. She still thought of this place as her true home, even after all these years. How could Noah even contemplate selling?
‘I know that, but I have to think of Amanda and move on. You did.’
Lara winced as his words hit home. ‘Can’t we just keep it?’
‘Not if we can’t work it. I’ve thought about leasing it out.’
‘But that means someone else may live in our house – or worse, it will be left empty and go to ruin.’ She thought of the chart on the doorframe of their parents’ bedroom, the one that measured her height and Noah’s as they grew up.
Noah put his head in his hands and sighed. ‘Do you wanna stay here and run the farm, then? Because I don’t see any other option. I need some money, sis.’
‘Don’t get narky,’ she bit back. ‘Can’t you run both farms?’
‘Jesus Christ, Lara. Don’t you think I’ve been through all this? Amanda’s farm is 500 kilometres away!’ He took a breath. ‘I don’t want to sell the place without your approval, but most of it’s in my name and if I have to, I’ll sell. You’ll still have the farmhouse.’
Lara slumped back in her chair. ‘It’s not the same. We can’t split the place up.’
‘Look, Amanda will be here in the morning. Let’s talk about it some more then. I don’t want to fight with you tonight. I haven’t seen you in ages.’ Noah reached over and put his arms around Lara.
Lara rested her cheek on Noah’s hand as tears welled in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just such a shock, and coming back here is hard enough.’
‘I know.’
They embraced until all the fight left her. Lara sniffed and blinked away her tears. No point in panicking just yet. There had to be a way around selling Erindale. ‘Well, I suppose I’d better get the vegies on, then.’
‘Can I give you a hand?’
She smiled. ‘Maybe after you go wash up?’
Noah disappeared into the laundry. ‘Hey, you’re a star,’ he called out. ‘Thanks for doing the washing. I was leaving all that for Amanda.’
‘Jeez, Noah. She’s going to be your wife, not your slave!’
‘Yeah, in less than five months now. But don’t worry – she already knows what she’s in for.’ Noah stepped back into the kitchen and gave her a wink. ‘She can’t wait to see you again, by the way. Apparently she needs your measurements for your dress. I told her a hessian sack would do.’
Lara took a step towards Noah but he skirted backwards out of her reach. ‘You’ll keep, Noah David Turner!’
She set out the sweet potato, carrots and onions, and dug out the potato peeler. It hadn’t moved from the second drawer down. Nothing had moved: cups, plates, pans. Even the flour and sugar sat in the pantry in the same spot.
When Noah returned after a quick wash, he picked up a knife and started cutting up the vegies Lara was peeling. So much was happening – first Nic and now the farm, and she didn’t know how much more she could take.
‘You know, you could have cleaned my room up,’ Lara said. ‘Sheets would have been nice?’
‘Aw, sorry. Been busy with shearing.’ Noah shrugged.
‘Yeah, how long till you wear out that excuse? I mean, have you seen it?’
Noah nodded. ‘I poke my head in there every time I need cheering up,’ he laughed.
‘I can’t believe you haven’t changed anything.’ Lara couldn’t bring herself to mention her parents’ room.
‘Nothing wrong with the place. I like it like this.’
In a way, so did Lara. It still felt like home. She took a deep breath and swept her troublesome thoughts to the side. ‘So, Amanda Western, hey? You really found the right girl. How did you do it?’ she asked as a bit of carrot peel fell to the floor. ‘I can’t even find a decent guy in the city among thousands.’
Noah shrugged as he chopped down on an onion. ‘She’s a girl after my own heart. I guess it’s easier to find someone you’re compatible with out here. We both want the same things: farm, cattle, grain. Whereas you have thousands, like you say, but you know nothing about them. When I first saw Amanda bidding on a tractor at that clearing sale, I knew it was true love,’ Noah said, grinning.
‘And you do suit each other.’ Lara had met Amanda three or four times when they’d come to Perth and had liked her from the start. ‘Are you going to have kids?’
‘Of course! We need boys to take over the farm,’ Noah said. ‘Her parents are really keen and Amanda’s mum will be able to help out. It’s going to be nice having people there for us,’ he finished sadly.
Tears blurred Lara’s vision as she tried to peel a carrot. She knew just what Noah meant. It made her happy to think of him having a family again, parents who’d be there for him and Amanda. They’d been alone for so long. The closest Lara had to a parent was her mum’s older sister Carol, who lived on the coast in Albany. It was further to Albany than it was to the farm so they hardly ever saw each other. Nana Turner was also in Albany but in hospice care now, and Pop had died from an aneurism when he was sixty. Noah was all Lara had left. A sick feeling churned through her stomach at the thought of ever losing him too.
Lara put down the peeler and turned to her brother. ‘I’m sorry, Noah. I should visit more and stay in touch. I’ve been so career-focused when I should have been more family-focused.’
‘Where did that come from?’ Noah raised his eyebrow and then sighed. ‘I know. So should I. Funny how life just gets in the way and we don’t take time off from work.’
‘I know. I’ve been taking it for granted that you’ll always be here. I promise to try harder.’
Noah flashed a big smile. ‘Me too, sis.’ He finished chopping the last of the carrot and put the knife down. ‘So, what did you think of Jack?’
‘Huh?’ Had Noah seen her checking him out? Had they shaken hands for too long?
‘He’s my best man and you’re gonna be partnered with him at the wedding.’
‘Oh, okay. Really? He seems …’ She couldn’t think of the right word. Mysterious? Cheeky? Sexy?
‘Good,’ Noah cut in. ‘Because if this wedding doesn’t run like clockwork, Amanda will turn into a bridezilla, and I don’t wanna see that.’
‘She wouldn’t!’
‘Oh, you haven’t seen her with an uncooperative sheep. Does her lolly just like that.’ Noah clicked his fingers.
‘Reminds me of you!’ Lara chuckled. ‘You know, I’m really looking forward to your wedding. I’ll finally get to see Esperance. I’m guessing it’s going to be quite a swanky wedding, seeing as Amanda’s folks have a bit of money?’
Noah shrugged a shoulder. ‘I don’t know. I don’t do the details. That’s Mandy’s job. There’s a big tent —’
‘A marquee.’
Noah rolled his eyes and continued. ‘And it’ll all be catered for locally. I just asked for real food that could fill a man’s belly. But I don’t think there’ll be more than eighty guests. Most of them will be friends and Mandy’s family, given we don’t have a lot of family on our side.’
She thought of Noah on his big day with no proud parents watching tearfully. ‘I just wish …’ The rest caught in her throat.
Noah’s eyes reached out to her. ‘I know.’ He nodded and swallowed hard. ‘I know. But I’ll have you there and that’s the main thing. I’ve got you in my corner.’ He tried to smile without getting emotional. ‘So, what else needs doing for dinner?’ he asked, turning to put the scraps in the chook bucket.
‘Think that’s about it.’
‘What about dessert? Can you make me a pavlova?’ He grinned like a four-year-old.
It was his favourite and Mum always used to make it especially for him. Being back at home on the farm with Noah really was just like old times, and she was determined to make the most of it.
‘Sure,’ she said. ‘Why not?’
‘YOU bloody beauty,’ Noah said, following his nose to the kitchen. ‘Nothing better than rising to the smell of bacon and eggs in the morning, especially when I didn’t have to cook it.’
Lara was just loading it all up onto plates as he grabbed some knives and forks.
‘Jesus!’ Noah exclaimed, noticing Lara. ‘Where did you find those clothes?’
Lara looked down at her jeans and checked shirt. ‘In my cupboard. Can you believe I still fit into them?’ She fingered the hole above her knee. ‘I remember getting these caught in the barbed wire when we scaled the fence to get away from that head-butting ram.’
‘How long ago was that?’
‘My last visit to the farm …’
Before Mum and Dad died.
She couldn’t bring herself to say it but the shift in Noah’s eyes told Lara he’d heard it anyway.
‘Only problem is the soles on my boots have gone.’ She waved to her sock-clad foot.
‘No worries. There’s an old pair on the back veranda that should fit.’ He took a plate from Lara and headed to the table. ‘Cheers, Larz. This is great. So what are you doing up this early?’
‘I remembered you said you were getting up extra early to get the next mob in. Thought I’d surprise you with brekkie. What are sisters for, hey?’
Noah chopped up the egg on his bread and poured on some barbecue sauce.
‘So, seeing you’re in the work clobber, does that mean you’re going to give us a hand in the shed?’
‘I can do. Or would you rather I cook something for morning smoko?’
‘Nah. Amanda’s bringing up a heap of baked goods. But if you wanna make up some sandwiches for lunch with the left-over roast meat, I’d be eternally grateful.’
‘Yeah, sure. How many do you want?’ said Lara, biting into her crunchy bacon.
‘I’m sure I could go two rounds, or even three. You know, you can only eat so many pies,’ said Noah, who had obviously been making do with a bachelor’s diet.
Lara laughed. ‘All right. I’ll make enough for us both. Then do you want me in the shed or out in the yards? The yards might be safer!’
‘You’ll be fine in the shed. You used to throw a great fleece once. I’m sure you’ll still remember.’
Lara cringed and played with the egg yolk on her plate. ‘I hope so, but you’ll show it all to me again?’
Noah shook his head in wonder. ‘The Lara I once knew could out-rouse any shedhand and you were only thirteen.’
‘That was a
long
time ago. I think I’ve been in the city for too long.’
‘It’s like riding a bike. You’ll remember.’ He tapped his head.
She liked to think it would come back quickly. She’d really loved being in the shed as a kid and had looked forward to that time every year when Mum baked up a storm and the cut-out would last all night. ‘So what time will Amanda be here?’
Noah placed his cutlery down on his empty plate and pulled out his mobile. ‘She’ll be here in time for morning smoko. I told her not to bother getting here so early but she’s dying to spend as much time with you as she can. Anyway, thanks again for breakfast. I’d better head out and get this mob in. I’ll meet you at the shed before seven?’
Lara flicked her long plait over her shoulder as she carried the Tupperware container of sandwiches into the shed. She arrived early so she could help Noah pen up the sheep before the shearers started.
Outside the temperature was already warm and Lara enjoyed the relief of the cool shed, although she knew it would heat up inside soon enough. She found the clunky old fridge towards the back of the shed and put the sandwiches in among the beer and milk. She smiled at the chipped table and vinyl chairs that had once belonged in their house. Even their old lounge chair was in here, looking rather mangy now, with stuffing escaping through holes in the fabric. Still, the shearers preferred it to sitting on the hard wooden floor.
Lara heard the dogs barking and knew Noah was close with the
mob. She quickly headed to the pens at the other end of the shed, past the segregation bins, press and skirting table. She opened all the gates before sliding open the outside door to the ramp that the sheep would eventually come up. Lara glanced at her hands – dirty after just a few minutes. She’d had her nails done only last week.
‘C’mon. Get up!’
Noah was herding the mob closer and Lara opened the remaining gates in the outside yards. Dry dust and sheep poo rose as she walked and it settled against her skin like foundation. The sheep came towards her, pushed forward by Noah and Roy. Dippa stayed near the ute, tongue flapping after his walk. She stood back against the yard and let the sheep run past into the open pens.
‘Thanks,’ said Noah as he strolled up beside her. He swung a small branch in his hand to shoo the sheep and the flies. After Noah shut the gate they began pushing the sheep up the race into the shed.
A movement caught Lara’s eye and she turned to see Jack straddling the yards, making his way over to help. His arms flexed as he hauled his body over the fence, his long legs making it easy.
‘Morning.’ He nodded as he joined them in the pen.
‘Morning, Jack,’ she replied brightly.
Noah slapped him on the back. ‘Hey, cheers for last night.’
‘No worries. I managed to get four baled up.’ Jack pushed the backsides of two sheep in front of him.
‘I owe you a beer,’ said Noah as he nudged the sheep with the gate and shut it.
‘Or two.’
They moved into the shed, herding the sheep in further. Lara felt Jack’s eyes on her. She faced his stare, raised her eyebrows. ‘What?’
Jack’s lips curved up with the hint of a smile. ‘You just look a bit different from yesterday, that’s all. But I wouldn’t count on having those talons by the end of the day.’
Lara cursed her hands, such a dead giveaway that she didn’t belong here.
‘Don’t worry, Jack. We’ll get rid of that city filly and turn her into a bushy in no time.’ Noah gave Lara a wink. ‘Ain’t that right, sis?’
She was about to tell Noah that he was as bad as their dad, always trying to chip the city bits off her every time she came home, but she stopped herself. She didn’t want to make things awkward by mentioning their father. Her heart ached as she noticed that Noah was looking more and more like him.
‘Lara, can you put the kettle on so we can have a cuppa before we start?’ asked Noah.
She threw him a dangerous look.
‘Okay, please?’ he begged.
Rolling her eyes, she headed back towards the table and flicked on the kettle. She fished out three cups and put the tea, coffee and sugar on the table.
‘You need a cappuccino machine in here. This instant coffee is crap.’
Noah laughed and sat down. Jack pulled out a chair for her before sitting down.
‘Thanks,’ Lara said, surprised.
Jack winked and started to make his coffee. He was a strange mix. With his tattoo, mysterious dark eyes and a certain roughness, she wouldn’t have expected him to have such gentlemanly manners.
‘So, are you ready to throw some fleeces today?’ Jack asked.
‘I’ll be throwing some, just probably not that well,’ she said.
‘Jack, don’t let her fool you. She can do it. She’s just forgotten how. I give you ten minutes and she’ll have it sorted.’
‘Your faith in me is nice. Thanks, Noah.’
Ten minutes later the rest of the shearing crew arrived and started to get ready for work. Someone turned the music on and Noah introduced Lara to Nell, their rousie. Nell was the daughter of Charlie, who was shearing for them. She was a stocky girl and Lara guessed she was barely eighteen. A blue shearing singlet was stretched over her black shorts.
‘Just follow Nell’s lead and you’ll pick it up in no time,’ said Noah before grabbing a scraper to sweep the floor clean.
‘Hi, Nell,’ said Lara.
‘So, Noah’s sister, eh? Well, come on. Let’s go pick up your first fleece.’
Lara followed her, feeling rather silly getting pointers from a kid. They walked across to Jack, who was already halfway through shearing his first sheep. He glanced up at her and smiled, his emerald eyes making her shiver. His muscles were taut with lifting the sheep, and once again Lara noticed the tattoo on one arm and the scar on the other. She wondered which marking had come first.
‘Jack here’ll be the first one finished and his are easy to pick up,’ said Nell. ‘See the front legs? Gather them up and sort of fold the fleece and scoop up the back legs. Then when you throw it, hold the front legs and it’ll unfold onto the table.’
‘Yeah, righto,’ said Lara. She doubted Nell would have heard her over Dragon belting out ‘April Sun in Cuba’ from the stereo.
Trying not to look at Jack, she picked up the fleece as best she could and carried it to the skirting table. Nell had gone to pick up her father’s fleece. Noah was at the table giving her a nod, so she threw the fleece up in the air and watched it fall. It landed slightly twisted, but at least it was on the table.
‘Well? You just gonna stand there grinning like an idiot or are you going to help me skirt it before Nell plants hers on top?’ Noah asked.
Lara quickly pulled at the edges, feeling proud of her work. She even removed some skin from the fleece.
‘Ronny has a fleece to pick up,’ Nell told her as she headed back to the shearers. Lara was amazed at Nell’s quick and efficient work.
‘Hey, love. It brings back memories seeing you in the shed,’ said Ronny, waiting for her to collect the fleece before getting another sheep.
‘Only I’m a lot slower than I used to be,’ she said, laughing.
‘Ah, you’ll be right.’
Noah was right: it took about thirty minutes to get back into the swing of the shed. She even remembered to take the pizzle stain out of the belly. She felt wonderful and alive as her body tingled from the work. And the smell! Oh, how she’d missed that mixture of machine oil and the lanolin from the wool. The shed was charged with the scent of hard work. In the office the smell of sweat seemed unpleasant and out of place but here it was a sign of a job well done. When she was a kid she liked getting grease and dirt all over her, so she looked like a real farmer. It was the complete opposite to her corporate life.
With only a few minutes until morning smoko, Amanda turned
up, clad in work jeans, a grey singlet and a pair of R.M. Williams boots. She waited until Lara threw the fleece she was holding before throwing her arms around her.
‘Finally I get to see you on the farm, looking like a real farm girl.’ She held Lara at arm’s length and studied her. ‘Well, soon-to-be sister-in-law, I have to admit I like the country look on you.’
‘Ha ha. It’s great to see you too, Mandy,’ she replied, but Amanda had already spotted Noah. It was as if someone had flipped a switch. She practically ran to him and as Lara watched them kiss, she felt a wave of emotions: happiness that her big brother was getting married, but also sadness that she didn’t have the pure love that they obviously shared.
‘As sweet as you two are, I’m afraid it’s not helping to clear the fleeces,’ said Nell, whizzing past with an armful of white wool.
‘It’s all right, Nell. We’ve got an extra worker,’ said Noah, giving Amanda one last kiss.
By nine, everyone had stopped and was heading to the arrangement of caramel slice, scones and mini quiches Amanda had brought.
‘Hello, gorgeous,’ said Noah as he wrapped his arms around Amanda’s strong frame and kissed her as if he hadn’t seen her all week.
Lara pulled a face at them. ‘Fancy wanting to marry my brother!’ she said.
Amanda smiled and tucked a stray brown curl behind her ear. ‘Someone had to take him and I drew the short straw,’ she teased.
Noah smacked Amanda playfully on the bottom and headed to the food table.
‘It’s so good to see you. We’ll have to knock off early and get
your dress organised. And I brought a pair of shoes to try on – I hope they fit.’
‘Cool. Sounds like a plan. I’m so excited, Mandy. I haven’t been to a wedding since my friend Anna walked down the aisle, and that was years ago. How are the plans going? Just tell me if there is anything I can do, won’t you?’
‘It’s all sorted. You know me, chilled out and totally organised. I’ve got Mum, who’s helping far too much, if you know what I mean, and my little sister Lilly has actually been fantastic. I told her she’d make a great wedding planner.’
Jack walked past and deliberately bumped Amanda’s shoulder as he headed for the food. ‘Who let the riffraff in?’ he joked as he looked back. His gaze lingered and Lara felt like Jack’s cheeky grin was just for her.
‘Cheeky bugger, that one,’ said Amanda, then added quietly, ‘but oh so hot under that brooding exterior!’
‘Hmm, you don’t say,’ murmured Lara. Both girls admired his wide shoulders, tight butt and long legs, before Lara looped her arm through Amanda’s and headed towards the shearing crew, who were gathered around the table.
It was like having a huge family as they all shared stories and laughed while digging into the array of delicious treats. Lara struggled to keep her eyes in check as they wandered towards Jack, but she found him so refreshing – so handsome and so different to Nic. In fact, with Jack around, she forgot all about Nic.