The Reason Why (22 page)

“Forget what?”

“Your birthday,” Chino told her.

“Oh my God!” Pam exclaimed. “My birthday is coming up. With all of this going on, and I've been so busy with the shop that I'd completely forgot.”

“I didn't forget.” Chino smiled. “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Pooh, happy birthday to you!”

Pam was in tears. “Thank you, baby.”

“Don't tell me my singing made you cry.”

Pam broke into laughter. “No, baby. Your heart makes me cry. You are so good to me.”

Chino nodded toward the cupcake. “Make a wish, and blow out the candle.”

Pam closed her eyes, leaned forward, and blew out the candle.

“I wished—”

“No!” Chino said, lifting his hands. “You can't tell me what you wished for. If you do, then it won't come true.”

“Come home to me, Chino.”

“I will.” He nodded.

“Do you love me?”

“Of course.”

“Then my biggest wish has already come true.”

P
am's weekly trips to visit Chino left her more depressed than ever. She knew that she was supposed to put on a brave face so that he could keep his spirits up. And for the most part, she did. The only problem was the leaving. She had to leave him in that terrible place and come home alone. Sure, Young Mike was in and out, and she had the beauty shop to run, and Erik, her buddy from college, was always available to hang out with, but still, she missed Chino. There was nothing like eating dinner with your man, or snuggling up under the covers with him, or just having him around to talk to. She missed laughing all the time, she missed being called Pooh, and she missed seeing the smile on Chino's face. She could close her eyes and see his waves, his dimples, and his pearly whites.

Her sadness was growing exponentially by the day. Soon it would pass over that mystical demarcation line that separated sadness from depression, and she would fall into a despair that she wouldn't be able to shake. The house was growing quieter with each passing day. The walls were growing whiter, her
food was tasting blander, and her days were beginning to run together. She had to get out of the house; she desperately needed a change of scenery. It was for these reasons that she had agreed to let her friend Erik get her out of the house and take her to see a movie. Some movie with Patrick Swayze was playing. It was an action movie, but it would take her mind off her troubled life. Seeing other people in a world of trouble made her troubles seem less abundant.

Erik always made Pam laugh. He got her through some of her toughest days, waiting for Chino to come home. She considered Erik a true friend. He was someone she could talk to, someone she could relate to, particularly as there existed a side to Erik that few others on campus knew about. Erik was also a baller.

Because Erik was in the game, she could confide things in him that she couldn't to anyone else that she knew. And with Chino being her man, Erik knew that he could talk to her about things that he couldn't talk to anyone else about. They understood each other. They understood the stresses and pressures of the game, and its toll on relationships. Erik reminded her so much of Chino.

Erik knew that Chino had gotten knocked, and he knew what Pam was going through. She was his friend, and he wanted to be there for her. So he stepped to her and arranged to get her out of the house to take her mind off things.

Pam and Erik walked across campus toward BW3's. She was frustrated about Chino's incarceration, about her mother, about life in general.

“Why you letting this bullshit stress you out, Pam?” Erik asked. “You too good to be going through this bullshit. Why
you stressing and waiting on a nigga who ain't gonna be faithful to you in the end no way?”

“How do you figure that?”

“Because that nigga is a known player around town. He known for banging broads, and you not just some broad. You need to be my woman, Pam.”

“Your woman? And how will things be different?”

“'Cause I'm a good man. I'm in school. I'm getting my paper so that when I graduate, I'm gonna open my own business. Together, we can write our own ticket. Two young black college graduates with paper. We can have it our way.”

“This ain't Burger King!” Pam laughed.

“You know what I'm saying. Together, we are the perfect couple. You have your beauty shop, plus your education. I'ma have my businesses and my degree too. Pam, we can be living large together.”

“You forgot one thing.”

“What's that?”

“That I love Chino.”

“Why? That nigga is in jail, and on his way to prison. Pam, face it, he got caught with all of that dough, and that nigga Malik got caught with all of that yayo. You don't think the cops put that shit together? Plus, that fool was in a shootout in the Sticks. Man, he's hit. He's going away for a while.”

Pam started crying. “Don't say that. You supposed to be making me feel better.”

“I don't just want to make you feel better; I want to make things better for real. Pam, he's gone. Just accept that. I can make you happy. I know that I can.”

“I'm happy now . . . with Chino.”

Erik pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. “Look at us. See how we are together? We fit like hand and glove. No arguing; we both want the same things in life. Chino doesn't want anything in life but the street life. What are his prospects for the future, Pam? Is he just going to sell dope for the rest of his life? And by that, I mean once he finally gets out of jail.”

“Erik, why are you saying these things?” Pam sniffled. “I thought that you were my friend. I thought that I could come to you. I thought that out of all people, you would understand!”

“You can come to me, and I do understand. I am your friend, and that's why I can't lie to you. If that's what you want, then you've come to the wrong place. I can't lie to you. I care about you too much. Fact of the matter is, Chino is going away; you're gonna be out here all alone.” Pam wiped a tear away from her cheek. “I'll be here for you if you let me,” Erik continued. “Do you want me to be here for you, Pam?”

She nodded. “Of course. You're my friend.”

“Then I'll be here for you. You don't have to go through this alone. You don't owe Chino anything . . . absolutely nothing. He knew what the nature of the game was when he chose it. You can get locked up and killed anytime. He knew the risk, and that was his sacrifice, not yours. You don't have to sacrifice or be alone.”

Erik was getting to her. Pam felt like she needed to get away from him.

“I want to be there to hold you at night,” Erik continued. “I want to be there when you need someone to talk to. I want to laugh with you, whisper in your ear, and tell jokes to you.
We can grow old together, Pam. We can raise a family, and we can have everything that our hearts desire. We can have a vacation home in Sag Harbor and another home down south for the winter. We can have it all, baby. I can move you out of Chino's apartment and get you one of your own. Or you can move in with me.”

Pam pulled away from Erik. “I love Chino. He's my man. What kind of woman would I be if I left him when he really needed me?”

“Sometimes you have to cut your losses.”

“Sometimes you have to stand up and be strong for your man,” Pam countered. “Would you really want a woman that cut and ran at the first sign of trouble? Or would you want a woman that you knew was down through thick and thin?”

Erik nodded and listened, but he couldn't care less about agreeing.

Erik was definitely a catch, but he was a catch for someone else. She loved her Chino and would do anything for him. If she had to ride with him for a million years, she would do it. Chino was hers forever. He was her life.

Pam and Erik made it to the movies and Erik opened the door for her. “After you.”

“Thank you,” Pam told him. She stopped him before they went inside. “Erik, I just want to clear something up.”

“What's that?”

“I love Chino. I love him with all my heart, and I really like you as a friend. I don't want my friendship with you to become a problem. My heart belongs to Chino. Can you accept that and still be a true friend?”

Erik nodded. “Pam, I don't have no choice but to accept
it. I'll be there for you, but I want you to know that I'm feeling you. I want to give you a better life. I don't want you to suffer.”

“I won't,” Pam told him. “I'm tough.”

“After this, let's hit a restaurant.”

“A restaurant?”

Erik nodded. “Just to get your mind off of things.”

“That'll be cool.”

“Then it's a done deal. As a matter of fact, we can make Thursdays our official get-out-of-the-house night.”

Pam smiled. “I can work with that.”

“I'll even pay for everything.”

“You better,” Pam told him. “You're the big baller.”

Erik put his finger to his lips, silencing her. “You trying to get me a case, girl?”

Pam laughed. She was going to have fun being friends with Erik, now that the ground rules had been established. She was Chino's woman, and Erik was just her friend. And that was that.

“T
wo tickets, please,” Erik told the ticket girl. He pulled out a wad of cash and paid for the movie. “I heard that this movie was pretty good.”

“I always like C. Thomas Howell, and Patrick Swayze,” Pam admitted.

“Oh, you like them young white boys, huh?” Erik asked with a smile.

“I admit it. I like Anthony Michael Hall, Judd Nelson, River Phoenix, Molly Ringwald, Sean Penn, Emilio Estevez, and Demi Moore.”

“The whole little Hollywood brat pack,” Erik said, nodding. “I got it, you're really a white girl in black skin.”

“Uh, just because I'm open to all kinds of movies and cultural experiences don't mean that I'm a white girl. You're closed-minded for someone in college. What are you in school for?”

“I'm just teasing you, girl.”

“I like
Breakin
' and
Krush Groove
too.” Pam smiled.

“I like
Beat Street
myself.”

“Why, can you bust a move?” Pam asked.

“Girl, you didn't know?” Erik began waving his arms.

“Boy, you're silly!” Pam laughed. Erik was taking her mind off her troubles. She hadn't laughed since Chino had been locked up. It felt good to laugh and kid around again.

“Don't have me go and get the cardboard out of the trunk and bust out my funky fresh windmill, girl!”

“You do, you'll be here by your damn self!” Pam laughed. Her laughter reminded her of Chino, and so did Erik's silliness. Her thoughts of Chino suddenly made her go silent. Erik sensed the change.

“So, what's really going on, Pam?” Erik asked.

“What do you mean?”

“How are you holding up?”

Pam exhaled. “I'm doing as well as can be expected. My man is heading to prison for God knows how long. The beauty shop is a madhouse, and I just don't know what I'm going to do without Chino around to help me.”

“Everything is going to be all right,” Erik told her. “Plus, I'll do anything that I can to help you.”

“I appreciate that, Erik, but the main thing that I need is for Chino to get out. I miss him so much.”

“You just keep those prayers going up to the Man up above and everything will be all right.”

“I hope so,” Pam said. “I wish I had your confidence.”

“You got my shoulder to lean on anytime,” Erik told her. “Anytime you need to talk, anytime you need anything, you call me.”

Pam nodded. “I appreciate that, Erik.”

The two of them found the theater, walked inside, and found a pair of seats in the center. Pam was so focused on her thoughts that she hadn't noticed anyone else inside the theater.