The Power of Forgetting (23 page)

I simply stood
waiting for instructions. The transport started to move slowly. I
kept turning to watch behind as night took over the peculiar
junctions of corridors. Oliver took it very steady. We walked at an
undemanding pace. Marcia was getting regular updates through the
head sets. I could hear the tinny miniature sounding voice as Davey
and Adam spoke into their own headsets. After about ten minutes of
this I began to get the oddest sensation. It was as if someone was
following us. It wasn’t exactly creepy. More like the feeling of
being spied on. I found myself looking round for little reflections
that could indicate a tiny camera. Clearly today was proving to be
about as freaky as any could I reasonably expect to have when the
world that you inhabit is full of strange time twisting science. I
had never got used to it all. I was still reeling from the
preposterousness of us all being away for ten years in some cases;
that when it was only a few weeks. The others, if they had any of
those sorts of experiences, didn’t make a point of expressing them.
It was crazy. Davey had said that he always expects to wake up, and
for it all to be over. I guess I’d rather like that. If I had been
really dreaming it all. I dig my nails into my left wrist. Yep;
this is reality. I’d recognise it anywhere! I told you reader; how
I was going to tell you about a day you always remember. This
wasn’t it. I just lost my position, dignity; and had been reined in
by Marcia in front of everyone. I was feeling opposite; and didn’t
quite know what to make of this thing, that prickled on the edge of
my mind.

‘Do You….?’ I
said suddenly to Marcia. But she had stopped and was listening
intently.

‘What’s that?’
she hissed in a stage whisper.

‘I’ve heard it
for the last ten minutes,’ I said, ‘I thought I was imagining
things.’

Marcia looks at
me wide eyed, ‘You don’t have to think you’re being paranoid, even
if you normally are. Just tell me what you hear?’

‘It like…. A
kind of whooshing sound. An echo; or reverberation. Like in a
concert hall. But the sound is not mechanical. It’s
intermittent.’

‘Very good.’
Marcia nods as something comes through on the headset.

‘Yes…. Yes,
okay Davey. Yes, we hear it too.’ She turns me, ‘You really have
sharp little ears don’t you! I’ll have to be careful what I say
around you.’

I shrugged and
smiled. Marcia’s abruptness was quite refreshing. She was joking of
course. But then again I was in the habit of eavesdropping on
conversations without meaning to.

‘Marcia!’ Davey
is yelling. Marcia pulls the ear piece out. I can hear him right
from the back. Oliver has stopped. We go forward to join Davey band
Adam. Oliver climbs out.

There ahead;
like some brilliant hole in the fabric of the mountains dark night
is I splash of faint daylight.

‘It’s six.’
Oliver says.

‘About three
hours to sunset.’ Adam comes and leans on the bonnet of the
transport, ‘what now?’

‘I’ll take
three of you.’ Marcia looks at me and shakes her head slightly. I
look away feigning nonchalance. She picks Oliver, James and Adam. I
am to get into the driver’s seat; and wait instructions. I climb in
feeling tired and a little put out. Curiosity about what is ahead,
as well as a strong desire to avoid being in proximity to Janey for
the rest of the day, is making me anxious. I can feel it begin….
dark shades of my soul. I try to think of something funny; fail,
and resort to thinking up all the rhymes I can remember. There’s a
buzzing in the cab. It’s the head set. I forgot to put it on. I
press it to my ear.

‘Jared?’

‘Here.’

‘You can start
the transport now. Ease it forward by about fifty feet. There’s a
short dip to the left. Then it goes up a long gradient. There’s
sky!’

‘Where are
you?’

‘We’re looking
out at the vegetation! You’ll see it in a few minutes. Oliver is
coming back to make sure there no problem. But it seems wide and
clear.’

I started her
up just as Joe came through form the back.

‘Are we moving
off now?’ he asked me lightly.

‘Yes. We’re
heading for the surface. About five minutes away.’

‘Alright.
Good.’ He seemed hesitant about something.

‘What is it?’ I
asked him as we reached the short turn.

‘I want to ask
you something. But I think it might not go down too well.’

‘Just talk
Joe.’

‘I want to say
it to you while you are unable to jump down my throat.’

‘Yeah; sure.’ I
start us trundling up the steady ramp like incline. There’s
daylight! I’m so glad to see what looks like a small patch of blue
sky.

We emerged an
area tight with vegetation. They looked like subtropical plants.
The sea! I can hear the sea. It was the sound carrying far down.
That and the moving air.

The others are
beckoning me to turn to the left again into a dry little space
surrounded by some sort of date palms. I slow down and ease it into
the space neatly. Parking nice and tidy. The rest of them are stood
between the trees looking out at something I cannot see from this
angle.

‘Tell me?’ I
said to Joe.

‘I’m going to
apologise in advance for this; because if this isn’t true, you’re
clear that I’m not judging this at all.’

I stop the
engine, ‘What?’ I look him now, as I turn in the seat. We’re alone
in the main cab, ‘What’s up Doc?’ I grin at him then.

‘Oh boy! I’m
really in a quandary now.’ Joe seems terribly serious, ‘do you want
me to ask you a question that you may not be able to answer?’

‘That depends
on the question…. Come on Joe! Since when have you been holding out
on me?’

‘Since an hour
ago.’ He looks worried. It is certainly spoiling the first glimpse
of this new world.

‘Look,’ I said
calmly, ‘If it makes you feel any better. I already know this has
something to do with Janey. So just get it over with.... whatever
mad accusation, or crazy thing she has been saying. Then we can all
get on with enjoying the lovely evening.’

‘Okay….’ Joe
takes a breath, ‘she said you forced yourself on her.’

I think I
breathed in once and held it for a few seconds. I certainly put my
forearms on the wheel and leaned forward until my head was resting
on my hands. I know I didn’t speak. I breathed out, wondering what
would happen if she came through right now and said this to me
directly. Joe was perhaps thinking the same thing.

‘She’ll be kept
away from you.’ He said, ‘I really have to find out why she’s
making something like that up.’

I turn to him.
I’m still clutching the steering wheel. Waiting for a verdict. I’m
going to be punished whatever the conclusion. I love my sister.
She’s hurting me. I don’t want her to do this. There’s nothing I
can do to stop it. I have to work out why….it has to be connected
with Sandglass. Everything is connected. For some reason I’m
thinking about the accident. I’m still there…. driving down that
road looking for a way out. In my dim recollection I am alone. And
then I go over the bridge, walls on both sides…. Then I see…. I see
something that makes me swerve. Then I’m in the forest. Trees
crammed up against the windshield. I was clutching the steering
wheel in shock. But I’m alive. What did I see? It’s blank. It’s
been removed. Edited out…. I was leaving the house; after the
party. The sound is turned off. I don’t hear anything: just my own
heartbeat. “Janey…. I don’t want you to come with me….” she’s
angry. She’s so angry. “Why are you being so difficult?!” The last
word is a snarl of contempt. I can’t block it out….it is like she
hates me. Does she? I’m alone if she hates me. It’s all I have….
being alone.

Wait though. I
saw her: the girl in the long shirt. She spins round. She spins so
beautifully. I go forward. She looks up at me. She stepped out of
her shoes. She’s dancing lightly on her tip toes. There is music. I
want to stay. Want to dance with her. I see her face; not just a
distant shape. Now in that vision; I hold out my hand; the girl in
the skirt takes it; and we dance. She moves so perfectly against
me. Balance; poise; beautiful strong legs, and laughing eyes. Her
hair is pinned up in tumbling curls and silky shimmers of golden
toffee colours. The undertone of chocolate excites my interest.
She’s beautiful and tall. She is a few inches shorter than me. I
want to kiss her…. I want her. She is like the sudden sunshine on
an otherwise cloudy day. I cannot leave now. She is the answer; I
find myself forgetting that sorrow. I remember staying. I remember
the laughing girl. She is Eve…. My Eve. Why is Janey so cruel? She
doesn’t mean it…. I don’t believe she means to be.

I’m still sat
in the front of the transport.

‘Jared?’ says
Marcia, ‘Are you alright?’

I turn to her
voice. Joe has gone. Marcia slides across, next to me. When I don’t
respond, she just waits. I look at the scene. The light has
changed. Somewhere to my right; the dome has been constructed.

‘Jared…. come
on. We need you. Will you help me with the kitchen?’

I just nod. She
slides out of the left side. I get out, and follow Marcia to where
the boxes for the kitchen area are stacked. I carry them two at a
time, putting them where Marcia wants them to go. We set up the
rest of the camp. Janey is nowhere in sight. A little while later
Joe and Marcia are sat together talking in whispers. Unfortunately,
I can hear what they are saying. I’m sat in a camping chair outside
near a palm. James comes and hands me a coffee without a word. I
sup it slowly. I hear their conversation just inside the entrance.
I don’t care what happens now. I haven’t said a word since Joe told
me what Janey said about me. I was so depressed I couldn’t even
think what to say, let alone say it. Somewhere in my mind there was
this awful fear that something of this was somehow true. My mind
was being taken apart piece by piece. I couldn’t take the suspense.
I got up suddenly.

‘What do you
want to do?’ I said to Joe and Marcia, ‘You want to tell me I did
something dreadful even though I can’t remember it?’

They both
looked at me in a stunned kind of way.

‘There was
never any kind of suggestion of you being guilty of anything.’ Joe
said evenly.

‘Well what the
hell….’ I looked away, trying to get the focus back; ‘I want to
know what you believe?’

Marcia stood
up; ‘Come on. Come with me. Please.’

I hesitated;
then complied. She walked through the trees. I followed her.

There in the
light of the sunset, I saw the rolling breakers of the shore. Just
a little way down between tussocks of spiky grass was a little
trail that led to the beach. A warm wind blew in my face. I felt my
spirits lift then. Marcia was walking down there already, stepping
lightly towards the shore. I followed her.

We stood on the
deserted beach, at the end of the world in a parallel place that
could be so far from anything either of us had ever known that it
defied imagining.

‘Tell me the
truth.’ said Marcia, as she stared out at the waves.

‘All I remember
is Janey kissing me; at the caves. I don’t remember anything else….
I am trying to…’ I can taste salt.

‘Do you want to
remember?’ she asked me then.

‘Yes.’ I face
her, ‘Yes. Always. Because I am lost without it. Even if it’s
horrible. Even if…. even if,’ I swallow; there is a dry
constricting feeling growing in my throat, ‘I had done such a
thing…and then was unable to remember; I’d want to be made to know.
I want the whole truth. Everything.’

‘The whole
truth?’ Marcia sounds strange, ‘It’s overrated, ‘you need to
believe in things before they resolve into a picture that makes
sense. I can remember a lot of facts…. all that information. But it
doesn’t make sense without a context to fit it in to. Don’t you
see?’

‘You are so
fine…. dear Eve. If I am not…. then what do you want from me?’

‘Oh!’ Marcia
comes close and looks up at me, ‘I want what I always wanted….to
make everything alright. I want to help people. I want to help
certain people I care about especially. And you…most of all.’

‘you want to
save me.’

‘I sense that
is another of Hanson’s little musings.’ She sounds amused then.

‘He was the one
who accused me first!’

‘I have been
wondering,’ she says in a matter of fact way, ‘why you did hit
him?’

‘I was more
concerned with who froze everything up. Time kind of stopped for a
bit then…’

‘You see. We do
agree. A little of each of us; and we have a fuller picture.’

‘I hit him
because what he said…. was…. true.’ I couldn’t say anything else if
I tried to. I slowly slid into a kneeling position on the sand.
This place is like that end place. Yet it is so warm; so in the
world. Come on dear girl execute me now.

‘I talked to
Joe.’ She began; here it comes….’Think we found out what happened.
I think we found the spike. And I think that the spike has drugged
you.’

‘What?!’ I
turn, and Marcia is beside me.

‘Yes,’ she
continued, ‘Joe and I had thoughts about this in the past. But
Janey has been used to get certain advantages in the situation. She
was the only one who could get close to you. She had been the only
one they could legitimately use. She’s really not herself. There is
something that is medically wrong. Things don’t match. I can tell
you now. But we weren’t sure until yesterday. Davey was the first
to really voice his concerns…. But now she is here there is nothing
we can do.’

‘You mean you
knew?’

‘No one hundred
per cent. But we were getting closer to something like the truth.
She really hasn’t been herself. I mean really not herself.’

‘Oh my God! Oh
no! Janey…. where is she?’ I feel suddenly really sick, and
crouched over, ‘they have put their Copy into our group?’