The Power of Forgetting (10 page)

‘Jay? Is it too
soon?’ Leo said urgently, ‘We can go back.’

‘I don’t
know….’ I was shrinking inside; falling faster downwards.

‘We’ll go
back!’ Leo tried to pull me upwards, but I resisted.

‘I’m sorry….
father.’ I couldn’t help it. It was like before. The first image
came to me almost unbidden; key and lock. They shattered apart. I
looked up. She was standing there above me. The lady in grey. But
it was more like silver. The second shattered apart; and quickly
the third. Little colours shimmered on her long dress. She was very
pretty, but had a serious face. She knelt down in front of me.

‘I brought him
too soon.’ said Leo.

‘Perhaps, but
find the others, quickly!’

‘I want to
stay.’ Leo was hugging me tightly.

‘Do as I say.
And we can help him this time.’ She said calmly.

And then for
the first time in this strange alternate version of my parents’
house, I was alone with a stranger.

‘Jay…Jay;
listen to me.’ She spoke swiftly and leaned closer, ‘I can help you
to adjust. But you must let go of the chains first.’

‘Why did Leo
bring me here?’ I said, and then gasped. Pain in my head; growing
and spreading.

‘Let go of all
the hedge keys.’ She said, ‘and then you can find control.’

‘If they all
unlock I will have no control…. I can’t do it.’

‘Yes, you can.
Jay…please. You need to let them go. The tension between you and
them in too much. You must be free of this. Is won’t do you any
good.’

‘Why are you
calling me that?’ I looked at her. She was sweet and lovely as
summer and evening stillness.

‘It is your
true name. you have always been this. Don’t you remember?’

‘No, Lady. What
is you name.’ Then I cried out in pain. I heard voices. And
suddenly the room seemed full of people.

‘Please…. let
it go. Please’ she begging me.

‘I mustn’t. I
can’t.’ I was breathing faster now, and I felt dizzy. ‘I can’t do
this. I’m trying to. It’s jammed. It won’t open!’

She swiftly
stood: ‘Call Silver. Call Bonnie!’

There was
darkness at the edges of my vision. And then I felt tow people lift
me. I must have fainted or something. Because then I was in a
chair. I big man, with very deep blue eyes and shimmering
whiteness, held my head up. He was very calm, and very still. I
trembled and shivered horribly.

‘Jared…. you
have been like this along time. It will only get worse. You must
let me destroy these symbols. They cannot lock you away for any
longer without damage. Do you understand?’

‘Yes……yes, I,
understand.’ I could barely speak. I was shivering so much.

He touched my
chest with his left hand, and touched my face and forehead with his
fingertips. I stopped shaking. I could see number four. It fell
apart easily. Then number five. Then six just dissolved. I started
to get agitated again. I only had four left.

‘Child. This
burden will crush you,’ said the strange man, ‘let me into you
mind; and clean this out.’

‘I want to
die…’ the pain was so bad now that I thought I was hallucinating.
There were three little goblin-like creatures sitting on the chair
opposite. I watched them, but they didn’t seem to notice me. At
that moment the seventh broke apart. The air was filled with
ribbons of light. I realised they were coming from me. All sorts of
colours. I suddenly longed to know this strange man; to hear his
inner voice. He was like…. His hair was silver…. Really silver,
like metal; but with a living sheen. All sorts of lights were
reflected there. The coloured ribbons of light danced in
reflections across his hair. There was a scent of lemons and
something else. Sort of rich and honeyed. I saw also some twisting
shapes that looked like willowy trees dance around the edges of the
room.

Eight began to
crack open. Then it exploded and shattered in a halo of light. I
let go of the ninth myself and then the last one I throw it from me
mentally. All around there were shattering fragments like said
glass. It bounced of the objects in the room. They dissolved into
mist.

The silvery man
poured one image in there. But it wasn’t a lock, and there was not
key. The rippling surface of a lake at night reflecting the
moon.

‘Show me the
sunlight.’ I whispered.

The images
changed became brighter. And then the fullness of radiant sunlight
glanced of this water. And it shot through the remaining fragments
of broken chains.

I found myself
surround by all these strange people. All looked so tall except
one. That was the one called Bonnie.

‘Sit by him.’
commanded the silver man to the grey frocked lady.

She sat on my
right and the girl Bonnie on my left.

I felt that I
was deflating like a toy balloon. I had no energy, nothing. I had
been emptied. But it was permanent. I didn’t know what would happen
next.

The many
dissipated. And then Bonnie and the other lady sat me back in the
cushions. The one they called Silver sat near and waited for me to
look at him.

‘Where am
I?’

‘This is
another version of your parents’ house. It is a safe place when
other things fail. It is also a place where we meet. Our home.
Laura knows about this. We created this alternative version so we
would have a place to live while we were here. It is better…’

‘Why me?’

‘Why did this
happen to you?’ he said, ‘I think it is best to look at why it
hasn’t happened sooner. You were carrying too much of a
weight.’

‘The
locks?’

‘Yes’ he stared
at me, until I blinked, ‘I can see you need time. You must stay at
your parent’s house for a while. Don’t leave the boundary for a few
days.’

‘Why?’

‘Outside,
someone might see you.’

‘What do I do?’
I coughed and rasped. There was tea coming on a tray. Leo had
brought it. He was mostly frightened looking. An extreme
expression, I thought. Perhaps I was wrong about him. He was so….
Well, human. Of course he was. But you know what I mean.

They handed me
the mug of tea. I managed to hold it and sip. It was certainly
reviving. But I was so weak. I realised that I hadn’t noticed what
had happened to that weight. It was gone and I was not feeling any
real difference. Not yet.

‘Your boy is
very skilled Leo.’ said Silver, ‘and he must be trained.’

‘Yes. Of
course. Leo bowed his head to the strange man. A gesture of
submission. There was, I suddenly saw, so much that I didn’t know
about Leo. But I had more pressing matters to consider.

‘I’m tired….’ I
said ‘why am I so weak?’

‘You have
carried too much, for too long.’ said the grey lady.

‘I can’t use
them again, can I?’

‘No.’ said
Silver.

‘They have been
destroyed.’ said Bonnie.

‘You will not
be able to travel just yet. It will be stilled for at least three
days.’

‘Water…, the
moon,’ I said, ‘and then the sunlight.’

‘Yes,’ said
Silver, ‘you have to let your mind adjust. Do not exert yourself at
all. Then he glanced at Leo, ‘I will tell your mother in
person.’

‘Will she be
cross?’ I asked Silver.

‘I don’t know.
But she did not wish for you to be bound up like a zoo animal. She
wanted you to be free. This much I know.’

‘Then what
happens?’

‘Karis will
need to train you. You have the best teacher there is. She has time
also, that at the moment we do not.’

I looked then
at me father. He was staring, with an uncertain smile hovering
there.

‘Can I go back
now?’

‘Just give us
two minutes of you time.’ said Silver, and then walked out of my
field of vision.

A moment later
he reappeared and said to Leo: ‘Your wife requires some
reassurance. She is not angry; I am pleased to say. But best be
most agreeable to her. It will help Jared if you are.’

‘It will?’ Leo
stood. He held out his hand to me. I managed to stand. We left then
back through the cupboard and the two doors. Leo turned to me as we
came back into the back hallway.

‘I will take
you to your room.’

‘You’re sending
me to my room?’ I joked weakly.

‘Come.’ He
said, and scooped me up as if I was made of feathers or fluffy
thistle heads. To be honest I felt as if I was fluffy all-round the
edges. When we got up there Leo laid me on my bed. I honestly could
not move.

‘Do you need
anything?’ he asked.

‘Tea.
Please.’

‘A Mug
full?’

‘Yes. But don’t
let anyone else bring it; please Dad.’

‘That’s fine.’
He looked down on me for a moment and left the room.

I woke up. The
light in the room was different. I wasn’t sure how many hours had
passed. I moved slightly to find a blanket had been put over me
where I was curled up on the bed. I sat up slowly. There was the
mug of tea on the cabinet. I realised that I had at some point
taken my watch off. The mug of tea was cool now but I sipped some
of it anyway. the watch was there on the carpet.

I sat for a few
minutes and then lay back down. I felt around with one hand for the
watch. There was something else there, under the bed. Sliding out
onto the floor I found my travel bag and next to that, two
sketchbooks. They were full of dragons and monsters. These I had
not seen for a long time. I had thought that they had been in the
bottom of the wardrobe. Maybe someone had been peeking; but then
again maybe I had been looking at them the last time I was here.
Yes, it must be that.

I got out the
wash bag, and some Cool Water stuff I liked. I looked around and
found and old bathrobe.

I thought I
looked very scruffy; the mirror was one of those well-lit ones that
seemed to make your reflection jump out at you. On impulse I turned
the beard trimmer down to the shortest setting. Then without
shocking myself with the result, got into the shower.

The jets of
water were hammering the madness away. I thought about those
goblins. I’d seen them somewhere before. And the tree shapes too.
They existed somewhere. It was part of me as well. I felt that they
were observing something that was actually part of their world. I
was. But what was I? I let the water run over my face.

There was a
sound outside of the sound of water running. It was gushing in the
multifarious tones of a myriad drops. But something was singing
over those notes. A pure sound. A voice perhaps. It seemed to fade
until I thought it was my imagination. But then it came back again,
strong enough for me to hear it clearly. I scrubbed myself clean. I
lathered the ache away, and forgot for a moment everything.

The few drops
fell as I switched the shower off. Musical plinking at the end of
that waterfall concerto. Naked, I stepped out onto the rug. I
wasn’t sure if the trimmer had gone too far or not far enough.
Perhaps…. I always carried a normal wet razor for just such a thing
to happen. I hadn’t used it for at least nine months. I thought “To
Hell with it” and reached for the shaving foam from a set of glass
shelves.

It was really
weird. And felt cooler. I was dressed now and sitting on the bed.
Long-sleeved Tee-shirt, and copper coloured jeans, that were worn
and comfortable.

‘Ok! What now?’
I felt slightly drunk with lightness and a strange absence of
something. I strapped the watch back on, and picking up the tea mug
I decided to go and find Mother first.

She looked at
me quizzically, an egg beater in one hand, and an oven mitt in the
other. She put them down and came towards me. Just inside the door
I hovered.

‘Jared?’ she
held out her arms to me. I went into her embrace, wishing for a
simple evening; and trying to put the tea cup down on the bench
behind her.

‘Mum? What’s
for tea?’ she turned and placed the mug firmly back away from the
edge.

‘Pancakes….
with every filling you can think of,’ she detached herself from me
smiling, ‘what do you want in yours?’

‘Do we have
pickles?’

‘Definitely.’

‘Cheese?’

‘Extra, extra
mature!’ Laura laughed, ‘And those funny chillies in garlic oil.
But please don’t put them near Janey.’

‘Of course
not,’ I kissed her on the cheek and went through to where the
others sat. Immediately, Janey, Karis, and Marcia all got up and
went in the kitchen.

‘Was it
something I said?’ I joked.

‘Davey?’ asked
Sam squinting through his cloud of smoke, then stared at me, ‘Good
grief Jared! What the flipping heck did you do?’

‘It will be
back by the end of the week.’ I went and sat next to him so he
could take it in and get over the shock.

‘When I said be
discrete, this wasn’t what I had in mind.’

‘How is our
“guest”?’ I asked Sam.

‘About average
for the freak show that is this place,’ Sam looked at me with a
question is his eyes.

‘What do you
want to know?’ I said.

‘Is this a sign
of change, insecurity, losing one marbles, or just putting the
cutter on the wrong setting?’

‘The first
three,’ I said, ‘and what was going on just before I came in?’

‘The quantum
spaces inside everyone’s mind.’

‘What?’

‘Don’t do that,
you’re really freaking me out.’

‘Why?’ I asked
him.

‘A better
question, more suiting to the general character that you seem to
project. But go easy on the hair mousse.’

‘It’s some wax
stuff.’ I said.

‘I hear
hedgehogs are in this season.’ He stubbed out the tab. ‘I think
that Davey has gone for a strange walk around the garden with your
Leo, and the Morel guy.’

‘I take it
you’re not impressed.’

‘With what he
can do, sure.’ Sam squinted and leaned forward, ‘confidentially I
think he’s a plant. A good plant. Not a bad guy plant. It’s like
the government agencies visiting UFO spotters and having words with
them. You don’t know what they’ve got on you.’