The Nothingness of Ben (22 page)

Ben stood silently in amazement. He had called a time-out in their relationship and that was exactly what Travis had given him.
I’m coming back
. He hadn’t said when, but Ben figured it would be sometime after Labor Day. No guarantees, though, just a note scribbled on a map. Still, it might turn out to be a good thing. Ben
did
need to focus on his family and get his act together. He would probably spend most of the summer studying for the bar exam anyway. Maybe he would reconnect with some friends in town and start socializing again. As for dating, Ben could have put Travis behind him and moved on, but he kept hearing his father’s words in his ears.

Muddy waters.

So he decided to wait.

S
HORTLY
after Travis’s disappearance, Ben made an appointment with the principal of Jason’s school and told her about the bullying. She promised to address the issue, but Ben suspected there was little she would (or could) actually do. He had to get Jason out of there next year. When he asked around about private schools, everyone he spoke to mentioned the same two names: St. Stephen’s and St. Andrew’s, both Episcopal. So Ben made appointments at each of them and discussed Jason’s situation. After looking at his grades, both schools expressed a keen interest. Ben figured the dead parents and the gay angle probably didn’t hurt, either, the Episcopal church being about as gay-friendly as Christianity got. He knew these kind of schools loved diversity and both had strict no-bullying policies. After visiting each himself, Jason finally decided on St. Stephen’s. He made a calendar for the fridge that counted down his final days in the public school system. “Next year,” he said, “it gets better.”

I
N
M
AY
, Ben went with Jason to the monthly Out Youth potluck.

“So,” Ben said as they entered the room with their dish of grilled steak and vegetable kabobs, “I want you to point out this Jack McAlister to me.”

“It’s Jake,” Jason corrected him, scanning the room. “He’s over there at the table with the two lesbians. The ones with the matching fauxhawks. That’s his mom sitting at the table next to him. The one wearing Chanel and talking on the phone.”

“How progressive of her. Where does he go to school?”

“Westlake.”

Ben nodded. “You know how to pick ’em, don’t you? You were definitely right about the Justin part.”

“Gross.”

“What? I can’t tell you I think your boyfriend’s a hottie?”

“No. Please refrain. And you know he’s not my boyfriend, so I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t embarrass me in front of him.”

“Trust me, Jason. I’m not Dad. What are some of his interests?”

“He wants to work in the film industry. He knows a lot about movies.”

“Hmm. Like a modern-day Dawson Leery.”

“Who’s that?”

“What does he like to do for fun?”

“He loves the water. His father has a speedboat but he told me he really wants to learn how to sail.”

“What does his father do?”

“He’s a lawyer.”

Ben laughed.

“This is going to be too easy. Okay, I’ll take care of the heavy lifting, but when I do this” —he flicked his index finger across the tip of his nose, à la Paul Newman and Robert Redford in
The Sting
—“you step in with the invitation.”

“What invitation?”

“You’ll figure it out. Just pay attention.”

After dropping their dish at the hot food table, Ben and Jason walked over to where Jake McAlister sat with his dyke friends, his mother next to him but at an adjacent table.

“Hi, Jake,” Jason said. The lesbian couple looked up from their place across from Jake, who turned around.

“Hey, Jas, what’s up? Is this your brother?”

Jake stood up while his mother glanced over her phone at Ben.

“Yeah, this is Ben. Ben, Jake.”

Ben extended his hand and Jake shook it, smiling.

“Nice to meet you, Jake.”

“You too. This is my mom.”

Jake’s mother turned sideways and put her phone to her shoulder, extending her right hand.

“Sarah McAlister. Nice to meet you.”

“Ben Walsh,” he said, shaking her hand. “Do y’all mind if we join you? This is my first time, and it would be nice to sit at the cool table.”

Everyone laughed.

“Please,” she said, “have a seat.”

Ben went around and sat across from Sarah McAlister. Jason sat down next to Jake and across from Brenda and Debbie, the two fauxhawks.

“I’ve got to go,” Sarah McAlister said into her phone. “I’ll call you later. Yes, I agree with you. We’ll talk about it when I get home. I promise. Good-bye.” She turned off her phone and shut it away in her clutch. “Excuse me, I didn’t mean to be rude. Ben, I’m so sorry about your parents. Can I call you Ben?”

“Please do. Sarah?”

“Of course.” Ben sized her up. She had money, but wasn’t filthy rich by any means. She wasn’t getting her roots done as often as she should. Under thirty-five. Probably a teenage mother. “Thanks, it was a rough winter for all of us but now spring is here so we’re getting on with it. That outfit looks great on you, by the way. Is it Chanel?”

“Yes, it is,” she answered, blushing. “Thank you.”

Jake rolled his eyes. “Jason told me you lived in New York. Did you have to move back here? After… you know….”

“Yeah, I did.”

“That sucks.”

“Jake, please,” his mother scolded.

“Well, it does.” he insisted. “How would you like it if you had to come back here from New York and start all over?”

Ben liked this boy already.

“Did you find a job yet?” Jake continued.

“No, not yet.”

“What kind of work do you do?” Sarah inquired.

“I’m a trial lawyer.”

“Really? My husband’s a lawyer. Maybe he can help you. Look over your resume or something.”

“That would be great. Does he work for Harrison & Pope, by any chance?” Ben watched as Sarah McAlister’s smile turned upside down. “They want me to sign on now, but I think I should wait until fall to make a final decision. My father always told me to keep my options open.”

“Isn’t that one of the firms Dad wanted to work for?” Jake asked his mother.

Perfect
, Ben thought.

“You have an offer from Harrison & Pope?” she asked, ignoring her son.

“Yeah, but like I said, I don’t want to make a decision until September. I plan on spending the summer with my brothers, maybe take them back to Southampton and do some sailing.”

Jake sat up.

“You sail?”

“I sure do. One of my buddies from Columbia Law took me out a few years back and I was hooked. Last summer we sailed from New York to Miami. And back again.”

“No way!” Jake exclaimed.

“Columbia Law?” Sarah murmured.

“Jason?” Ben continued. “Am I telling the truth?”

“He’s telling the truth.”

“First I need to teach Jason and his brothers how to sail, though. I was thinking of renting a boat for Memorial Day weekend. Go out on Lake Travis and show them the ropes. Maybe camp at night.”

“That sounds….” Jake stopped. “I wish my dad would do something like that. All he cares about is his stupid speedboat.”

Ben flicked his index finger across the tip of his nose.

Jason’s eyes widened. “Do you want to go with us?” he asked.

“Seriously?” Jake responded, his jaw slack.

“Is that okay, Ben?”

“Sure,” Ben confirmed, turning to Sarah. “I run a very tight ship, and my buddy Colin will be with me. He’s been sailing since he was a boy. And Jake will share a tent with one of Jason’s brothers.”

“Please, Mom, can I go?” Jake pleaded.

“Well, I’ll need to talk to your father first, but I’m sure he’ll be more than fine with the idea.”

“Oh my God,” Jake said, turning to Jason. “We’re gonna have a blast!”

Jason looked like he might jump out of his skin.

“I know!” he cheered.

“Let’s go get some food,” Jake suggested as he stood up and pulled Jason’s chair out for him.

Ben leaned over and whispered to Brenda and Debbie, “You should try the steak and veggie kabobs. I made them myself.” They smiled and assured him they would, but ended up changing tables when a group of their friends showed up a few minutes later. That left Jake and Jason to talk amongst themselves while Ben tossed a long series of questions at Sarah about parenting teenagers. When it was time to go, they exchanged numbers and Ben told her he would be in touch the following week about the sailing trip.

“You should come out to the house for dinner before then,” she suggested. “Dan would love to meet you, I’m sure. He’ll feel better about the trip that way too.”

“We would love that. What do you say, Jason?”

“Yeah, that sounds great. Thank you, Mrs. McAlister.”

On their way home, Jason could hardly contain his excitement. “I’ve never seen anything like that! I’m going to spend Memorial Day weekend sailing with Jake McAlister? Someone pinch me! Please.”

“Calm down, there,” Ben cautioned. “This will be a good opportunity to really get to know him. Start with a friendship before you decide if he’s worth kissing again, and if he is, tell him I’m not going to kick him out of the house. You’re going to be fifteen in two months. Nothing wrong with kissing boys at your age. Lord knows I was.”

“Don’t worry. Uncle Colin already had the sex talk with me.”

“So I heard. Speaking of Uncle Colin, you’d better text him. Tell him to book a plane to Austin for Memorial Day and that he’s going to be giving sailing lessons to you and your potential new boyfriend. No way will he be able to say no to that.”

“It’s also Cade’s birthday that weekend.”

“This’ll be perfect, then. He’ll love learning how to sail. We have to come up with a major present, though.”

“He wants—”

“Wait,” Ben interrupted. “I’ve been trying to do better and pay attention, so I should know this. He’s… wait—he’s complained a lot about his bicycle, hasn’t he? Of course, this is an easy one—he wants a new bike.”

“Bingo.”

“Jason,” Ben said, grinning, “we are going to find our little brother the baddest ride on two wheels.”

B
EN
enjoyed dinner at the McAlisters’ immensely. Dan McAlister’s tone of voice betrayed that mixture of admiration and envy Ben had come to accept in other lawyers. Since Jake had no brothers or sisters, dinner consisted of the five of them, and the conversation inevitably turned to Ben’s once and future career.

“Columbia Law?” Dan asked. “What was that like?”

“The best three years of my life.”

“No kidding? I can’t say the same.”

“Where did you go to law school?”

“Here, at UT. Like half the lawyers in Austin.” He quickly changed the subject. “So you’re going sailing, I hear. I’m more a speedboat man myself.”

“Yes,” Ben confirmed. “My buddy, Colin Mead, is coming down from New York to show everyone the ropes. He’s been sailing since he was a boy.”

“Mead? He related to Joseph Mead?”

“He’s his grandson. I was a litigator at Wilson & Mead. Colin and I went to law school together. I learned to sail on one of Joseph Mead’s boats. And honestly, I’m only saying all that to connect the dots, not to….”

“Good Lord,” Dan exclaimed. “You’re the guy! I heard a couple of people talking at the courthouse the other day, something about Joseph Mead’s protégé moving to town. No wonder you already have an offer from Harrison & Pope. Firms must be lining up for you.”

“I have offers from several firms,” Ben admitted. “But my plan is to stall a bit and hope the offers get better.”

“Smart man, because they absolutely will. By the way, Sarah and I wanted to thank you for inviting Jake along on this trip. I know he’s going to have a great time with your family. And he will absolutely behave himself, won’t you, JJ?”

“Yes, Dad.”

Ben continued, “You and I should have lunch sometime, Dan. I would really like to hear your lay of the land.”

Dan sat up a little straighter in his chair.

“Absolutely,” he said. “No one’s lining up offers for me, but I’ve been around awhile and know who the players are, that’s for sure.”

“Would you mind?”

“It would be my pleasure.”

“Thanks. I’d really appreciate it.”

“So, Jason,” Sarah said, ready to move past the shop talk, “Jake tells me you’re going to St. Stephen’s next year.”

“Yes, ma’am. Only nine more days in the public school system.”

“Hey,” Jake protested. “I go to a public school.”

“Oh, please,” Jason rebutted. “Westlake High School is an elite private institution masquerading as a public school. To be a student there you have to live here first, which is impossible unless you’re wealthy. It’s the reinforcement of privilege via economics and zoning.”

Jake laughed. “You gonna get on your class-warfare soapbox now, Walsh?”

“I just might,” Jason replied. “No offense, Mr. and Mrs. McAlister.”

“None taken, son,” Dan assured him, smiling.

“Our father encouraged us to… argue at the dinner table,” Ben explained.

“He liked a good fight,” Jason openly admitted.

Ben laughed. “I hope we don’t go too far.”

“Don’t you worry,” Sarah assured him. “Whatever your father did, it turned out an Ivy League lawyer. So if a heated political discussion over the pasta gets my son into Columbia, I’m all for it.”

M
EMORIAL
D
AY
weekend looked like something out of
White Squall—
two men and four boys on the open water. Lake Travis could not exactly compare to the Atlantic Ocean, but they still had some serious fun. Jake fit in with little effort and hung on Colin’s every word as he taught the boys how to sail. Ben couldn’t remember when he’d seen Colin so happy.

“You’re loving this, aren’t you?”

The sun had set long ago, and the boys had already crawled into their sleeping bags for the first night. Ben and Colin sat next to the campfire watching the last embers fade.

“I do enjoy me some male bonding,” Colin admitted. “And this camping thing is so very
Brokeback Mountain
.” He bent in close to Ben so that he could whisper and still be heard. “What do you think of Jake?”