“I know. I just don’t know how.” He sighed.
“The Tom I know will figure out what to do. Okay?” she said.
“Okay.”
Tom said goodbye and hung up, walked a few paces, before stopping dead in his tracks.
That was it.
If he wanted to prove himself to Caitlin, he had to show her that he’d changed, that he’d accepted who he was. That he was ready to let someone else in, to be there for someone else, and to listen. And that he’d listened to her. That even though he’d been a jerk to start with, he had listened eventually, and most importantly, he’d understood.
He pulled out his phone again, but this time he had to look up the number before dialing. If this didn’t work, then nothing would.
Because he was all out of ideas.
* * *
Caitlin usually stayed in her dance clothes after class, but she hurried to the restroom to switch back into her prelesson outfit. She wriggled into skinny jeans and pulled on a low-front T-shirt before letting her hair out and quickly running a brush through it.
Tom had her all jittery. A jangle of nerves. It was stupid, because she’d promised herself she’d stop thinking about him, stop pretending that something could ever happen between them, because they’d tried and it had failed. Badly.
Maybe she just wasn’t going to have a man in her life. Maybe it was time she accepted that.
“Caitlin?”
A voice echoed out through the building. She was the last one here, didn’t usually hang around on her own, but it didn’t matter. It was Tom, and it was now or never.
“Hold on,” she called back, stuffing her clothes into her bag and reaching for her makeup. She touched up her foundation and mascara and pressed some gloss to her lips.
Just because she didn’t think anything could ever happen between them again didn’t mean she didn’t want to look nice.
For herself.
Caitlin took a deep breath before walking out into the studio, forced her eyes to stay up instead of letting them drag to the ground when she saw him.
He was gorgeous, there was no reason to pretend otherwise. From the moment she’d first seen him, looking across at her in her classroom, she’d thought he was handsome. Strong. Confident-looking. But then she’d also thought he wasn’t her type.
But his smile made her want to crumple to the ground, to tuck into him to calm the rapid pound of her heart, to feel small against his big frame, braced by his body and knowing that nothing could ever hurt her.
Even him.
Because that was one thing she’d been wrong about in the beginning. No matter how much he could hurt her emotionally, she knew now that, without a doubt, he’d never lay a hand on her or threaten to, either. It didn’t make her any less annoyed with him over what had happened, or make her want to forgive him, but she did admire him for his strength.
“Caitlin,” Tom announced, standing near the door.
“Hey, Tom,” she said back, feigning confidence.
“Did you have anything planned for the rest of the day?”
She moved her head from side to side, not sure what he was getting at. “Why?”
“Because I might not have you back until late tonight.” He was grinning at her, making her want to run in the other direction again.
“I’ll need to feed my cat, but…”
“Come on,” he said, standing back and holding open the door. “I know I said I didn’t need long, but I do.”
Caitlin followed his lead. She didn’t have the strength to turn him down. Didn’t want to push him away or argue.
Because if he thought he could change her mind, could prove himself to her, then she was prepared to give him a chance. She told her students all the time that everyone deserved a second chance, and no one liked a hypocrite. No matter how sure she’d been that she didn’t want to see him again, she couldn’t turn her back on him. Not yet.
She liked Tom. With every beat of her heart she liked him, so what was an afternoon? Or an evening? He deserved it. After all those years serving their country, for being kind to her and coming to her class that first time she’d met him.
She had nowhere else to be and she wanted to hear him out. Even if that was making excuses for him.
“You ready?” he asked, walking alongside her and gesturing to his car.
Caitlin nodded, holding her bag close to her side. It was now or never.
* * *
Tom resisted the urge to touch Caitlin’s hand. Just because he’d figured out what he wanted didn’t mean she felt the same, or that he even had a chance with her, or that he could prove to her that he’d changed.
But the fact she was with him right now made him confident enough that he had a
chance,
and a chance was all he needed.
“How’s school going?” He didn’t know what else to ask.
“Um, good.” Caitlin twisted in the seat to face him, eyes searching his face, as if she was trying to figure him out and not having a clue. “I have a feeling you didn’t turn up at my dance class to talk to me about school, though.”
Tom sighed. “You’re right.”
“So?” she prompted.
He couldn’t tell what she was thinking or feeling. Whether she was hopeful or pitying him. “I wanted to say sorry.”
She nodded. “I appreciate it.”
Tom cleared his throat, suddenly feeling as if there wasn’t enough air in the car for the amount he needed to suck back into his lungs. As if there wasn’t enough space between them even to think, for him to get his head around what he needed to say.
“Caitlin, I was an idiot. An absolute idiot, and I’m so sorry for not listening to you.” Tom paused. It hadn’t been so hard. He wasn’t used to apologizing, to admitting his downfalls, was used to being brave and pretending that nothing fazed him, but right now he was being honest. And it felt…natural. “I grew up wanting to prove myself, to be the kind of man I used to think my father was. I grew up wanting to protect.”
A frown marred the pretty expression on Caitlin’s face. “You’ve never talked about your father before.”
Tom swallowed, made himself push through what he usually kept to himself. If his brother had learned to open up, to talk frankly with his wife when they’d had the same hopeless father, then he was going to have to man up and do it, too. “My dad cheated on my mom, and when we chose her over him, when we told him that we wanted to live with mom, he cleared out. Didn’t want anything to do with us anymore.”
“I’m sorry.” Caitlin reached for him then, did what he’d wanted to do but hadn’t had enough guts to. “No one deserves that.”
“I know, but you know what?”
Caitlin shook her head.
“You’ve had it easily as rough as I have, but instead of moping about it, you got on with your life. Even when the going got tough.” He’d never spoken so honestly in his life. A choke of emotion pulled at his throat, burned behind his eyes, such as he’d never felt before. Or at least not for a really long time.
“I haven’t always been this together, Tom,” Caitlin told him in a quiet voice, her hands moving to fiddle with the edge of her top, as though she was nervous. “But I didn’t have any other option but to pick myself up and get going. I had no one else to depend on, I had to survive, and to do that I had to look after myself.”
Tom leaned back into his seat, on an angle so he could look at her. “And you’ve watched me be an ass when I’ve got more than you’ve ever had to live for.”
Caitlin smiled, eyes soft. “Let’s just say I understand, okay? If I’d been able to I would have hidden away forever. I didn’t think I had anything to live for, but I did.” She laughed. “I was lucky I found a good friend—she helped me through a lot, but sometimes we need someone else to show us what we’ve got to be thankful for.”
Tom slowly reached out to her, skimmed his fingers across the side of her face, across her cheek, curling around her chin before pulling away. Letting his hand drop back to his lap.
“Thank you,” he told her, wanting to kiss her so badly but holding back, not wanting to push his luck. He’d never felt like this before, as if he couldn’t lie if he tried, as if he’d do anything in his power to protect this woman, to be honest with her and make things right. For once he didn’t care about his past; all he cared about was his
future.
“What do you have to thank me for this time?” she whispered back.
“For giving me a chance today.”
Caitlin didn’t say anything. She only smiled, her aqua eyes showing her kindness, that warmth within her that he’d been drawn to from the very beginning.
“For the record, I’d never hurt you,
ever,
and it kills me to think you were scared of me. Even for a second.”
Her smile told him that she wasn’t scared of him now.
“Come on,” he said. “We don’t have long.”
He jumped out of the car as she unfastened her seat belt. Tom’s palms clammed up again, his pulse raced.
He hoped his plan worked, because he didn’t have anything else up his sleeve if it didn’t.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
C
AITLIN
had no idea where they were or where they were going. She followed Tom, their bodies close but not touching, that awkward feeling between an argument with a loved one and making up—neither knowing quite how to act. What to do.
What to expect.
“This way,” he said, reached for her hand. “How’s your ankle?”
“Getting there,” she replied. “It was only a mild sprain according to my doctor, so nothing too serious.”
Caitlin let him take her hand, gave in to the warmth of his palm against hers, the strength of him guiding her. She wished she didn’t like his touch so much, but the truth was she did and it was no use trying to pretend otherwise.
“We’re here.”
She had been so distracted she hadn’t known where they were, but now it was obvious. They were on U.S. Navy property, the bold letters of the signwork telling her so.
He’d brought her to his work.
“This is where I feel most at home, and I want to show you why,” Tom told her, his voice low, huskier than usual. “If you’ll let me.”
“Is this where you train your recruits?” she asked.
“Yeah.” Tom nodded, looking at her as they walked. “This place has been like my second home for years. It’s where I trained after being accepted into the program. It’s where I became a SEAL, where I came back to when I wasn’t overseas or on a mission. And now it’s where I teach the new guys, put them through their paces.”
“Why did you bring me here?” Caitlin asked, stopping, her hand in his making him come to a standstill, too.
“Because I want to show you who I am and why this means so much to me,” he whispered, reaching out to touch her hair, catching strands as they blew in the breeze and tucking them gently behind her ear. His fingers stayed there, keeping her hair in place, tickling the side of her face. “I want to be real with you, and this is me showing you who I am.”
Caitlin looked away, needing to break the contact, to pull away from the intensity of his stare. She breathed deeply before feeling courageous enough to look at him again. His open palm found the side of her face, warm against her skin, and she turned her cheek to him.
“I’ve been an idiot, Caitlin, but I want to show you why. I want you to know why the Navy means so much to me, why it’ll always be a part of my life.”
Her stomach fluttered. With hope. With want. With
wishes
.
Could she trust him? Could she believe that he was ready to move forward, to listen, that he wasn’t still trying to hold on to the past? That he’d truly acknowledged that he wasn’t alone in his pain?
“Just like your ballet will always be part of your life, this is part of mine.”
His words were soft, low…gentle. And she believed him. Believed that he wanted to try, to make an effort and prove himself to her.
“Show me,” she said, leaning into him, letting him wrap an arm around her and pull her close. “Show me your world.”
Tom didn’t hesitate. He pulled her into him and held her tight. She was like a fairy tucked into her protector, tiny beside his height, small against his frame.
And she liked it. Liked feeling, for once in her life, that another human being genuinely wanted to protect her from harm.
Caitlin pushed aside her fears, the worries trying so desperately to take hold of her mind.
If Tom could do this for her, then she could give him a chance. Had to let him prove himself, do what he had to do. She couldn’t let her past hold her back for the rest of her life, and Tom was the man to show her there was a different way.
Maybe life held a different path for her than she’d thought. Because if he could move on, then so could she.
* * *
Tom walked through the double doors with Caitlin at his side. He stilled the alpha within him wanting to get out, refusing to get all protective over her. She was beautiful and he had to deal with it. Other men were always going to look at her, and, from what she’d told him, she wasn’t entirely fussed on overprotective male behavior.
“So this is where you train, huh?” she asked.
Tom stopped, gave her time to look around. “When I first walked through those doors, I knew I’d found where I belonged,” he told her, speaking honestly, from the heart. “I thought that’d be my career for life. Making the SEALs was everything I’d ever wanted.”
Caitlin turned sad eyes his way. “Like all your dreams had come true and you’d found the one thing you were destined to do,” she said.
Tom reached out to her, squeezed her hand. “Finding what you loved and making a career of it,” he agreed. “I thought I was so lucky.”
“You
are
lucky,” she insisted, moving in toward him, not letting go of his hand.
Tom liked it, liked that she wanted to touch him when he’d expected her to back off.
“Come on,” he said, tugging her with him. “I want to show you something.”
Caitlin followed, curiosity plain on her face. “You’re not going to make me do anything, are you? Have I mentioned how much I hate the water?” She was cringing and it made him laugh.
“I can arrange a swim for you if you like…” he teased.
Caitlin’s eyebrows turned into a frown. “I can’t swim,” she confessed.