The Mind Connection: How the Thoughts You Choose Affect Your Mood, Behavior, and Decisions (7 page)

Keeping our priorities in proper order is very important, and I have found that in order to do so, I have to make changes and adjustments fairly frequently. Life seems to get too full sometimes without me even knowing how it got that way. We say yes to one thing and then another, we do a friend a favor, we feel we should attend an event because we don’t want anyone to be offended, and on and on it goes. We don’t thoroughly think through what each thing we commit to will require of us, or how much time and energy it will take, and soon we feel pressured. We are frustrated because we are not getting the things done that we know we should be doing, and find ourselves doing many things we don’t even really want to do.

When that happens, it is time to reprioritize. We make our schedules, and we are the only ones who can change them.

Are you willing to make a change? I often ask people that question, because some things will never change unless we change them. It is useless to complain about something if you could change it and aren’t willing to do so. More important than the many things we try to cram into our day is whether or not we have peace. If we have no peace, then we have no power. All we have is frustration, complication, and a lot of unfinished projects.

If you are looking through a camera lens and what you see is
out of focus, you take time to refocus the lens before taking the picture. We should do the same thing with our life if our priorities have gotten out of focus. See your mind as the camera lens, and adjust your thinking so you are putting your energies into what you truly know you want to do.

God’s Word speaks about the need to focus frequently, so it must be important. The apostle Paul had a goal, and he knew that he had to keep pressing toward it. I am sure he had many requests made of him and expectations placed on him, but in the midst of it all, he managed to focus on his main goal, which was spiritual maturity (see Philippians 3:10–14). Paul wanted to be what God wanted him to be! The church is filled with people who want to be strong against temptation, and yet they never make studying God’s Word a priority, so they fail time and time again.

The author of Hebrews said to look away from all that would distract them unto Jesus, who is the Leader and Source of our faith (see Hebrews 12:2). Always keep Jesus in the center of all that you do, and refuse to let anything distract you from Him.

Paul wrote to the Romans and told them to set their minds on, and seek those things, that gratify the Spirit (see Romans 8:5). We must first set our mind in the right direction before we can go in the right direction. Focus requires that we set our minds and keep them set on what is important to us at any given time. Distractions are abundant. The devil uses them to keep us from bearing good fruit and being fulfilled, but with God’s help and some determination, we can focus!

Don’t be discouraged if you frequently find that you have allowed your priorities to get out of line—just refocus and get back on track. Be determined to finish the things you start and give yourself to what you truly want to do.

Scripture tells us that God has given us a sound mind, and that is a mind of discipline and self-control (see 2 Timothy 1:7). I am glad to know that I have one, but like most of us I am still developing it. I have to be honest and say that giving myself to the thing I am currently doing can be very challenging at times, and I pray daily that God will help me focus. My mind tends to be busy and is often a step ahead of where I am. My children tease me because I have been known to start opening the car door to get out of it before the car has come to a full stop. Yesterday I was rinsing my mouth with mouthwash and got distracted and swallowed it! (Not tasty!) Learning to enjoy and be fully present in the moment is a challenge for me, but it is one I am not going to give up on. I have experienced the power of focus, and I also know the misery of being scatterbrained, and I am not going to settle for anything less than focused thinking. The greatest moment in our lives is the present moment! We need to live it fully and enjoy it completely.

The less noise we have around us, the easier it is to focus. I usually try to get by myself for large chunks of time when I write my books, but on this writing trip, several of my family members are with me. I am in a room by myself, but I can hear them in the other part of the house. I hear laughter and wonder what is so funny, and then I am tempted to go out and see what is going on. If I do, then I break my focus and it takes time for me to get refocused again.

We cannot always be hermits, but there is nothing wrong with needing time alone to focus on what is important to you.

I think we get sidetracked often simply because we want to be involved in everything that is going on. We don’t want to miss anything! I hear the laughter and think,
I want to be part of the fun
. But when my book is published, those having fun may wish they had written a book. We simply cannot do everything. We must choose what is most important to us and focus on that.

To be able to focus means that I have to say no to many other things. Some of the things I say no to may be things I would like to say yes to. However, when I compare them to my main goals in life, I find I still need to say no. The simplest form of what I am presenting is that you cannot have everything you want and have anything worth having. Making wise choices is the key to success. Choose to do now what you will be satisfied with later on. If I choose to leave my writing and go see what the laughter is all about, it might be fun right now, but I can assure you that later when I have not reached my goal for the day, I will be sorry I did it. The only way to live without regrets is to do what you know you should do, when you know you should do it.

It is impossible to be a champion at anything without the power of focus, and it is never something that comes without opposition. I have watched golf matches and noticed that the champions are the ones who don’t let a bad shot make them angry. They know they must stay focused if they are to have any hope of winning. I have watched football players get knocked down, and baseball players fall down, but the great ones don’t focus on the fall; they focus on winning the game. Focus requires getting right up after a fall and going on as if nothing had happened. Champions have no time to wallow in their mistakes.

Whether it is a champion golfer, a champion mom, or a champion teacher, it is imperative that we learn to focus on what is at hand, and that means letting go of past (no matter how recent) mistakes.

I have also learned that successful sports stars always play the game in their mind before they play it in reality. I know a former quarterback who spent entire days laying out plays and going over and over them in his mind. When we practice mentally, it is easier to perform physically. I find myself doing the same thing before I conduct a teaching seminar. I go over and over my notes during the three-day seminar. During those three days, I am focused only on what I am there to do. I don’t let unnecessary
distractions get me off course. My staff knows that those days are not good days to tell me about problems unless they have no other choice. I don’t want anything fighting for my attention, because I want the words that I speak to be like a laser beam going into the hearts of the listeners.

We each want to be a champion at something. We want to be winners in life. We want to succeed. But sadly, many people don’t understand what it takes. They don’t discipline their minds, habits, bodies, or finances, and then they wonder why they failed. Discipline is the tool that God gives us to help us be who we say we want to be and do what we say we want to do. Discipline is our friend, not our enemy. Learn to discipline your mind and practice focusing. It may take time and effort, but once you gain a measure of success, you will find life much easier and more fulfilling.

I will admit that focus is more difficult for some people than others. There are actual chemical imbalances that cause problems in this area for some individuals. For those people, too much stimuli or activity is not a good idea. They need to help themselves by creating a space to work in that doesn’t hinder their progress. I knew a boy who had attention deficit disorder, and his teacher put him in the front row right in front of her desk, because that was the place he would be the least distracted. I know a teenager who needs to be alone in a room to do homework because she is easily distracted. However, before you claim a chemical disorder and decide that you simply cannot focus well, make sure you are not merely dealing with a lack of mental discipline.

I find when I have a project that I really need to focus on, the sooner in the day I get started the better it is. If I wait until I have
had to deal with too many other things, it can take a mental toll on me. Then I am not as fresh as I would like to be for the project that is my main priority.

It is important that we use our time wisely or we will waste it on things that don’t help us do what we need to do. For example, when you are trying to give your attention to a project, someone, or even several people, may ask you a question that
they
feel needs to be answered right away, but in order for you to answer it properly, you have to make three phone calls to get the information you need. Not all of the people you call answer their phone, so you have to keep yours turned on in order to receive their return call, and in the meantime you get more calls and messages. You get five phone calls you were not expecting. Do you have to answer just because they called, or can you decide not to take the call right now and return their call later? Far too often I have decided to take the call and ended up on the phone for thirty minutes with someone who is talking and talking about something that is their priority, but not mine. At times I am headed somewhere and need to stay focused, when I am approached by someone who only needs “one second” of my time. Nobody ever needs one second, so it is best to ask the person to contact you later and stay focused. We cannot avoid all of these situations, but we can learn to manage them better if we truly want to focus on what our priority is.

Try to get to your main priorities while your mind is fresh and not filled with too many other things. Since our thoughts are connected to all of our other feelings and decisions, it is best to keep them peaceful and calm rather than flying in ten different directions. We have only a certain amount of energy for any given day, and if we divide it among too many things, we end up
giving a weak effort at best to everything, instead of a focused and creative effort to a few things.

When I woke up this morning, my main goal for the day was to work on my book. I had a goal of finishing a certain number of words by the end of the day if at all possible. I have had some difficulty getting started writing this morning, because I had to deal with about eight other things before I began. Could some of them have been avoided? If I am honest with you and myself, I have to admit they could have. I think one of the most difficult things for us to learn is how to divide what we really must do from the things that we just get caught up in, things we probably should have avoided. But with God’s help and some determination, we can do it!

“The sooner the better” is my new catchphrase when it comes to working on my main goals for each day. Any successful person has to develop an ability to choose more important things over less important ones. They are not merely lucky people who don’t have interruptions in their life, but they have simply learned to make better choices. Let’s decide together to make the best choices every day and choose what is excellent and of the greatest value. Paul prayed this for the churches and I pray it for you…

• If you have a goal, something you truly want to accomplish, you will need to focus your thoughts, energies, and time toward it.

• Find out what God has gifted you to do and give yourself wholeheartedly to it.

• In order to stay focused in life, it’s important to reprioritize as you go.

• You can’t do everything. Choose what is important to you and put your focus on that.

• Discipline is the tool that God gives us to help us be who we say we want to be and do what we say we want to do.

Our thoughts and attitudes affect our friendships in many ways. For example, a positive attitude attracts many friends, whereas someone who is negative may find themselves isolated and alone. Like the old saying goes, “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.”

I doubt seriously that people who think and speak negatively are aware of how much their negativity affects their relationships with other people. To be honest, the only people who enjoy a negative person are people who are also negative. Anyone who is happy, or wants to be happy, will quickly discover that being with negative, sour people doesn’t help them attain or maintain joy. As a matter of fact, they can have a joy-draining effect on others.

I have openly admitted that I spent many years as a very negative person. I have teasingly said that if I thought two positive thoughts in a row my brain would get into a cramp! I can look back and realize that during those years in my life I was lonely
and had very few friends. I had no idea why people didn’t like me, but I now know that my sour attitude was one of the reasons.

My husband was, and is, very positive, and he has always been a good influence on me in this area. I recall initially getting irritated with him because he was always cheery and hopeful when life seemed so dark and dreary to me. Although he frustrated me at times, I desperately needed and eventually was helped by his positive attitude. The best way to get rid of darkness is to expose it to the light. Dave was a light to me in that his joy eventually made me hungry for a change in my own behavior. One of the best ways we can minister to people is to go out in the world and be a positive, joyful influence on them. If you realize you are a negative-thinking person, the best thing you can do for yourself is to avoid spending excessive time with other negative people and to spend generous amounts of time with positive, hopeful people. Don’t accept the lie that you can’t be happy because you have too many problems. If anyone can be happy, you can be happy, because God’s promises are for anyone who will believe them and receive them by faith.