Pure confidence swirled around the beta like a tornado ready to destroy anything in its path. There was no doubt that he cared enough to make up for Francis and
Steffan’s
near-ambivalence about rank. There would be no token challenge.
Alfred took a deep breath. If he didn’t square up against the beta it would just hurt all the worse when the other man charged at him. Gunnar took a fighting stance and raised an eyebrow at Alfred, as if warning him that no one would be playing bloody silly games this time around.
Alfred took the hint and took up a suitable posture. He tried to take yet another deep breath, but all the air rushed out of his lungs as he hit the ground hard enough to make his teeth rattle in his head.
When he opened his eyes, Gunnar was right there, his nose an inch from Alfred’s face, a deep growl emanating from the back of his throat.
Chapter Six
Alfred dipped his gaze without wasting time on a first, let alone a second, thought. Instincts were flying through him now, freed of all the anger that had bubbled inside him for as long as he could remember.
Gunnar was a beta and Alfred knew right then, in a way he never really had before, that it was the rank Gunnar belonged in. He hadn’t been given the rank because he looked like a
beta,
he’d been given it because he was a beta right down to the core.
Even as Alfred turned his head and stared down at the battered grass to his left, he began to understand what it was to want to belong to a pack where there were wolves that outranked him, not because life was unfair, but because they should outrank him. In one blinding flash it felt both right and safe to know that there were wolves in the pack that were above him, watching over him and the other gammas.
“Now?”
Gunnar demanded, still barely an inch away from his nose. “
Now
you decide you want to stop acting like a brat?”
Alfred risked a glance up. The other man was so close he was blurry.
“No,” he whispered. “I just realised that I don’t want to be a beta.”
“And that makes everything okay?” Gunnar growled. “It makes what you said to Caden a few minutes ago okay?”
Alfred swallowed rapidly. The other man might as well have thrust his fist straight into his chest and squeezed his fingers around his heart, stopping it from ever taking another beat.
Everything he had said to Caden played back in his head, and there was no way to escape it. “I was wrong to say that,” Alfred whispered.
“Yes,” Gunnar bit out. “You were.”
“I love him.” Alfred had had no intention of saying those words to anyone, and to Gunnar least of all, but suddenly they had already been spoken and it was too late to change that. Each syllable hung in the middle of the challenge circle, all pink and fluffy with pretty little hearts and sparkles decorating the air around them.
The beta growled again, but there seemed to be more frustration than anger in his grumbling now.
Alfred watched Gunnar carefully as the beta pulled back. Every muscle in the more dominant wolf’s body was bunched up so tightly, it was almost impossible to believe he wasn’t going to explode and lunge at him at any moment.
Gunnar wasn’t looking at him in return. His attention was on the wolves still waiting to cross the challenge circle. He growled again as he turned back to Alfred.
“Just because I’ve no interest in seeing someone my brother is stupid enough to care about being thrown out of the pack, that doesn’t mean I like you or that I forgive you for
anything
,” he bit out.
The beta was still crouched down, as if ready to attack, but Alfred somehow managed to gather up every scrap of courage at his disposal and sit up.
“If you ever hurt Talbot or Caden, I’ll make you wish I’d killed you in this circle,” Gunnar warned.
Alfred slowly nodded his understanding.
Gunnar jerked himself abruptly to his feet and strode over to the far side of the circle without a word, leaving Alfred sitting all alone in the centre of the flattened grass.
The next wolves to pass through the circle were the other gammas. They’d all seen what had passed between him and the first three visitors to the circle. A little bit of rough and tumble was a small price to pay for seeing four more wolves move past him to the other side of the circle.
A couple of sneaky blows from men he had taken his own fair share of digs at over the years weren’t so entirely unexpected. He took them with all the grace he could muster, knowing he probably had them coming. But it was only when he failed to return them that the other wolves retreated in apparent confusion.
As he watched the last of his fellow gammas leave the ring, Alfred wiped the blood away from his split lip with the back of his hand. His ribs burned from a well-aimed kick. His head span from a harsh blow. He knew that by morning, there would be a dozen other parts of his body that would be calling him a fool for not hitting back, but it was hard to believe that any of that mattered.
Success pounded through him like the heartbeat of the universe. Gunnar was the only wolf who had refused to yield his place in the hierarchy to him. Alfred stood in the middle of the challenge ring, the highest ranking gamma in the pack.
Except he wasn’t actually part of the pack right then.
Wolves still stood ready to challenge his newfound desire to belong and be a piece of something larger than himself. If the alphas refused to accept him into the fold, it wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference what the gammas all thought.
“Talbot.”
Alfred’s eyes snapped towards the little omega. He’d been slowly gaining confidence since he’d been mated to Gunnar, but right
then,
he seemed to be back to where he had been several months ago, a bundle of nerves and anxiety barely held together by his fragile frame.
A memory presented itself in Alfred’s mind of when Bennett had been in the circle. He’d let Talbot pass through with barely a word. Alfred dropped his gaze to the grass in front of him. Suddenly, he understood why.
“You’re a good omega,” Alfred said, as he looked up.
Talbot lifted his gaze, his expression all shock and no challenge. He stood on the edge of the ring as if he was more than ready to jump back out of it at the first sign of anger from his opponent.
Alfred stepped carefully forward, keeping all his movements calm, making sure there wasn’t even the slightest hint of a threat in them. Finally, he reached the omega.
“You’d be wasted as a gamma.”
Talbot said nothing.
“We need someone to balance out Gunnar and the alphas,” Alfred went on. “You do that perfectly. I couldn’t, neither could anyone else in the pack.”
A little touch of colour rose to Talbot’s cheeks. “I don’t want to challenge you,” he admitted.
Alfred swallowed and cleared his throat. “Do you want me to be part of your pack?” Heaven knew he hadn’t actually given the omega any reason to want him within miles of him over the years.
Talbot nodded. He smiled slightly. He really seemed to mean it.
“Why?” Alfred blurted out.
“Because omegas aren’t the only wolves a pack needs,” Talbot said very softly.
“And because Gunnar might never have noticed me if he hadn’t been pointed towards a wolf who was the exact opposite of what he needed in a mate.”
“Shake on it?” Alfred suggested, trying to hide his relief as best he could in order to appear strong and reassuring in the other wolf’s eyes.
Talbot held out one small hand.
Alfred shook it. At the same time, he ruffled the omega’s hair with his other hand. It was a clumsy attempt to copy a gesture he’d seen the other wolves bestow on Talbot so many times over the years, but Talbot seemed to sense he was doing his best. The little guy didn’t even flinch at his raised hand.
Dipping his head, Alfred dropped his voice to a whisper. “You’d better go to your mate, before Gunnar has a fit waiting for you to get out of the circle.”
Another smile reached Talbot’s lips as he quickly did as Alfred commanded.
The omega had barely left the circle when Bennett stepped forward. He strode into the centre with complete confidence and Alfred’s mind immediately raced back to the last time he’d faced Bennett there.
There’d been no quiet little conversations with wolves he’d known his whole life for Bennett. The challenges to an alpha’s place in the pack were never that simple.
“I’m sorry,” Alfred said.
Bennett didn’t say anything for a long time.
“I didn’t know,” Alfred whispered.
“Yes, you did,” the alpha corrected. “You knew exactly what you were doing when you challenged me, and you know exactly what would happen once you sowed doubts in the other wolves’ heads.”
Alfred swallowed. When he met Bennett’s eyes for a moment, he knew there was no way in hell he’d be allowed to hide behind even
half-lies
right then. “Yes,” he admitted. “I knew.”
“So tell me why,” Bennett ordered, slowly starting to circle Alfred.
Unable to turn and keep his attention on the other wolf without risking making himself so dizzy he’d be unable to keep his footing, Alfred stayed very still.
“Because they all respected you.
Because they accepted the fact you should outrank them without a thought. Because…” Alfred closed his eyes for a moment, but when he opened them, he forced himself to meet the other man’s eyes. “Because if I had acted that way with a lover, they’d have taken it as a sign that I really belonged at the bottom of the pack. It wasn’t fair that you should be able to do that and keep your place while I…”
“While you were forced to live in a rank your nature isn’t suited to,” Bennett finished for him.
“I just knew I was angry,” Alfred said, with a frown. “I don’t think I even really knew why until…” He waved a hand at the circle beneath their feet, unable to find the right words to go on.
Bennett nodded as if that made perfect sense. His hair fell forward into his eyes, but he made no attempt to push it away. “That’s what a challenge circle should be used for.”
Alfred stared at the trampled-down grass. The scent of it filled his lungs as he took a deep breath.
“To make a pack stronger, not weaker,” Bennett went on.
Alfred nodded. His eyes fell closed.
“To allow a wolf to find his rightful place in the pack.”
Another jerky little nod was all Alfred could manage.
“Do you have any hesitation in accepting me as your alpha today?”
“No!” Alfred had never been more certain of an answer in his life.
“Then from this moment on, you’re part of my pack.” And Bennett turned to leave the circle as easily as that.
“Wait!” Alfred rushed forward and caught hold of his sleeve. “That’s it?”
The alpha smiled slightly. “You mean don’t I want revenge for what happened last time we stood in this circle?” Bennett shook his head. “That’s not what being an alpha is about.”
The thin cotton slipped from Alfred’s fingers as the alpha turned and walked away. He stared after the other wolf, trying to think of something to say. He knew he deserved to be hammered black, blue and any other colour Bennett fancied for putting the alpha in the circle all those months ago. He was equally sure that a good wolf would take his punishment and maybe he’d be able to move on after it, but if Bennett wouldn’t go along with that idea then—
Without any warning, Alfred’s legs were swept out from beneath him. He landed heavily on the grass. His fingers clawed at the blades as he stared up at Marsdon.
The older wolf crouched in front of him, resting his forearms on his knees, the gentle breeze catching at his hair. “When you step out of this circle, you’ll be given a completely fresh start, an entirely clean slate. Nothing that happened before that moment will count against you. So, this is your last chance. If you want to take a swing at a member of your pack, do it now.”
“I didn’t hurt them,” Alfred blurted out, with a glance towards the other members of the pack.
“I know. I didn’t think you had it in you, but you acted exactly as the top-ranking gamma should. But, if you need to fight
now
, you can. I’ll fight you. I’ll see that you don’t get too badly hurt in the process, and I’ll see that you don’t hurt me too badly, either.”
Alfred stared up at him. That was another part of being an alpha, he saw that now too—it was just the opposite side of the same coin that Bennett had offered him. Alfred closed his eyes to hide a wince. Right then, the other wolf’s kindness hurt far more than any blow from him ever could.
Several minutes passed before he was able to force himself to meet the alpha’s eyes. The anger he’d seen there last time the challenge ring had been formed wasn’t there now, but as Alfred thought back to that day, he understood why Marsdon had hated him so much ever since.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered for what felt like the millionth time that day.
“For anything in particular?”
Marsdon asked, still crouched next to him.
“For making you watch Bennett in the ring.” Alfred looked down. “I didn’t know how hard it would have been, to watch a wolf you loved… I just…”