The Lost Train of Thought (29 page)
But there was also another explanation.
“Po?”
“Yes, Becker?”
“I, um . . . there’s something I need to know.”
“I figured you might.”
Becker’s mouth had become so dry that he couldn’t manage
the words, so he inhaled the clean and salty air instead. Waves were lapping gently against the shore, while a trio of palm trees swayed easily overhead. Out on the water, a lone seagull skimmed across the surface, and Becker was sure he could hear music and people laughing from somewhere up above the boardwalk. All of these sights and sounds melted away his fear, and with one last deep breath, he turned to the Fixer beside him and found the courage to ask—
“Is this A Better Place?”
Glossary of Terms
A Better Place:
Where people go when they die.
Action Park:
The (now closed) water-and motor-themed amusement park in Vernon Township, NJ, whose popularity was accompanied by unsafe rides, zoned-out attendants, and questionable patrons. (But it was awesome.)
Animal Affairs:
The department in The Seems responsible for Leopard Spots, Lions’ Roars, maps for Carrier Pigeons, updates on the secret plan among squirrels to overthrow humankind and force all other life forms into indentured servitude in the nut mines, etc.
Attak-Pak
®
:
A silver backpack or “anti-Toolkit” used by Glitches to wreak havoc on the machinery of The Seems.
Back Scratcher:
One who toils in the back country of the Middle of Nowhere, searching and sifting for precious grains of Scratch.
Bargain Hunters:
A loose band of mercenaries specializing in the buying and reselling of precious materials to a small segment of The Seemsian upper crust. (Usually at a great profit.)
Brainstorm:
A phenomenon, peculiar to the Middle of Nowhere, where gusting winds and shifting sands kick up large quantities of unrefined Scratch. When combined with human or Seemsian Thought, virtually anything imaginable can come to life. See also: Brainstorming.
Brainstorming:
An extreme sport pioneered back in The Day in which participants intentionally enter a Brainstorm to turn their wildest fantasies and fears into reality.
Buzz Kills:
Gnatlike insects indigenous to the Middle of Nowhere known to kill your buzz with theirs.
Care Giver(s):
Highly qualified medical personnel dispatched from the Department of Health to handle any and all life-threatening emergencies.
Cleanup Crew:
A division of Human Resources responsible for “humanely unremembering” people of what they know about The Seems and collecting all hard materials that might leave a paper trail.
Clink, the:
The sheet-metal holding tank adjacent to the Pokey where Seemsberia’s most dangerous arrivals are housed during processing.
Cloud(s) of Suspicion:
Nasty bulbous puffs known to settle over The World at random intervals, causing large-scale mistrust and fear.
Day, the:
The time before the Beginning of Time, when The World was under construction.
Distraction:
A Seemsian sport/pastime combining elements of curling, shuffleboard, and Tetris, in which participants push metal figurines down a sheet of ice, attempting to stack them in an or ganized fashion.
Easy Street:
The most expensive block in Alphabet City, overlooking LMNO Park.
Everywhere
: 1. A quaint village of hardworking people complete with a trolley, walkable downtown, and excellent school system. 2. Hometown of Simly Frye.
Firefox:
Feature film centering on a Vietnam vet enlisted to steal a highly advanced Rus sian fighter plane (nicknamed “Firefox”) and return it to the United States for analysis.
[Starring: Clint
Eastwood, Freddie Jones. 1982. 136 mins. Rated: PG.]
Based on the book by Craig Thomas.
Firsts, Seconds, Thirds:
The three naturally occurring geological phenomena from which the Essence of Time is distilled. For more, please see
The Seems: The Split Second.
Head Rush:
The period back in The Day when Seemsians looking to make a Buck (or Bill) flocked to the Middle of Nowhere in search of untapped Thought. The frontier economy inevitably dried up when the Powers That Be decided to regulate the industry.
Heap, the:
Name for the pile of discarded inventions, phased-out innovations, and never-before-seen creations junked before ever making it to The World.
Hide:
A thin, skinlike textile resistant both to the elements and to Peeping Toms.
Hopscotch:
A simple game in which participants hop through a series of squares on one foot. Designed in the Department of Fun, it was leaked to The World during the rule of the Roman Empire.
Hunga Munga:
An early tribal weapon consisting of a pointed blade with a curved back and a spike near the handle.
Idea Smugglers:
Outlaws who run stolen (and sometimes revolutionary) Ideas back and forth between the Middle of Nowhere and Black Market.
I’llshootyoudeadwhereyoustandyoulowdownnogoodsonuva
Gun:
A Color Warera musket considered extremely rare and highly dangerous, particularly in the hands of one who knows how to wield it. (Aka ’Sonuva Gun.)
Inner Child:
The nine-year-old chief psychologist of Seemsberia charged with getting prisoners back in touch with their true selves.
Jiffy Pop:
A brand of popcorn that combines kernels and oil in an aluminum pan with a crinkled foil lid. As the pan becomes hotter, the popped corn causes the foil to rise and expand.
Jinx Gnomes:
The comic strip-turned hit TV series-turned major motion picture about the crack unit dispatched to The World whenever a person overcelebrates a bit of good fortune.
Johnson Bar:
A yard-long lever that controls if a train locomotive moves forward or in reverse.
KGB:
aka “
Komitjet Gosudarstvjennoj Bjezopasnosti,”
aka “
Committee
for State Security.”
The Soviet Union’s security forces, secret police, and intelligence agency from 1954 to 1991.
Knockout Punch:
Originally developed as a cure for Insomnia in the Department of Sleep, this 100 percent juice (not from concentrate) elixir slipped out and became a popular Seemsian sleep remedy.
Library at Alexandria
: The greatest bibliotheca in the ancient world, allegedly burned down by Caesar during his visit to Egypt in 48 BC. Details of the destruction, however, remain unclear.
Memory Bank:
The fortresslike institution in which the Memories of The World are kept.
Mind Bender:
An employee of the Department of Thought & Emotion responsible for stringing the filament of Mind into the glass bulbs of Big Ideas.
Mind, Body & Soll, LLC:
The award-winning architectural firm credited with designing many of the most innovative departments, as well as some World-based wonders (e.g., Stonehenge, Machu Picchu, Easter Island).
Operation Clean Sweep:
The Mission when all Glitches, except one holdout, were swept from the system.
Outskirts, the:
A far-out area of The Seems that vagabonds, bohemians, and dropouts from mainstream Seemsian society call home.
Pickmeup:
Similar to coffee but double the caffeine and twice the Inspiration.
Pink Floyd:
1. The British Invasionera prog-rock band famous for their haunting melodies, profound lyrics, and obsession with flying pigs. 2. Becker Drane’s favorite band.
Price Is Right:
The television game show where contestants guess the prices of household items, without going over. Hosts have included: Bill Cullen, Bob Barker, and Drew Carey.
A
Mark Goodson–Bill Todman production.
Purple Haze:
An anomalous cloud of magenta dust associated with a faulty algorithm in the Department of Weather. The psychedelic blob last reached The World in the late 1960s, resulting in a fascination with flashing lights, bright colors, and songs over twenty minutes in length.
Remote Gremlin
: The infamous “collector of clickers,” this former employee of Lost & Found ran roughshod through The World pilfering TV remote controls until he was captured and sentenced to life in Seemsberia. Many anonymous copycats still perform his “work” to this day.
Ripple Effect:
A large-scale unraveling of the Plan, often caused by broken Chains of Events.
Scratch:
Tiny blue specks, indigenous to the Middle of Nowhere and used to create anything and everything.
Signal Box:
A raised hut/tower providing a dry space for mechanical switching levers and a home base for the accompanying signalman/woman.
Sock Goblin:
The nefarious “snatcher of soles,” this former Collections employee expressed her inner madness by robbing The World of countless foot-gloves. Due to the pain and frustration inflicted, she was given a term of life in Seemsberia, without possibility of parole.
Spy Who Came In from the Cold, The:
Feature film about a disillusioned British agent who refuses to come in from the Cold War, opting instead for another mission, which could very well be his last.
[Starring: Richard Burton, Claire Bloom. 1965. 112
mins. Not Rated.]
Based on the book by John le Carré.
Thin Air:
A Bermuda Triangle–like corner of The Seems where people inexplicably vanish, often never to be seen again.
Torch, the:
Lit by Jayson himself and protected by a small bronze censer, this flame symbolizes the unofficial leader of the Fixers. It has never been extinguished.
Tumulty’s:
1. Featuring burgers too big for the bun, model trains, and wedges of iceberg lettuce. Present your copy of
The
Seems
and get 10% off! Not to be combined with other offers. __________________________ (Signature of own er/server) Good for one use! 361 George Street, New Brunswick, NJ 2. Benjamin Drane’s favorite restaurant.
Wheel Tapper:
The railroad employee responsible for testing train wheels for cracks by hitting them with a special hammer.
Yard Master:
The railroad employee responsible for the makeup or breakup of trains, devising schedules, and coordinating yard switching.
Making Things from Scratch
Ever since its discovery in the sands of the Middle of Nowhere, the substance known as Scratch has sparked the imagination of The Seems. Early pioneers used raw Scratch to dream up foodstuff and water where none was readily available, to imagine groves and oases as respites from the sun, and even just to watch their wildest fantasies come to fruition. Though items made this way only boast a half-life of three days, “Brainstorming” became a popular sport back in The Day and drew many a follower to the harsh desert climate.
Nonetheless, when The World project was finally green-lit, a process was needed to ensure a more lasting reality. It was called “Design” and entailed superheating Scratch to a temperature of +541° F. The liquefied powder was then allowed to coagulate into an azure paste, filtered of impurities, and shipped in rubber Conun-Drums to appropriate departments. Last but not least, Agents of L.U.C.K. would scrape the residue from the vats and transform it into moments of good fortune for the people of The World.
Today Nature Buffs regularly use processed Scratch to think shrubs and bushes to life, while Mountaineers conjure the snow-covered peaks of Zermatt and Vail. Scratch is also woven into the Fabric of Reality and remains a fundamental building block for all Goods & Services, from Dreams to Hunches to Matters of Fact. Not surprisingly, quantities of Scratch are tightly controlled, accounting for a thriving Black Market.
Warning: Scratch should never be used without a clear mind and
clean hands.