The Lonely Girl (13 page)

We went home, and the next few days fly by. I hear nothing from Alec. I did message Keegan to tell him I was back, but that I still had so much going on I needed to sort things out with Alec. I saw Keegan a few times, but it was just small talk. My brother has seen me a few times. He’s started to walk over, but Jake just shakes his head. Alec didn’t come any further and just turned around. It’s been six days since my world was turned upside down. I thought
Michael was perfect. I thought he loved me and hadn’t ever been with anyone. We were waiting until I was ready, or so I thought. What if he hadn’t died? Would he have told me or just kept going on like nothing happened? What would have happened when I said I was ready? Would he have pretended to be having his first time too? Those thoughts make me nauseated.

I see my brother sitting at a table studying in the library. I walk up to him. I see a smile on his face until he sees my reaction to being this close to him. I’m revolted.

“Alec, I will come to your place in an hour. I think it’s time we have a talk.” I don’t wait for a response. I turn around and walk back to the dorms. I ask Jake to drop me off at Alec’s. He offers to stay, but I tell him I’ll have Keegan or Alec bring me back. He gives me a hug and reminds me to call him if I need him.

As I’m walking up to my brothers, I see Keegan come out. “Becca, your brother said you were coming over I wanted to give you two some privacy. Send me a message when you’re done. I know he doesn’t deserve it but don’t be too hard on him.” He keeps walking, and I turn to watch him leave. “I miss you, Becca.”
With that, he’s out the door and gone. As much as I’d love to read into this and analyze the crap out of us, I have other man troubles. I have a brother to deal with, and it’s not going to be something either of us likes. I knock on the door, and he invites me in.

“Becca, you don’t need to knock even if it’s locked you have a key.” He’s awkward and shuffling around.

“I don’t feel comfortable just walking in anymore.” I didn’t even think before I said it, but as soon as I did I’ve never said anything more true.

“Please don’t say that
, Bec.” I cringe at the name.

“Becca! Alec, my name is BECCA! I don’t want to be tied to that name, now even more than before. Bec is dead and gone, if she existed at all. She’s not coming back. This is me now.” I didn’t want to yell at him. He’s just making me so mad.

“Becca, I’m sorry it slipped out. I love you no matter what your name is.” He takes a step towards me. I put my hands up to stop him from continuing.

“Alec, don’t. Just stop. Tell me why you did it. Why did you lie to me? What else don’t I know?” He looks devastated.

“You better sit down.” With that I know I’m not going to like this. I walk over to sit on the chair and Alec takes the couch in front of me. “Becca, I found Michael that night after they’d…” He pauses. “Finished. He was a mess. He told me what he’d done and I wanted to beat the crap out him but he was so upset and crying. I’d never seen him cry before and felt sorry for him. He told me about your fight and he wasn’t even positive if he cheated because he didn’t know if you were together. I told Michael to tell you but he said you’d never forgive him and I knew he was right. After he spoke with you he just wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. I kept telling him to tell you that you needed to know before someone else told you. He said he’d do it but with him going to Lakehead it would end you. I told him it wasn’t a good enough reason and then well the accident happened. He was dead and I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want you to see him only as that. I figured you’d grieve and move on. I’d keep this secret to spare you from this. I know it was wrong and I know you think it means I loved him more but I did it because I loved you. I didn’t want to see you hurt anymore. Michael said he was going to tell you and then he died. I didn’t think anyone would say anything now that he wasn’t here.”

I take a second to take it all in. I can’t help that I’m only getting angrier. I stand up and start screaming. “You should have told me when it happened. I would NEVER lie to you, Alec. You’re my brother. MINE. You tell me you’ll always protect me but if that was the case you wouldn’t have let me find out the way I did. You would have found time to tell me. It’s been over a year! I hate you for letting Dillon do this to us. That’s exactly what he wanted and he won. I’m alone. Michael’s memory is
tainted and I don’t know if this family is reparable.” With that, my brother starts crying.

“Becca, please don’t say that. I’m sorry. I will never keep anything from you. I promise you, I will only tell you the truth and be honest.
Just believe that if Michael hadn’t told you and he was still alive, I would have told you. Please let me fix this.”

I have tears running down my che
eks. I know that he’s telling the truth, but it doesn’t help the hurt. “Alec...”

Alec is at my side on the ground. His arms are wrapped around my legs, and he’s sobbing. “Please just tell me we can fix this.” Family is family. They’re all you’ve got that’s constant. I bend down and pull him up with me. I hug him, and he’s shaking. “I can’t lose you
, Becca. You’re my little sister. I will never forgive myself for the pain I’ve caused.”

Oh Alec, why did you let yourself get into this mess? “Alec
, he died. He died and you didn’t want to make him look like a bad person. I understand that. This is all just so screwed up. I promise we will get through this. It will just take time. You can’t be so overbearing and freak out when I don’t get back to you right away either. Calling Mom was not a smart move either.” He tenses.

“
Yes, I know she’s called me every day to yell at me and ask me how I’m going to fix it. I will fix this, Becca. I will never let anything bad happen to you.”

I pull back and look him right in his eyes. “I hope so, Alec because even though I am upset I love you more than anything.” I am suddenly pulled into a big hug and he’s crying.

“Becca, I’m so happy to hear you say that. I love you too.”

We spend the next hour talking about everything and anything. I ask him to take me home, so I can study for my midterms that start at the end of the week. Jake is waiting for me at the dorm entrance. My brother must have sent him a message to tell him I was coming back. We go back to Jake’s room, and everyone is in study mood. The dorms are unusually quiet. Jake and I quiz each other for a few hours then head to bed. We continue to stick to this ritual of studying and sleeping for the next two weeks.

Chapter 11

Midterms are done and I’ve been told it’s party time. I’m being dragged to another team party by Jake, Keegan and Alec. I haven’t seen much of Keegan or my brother because I’ve been busy studying with Jake. I saw them in the café, but Sarah has been at the table talking to them and some of the guys. They both tell me she’s just being friendly with the team and has no interest in trying to start anything with me again. Good, because I’d toss her out by her hair again. I’m getting ready for the party, when I hear a knock at my door. I open it to find Jake with something in his arm. It’s his jersey.

“What’s that for, Jakey?” He laughs and pushes me playfully in the room and shuts the door.

“It’s for the party. The guys are wearing their jerseys and most of the girls are too. Although most of them are the girlfriends but since you’re not really decided yet I checked with Keegan and Alec and they thought it was a great idea.” He’s chuckling. I’m grinning at this
and not really sure why, but it’s funny that they all talked about this. I grab it and pull it over my head. I laugh as it slides down. I could fit another three of me in it. “Looking good, Beckers. Let’s go start some trouble.” He winks at me, causing me to laugh even more. I grab his hand, and we head out.

When we get there the team is already doing shots in the living room. At this rate, the party won’t last long. Jake gets us a few drinks and Keegan spots us. He makes his way to us and gives me a hug. “Nice jersey.” I laugh.

We all chat for a while, then Jake goes to the kitchen with some of the guys. I hear the shot glasses hitting the countertop. I see Sarah, and she’s heading this way. Her eyes are right on Keegan. I chug my drink, then tell Keegan I’m going to have a shot with Jake. I take off to the kitchen and slide in beside Jake, who puts his arm around my waist and hands me a shot of tequila. I down it and it burns the whole way. Yuck, but it helps the nerves. Sarah and Keegan have joined the crowd. Sarah announces she thinks we should play a game. I gulp and look to Jake, who only tightens his grip on me. The other teammates seem eager to play. They decide on truth or dare. What are we still in high school? I’m the youngest here. How am I the one thinking we are too old for this? They start and it’s mostly stupid things, someone ends up mooning the cars from the balcony. I just shake my head and Jake laughs. Sarah notices and narrows her eyes at us.

“My turn to pick someone and I pick Jake,” Sarah says. 

Jake says, “Truth.”

“Is it true that you have been bunking up with little Potts here?” Everyone goes quiet.

“Drop it, Sarah.” Jake sneers at her.

“Come on everyone’s dying to know. Are you two shacking up in that dorm?” Sarah has taken delight in putting me on the spot. I look to Keegan, and he looks at Sarah giving her a dirty look.

“Drop it Sarah it’s not like that.” Her smile gets bigger.

“
Oh, so you just look after her like her brother and Keegan? How cute! She’s got three big brothers.”

One of the guys takes that moment to move the game along. I could smack her for announcing that to the team.  I notice Drake has joined the group and is now playing. He took truth. He’s asked if he could take one girl from the group for the
night, which girl would it be. He automatically says, “I’d take Alec’s sister. I definitely don’t see her as a little sister.” I feel Jake tense. I shoot Drake death glares. The other guys laugh it off, but he’s pissed at my rejection.

I take the time to leave the group and head out to the balcony, and on my way out, I see that Sarah has her body pushed up against Keegan, and he wasn’t pushing her away. I just shake my head and keep walking.

Once outside, I hear Keegan come up behind me. “I’m sorry you shouldn’t have seen that, it’s just I don’t know where we stand. But I said I would wait and I’m going to, Becca.”

I turn around and can’t believe he just said that. “Really because you just looked pretty cozy with Sarah. She clearly wants to be with you and you clearly think she’s attractive based on your history. So just go be with her.
It’s going to happen anyway.” He’s mad now.

“That’s not fair even if I did want to mess around with Sarah you can’t be mad. You are the one saying we aren’t together. Make up your mind or cut out the jealous shit.” I felt like I’d been slapped, even if I’d deserved that a bit.

“I thought we were something and then I walked in on you two together. I could never do that to you even though we aren’t together. So why would I put myself out there for you to do it again!” His whole face is burning red.

“You have no room to talk. I found you in bed with Jake and you’ve been sleeping in his bed for months. Who knows what happened in Europe between you two? I’m supposed to trust that you’re just friends but you won’t trust me. I’m not Michael. We aren’t together. I would have never done it if we were.”
Wow, he did not just bring Michael into this.

“You’re
right, we aren’t together. No one owns me. I can do whatever I want with whoever I want and so can you. I’m done with this conversation and I’m done with you.” I storm into the house and find that Jake hasn’t moved. He knows I’m upset and nods his head to the door. I shake my head and make the motion that I need another shot. He gives me one even though I can tell he’s leery.  He’s drunk. I can tell it would be cute if I wasn’t so furious.

They are still playing the truth or dare game. Drake picks Keegan and Keegan picks dare. I didn’t even know he’d joined the group again. Drake dares him to kiss Sarah. The smile on her face says this is going to be pure pleasure for her to see me hurt.  Keegan shakes his head and looks to me.

Before I know what I’m saying I respond to his silent plea. “Come on Keegan kiss her already.” His eyes go dark, and he grabs Sarah and kisses her in a way that I feel I’m interrupting a private moment. I look away to Jake, and he doesn’t look entirely happy either. When they break apart everyone is cheering except Jake and me. I see my brother in the corner, and he’s definitely putting the moves on some brunette, and he’s oblivious to what’s going on around him.

Sarah says my name. I turn, and I realize it’s my turn. “Dare.” She looks satisfied with my answer.

“Great choice. Your dare is to show everyone how you really feel and kiss Jake.”

I turn to Jake, and he’s shaking his head. Before I know what I’m doing, I pull myself and him against the counter, and I hop up on it, so I can reach him. He’s staring at me wide eyed. He goes to open his mouth, and I put my finger to his mouth.

“Shut up, Jake.” I pull him forward and kiss him. He tries to keep it sweet and simple. I deepen it and put my hands into his hair. I’m aware of everyone cheering me on. Jake slightly opens his mouth and pulls back. I take the chance to pull him back and slip my tongue into his mouth and with that, Jake isn’t hesitating anymore. His arms are now holding on to my hips, and he’s holding me tight. All of a sudden, I realize I have just ruined Jake and me. Worse, though, that kiss was hot. I end the kiss trying not to be awkward. But I assume Jake has just realized what we’ve done and that this has entirely screwed up everything. His eyes are shocked. I turn to see Keegan, and he’s furious. He grabs Sarah’s hand and guides her away with him. I step back and go to leave. Jake tries to stop me.