The Last Round (7 page)

I sigh.

I hesitate to pick up his call. I know yesterday was a bit rough and I still care for him, with everything in me I want nothing more than Julian to be happy. With guilt rising, I swipe my phone and answer the call.

“Hello,” I answer.

“Before you hang up, I want you to know, I’m in Philly. I landed about an hour ago.”

I shut my eyes and lean against the wall. “
Julian
,” I sigh. I’m exhausted with all of this.

“Listen to me, please.” He begs. I don’t say a word, allowing him to go on. “I know things between us aren’t perfect. God, I wish they were, Natalia. I wish I could turn back time and fix everything. I screwed up and I’m going to do everything in my power to make things right again. I know you feel like you’re done with us, but I’m not. I’m not done with what we have, it may be ugly sometimes, but it’s worth it. Give me a chance to prove myself to you.”

“I want nothing more than to fix things, Julian,” I confess. “I wanted it for two years and in those two years, you didn’t listen. Why now?”

“I don’t know why now, but I do know I don’t want to throw away the last twelve years. Whatever you want, I promise I will give you 150% of me, all of me. Just give me a chance. Meet me tonight.”

“I can’t tonight. I’m meeting with a co-worker to discuss our roles; we begin filming first thing in the morning.”

“Then meet me for dinner tomorrow night,” he says, his voice is low and filled with so much vulnerability.

What the hell?
My mind races with so much doubt, so much fear, and so much guilt. “Okay, we can meet up for dinner tomorrow,” I finally say. “But this doesn’t mean everything is better, Julian. It’s just a chance for us to talk, like adults,” I rush out after the sound of relief escapes his mouth.

“I know,” he responds, but faith still lingers to his words.

“I have to go,” I clench the phone, “Julian?”

“Yeah?”

“I do love you,” I confess, because I do, with all of me.

“I love you too.” We’re silent for a moment, before he goes on. “Have a great first day tomorrow. I know you’ll be great.”

I smile at his encouraging words. “Thank you. Good night.”

“Night.”

I down my second glass of wine as Liam discusses his experiences of his last role. He played a superhero and it was a big challenge for him. He explains that playing such a role is difficult, not of the role itself, but because there are so much expectations to be better than the original, or those who played the Hero before him. It’s a lot of pressure to be great. I can understand that. As an artist, you are not only trying to be a better you, but to be better than your competition. Some may disagree, but we all know the truth. We smile at our competitors in their face, but secretly bust our ass to be better behind their back.

As sweet as Liam is, and he is a genuinely good guy, I can’t help but think of Julian. Who is he staying with? Will he stay out of trouble while he’s in Philly? Will he be okay? How will tomorrow’s dinner go? I can’t help it; I desperately try to forget about him for just fifteen minutes, but my mind slowly comes up with some reason to bring him up in my thoughts. I worry about him. I’ve always worried about him for so many years. It’s embedded within me to do so.

“Here you go.” The waiter interrupts my thoughts and places a large dish of a variety of sushi between us. I smile and thank him. “Anything else?”

“I’ll have another glass of Merlot. Thank you.” The waiter nods at my request and runs off to grab me another glass.

“This looks so good!” Liam exclaims, pulling apart his chopsticks then rubbing them together, before he digs right in.

“It does,” I add, eyeing over the beautiful display.

“So,” Liam says after popping a Dragon roll into his mouth. “How do you like living in LA? I’m thinking of buying a vacation home in Casablanca. That’s where you live, right?”

I nod, chewing a delicious mouthwatering shrimp tempura. “Yes. We purchased the house about three years ago. It’s an awesome area to live in, but I don’t know . . .” I shrug, trying to find the right words to say.

“What?” he asks, a smile tilts on the left side of his face.

“It just gets a bit lonely sometimes. Big house, just the two of us, and all of our family lives here.”

Liam nods in understanding; he picks up another piece of sushi and takes a bite. “Have you ever thought of moving close by? Maybe New York?”

I laugh. “As much as I love New York to visit, because who doesn’t? It has everything a woman loves fashion, art, history and music. I could never actually
live
there. It’s too busy for me.”

He scrunches his nose. “Busy? And Philly isn’t busy? It’s basically a little New York.”

“Are you kidding me? No, it’s nothing compared to the Big Apple and you know it.”

Liam shakes his head, a chuckle escapes his lips. His golden locks brush along his forehead. It’s kind of sad he has to cut his hair for the role of Logan Reed, but I guess it’s something as an actor he is used to. We have to constantly change our appearances, our hair, our looks, and our weight just to play the perfect role. The struggle is real.

I’m actually beginning to have a good time. My anxiety from the night before has settled and I’m enjoying Liam’s company.

“Okay,” he says, excitement filling his eyes. “Tell me something about yourself. Something that hasn’t been splattered all over tabloids or that most people don’t know about you.”

“Hmm . . .” I cock my head aside in thought. “Um, there’s really not much about myself that no one really knows about me. I’m pretty much an open book.” I laugh.

He laughs with me. “You have a contagious laugh. It’s cute.”

“Thank you. Julian says that all the time.” And then I’m back to square one. Why did I bring him up?

“How is he doing? I mean, I know better than to believe everything that’s spread across the tabloids.”

I swallow. “He’s good.” The thing is, half the crap that goes viral is true; only half, the other half is exactly that, just crap.

“Good. I’m a fan of his work. I’m betting on him in his upcoming fight with Merit. Man, that guy is such a douchebag. I hope Julian gives him a good whoop ass.”

I force a smile over a mouth full of a California roll. “Yeah, me too.” I will always support Julian, even after whatever happens between us happens.

Liam, bless his heart, changes the subject; it’s as if he knows I’m uncomfortable. He begins discussing our new roles when my phone vibrates. I usually don’t check my phone while at dinner, because I feel it’s so rude. Julian would do it all the time and I hated it, especially on our awkward bad dates.

Yes, even after several years, Julian and I would have bad dates. It was always when our relationship was rocky. I would try to dress up and make myself up just for him, which would go unnoticed, and it had gotten to the point we couldn’t even have a conversation at dinner, it was so forced. So he’d grab his phone to distract himself. Those were the nights I’d cry myself to sleep, wondering what I’ve done wrong, or why we’ve changed. I wanted things the way they used to be. We were so happy at one point in our lives.

But as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. I guess this is our end.

I glance at my phone. It’s a text from Julian, and it takes me a moment to collect my thoughts before I take a peek. “I loved you then. I love you now. I’ll love you always.”

I stare at the words Julian recited on our wedding day. It’s also something he’s always said to me. I loved how it was
our
thing. Something he would send me just because. Yet lately, we haven’t said many kind words to each other.

Chest dipping and throat closing. I feel a sting.

“Is everything okay?” Liam asks, concern filling his tone.

I look up at him with watery eyes. “Yes, sorry, excuse me I have to use the restroom.” I need a moment to myself. A minute to be alone to just sulk in my own misery as my head struggles with what my heart is telling me to do. I hate this. I hate myself right now. I’m so confused.

The next morning, I stand on set, my nerves prickling every part of my body from head to toe. So far everyone has been welcoming, but now it’s my time to show everyone here why I was given this role. Liam pops up from behind me. “Let’s kill it, Jenna.” He winks, already committed to staying in character. I swallow as everyone surrounds us. Lights and cameras are on us.

“Ready?” the director yells from a few feet away. Liam and I nod. I remember the scene. I try to put myself in Jenna McDaniel’s thoughts. She’s broken. She’s afraid of losing the one man who has showed her how to slowly love herself. She’s afraid that once he knows of her illness, he’ll walk away, never looking back. I shut my eyes and allow every bottled up emotion I held onto for the past two years rise to the surface.

“Take one,” the director yells out.

I open my eyes and my fingers are shaking, but not from nerves. They are shaking because of the powerful emotions running through my body: every single fear, love, lust, and discouragement I felt in my life comes forward and powerful, and I am ready to show everyone what I am made of.

“Action,” the director yells, and we begin. I lean against the tree trunk and look at Liam. He starts.

“Before you say anything at all, just let me think for a second. Just let me say what I have to say first. Let me get it off my chest. Then you can say whatever you want. Okay?”

I nod.

His gaze falls to my mouth where his finger rests. He traces the bow and curve of my lips, slowly, as if memorizing the shape of them. My breathing grows a bit ragged. Liam takes his other hand and runs his fingers through my hair, down my spine, until his hand lands firmly at my lower back. “I’ve missed you all weekend,” he confesses.

“If you missed me, then why—”

His finger silences me again. “I had to see if what I’m feeling is because we’re spending so much time together or if it’s real. But what does it matter if it’s real or not? You won’t accept it,” he murmurs.

“Logan, I have no clue what you’re talking about. Just tell me what’s going on with you,” I beg.

“I’m falling for you. Hard. And it’s not some bullshit girl-next-door crush.” He stumbles back two steps. “I mean a real fucking hardcore, madly-sinking-for-you kind of fall. I don’t know.” He shakes his head, bewildered. I shake my head and he nods. “Yes.”

“No. It’s just because we spend a lot of time together, Logan. You’re confused. Trust me, what you’re feeling—”

“Don’t tell me what I’m feeling!” His features distort into anger. “I know what I’m feeling. I’ve been dealing with it for a long time now. I just kept ignoring it. Do you think this is easy for me? To stand in front of you and pour out my feelings like some chick? I feel pathetic right now.” Liam bends his head, bringing a hand up to rub his forehead. “You’re the worst distraction I’ve ever had. You’re in all my thoughts, every single one. You have no idea how difficult it is to have something take over your mind like that. It’s confusing and suffocating at the same time.”

“You have no idea how much I know exactly what that’s like,” I say, my tone impassive.

Liam looks up. “Can you just do me a favor? Right now, right here—can you just be honest for once? I know I’m not the only one feeling this.” He waves a hand at the empty space between us. “If I’m wrong, then fine, but I know I’m not. I know this is mutual. I know you feel it too.”

“I’m sorry, Logan. I do care for you, but not in the same way.”

He laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?”

He chuckles, his lips twitching into a firm, thin line. I pull my hand away. He shakes his head. “Fucking bullshit. You know what your problem is, Jenna? You’ve worked so hard building this wall to keep everyone out. But when there’s someone willing to tear down every brick because they want to be a part of your life, you freeze. You’re scared to let anyone in. Don’t push away the ones who care because in the end, there might be no one left, and you’ll have exactly what you always wanted—to be alone. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just let go. If you don’t, you’ll never experience what you could’ve had. Instead, you’ll wonder what if. And trust me, Jenna, when you’re stuck wondering what if, it’ll be too late for us.”