The India Fan (47 page)

Fabian was coming towards me, a pistol in his hand.

rusilla!he said.

I felt faint with shock. I thought I must be dead and dreaming.

His arms were round me. He was holding me tightly against him. I was trembling.

I heard him mutter, re you all right? Thank God you are safe

abian,I whispered. abian Repeating his name seemed to relieve me.

et get inside away from that.

e dead,I murmured.

es, he dead.

ou saved me.

ust in time. The old villain. It his just deserts. Tell me Ie wondered so much such nightmare thoughts. Youe shivering. Come into the house. Don be afraid. Theye all gone none of them stayed when we came in. The house is safe now. There so much to say

He put his arm round me and led me into the house. It was quiet.

l find some brandy or something,he said.

A soldier in uniform came into the hall.

an you find some brandy, Jim?said Fabian. here been a nasty accident out there. Get rid of the body, will you? It an old rascal who used to work here. He tried to kill Miss Delany.

es, sir,said the man. He was clearly no more moved by one request than the other.

We went into the drawing room, which no longer looked familiar, and after a few moments the man returned with the brandy and two glasses.

Fabian poured it out. rink this,he said. oul feel better.

I took the glass with trembling hands.

hat man I began.

top thinking of him. It was you or him. So he had to go. Moreover, he has caused a lot of trouble. He had that coming to him for a long time.

avinia I said. And I told him.

He was deeply shocked. y poor foolish sister she never learned, did she?He took a sip of brandy and stared ahead of him. He had cared for her, I knew, although he had deplored her conduct and had usually treated her with an affectionate contempt. He had done what he could for Fleur future. It was a terrible blow to him that she was dead.

t was that man I said, and I heard myself blurting out what I had seen. he peacock-feather fan was at her feet. It was spattered with blood. He must have put it there.

Fabian put an arm round me and held me close to him. I fancied we comforted each other.

have avenged her, then,he said at length. am glad I was the one. We have been looking for him for some time. He was one of the leaders. Fancied himself a Nana Sahib. Thank God wee got him now. It will be over in a little time, Drusilla. But there a good deal to do yet. Wel get away from it all wel be able to put all this behind us once we are out of this mess.

I started to talk about the children about Salar and his workshop and the way in which he had sheltered us all this time.

ood man. He shall be rewarded.

e doesn want rewards,I said. e wants to pay his debt for what we did for Roshanara.

es,he said. understand that.

hat was the Khansamah doing here?I asked.

robably trying to get me. He was lurking in the grounds, I suspect. So that must have been his idea. We have some of the military here and I daresay there were attempts at sniping. Wel have to take the greatest care.

nd Dougal?I asked. here is Dougal?

haven heard from him for some time. I think he may be in Lucknow. Alice and Tom will be there, too.

I shivered. f only this were over.

t will be,he assured me. ut there is plenty of danger yet. You must go back to Salar shop. Youe been safe there so far. The children must stay there. How are they?

estive but otherwise all right. I can tell you what I owe to the ayah and her brother. It really all because of Roshanara.

ell, we foiled the old devil over that little matter. It is comforting to know he is beyond seeking revenge now. You have been constantly in my thoughts, Drusilla all of you.

nd you have been in mine with Dougal Alice and Tom.

know the children will be as safe as it is possible to be with you. The thing is, where do we go from here? I wouldn want you to come to the house yet. I feel that would be unsafe. I am going to move heaven and earth to get you all home as soon as possible.

ou said the trouble was dying down.

t will be a slow death, I fear. Although we are here in force there is going to be trouble yet. I be so much easier in my mind if I thought that you and the children were out of it. A pity wee not in Bombay. Then it might be possible to get you away. But here you have to travel across country and heaven knows what you might run into. Now what you have to do is get back to Salar. Stay there as you were for a few days and then wel see how things are. I shall know where you are and I am going to concentrate on getting you out of the country and home.

I could not think clearly. It was all-important that he was alive that we had met again that he was so moved and delighted to see me, that he was the one who had saved my life when I was on the brink of death. Perhaps in such circumstances one thinks more lightly of death than one does normally. This night I had seen a man shot dead before my eyes and I could only feel a numbed sense of shock, which was overpowered by a tremendous happiness.

He took me back to the gazebo, where the ayah was waiting. She had heard the shot and had crept out to see what had happened. She had thought at first that I might have been killed. I think she must have been relieved when she saw the dead man, for she herself had lived in fear of him for a very long time. There was no doubt that he had been arrogant, cruel and sadistic. I suppose I should not feel so disturbed because he had been treated as he had treated so many. But death is shocking and I could not throw off the effects of that shock.

Ayah was delighted to see me safe, but she was a little worried to see Fabian, and more so when he told us that he was going to see us safely to her brother house, where I was to stay for a while longer. She was very disturbed. He must not be seen with us. Who knew who would watch?

She was really frightened, and Fabian saw reason in her fear, so it was arranged that she and I should walk ahead of him, with Fabian watchful of us but keeping his distance, his pistol ready, in case he should have to come to our assistance.

And so I went back to Salar house.

I lay on my pallet in a bemused state for the rest of that night.

Life had changed. The streets of Delhi were safer now, though there were periodic outbreaks of violence. Nana Sahib had been defeated, but the Mutiny was by no means quelled, though the British were gaining success after success, and it was becoming clear that, although it might take time, order would eventually be restored. I could go out, but I never went far. Fabian was still at the house and I saw him now and then.

We talked a great deal about the position here. He never discussed the future. Later I thought that was because he did not believe then that there would be one for us.

Death had receded a little. It was no longer lurking beside us, but it was still not very far away.

Fabian great concern was to get us out of the country. He was continually making enquiries as to how safe it would be for us to travel to the coast. There were big British successes at Rajpootana, Malwa, Berar and some remote places.

It was safe for me to go to the house now, but Fabian did not wish me to go there too often. He thought that some of the Khansamah men might be around and take it into their heads to avenge his death, and they would shoot anyone connected with the house for that purpose. I was to stay at Salar house until something could be arranged to get us out of the country.

Fabian did not leave Delhi.

He told me that this would probably be the end of the Company as such. It was being realized, he had heard, that a trading company was not fitted to govern a country; it could be said that the Company had done that, with the aid of the Army. It was not very satisfactory, and he believed that some other form of government would take its place when all this was settled.

ou mean we shall still keep our interests in India?

ost certainly, yes. There is no question of that. But there will be new legislation, I am convinced.

I loved those sessions with him. We seemed to grow very close. I was greatly soothed, for the terrible things that I had witnessed had changed me forever. I would never forget the sight of Lavinia, spreadeagled across that bed. I should never be rid of the memory of the peacock-feather fan. I would always remember the look of startled horror on her face. I thought so often of her she who had lived in a world of dreams where she was always the beautiful siren, adored by gallant knights. What had she thought when she had found herself face to face with horrific reality? Perhaps the answer was in those wild, staring eyes.

I often spoke her name aloud. avinia Lavinia, why would you not come with me when I begged you to? Why did you delay? Could you really have believed that the Khansamah was your devoted slave, that no harm would come to you while he was there?Oh, poor deluded Lavinia!

Fabian had been deeply shocked by what had occurred, but he was a realist. She was dead. Nothing could bring her back. Her death was in a way due to her folly. What we had to do now was think of the children.

The coming of the new year saw the end of rebellion in Bengal, and in most of Central India. Bahadur Shah, the last of the Moguls, had been tried and convicted of treason and sent to Burmah. Order was slowly being restored. I still thought a good deal about Dougal, Alice and Tom. It seemed they must still be in Lucknow, for we had heard no news of them. I was desperately afraid of what might have happened.

Life was more tolerable. We were still living at Salar house, but we were freer now and there was no need for us to keep our identity secret. Our own people were back in command in Delhi. We had nothing to fear from the Sikhs, who had always been loyal to British rule and had realized the benefits it brought to them.

I did not take the children to the house, for I feared it would bring back memories and start them asking questions about their mother; but Fabian came to Salar house. They were pleased to see him and showed some rather restrained affection towards him, for they were still a little in awe of him.

He had changed somewhat. He was more serious now. What had happened to Lavinia had affected him more deeply than I realized. Moreover, he had lost several friends and colleagues in the debacle. I supposed no one who had lived through all that could ever be the same carefree person again.

One must take life seriously when one could never be sure when one could be plunged into horror.

Our conversation was very sober now and we talked a great deal about what was happening in this country. Those verbal battles between us were no more. I felt that our relationshipowever deep it was nowust change when we returned to more normal circumstances. Perhaps we had been drawn together closely but superficially. I had a sense of transience.

I thought often: I shall never be the same person again. I told myself often that I must not attach too much importance to my new relationship with Fabian, for neither of us was living a normal life.

The year was advancing. At any moment I was prepared to hear that I must make ready to go.

Then it came. I was to prepare to set out for Bombay in two daystime, taking the children with me. The ayah would remain behind in her brother household. I would travel in the company of a party of women and children. For a long time plans had been in progress to get them home.

o,I said blankly, shall travel alone.

shall accompany you as far as Bombay,said Fabian. cannot contemplate your making that journey, which may be highly dangerous without me.

I felt my heart leap with joy while I chided myself for my folly.

How sad it was to say goodbye to the ayah. Salar was triumphant. He had successfully paid his debt. Ayah was calm; the children were quiet. It was a great wrench for themerhaps their first real sorrow.

I said, ear Ayah, it may be that we shall meet again.

She gave me that infinitely sad smile of hers, and told me of her deep unhappiness, but that she must accept her fate.

That journey to Bombay seems unreal to me even now.

We set out in a dak-ghari type of vehicle, in which I had travelled before. I knew that in those rough carts drawn by one unkempt-looking horse we must prepare for a somewhat uncomfortable journey. The children, sad as they were to leave Ayah, were glad to escape from the confinement of Salar house. They were going home, Louise told Alan, and the little boy so far forgot his sorrow at parting with his beloved ayah as to jump up and down and sing ome, home.

There was a magic in that word.

We had set out from the house very early in the morning, I riding in the cart with the children, and Fabian on horseback beside us with half a dozen armed men. We did not have to wait long before more joined the party, and by the time we left Delhi our numbers had increased considerably. There were women and children in dak-gharis like ours. More soldiers joined us. And the long trek began.

We knew that the Mutiny was by no means over and that it was possible that we could be attacked by hostile natives. The fact that we were women and children and elderly people would not save us. This was a war against a race, not against individual people. It was moving to see how everyone wanted to help each other. If anyone was sick or some minor accident occurred, everyone, without exception, wanted to give whatever possible. It amazed me how the sense of impending danger could have that effect on people.

Most of us had seen death in some form over the last months; we knew that its shadow still hung over us and that any moment could be our last: but for some reason we had lost our fear and awe of death. It had become an everyday occurrence. We had learned that life was transient. Perhaps we had become more spiritual, less materialistic. I did not know. But, looking back, I see that it was a strange and elevating experience to have lived through.

We stopped now and then at the dak-bungalows for food and to rest or change horses. We did not sleep there. There was a sense of urgency among the company. Everyone knew that we must get on the ship before we would be safe.