Authors: Talli Roland
Tags: #Humor & Entertainment, #Humor, #Romance, #Contemporary, #Romantic Comedy
Mattie sank down onto the toil
et and wrapped her arms around her torso to try to warm up. She couldn’t believe her two-week luxury vacation had turned into this! Stuck on the Isle of Wight, in a deserted holiday park with an automaton as company – and the door to the loo didn’t even close!
She took a deep breath and Kyle’s face
popped into her head. If he’d won the two weeks with her, he’d be making jokes right now, trying to cheer her up. Might even have snuck in some of that vintage whisky from Scotland he knew she loved . . .
No
. She shook her head, dislodging the fantasy. What the hell was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she stop thinking about
Kyle
? Sure, he might not have done those terrible things she thought he had. But that didn’t take away from the fact that he expected her to give up the chance to save everything she’d worked for.
He didn’t know her at all if he thought she’d just throw all that away.
C
HAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Four in five women refuse
to eat garlic if they fancy their date,
but
four in five men have no problem consuming garlic in a similar scenario.
ADAM AWOKE THE NEXT MORNING with
a kink in his back. Without his special pillow-top mattress, he’d tossed and turned on the narrow sofa. He’d even got up and done an extra thousand press-ups but it had only made him even more alert. Still, it had helped relieve some of the residual anger he’d felt when Mattie had pushed his hand away in the car yesterday. Got to go slowly, mate, he reminded himself. Mattie wasn’t like other women; girls desperate enough to fall at the first advance.
He stretched and looked out the grimy window. A dark grey sky hung over bare tree branches, dripping with the aftermath of yesterday’s rain storm. But the weather didn’t matter. All that mattered was staying in control, just like the hero in his video game. If he could do that, Mattie would be his.
*
Nate poured
a cup of coffee for himself and Baz in the comfortable caravan they’d kitted out right next to the mobile production unit.
‘
So everything set for today’s Relationship Repair
?’ he asked Baz, trying to reassert control. Baz might have been in on Silver’s plan to knock Mattie out from the very start, but Nate was still EP. He was the one leading the whole concept – sort of – and it was time to step up. Yes, the whole no-prize-money thing made him queasy. But it was going to happen whether he stuck around or not. And no way was he voluntarily going back to blow-drying ferrets!
Nate couldn’t wait to see his Relationship Repair plans in action. Today’s activity encouraged selflessness. He’d arranged for Mattie and Adam to make their way through an ob
stacle course of garlic goodies, garlic being a speciality of Isle of Wight farmers. If they ate everything, they won a treat – and if one of them couldn’t down something, they could pass it to the other to consume. Since garlic wasn’t
too
terrible, it was a safe bet they’d work together to score the prize.
‘
Yeah, I’ve spoken to the garlic farm and everything’s ready,’ Baz said, taking a gulp of the coffee. He made a face and pushed it away. ‘This tastes like rat piss. Look, Nate, as cute as your garlic idea is’ – he smirked – ‘I thought it might be good to have a few other foods. Just to see how selfless they
really
are.’ His eyes shone.
Nate grimaced at the thought of his Relationship Repair activity turning into something else entirely.
Now that Baz had added his own disgusting delights, the whole thing would likely end in about ten seconds. The chance of Mattie swallowing something slimy was about as likely as Adam developing a personality.
‘
Did you
organize the treat?’ he asked Baz, just in case a miracle did happen and Mattie and Adam somehow morphed into caring, sharing beings.
Baz smirked. ‘Oh yeah,
I got the treat all right.’ He rose and emptied his mug in the sink. ‘I’m going to duck out and get some proper food. I’ll drop you off at the garlic farm first, and then come back for Mattie and Adam.’
Nate nodded
in what he hoped was an authoritative way. ‘Okay. Let’s get this show on the road.’
*
Mattie’s bed vibrat
ed as the pipes beneath it clanked and clunked. She forced her eyes open. Adam must be having a shower or something – it was like an earthquake erupting below the bed. She closed her eyes again and waited for it to stop. No way was she going to get up now and risk a sighting of Adam’s appendages.
‘
Hello!’ An annoying tap
was followed by a shaking of the caravan door. ‘Hello!’
Bloody Baz. Mattie pushed aside the covers and sat up, wiping her face. Thank God she’d slept in her clothes last night – she wasn’t going to let the nation get a look at her PJs. Not to mention she’d freeze to death.
‘
Everyone decent? I’m not interrupting anything, am I?’ Baz poked his head around the corner, closely followed by Ram.
‘
You wish.’ Mattie rubbed
her eyes, conscious of Ram focusing in on her. She pulled on another T-shirt in a vain effort to keep warm. It was freezing and chilly draughts seeped through the thin insulation of the caravan.
‘
So what are we doing today?’ She crossed her fingers the agenda would include something of the s
pa variety, although it was unlikely there was anything as civilised as a spa on this godforsaken island.
‘
Well, Mattie, as you know, you’re here to see if your relationship with Adam really can be repaired. So every day, you’ll participate in a Relationship Repair activity, designed to bring you together and remind you of important relationship values.’
Mattie groaned and
saw Adam, who’d come into the doorway, stiffen at her response.
‘
Today’s activity will encourage selflessness. You and Adam will head to a garlic farm and work as a team to consume culinary delights from around the world. If you eat everything we put in front of you, you both receive a treat.’
Mat
tie snorted; winning a ‘treat’ courtesy of the TweedleDuo wasn’t exactly an incentive. And she could only imagine what kind of puke-worthy foods they’d dragged out from various rubbish bins around the globe. ‘I’m not hungry,’ she mumbled, despite the fact her stomach was painfully empty.
‘
Guess you’ll reall
y have to be selfless, then,’ Baz said, familiar smirk on his face.
Selfless? Mattie
stared at Baz’s smug expression. Anyone who was selfless in a relationship was just encouraging the other person to walk all over them. Look at what had happened to her. She’d opened her heart – and business – to Kyle and he’d thrown it all back in her face. Or had he? She shook her head. It didn’t matter now.
‘
Ram, film them getting ready. Be outside in ten minutes to leave for the farm. You’ll have your breakfast there.’ Baz banged out of the caravan, the walls shaking in response.
‘
I swear to God, if that tosser gives me any more film tips, I’m going to shove this fucking camera down his
fucking
throat,’ Ram snarled.
‘
Oh, please do,’ Mattie said, splashing cold water from the kitchen sink onto her face and trying to tie up her hair without a mirror. There was no way she was going to venture into the loo with Ram filming every move either of them made. No, she’d hold it until she got to the garlic farm.
She pulled on
another T-shirt – that made three – and headed outside to the ancient Land Rover where Baz was already waiting, sipping fresh coffee and nibbling a warm croissant. God, she
was
starving.
T
hey jolted down the mud track and onto the coastal road. Rain slashed into yellowed meadows and the grey ocean churned against the cliffs. If she’d had proper gear and a five-star hotel, it might be possible to appreciate the vista – from behind a nice double-glazed window.
The Land
Rover pulled onto a road between two open fields and bounced towards a sprawling group of buildings. A large sign proclaimed ‘Garlic Farm’.
Duh, Mattie thought. So much for originality.
Ba
z turned to face them. ‘Hope you’re hungry! There are bulbs and bulbs of roasted garlic and lots of other goodies just waiting for you!’
‘
Super,’ Mattie said through gritted teeth. Adam was silently staring out the window, wearing his usual vacant expression.
‘
Everything ready?’ Baz asked Nate, who was waiting for them in front of a small shop.
Nate nodded. ‘Yup. Come on in, guys.’
Inside the
shop, the overpowering smell of garlic met Mattie’s nose. It was so strong she could feel it winding its way down her throat. She coughed, trying hard to keep her face neutral.
‘
Hello!
’ A stooped man kitted out in mac and wellies joined the group. ‘I’m Gordie. Welcome to the Garlic Farm.’ He held out his hand to Mattie, small periwinkle eyes twinkling in his lined face. Mattie couldn’t help smiling in return. He reminded her of a small, friendly elf. Gordie the Garlic Elf, she thought to herself.
‘
Wait!’ Baz
yelled, holding up his hands. ‘You have to do that again. This time wait until we say we’re ready!’
‘
Sorry, sorry.’ Gordie backed
away from Mattie.
They went through the whole scenario a few more times until Baz finally agreed it was passable.
‘
Phew,’ Gordie said, leading them into a small restaurant off the shop. ‘I’m not used to the camera, me. Don’t know how you lot do it.’ He wiped beads of sweat from his balding head.
Mattie put a hand
on his arm, wanting to kill Baz for making the poor man stress. ‘It’s hard, but you get used to it. Just pretend it isn’t there.’ Easier said than done, she thought, when Ram was shoving the lens in your face.
‘
We’re going to start
you off with the finest garlic treat you’ve ever tasted!’ Gordie said, rubbing his hands together. ‘Our best roasted garlic bulbs. You can’t imagine how delicious they are.’
‘
Great!’ Mattie tried to sound enthusiastic. Poor old man, out here all alone with only garlic for company. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but she was pretty sure that despite rabid hunger, her desire to enjoy a garlic bulb for breakfast was extremely lacking. Still, it was probably better than what was coming – not that she was going to even bother eating something foul for a so-called ‘treat’. What a lame idea.
‘
So we need you and Adam
to sit down there.’ Nate pointed to a table with two small bowls of garlic heads. ‘I’ll count to three and then you’ll start eating. Once you finish your dish, we’ll bring you the next one. Remember, if you can’t finish yours, you can pass it to your partner. Ready?’
Mattie and Adam nodded.
‘
One. Two. Three!’
Mattie slowly extended a hand and
chose a garlic bulb. Beside her, Adam already had one in his mouth and was swallowing, reaching out for another. Jesus! Either he really liked garlic, or he actually liked
her
.
Could that be true? she wondered
, tearing the bulb apart slowly, delaying the moment when she’d have to put it in her mouth. Was he on this show because he actually thought he had a chance with her? Surely not – especially after what had happened back in Year Ten. A pang of guilt hit her as she remembered slating Adam in front of the whole class. She
might
have gone a bit overboard, yes. But that didn’t mean he had a chance now.
She put a bulb in her mouth
and crunched down hard, the pungent flavour of garlic exploding in her mouth. Hmm. Actually, it wasn’t too bad. She swallowed and reached for another. God, Adam’s dish was almost empty!
‘
Umm, ummmmm,’ she said, rubbing her stomach for extra emphasis
and enjoying the look of dismay on Baz’s face. ‘This is delicious.’
‘
See?’ Gordie looked as proud as if the garlic were his offspring. ‘I told you.’
‘
Done!’ Adam swallowed and held up his empty basket.
‘Want some help?’
Christ, it might even be love
, Mattie thought as she shoved her dish his way. Nobody could fancy garlic that much.
Or blubber, or jellied blood, or some dirty-sock-s
melling fruit called a durian . . . Mattie watched with a mix of horror and awe as Adam downed dish after dish, then reached for hers, too. Finally the food was finished, and Adam sat back, looking sick but victorious.
‘
Great! Now
time for your treat!’ Nate cleared away the stinking mess from the table. ‘Baz?’
Baz stepped forward. ‘Your treat for consuming all the culinary delights is . . .’