Authors: Chelsea Lynn Charters
“Tell me how to do that, Trace. How am I supposed to calm down and ignore the fact that Gloria undressed me in front of the entire student body?” I yelled at him. “On Monday, I’ll have to relive the embarrassment of tonight over and over again! People are going to point and laugh at me every where I go…so you tell me how the hell I’m supposed to calm down.”
“Jesus. You don’t have to yell at me, okay?” Trace said, shaking his head at me. “I know you’re upset, Jade.”
“Do you? Because I don’t think you do, Trace!” I replied hastily.
“I do,” Trace said irritably, shaking his head at me again. After studying me for a moment, he crossed his arms tightly and added, “All I’m saying is, you don’t have to make it worse on yourself. You’re behaving a little over the top, Jade.”
“And how else would you like me to behave right now?” I inquired angrily.
“Just relax. You’ll feel better---trust me.” He smiled suddenly and added, “Look on the bright side of things. You have to admit, Jade, the whole thing was sort of funny. I’ll be honest…I enjoyed seeing you half-naked.”
My brain was jumping from conclusion to conclusion, and when the idea that Trace had helped Gloria tonight entered my mind, all I could think about was that---even if it wasn’t true. I should’ve shut my mouth and kept it closed…but I couldn’t. All I could do was argue some more with him, even though subconsciously I knew he was only trying to help me. Why couldn’t I just leave well enough alone? I always had to stoke the fire…
“Oh, so now it’s funny?” I snapped at him, my cheeks burning with anger. “What happened to me tonight was just a harmless joke?”
“Jade, I didn’t say---” Trace began, but I kept going.
“Hey, maybe you and Gloria planned the whole thing together huh? Well, congratulations! I’m not only the laughing stock of the entire school, but now I’m officially an idiot for ever trusting you!” I shouted cruelly.
Trace looked as if I slapped him across the face. “Are you serious right now?” He asked me angrily. “You actually think I would do something like that to you?”
I shrugged and spat, “Who knows what you, Mr. Popular, are capable of.”
His face grew red from reply. “Wow, tell me how you really feel, Jade.”
“I just did!” My mind screamed at me to shut up, but my heart urged me to make him feel as crappy as I did. I think I had nearly accomplished that desire as I stared at the mixed expression of anger and hurt painted across his face.
Trace took a deep breath and gazed off before he asked me, “I guess you regret coming with me tonight then? Wish you had never said yes? Is that how you feel, Jade?”
“Yes!” I lied.
It was so confusing…I didn’t know where all of my hostility was coming from! The words were just pouring out of my mouth, even though I didn’t want them to. I had no proof that Trace had set me up, and I sort of doubted that he would…but for some reason I was taking my anger out on him. I didn’t understand why. Gloria was the one who deserved to get verbally attacked---not him!
“Right, well…I’m sorry that you had such a terrible time tonight.” Trace bowed his head and moved away, heading over to his car. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”
I said nothing as I walked behind him, but there was nothing I could say. It was hopeless. If I opened my mouth, only hate would pour from it---and I figured he’d had enough for one night. When I joined him at the car, I remained quiet as I slid onto the seat. Trace didn’t even look my way when he turned the ignition and pulled out of the school parking lot. I knew he was trying to hide his grief from me.
The car ride home was awful; neither of us said a word. I wanted to---but my pride prevented me for apologizing. I knew that he had nothing to do with Gloria’s stunt earlier, but I was still angry at him for brushing it off. She had intended on hurting me…it wasn’t just some random prank. How could he be so naïve and not see that?
When Trace pulled onto my street, he finally broke his silence. He rolled to a stop in front of my house and turned to look at me, and his usual bright blue eyes appeared gray.
“For the record, I’m not to blame for what happened tonight. I would never do that to you, Jade! But I am guilty for one thing---for wanting to be with you. I guess I’m crazy for believing it’d work out.” He sighed then and a hand went through his hair, disrupting it’s sleek form. “What the hell was I thinking, right?”
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I simply opened the door and stepped out of his car. After carefully lifting my dress, I hurried up the path to my front porch, disgusted with myself for hurting him this way. When I heard his tires back up, I quickly turned my head to watch him drive away. I wanted to run after him and tell him that I was sorry---but I didn’t. I just stood hopelessly on my porch, watching as he drove away.
Once I’d successfully calmed myself down, I entered the house. As soon as I walked through the front door I detected disturbing sounds coming from the living room, and I peeked my head down the hall warily. I almost gagged when I witnessed my father and Erika making out on the couch. They didn’t notice me---or stop---until after I slammed the front door shut. They broke apart in an instant, and seemed shocked to hear a sound louder than their heavy breathing. I rolled my eyes as I walked into the room.
My dad looked alarmed to see me standing there. “Jade? Why…I didn’t think you’d be home for a few more hours.”
After wrinkling my nose at the sight of Erika’s disheveled halter-top, I mumbled, “Sorry to disappoint.”
I was definitely not in the mood to witness any lovey-dovey stuff at the moment, especially between my dad and Erika. Actually, I would’ve never been in favor of seeing what I would’ve found if I had walked in only a few minutes later. I didn’t even want to think about it! Gross, gross, gross!
“Pay no attention to me,” I said, as I moved towards the hall, keeping my eyes off of them. “I’ll just be on my merry way. Don’t let me ruin your evening too.”
“Wait!” I overheard my father call to me, but I had already made it to my room. I ignored him when he yelled out, “What happened with Trace?”
I closed my bedroom door softly, and I didn’t even turn on the lights as I maneuvered around my room in darkness. After tripping over a book or a DVD that lie on my floor---I wasn’t sure which one it was---I finally found what I was searching for. I threw my body onto my bed, hugging a pillow to my chest as I tried my hardest to fight back tears. I couldn’t hold them in, though. Just thinking about Trace and the entire night brought them crashing down. It was as if someone had punched me in the throat and ripped out my heart.
I couldn’t breathe…all I could do was cry. I cried for Trace, I cried for me…but most of all I cried for the relationship we would never have. It was over---it was gone; I screwed everything up. How could I do such a brainless thing? All I ever wanted was Trace, and for one night I truly had him. What did I do with my chance? I blew it and pushed him away. I said such horrible things to him, and I still couldn’t believe I actually accused him of setting me up! Especially when I knew, deep down in my heart, that he couldn‘t have done such a thing. Trace just wasn’t like his friends. He wasn’t capable of such cruelty.
“I’m so stupid,” I whispered into the night, and I could tell by it’s thick silence that it agreed with me.
After closing my eyes eagerly, I flashbacked to the moment when Trace almost kissed me and it was as if it was happening all over again. I saw the heavy look in his blue eyes, felt the goose bumps that lined my entire body from his touch. Everything had felt so right! I recalled how close we had been…and I could practically feel his lips touch mine. Then I blinked, and I was regrettably brought back to my room---to reality. A place where I knew I would never be happy again.
19
EVEN THOUGH THE FOLLOWING DAY WAS A SUNDAY,
news of Gloria’s most recent prank (and my degradation) had circled through West Haven Brook, passing into every set of ears it could find. I knew this because Heidi called me at 9 AM, frantically asking if I was alright. Of course I wasn’t, especially when she had to wake me up from my dreams to go through that horrible situation all over again. I just wanted to sleep and forget. I didn’t want to talk about Gloria, or think about Gloria, or do anything that revolved around Gloria. Did I tell Heidi this? No. I couldn’t. She was my best friend, and the only one I had that counted; I couldn’t just tell her to buzz off. So, I clenched my teeth and allowed her questions to drift in one ear and out the other, correcting various details when necessary.
“You’re telling me that just as you were about to kiss the man of your dreams, Gloria walked up to you and pulled your dress down? In front of everyone?” Heidi asked me heatedly.
“Yes,” I replied with a big sigh. “That’s exactly what happened.”
“What a bitch. I would’ve decked her. You should have, Jade.”
“Sure…me punch Gloria Malone while my dress is lying at my feet. The best outcome in that scenario would be me tripping and falling to the ground.” I smiled as the image filled my mind, but when I tried to laugh no sound came out. I guess in my present state I didn’t find it all that funny.
“What did Trace do?” She asked me suddenly, jolting my attention.
I thought back to when it happened, remembering how Trace had stood up for me and tried to take care of me. How could I have accused him of trying to help Gloria last night? It was obvious that he’d been just as upset as I was about the whole thing I swallowed the lump of regret in my throat and replied, “He yelled at her some.”
“He did? What did he say?”
“He just yelled at her, Heidi, okay?” My tone had turned sharp, and I instantly regretted snapping at her. “I’m sorry, Heidi. I’m just really upset…I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
It was quiet on the other end, and I wondered if I had hurt her feelings.
“I’m sorry for snapping…” I told her softly.
“No, I understand, Jade. I would be pissed too.” She laughed suddenly and added, “At least you were wearing a bra.”
Smiling as my spirits were lifted (if only a little), I said, “Yeah. Close call, huh?”
“Totally. Could you imagine if everyone had seen---”
Mentally praying that it would never happen to me, I replied quickly, “Let’s just not go there, Heidi.”
“Okay, but what if---”
“Anyways, what are you doing today?” I interrupted her, hoping to get off the subject of my social angst. “Anything exciting?”
Her voice brightened at my question. That was a good sign. With any luck, she would forget all about me while she talked about herself. She usually did. “Well, I’m going to the mall with Jason in a few hours…” Heidi let her sentence trail off, as if she waited for my inquiry.
“Oh really? How’d the date go?” I pretended to sound interested.
“Oh my god, Jade! It was so amazing! Jason took me to this really expensive place called Don Pierre’s. Well actually, it’s not that expensive…but he bought a pricey appetizer and a huge deep dish pizza for us to share.”
I smiled at her comment. Heidi always tried to make Jason out to be some great guy, when he really was just another drama dud, as I liked to call them. Cheap, unromantic, and a huge flirt. Who knew I would turn out to be such a cynic? I guess that’s what happens when you get your heart broken…over and over again.
“That sounds nice, Heidi,” I lied through my teeth. Rolling my eyes at my foul attitude, I prayed that she wouldn’t notice my negativity. Thankfully, she didn’t.
“Yeah, well, I’ve got to go cause Jason’s coming to get me in a few hours. I hope you don‘t mind, Jade.”
I didn’t have to ask her why she needed to get off the phone. She would use those hours for primping. It was her nature to do so, and it was totally fine with me. I couldn’t wait to be left alone.
“No, it’s fine. Have fun,” I told her. “Bye, Heidi.”
“Thanks, Jade. See you at school tomorrow. Bye!”
The phone clicked off, but I still held it to my ear; the dial tone buzzing against the right side of my head. The phone slipped through my fingers, and I didn’t make a sound when the plastic slammed against my thigh painfully. I was suffering from a heavy case of fear once I realized that I had school tomorrow.