The Good Life (17 page)

Next thing I knew we were in the house. Up the stairs. In my room. He closed the door behind me and pushed us into it with all the passion and urgency I’d been looking for the day before. We couldn’t get our clothes off fast enough. Just like that night so many years ago, neither of us wanted to let go of each other to get anything off. Even when we did try, it’s very difficult to get wet clothes off wet skin. It was like trying to untie a knot in your shoelaces in the dark with one hand. With every second that went by, we got even more desperate and frantic to get them off.

Once our clothes were in a soggy heap on the floor, he stood back and looked at me. He had that intense look in his eyes again that I’d seen while he was taking pictures of me. I got the impression that he had stopped to give me a chance to back out, but I wasn’t going to.

I knew it wasn’t the brightest idea. There were so many reasons why we shouldn’t do this. But I couldn’t stop if I tried. The way he had bit my neck and sucked on my lips made me feel like a wild animal let out of my cage for the first time. There was no going back in – I was feral.

Once he seemed sure I wasn’t going to change my mind, his urgency returned and he pushed me up against the back of the door by my shoulders. Wet skin smashing into wet skin. It should have been uncomfortable, but it was the opposite. Touching from head to toe, it felt like I was finally where I was supposed to be.

In one fluid move, he put a hand behind each of my thighs and literally picked me up and slid me down right on top of him. Just like that perfect kiss at his frat house so many years before, there were no injuries or “oops” moments. He got it right on the first try. I’m telling you, the guy is
smooth
.

Caleb and I had moved far away from passionate, I-want-you-so-bad-I-can’t-wait-one-more-second-or-I’ll-die, kind of sex. We had FWP during ovulation only. It was a lot like getting an oil change on my car; the free coffee was nice, but I was only there for maintenance and hoped the guy would do his job as quickly as possible so I could get back to Rachael Ray.

Being with Jake was so much better. Since I was using automotive analogies, I’d describe it as an expensive full-body exterior and interior auto detail that was about eight years overdue. Our hands and lips never left each other. I didn’t want it to be over
ever
because I enjoyed falling off his cliff. Then again, when it’s that good, it can be quick and still satisfying. By the time we collapsed onto the floor about ten minutes later, I’d already been satisfied twice.

We lied on the floor side by side and looked at the ceiling while we tried to catch our breath and compose ourselves. I knew it was coming, that awkward OMG-WTF-did-we-just-do moment. We couldn’t just cuddle and fall asleep and put the moment off until the morning. We weren’t even on a bed! And even if we were, it wasn’t even dark out yet. And how were we supposed to get dressed when our clothes were wet? As hard as it was to get them off, there was no way they were going back on without an even more embarrassing struggle. Oh, shit, this was bad.

After years and years of planning perfect moments and avoiding the awkward ones, I had developed a certain amount of skill in this area, and I couldn’t help but give this one my best shot. When he seemed pretty much back to normal, breathing-wise, I sat up and silently held up my hand toward him for a high-five.

He turned his head toward me and laughed as his tired hand made its way over to meet mine. “Nice play, Rox,” he said as he sat up, nodding his head in approval.

And that was it. Tension cut. Awkward moment avoided. I should seriously do this shit for a living.

“I’ve never gotten a high-five after sex before,” he said. He looked pretty proud of himself, probably for earning the high-five.

“I’ve never been thrown up against a door before, either. With moves like that you should get a high-five every time.”

“Ha. If you ever want to try it again, so I can really master the move, just say when.”

Is it too early to ask?
That’s what I should have said. But I didn’t. I bit my lip to keep myself from speaking and sounding totally desperate. He was probably only kidding anyway.

“I’m just messing with you,” he said.

See?

“We both know this was just a fluke,” he said as he dug through the pile of wet clothes, “so there’s no need for us to have any weird conversation about it later.”

“Excellent,” I said, handing him his t-shirt. Weird conversations weren’t on my to-do list either.

“I gotta get on the computer and start setting up appointments so we can make some money,” he said.

He stood up and managed to get his wet boxers back on. The jeans and t-shirt, we both knew, were hopeless.

I remained seated on the floor and pulled my legs up to my chest just to stop being so exposed.

He kneeled back down to my level so he could look me in the eye.

“Can I kiss you one more time?” he asked.

Gosh, he made my heart melt! He could kiss me anytime he wanted.
Any. Time.
But I didn’t say that. Another thing I should have said, but didn’t. I smiled at him to let him know it was okay, and he kissed me once more before I scooted away from the door and let him out.

Once he was gone, I got up, threw on my robe and headed down the hall to the shower.

Jake sleeps in the master bedroom with his own bathroom, so I knew I didn’t have to worry about running into him when I left my room. I definitely wasn’t expecting to run into Adam, though! The guy has seriously been home a total of maybe five hours since I’d moved in but, of course, he was there now. He was just coming out of his room with a laundry basket of dirty scrubs when I walked out of mine.

“What’s up, stranger?” he asked with a nod.

“Nothing, just getting ready for a shower.” I tried to act normal, but inside I panicked.
How long has he been home? Did he hear anything? Does he know? Omigod!

“From what I hear, it’s about time.”

“WHAT?!” I practically screamed.

“Jake was telling me you had stopped showering. I’m just kidding, man. Relax.”

Breathe out. What a relief.

“Lemme know when you’re out of the shower so I can start my laundry,” he said.

My afterglow started to fade once I got into the shower. I had so many questions in my head, bouncing around in there like it was a pinball machine.

What have I done? Are we ruined? After weeks of awkwardness and getting to know each other and being comfortable with one another again, it was starting to feel like we were really friends. Was that over now? He said we didn’t need to have any weird conversation but things definitely wouldn’t be the same as they were before tonight, weird conversation or not. I really liked having him back in my life, and I wasn’t ready to lose him again so soon.

And seriously, what the hell
was
that? You’d think I’d have some kind of self-control at my age. I’m not some horny teenager, and this isn’t an episode of
Jersey Shore
for Christ’s sake! I’m still married, too. What a slutbag! We didn’t even use a condom. What kind of person has unprotected sex with a random guy before her divorce is even final? Not a good person, that’s for sure. In my defense, Jake was anything but random, and if it were that easy to get pregnant I’d be a mom of three in a New York City condo with five digits a month worth of child support right now. But what about STDs? He doesn’t look like he’d have an STD, but if people looked like they had STDs, STDs probably wouldn’t exist because people would not have sex with those people. I mean, who would say to themselves,
that guy looks like a walking case of herpes and I totally want to do him?
Huh? No one!

I was ashamed of myself. I felt happy, refreshed and satisfied … all with a side of guilt. I needed to get my feelings under control because I was acting more neurotic than was acceptable for someone who was supposed to be only moderately inclined to neuroticism.

I decided to take my dad’s advice for the second time that day and have a drink to calm my nerves. After my shower I put on some of my infamous loungewear and headed down to the kitchen. Adam and Jake were both in there as well. Adam was standing at the island digging through the drawer where we keep the pizza coupons and take-out menus. Jake was looking into the fridge. Neither of them felt the need to acknowledge my presence when I entered the room, and I took that as a good sign. That was normal.

“Is Carmen here?” Adam asked.

I didn’t know who he was talking to or who Carmen was, but Jake must have known because he answered him.

“No,” Jake answered. “I haven’t seen her in awhile. She doesn’t work at The Bar anymore.”

“Oh. I thought I heard some, um,
noises
upstairs when I got home,” Adam said.

Jake turned around from the fridge with a beer bottle in his hand and our eyes met. He gave me a wicked grin as he twisted off the bottle cap. Without missing a beat he said, “That was probably your sister watching porn upstairs.”

I gasped.

“Damn, Roxie,” he said to me with a gleam in his eye, “you could at least turn the volume down. You’re not the only one who lives here, you know.”

I probably should have been mad, but I laughed so hard I had to bend over and hold onto my stomach because I was afraid I might rupture something. In the middle of my laughing fit I snuck a look at Jake. I saw him bite his lip, probably to keep himself from laughing, too.

“You guys are disgusting,” Adam said sounding a little annoyed. “I’m gonna order take-out. You guys want anything?”

“No, thanks,” we both said at the same time.

I pulled a bottle of Riesling out of the fridge and, without a word, Jake took it from my hand, opened it with a wine key and poured me a glass.

“Thanks,” I said when he handed the glass to me.

Our fingers touched. I smiled. He grinned back at me. It was one of those sneaky half-grins, the kind exchanged only by two people who shared a secret. And I believe I’ve already mentioned how much I like secrets.

CHAPTER TWELVE

I took my wine outside to the pool and relaxed in one of the chaise lounges. The sun was about to set and GLL Challenge #13 was to watch a sunset, so it was pretty good timing.

Almost immediately the wine made me feel better about my
Jersey Shore
moment with Jake (um, not to sound like an alcoholic or anything). I had no reason to beat myself up over it. Yes, I was technically still married, but there was absolutely no chance of reconciliation between us. As for the lack of protection, well, I’d made a mistake, but I couldn’t do anything about it now except learn from it and make sure I didn’t repeat it. And as for ruining my friendship with Jake, that was silly to even think about. We were both grown-ups, even if we didn’t always act like it. We were going to be fine. It wasn’t the end of the world. So thank you, Dad, for encouraging me to have a drink and thank you, Barefoot Winery, for the Reisling.

Once the sun set and the wine was gone, I collected my tablet, wine glass and empty wine bottle and walked back into the kitchen with intentions to go to bed … alone. I set the wine glass in the sink and the bottle on the counter and heard footsteps behind me. I turned around. It was Jake. He was standing at the entrance to the kitchen holding an empty beer bottle.

I had read the term “smoldering look” before in cheesy romance novels, but I had never experienced one myself. Even during
The Summer of Jake and Roxie
I couldn’t remember him ever looking at me quite like that. It was hot enough that I felt like I needed to shower again. I put my hands on the counter behind me and waited for him to speak because he looked like he had something to say.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

“Hi.”

He took a few steps forward, very slowly, until there was about a foot between us. He leaned forward to set his beer bottle on the counter behind me, pushing his chest up against mine in the process. When he straightened up and his eyes met mine again, they stayed there. He put a finger under my chin and tilted my face upward. A little sigh escaped from me. He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and then let his hand rest on my cheek. I leaned my head into his hand. He made me feel … and I know it sounds ridiculous, but he made me feel cozy. You know how good it feels to put on a pair of sweatpants straight from the dryer when they’re still warm? Jake made me feel like
that
.

With no urgency at all, he brought his face toward mine and kissed me slowly and softly. I leaned back into the counter, glad I had something to hold me up since I felt dizzy again.

“I’m going to bed,” he said quietly. His face was still so close to mine that I could feel his breath on my lips when he spoke.

“Me too,” I told him, basically talking right into his mouth.

“But I don’t want to go without you,” he said.

Thud.
Sleeping alone was overrated anyway.

A few hours later (we weren’t in such a hurry this time), I was once again feeling satisfied, but ashamed. Jake was amazing.
We
were amazing. Together. But that whole I’m-a-married-whore thing kept nagging at me. What was I doing? I couldn’t be with Jake in any kind of long-term way. I knew that. Why was I being so stupid as to start something with him that I knew couldn’t last?