Authors: Jodie Beau
I was seriously going to invest some of my divorce money in Google.
We were seated at an outdoor table at the nearest sports bar and had just ordered beer and wings when I told him about my problem.
“I want to tell you how much this means to me, you being here. But I don’t know how to say it. Every word I can think of doesn’t come close.”
“Don’t worry about it. I know you were happy I came.”
I shook my head. “See? That’s the thing. I am happy a lot of the time, and for the most simple reasons. This day, and what you did for me, made me way more than happy. I can’t even say it. It’s like not describable.”
“It’s really okay,” he said.
“I found a word. It means something incapable of being described in words.”
“What’s the word?”
“Ineffable.”
“Ineffable,” he repeated. “Okay.”
“I thought it could be a special word that we reserved for only the most special of times and this is definitely one of them.”
“You say that like there’s going to be other special times.”
“I hope there are,” I said.
“Those are big words for a day-to-day girlfriend to say,” he said.
I looked down at our hands on the table. “I don’t think day-to-day is enough for me anymore,” I said honestly. I nervously bit my lip and only slightly glanced up at him. “I need more. I need,” I paused because, even though I knew for sure it was what I wanted, it was still difficult for me to say, “I need forever.”
“You and me?” he asked. “Forever?”
I shrugged, feeling shy and fearing rejection. “I mean, if it’s too much for you we can do day-to-day still. I don’t want to scare you off or put too much pressure on you.”
He laughed out loud. “It’s funny how you think I’m the one who is scared. You and me forever – I can do that.”
“You think I’m the one who is scared?” I asked.
I was thankful he didn’t say “duh.” I’d always hated that expression. He just smiled.
“Maybe I am,” I said thoughtfully. “But some things are worth facing your fears for, right?”
He smiled and nodded. “So? Are you ever going to tell me about this apartment?”
The apartment! I had forgotten all about it. How crazy that I woke up this morning in Michigan, flew to NYC, found an apartment, went shopping, and had dinner on the Gulf of Mexico. All in one day!
I shook my head. “My mom almost died today. Life is too short to be selfish. I spent way too many years without you, and I don’t want to spend another one. I don’t even want one minute without you.”
I laced my fingers into those of my best friend and knew
he
was where I was supposed to be. New York was just a city. I could visit it often if I needed to. But my heart was with Jake, and that’s where it needed to stay.
“I’m not moving to New York,” I said firmly.
“Yes, you are,” he insisted.
“I’m not. I can take cooking classes at a community college or something. I don’t need New York. I need you.”
The waitress dropped off our wings and the conversation stopped as we started eating.
“Do you want to know a secret?” he asked, a few wings later.
I nodded.
“I heart New York,” he admitted.
I smiled. It was a very easy place to heart.
“And the truth is,” he said, “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that pastrami sandwich.”
I laughed out loud.
“You might need me, Rox. But I need to live by that deli. For at least one year.”
I dropped the wing I’d been holding. The bone made a clink on the ceramic plate. I knew I had buffalo sauce and blue cheese dressing on my face, but I was too stunned to grab my napkin. I knew what he was saying, that he was willing to come with me, to leave his jobs, his business behind, to be with me. I loved him for it, but I couldn’t let him do it. I shook my head. “I can’t let you give up everything for me.”
“I’m telling you the truth. I loved being there. I can take a sabbatical. We’ll give it a year and see how it works out. If it’s not working, we’ll reevaluate. Now tell me about this apartment. How close is it to the deli?”
Very slowly, a smile started to appear on my face. First, it was just the corners of a slanted grin, but soon it morphed itself into a huge toothpaste-commercial kind of smile. “Really?”
He nodded. I was so happy I accidentally let out a sound I hadn’t heard since I was eleven and my parents took me to the set of the
All New Mickey Mouse Club
during our vacation in Orlando. (Yep, Justin and Ryan, I saw them first).
“This is going to be …” I paused while I thought of a word that was good enough for us, “epic.”
EPILOGUE
I stayed in Florida for a week to help Dad take care of Mom while Jake tied up his loose ends in Ann Arbor and finished packing all of our things. Once we were ready to go, Adam took a few vacation days to drive the moving truck. He helped us unload, clean up, repaint and refinish the place. By the time the three of us were done, I had the apartment of my dreams. Well, at least a tenth of the apartment of my dreams, but that was a good start.
Adam wasn’t surprised to find out about Jake and me. He said he had known the whole time, but he pretended he didn’t because he appreciated our subtlety. He was more than happy to leave me in Jake’s care, and Mom and Dad felt the same way.
Jake found a job at a bar in the Meat-Packing District within a week. We didn’t want his business in Ann Arbor to suffer too much, so the plan was for him to schedule shoots on every third Tuesday and Wednesday. He would fly back and forth now that he had overcome his fear of flying. It would be costly, but if it kept his business afloat for a year while I was in school, it was worth it.
I thought he had a good enough portfolio to start his business up in NYC as well. He just needed to advertise. That was why I secretly had some business cards and flyers printed to surprise him. He was good at his job, and I had no doubt he would find success in The City.
Jake loved our apartment, he was happy with his new job, he felt right at home in New York, and he loved me. Everything was falling into place.
The day before school started I made it my goal to have every single box unpacked. There wasn’t enough room in our place to have a bunch of boxes hanging around. I spent the day hanging photos and shelves, organizing drawers and cupboards, and scouring the Ikea website to make room for our things without having our apartment look like a cluttered hell. It was when I got to the last box labeled “bathroom” that everything in my world changed.
In spite of donating a bunch of beauty products to the homeless shelter, I still had enough to make my bathroom look like the basement of Barney’s. I was trying to figure out where to put everything when I saw a familiar pink box. Tampons.
I pulled out the box and looked at it strangely as I tried to remember the last time I had seen them or had any use for them. It had been an unusually long time.
I pulled up the calendar on my phone to see if anything triggered my memory. Nope, I couldn’t remember my last period.
What are you, twelve?
I scolded myself as I grabbed my purse and flew out the door toward the nearest drug store.
Jake was working the lunch shift at the bar. I sent him a text while I walked. It said to come straight home after work.
Once at the store I couldn’t decide what kind to buy. There were vertical lines, perpendicular lines and the digital ones that actually spelled out the word or words. The digital one was least likely to be misunderstood, but a photo of the plus sign would look better in a pregnancy scrapbook. Ah, screw it. I bought both and hurried home.
As I waited for Jake to walk in the door, I paced the five feet of empty space in the apartment – back and forth, back and forth. I bit off the nails that had finally started to grow back after Mom’s surgery
When I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs, I ran to the door and threw it open just as he was approaching. He looked startled.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
I pulled him into the apartment, closed the door and headed straight for the bathroom. He followed me.
“Do you remember that time we used a condom?” I asked him.
He put a finger to his chin like he was actually trying to remember. A few seconds later he shook his head.
“No, I really don’t,” he answered.
“Me either,” I replied, nervously.
He slanted his eyes at me in a curious way. “What are you saying?” he asked cautiously.
I held up the boxes I’d bought at the store.
“Oh,” he said. I couldn’t tell if that was an
Oh, yay!
Or an
Oh, fuck!
I went into the bathroom and shut the door (Hope taught me well – no more peeing in front of anyone).
I tried the plus-sign one first. Once the stick was lying flat on the sink, I opened the door to Jake’s stunned face, his mouth still in the “O” form. He came into the bathroom like he was in a daze. We both stared at the test on the sink as a horizontal blue line appeared in the window. Then we watched a perpendicular line appear shortly after.
No doubt about it. It was a BFP!
I knew it was early in our relationship for this to happen, and it certainly wasn’t part of my plan just yet. But I hoped he would be as happy as I was to see this plus sign. Who knew? Maybe things were better left unplanned.
“What do you think?” I asked him quietly.
“I think this is …” he stopped as he searched for the right word. “I think it’s ineffable.”
THE END
MAD PROPS
I have to first give mad props to the other half of me, my husband, Brian. You encouraged me when I wanted to give up, you reminded me to keep writing when I got distracted, you took on most of the housework and never complained about the piles of dishes in the sink, or the fact that we were having hot dogs for dinner again. I know this is so sickeningly sappy, but you really are the Wind Beneath My Wings. Thanks, Freckle xoxo
Ian, if it wasn’t for you I would have been perfectly content as a career waitress. You made me want to reach higher. I couldn’t encourage you to be the best person you could be if I wasn’t going to lead by example. I’m sorry for being a “couch-mom” while I was writing this book, but I promise to make it up to you.
My parents, thank you for believing in me more than I believed in myself, not only while writing this book, but always.
The rest of my family and friends: I can’t name them all because I am lucky to have so many. I have been truly blessed to have the most supportive and loving family. From my nucleus (my parents, step-parents and brothers), to my extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins), to my chosen family (my friends), I will NEVER forget how much you all encouraged me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
My beta-readers: Beth Ehemann, Jamie Sager Hall, Chrystle Woods and Lisa Stallmann –Thank you all for taking the time to help me and for making
The Good Life
a better book! Oh, and thanks for all of the gushing and pimping, too.
Thank you to Sarah Hansen at Okay Creations for the cover. It’s even better than the one I imagined. I hope I didn’t annoy you too badly. Thanks again for introducing me to that gem, Madison, too.
Thank you to Kim for the clock; the bloggers and readers who helped spread the word; the independent authors who helped pave the road; One Republic and Katy Perry for the inspiration; and thank YOU for reading this!
My last bag of props, and it’s a
really
big bag, goes to my fabulous editor, Madison Seidler. What a sparkly gem you are! I felt like you really “got” me right from the start. You have been so much more to me than an editor. You’ve been my personal cheerleader, publicist, therapist, tour manager. You’ve introduced me to so many great people. You taught me the difference between farther and further, towards and toward, and you broke the news that it is no longer acceptable to add two spaces after a period. I will never be able to say or type enough thank-yous to you!
Please visit me on Facebook
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http://jodiebeau.wordpress.com/
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