The Gate of Heaven (47 page)

She tried but could not see it. “No.”

“Look at this then.” He drew a dotted line from the end of the big cup across to a very bright star. “Now, this is the end of the handle. See? This is the Little Cup.”

At once Dinah saw it. She exclaimed with delight, “Why, I do see it! It's right up over the other one.”

“That's right. Now, this is very important. It's going to make you a wise woman and a happy one. Do you see the star right at the end of the handle of the little cup?”

“Yes, I see it! It's so bright!”

“That's the most important star in all of the sky.”

“Why is it so important, Demetrius?”

“Because it never changes position. All these other stars move around, but this big cup goes around in a circle and the little cup also. And all the other stars are always moving, but that fellow up there”—he pointed up—“never moves. Sailors call it the unchanging star. I guess some put a proper name on it, but I've never heard it.”

“Why, I can see them as plainly as anything now!”

“Can you? Well, you should be able to see the bear.”

“A bear?” Her tone was puzzled. “I don't see anything like that.”

“Look down at the stones.” He began to draw lines between some of the stones at the bottom of the pattern. “Now do you see it?”

Dinah looked down at the earth for a moment and then exclaimed, “Why, I do see it!”

“Then look up there. You'll see the bear. The Big Cup is the saddle right on his shoulders.

“There's his hind legs. One of them is crooked, you see, and he's holding his snout up in the air like he is sniffing something. And there are his front legs.”

Dinah laughed with pure delight. “I can see them now!”

“Can you see the serpent?”

“Serpent?” She studied the stars again and shook her head. “No, not really.”

“Well, look at this.” He moved her back to the stones and began to draw lines. “There is his head, a big head, you see. And here's his two feet, and here's his slimy body twisting around and ending up right between the Big Cup and the Little Cup. Now, look up and see if you can find it.”

Dinah looked up then and at once exclaimed, “I do see it! Why, this is wonderful, Demetrius. Do you know any others?”

“Oh, there are lots of others, but these are where you start.”

“Teach me some more.”

“Not for tonight.” He laughed and got to his feet and then pulled her up. “It's hard work putting young women back together again.”

“You know, Demetrius, you're like that star, the unchanging star, at least to me.”

Demetrius grew serious. He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders. “Do you really feel that way about me?”

“I don't know what I would have done,” she said simply, “if you hadn't helped me over these past few weeks.”

“Well, my treatment is working, then.”

“I don't think you knew,” Dinah whispered, “how bad off I was. I'd even thought about killing myself.”

Demetrius said quickly, “Don't even mention that. What would your family do without you?” He gazed at her, then asked quietly, “What would
I
do without you?”

Dinah was startled. She looked up, not knowing what he was thinking.

Suddenly he asked, “What were you like when you were a little girl?”

“Why, like all other girls, I suppose.”

He grinned. “What are girls like?”

“What a question! You might as well ask what boys are like. Girls are what they are, Demetrius. Some are sweet and gentle, others are sharp and rough. Some are pretty and some are plain.”

She fell silent for a moment, and then she said, “When I was a girl I did what all girls do. I played with the other children and by myself. I learned how to work, but, of course, there's a fine line between being a little girl and a woman. Women are different from children.”

“Yes, they're bigger,” Demetrius said with a straight face.

“Why, of course they're bigger, but that's not the only thing. They're different in other ways too.”

“How are they different?”

“I thought you were the expert in women,” she said, smiling. “Why, they think of different things. Men can do what they want to do, but women can't. They have to get married and they have to have children.”

“Isn't that what you want?”

“Yes, of course.” She laughed, and it made a tinkling sound on the air. “I had two men that I grew fond of. One of them was Ebor. He was the strongest man anywhere. He could pick up the hugest rock, bigger than anybody else could lift, and throw it.”

“I suppose every woman wants a strong man.”

“But a little later after Ebor, I fancied myself falling in love with Remelu. He was so
smart
!”

“Why, you could marry both of them,” Demetrius said, “and the strong fellow could throw rocks for you, and the smart one could entertain you with his wit.”

“Don't be a fool,” she said. “I was just a growing girl. I didn't know what I wanted.”

At that moment, as they were talking lightly and even foolishly, a thought came to Demetrius. He had known women before, but there was something in this young woman that touched him as no other woman ever had. He realized that he had been, for all of his acquaintances and through all of his activities, touched with a loneliness he had not recognized until now. He felt a longing he could not identify, but he knew it had something to do with Dinah, the daughter of Israel. He did not speak, and when she looked up at him, he knew he could no longer hide his feelings for her. His heart ached at the wonderful innocence he saw in her uplifted eyes. He stepped forward and put his hand on her shoulders, watching her lips and the expression in her glance. She said nothing, but there was a layered darkness in her eyes. He bent down and kissed her gently, holding the kiss for a time. The words almost formed in his mind,
Why, this is what I've been looking for!
He lifted his head and saw tears in her eyes. “What is there to cry about?” he asked gently.

“You're so…so
gentle
.” The whisper was almost inaudible as she leaned forward into his arms. She put her head down on his chest, and he held her. He understood her need for his strength and gentleness as she wept quietly.

Finally she looked up, and the tears that welled in her eyes caught the silver of the moon.

“Do you care for me, Dinah?” he said and waited for her to speak.

As for Dinah, there was a riot of emotions within her. She had thought never to let a man touch her again, so deeply had she been scarred, but there was such honesty in this man. He had been so patient, and she knew that what she felt for him was more than a casual thing. She also realized that she had touched him deeply and believed now that no matter what other men were like, this one was different and would always be different with her.

“What is it, Dinah?”

She looked into his eyes and saw that he was waiting for an answer. She didn't know what to say, for despite the progress she had made, at times the terrible memories of Shechem came back to her in a fearful way. She was afraid to trust herself to any man. It was not that she was afraid of Demetrius. Far from it! But she was afraid of the past and of what lay within her.

“I'd better go home, Demetrius.”

He nodded and said, “All right.”

The two of them walked back along the path, and from time to time he mentioned one of the stars overhead, pointing it out to her. She felt a rush of gratitude that he did not press her, and she wondered if he would ever ask her again if she cared for him. She hoped someday she would have an answer for him.

Dinah had gone to sleep with a smile on her lips, but some time during the night the bad dream came back again. It was always the same, with Prince Shechem tearing at her, violating everything she had always treasured. She woke up trembling. She got up off her bed and saw Tersa sleeping soundly over on her pad on the carpet. She tried to control her trembling, and looking out, she saw that it was almost daylight.

I've got to get away! I've got to think things through!
The thought possessed her as she stepped over to her handmaid and bent over the sleeping woman. “Tersa, get up.”

“What…what is it?”

“Help me get dressed. I'm going to make a trip.”

“A trip? You never said anything to me about a trip.” Tersa got to her feet, rubbing her eyes and staring at her mistress wildly. “Where are you going?”

“I'm going to see my cousin Deborah.”

“The master didn't say anything about it, nor your mother.”

“They don't know, and I don't want you to tell them.”

Tersa stared at Dinah in consternation. “You're running away?”

“No, I'm just going on a visit for a day or two. Now help me get dressed and get some things together.”

“But what will I tell your mother?”

“Don't tell her anything until at least noon. Give me time to get away. It's not far over to where my uncle lives. I've been there before.”

“But you were always with your brothers or your parents. You'll get lost.”

“I won't get lost. Now, promise me you won't tell them until noon.”

Tersa struggled but finally gave in. “All right, but they won't like it, and they'll probably thrash me.”

“They won't do that. Just tell them I've gone for a short visit and that I'll be back in a few days.”

Dinah quickly made the preparations. She had traveled to her uncle's camp several times. It was a long day's journey, but there were water holes along the way, and she would take a water bag. As soon as she was dressed and had her things in a sack, she made Tersa promise again not to tell her parents right away and then left. She had a donkey that was very gentle and that she had often ridden. She offered him some bites of bread she had brought as bait, and the donkey came quickly. She slipped the bridle on, swung herself on, then kicked her heels against his side. “Come on,” she commanded. “We've got a long way to go.”

She left the camp just as dawn was beginning to show a faint light in the east. She was thinking of what Demetrius had asked her:
“Do you care for me, Dinah?”
She knew as she left the camp and started her journey that she did care for Demetrius. What she did not know was whether the ghost that rose in her in such a frightening manner would ever be still enough that she could give herself freely and completely to a man.

Rachel lifted her eyes from the robe she was mending and gazed out over the camp. There was a stillness on the air, for at high noon most of the people tried to take shelter from the midday heat. She could see the mountains far off, a jagged line against the horizon, and wondered what lay beyond them.

A slight breeze lifted a whirlwind of dust and drove it through the camp. She felt its coolness on her cheeks. Not for the first time, she thought of how much better it was to live in a tent than in a regular house of stone or wood. Some people thought of tents as being a poor sort of home, but she had known nothing else since she had been married to Jacob. The tent could be sealed tightly, more tightly than most stone houses, but even more important, the sides of it could be lifted to catch every breath of breeze.

She watched a group of children playing some sort of a game, chasing each other and screaming, and a smile touched her lips. She tried to remember when she had been such a child, but it all seemed so long ago. For her, life had started when Jacob had come to Paddan Aram. She still remembered with startling clarity how she had met him for the first time. He had been dirty, bedraggled, and fatigued, but even at that moment she had somehow known that they were meant to be together. She had never regretted for one moment marrying him. She was the Beloved Wife, and she knew that Leah resented this, but there was nothing she could do about it.

She glanced across the room to Jacob, who was studying the accounts on clay tablets. It never ceased to amaze her how he was able to keep track of his animals. There were so many! But when someone would ask him how many sheep he had, he would say without hesitation, “Three thousand, four hundred, and twenty-three as of yesterday.” This was a miracle to Rachel, but it appeared to come naturally to him. She took great pride in knowing that the name of Israel the Hebrew was known all over the region. He was known as a fair man, one who watched over his kingdom with a sharp eye, yet never abused anyone under his authority.

She looked at his face again as he pored over the accounts and saw the seams and marks that time had left on him. When he had first come to Paddan Aram, he had been almost as fresh cheeked as she herself. But time and sun and wind and rain had weathered him. Yes, he was older, she thought, but also wiser, with an inner strength that had not been there when he had first arrived at her home.