The Falling of Love (18 page)

When he reopens them Grace’s face is inches from his. “What are you doing to yourself?” She howls, her voice still sounding evil, but this time there is a playful sense to it. “Don’t you love me?”

As the questions come from her open, unmoving lips, a pool of blood seeps from them simultaneously.

Again he scampers on the floor with nowhere to go, his bare feet slipping on the freshly polished hardwood floors. She is too close to him now. Frighteningly close. Blood from her mouth drips onto his bare leg. His head rings with a high-pitched ping and he slaps his hands over his ears to muffle the sound of it, and Grace’s cries. The ringing stops suddenly. Feeling fearful Ian opens his eyes. She is gone. The room is quiet again. The curtains gently flap in the breeze and the sound of birds chirping outside the window fills the room.

Grace stands in line at the campus bookstore. It is a horrendous line today. It is that time of the quarter where students receive their stipend checks from the college. Grace has three books to buy that are going to take a three hundred and twenty-five dollar chunk out of her fund. Grace hopes that this quarter she will be able to buy a laptop and use the remainder of the funds for her and Ian’s living expenses. The student who is working the checkout line slides her ATM card through the card reader for a third time.

“Sorry, Grace, but your card keeps getting declined,” the cashier says, quietly.

“Darn it!” She sighs. “Weren’t they supposed to go in on Friday?” she asks the cashier.

“I got mine,” he says, as he shrugs his shoulders.

“Could you hold these books for me while I figure this out?”

“I’m sorry, but I can only hold them for a few moments.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back,” Grace says, frantically.

She walks outside and pulls out the new cell phone that Ian recently purchased for her. “Err!” she exclaims as she tries to figure out how to go online to look at her bank account. Grace looks at her cell phone screen with horror. Their account has a zero balance.

“Wait, what!” she cries aloud. She frantically scrolls through the account history on her cell phone screen. She knows that on Friday, her check was directly deposited into her and Ian’s checking account for $1,550.00, but then it was withdrawn earlier that day. “What the…” Not only is their checking account at a zero balance, but so is their savings account, where they have been depositing money for their wedding.

She tries to call Ian, but he does not answer his phone. Grace walks into the bookstore feeling jumbled, and begs the cashier to hold her books for a couple of hours. She explains to him that she has class, and she will not have time to find out what is going on until after school. He informs her that he can’t hold them for her. She leaves the bookstore numb.

Jaden is on the porch as he always is, smoking a joint and appearing relaxed when Grace darts up the walkway angrily.

“Where is he?” she yells.

Jaden sits up and looks at her with a question on his face.

“Umm, I think he’s still at work. Why? What’s wrong?”

“All the money in our checking account is gone! Every dime, Jaden! Even our wedding savings!” She sits down and takes a deep breath, fighting back the tears that beg to be let out.

“Well, maybe he took it out so that you would have the cash?”

“Maybe.” She knows he is trying to make her feel better with an excuse, but she doesn’t fully believe it. She sighs. “Can we eat out tonight? I just don’t feel like cooking. I’ve had a crappy day.”

“Yeah. I’ll order a pizza, my treat. Does that sound alright with you?”

Grace picks up her schoolbag and walks inside. “Sure,” she says, somberly.

She cannot shake the feeling that something terrible is going on. She walks up the stairs to her room, throws her school bag on the floor, and flops onto her bed. She rolls over on her side and sees a large crumpled up paper by the wastebasket. Slowly, she slinks out of bed and walks over to it. Her stomach drops, knowing what it is before she sees it. She picks it up and unfolds it as her heart sinks even further. Sorrow crushes her as she holds the portrait of Ian tight in her shaking hands.
Why would he do this to my work? Why would he just throw it away like it is trash?
She reaches for her cell phone and calls the garage where Ian works.

“Tri City Auto,” says a deep, grumbly voice on the other line.

“Umm hello, is Ian available?”

“Ian, the skinny redhead?”

“Yes.”

“He quit this morning, kid, sorry.”

The sound she hears signals the man has hung up.

“What?” she
asks,
no one. As much as she tries to have faith in Ian, she knows deep down inside that he is using again. Grace sits back on her bed, the crumbled portrait of Ian in her hands. Moments later, a knock on her door startles her.

“Hey, ah, Grace, can I come in?” asks Jaden.

“Yeah.”

Jaden strolls in the room with his hands tucked deep in his pockets, his eyes looking down at the floor.

“Everything okay?” he asks, before he sits next to her.

She hands him the crumbled drawing of Ian and shakes her head.

“I think he’s using again, Jaden,” she says, with immense sorrow in her voice.

Jaden’s forehead wrinkles and his eyes fall to the floor. “I sure as hell hope he’s not.”

“Have you seen him today?”

“Just for a few seconds. He was outta here like a bat out of hell this morning. I think he was late for work,” he says.

“Work!” she hisses. “I just called his work
,
and they said he quit this morning!”

“Wait, what? Man, what is he thinking?”

“I hope I’m wrong. I hope he has some explanation for what is going on around here, but my gut tells me it’s bad.”

Jaden puts his arm around Grace. “We’ll figure it out,” he says, supportively. “We always do,” he says, as he kisses her on the cheek.

Jaden and Grace sit at the dining room table eating their pepperoni pizza. Rather, Jaden eats his and Grace picks at hers. It is almost eight o’clock and Ian is still not home. Grace keeps looking at her cell phone to check the time.

“I’m getting worried,” she says, softly, the ache of not knowing where he is or what is going on tearing at her emotions.

“He’s fine, don’t worry,”

At two that morning, Grace sits up in bed trying to concentrate on her studies, but her worry about where Ian is and why he is not answering her calls or text messages is too much for her to process. Horrible scenarios keep rushing through her mind. She imagines that he has overdosed somewhere or that someone has robbed him. A number of ghastly visions keep playing themselves like horror movies in her mind.

The next morning, Grace’s alarm wakes her with a shrewd annoying sound. She slaps the snooze button carelessly. She feels warmth next to her. Ian is in bed with her. She tries to remember the last time she looked at the clock.
Four in the morning, maybe?
He smells of alcohol and cigarettes. It seems as though the alarm did not even faze him. She debates whether she should bother waking him up or not and decides she cannot deal with him right now. She crawls out of bed and prepares herself for her day at school.

Later that afternoon, Jaden walks into Ian’s room, his footsteps waking him, and sits on the edge of his bed.

“Man,” he says, as he shakes Ian’s leg. “Get up, man!”

“What!”

“Where ya been?”

Ian rolls onto his back with a groan. “Out,” he grumbles.

Jaden backs his head away from him and squishes up his nose. “Dude, your breath is rank. Where is out, huh?”

“Out and about!”

“Ya know, man, Grace was worried sick about you all night. The least you could do is
answer
your phone to let her know you were okay!”

Ian sits up in his bed. His eyes feel crusty, and he has a foul smell coming from him that even he cannot stand.

“You’re using again aren’t you, man?”

“That’s really none of your fucking business!”

“As long as you’re living in my house, it is my fucking business!”

“Whatever,” he says, before he rises from the bed and shuffles across the floor to the bathroom.

Grace is overcome with sadness to the point that she cannot concentrate on her studies. She can see the instructor’s mouth moving, but she cannot hear a thing she says. The light on her cell phone indicating that she has a text message tears her out of her contemplation. The text is from Jaden, and it simply says,
Come home
.

Grace runs up the front steps, and Jaden opens the front door before she reaches it.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, in a panic.

Jaden holds up the pouch of drugs he found in Ian’s pocket. Grace is dizzy and she is feeling faint. Jaden grabs her by her waist and leads her into the house. She can hear Ian having a fit upstairs in their room. He is screaming, but she cannot comprehend what he is saying. Crashes and thuds come from the bedroom as if Ian is throwing things around.

“He doesn’t know that I took the drugs, so he’s going fuckin’ nuts looking for them. I found them in the pocket of his pants when he was in the bathroom. He’s been going crazy ever since then.”

“I’ll go talk to him,” she says, as she walks away.

“I’m not really sure you should do that, Grace,” Jaden says, cautiously as he grabs a hold of her shoulder. “Let’s just let him have his little fit. Give him some time to calm down.”

Grace does not know how to deal with this. Never in her life has she been exposed to someone who has a drug problem, except recently with Ian. Deep down inside she knew it was too good to be true, that he could just stop all of a sudden and everything would be peachy keen again, but she is a dreamer, a romantic. She views the world as a beautiful place and blocks out the harsh reality of what it can really be.

“Well,” she says, “I guess I’ll get dinner started.”

Jaden shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it, Grace. You have bigger fish to fry.”

After hours, the commotion upstairs stops and Grace decides it is time to face Ian. She opens the door to her bedroom with care and
peeks
her head in, not knowing what she will find. The room is thrashed. All the clothes have been taken out of the drawers and thrown on the floor, books are tossed in complete disorder all around the room, and there on the bed is Ian sitting with his head in his hands. She walks over to him and gently sits next to him. She puts her arm around him, and he immediately shakes her off. Gut wrenching sadness punches her stomach. She is not used to him being so cold to her.

“
Don’t
fucking touch me!” he scowls at her.

“Ian, please don’t treat me like this,” she begs. “This is me!
Your
Gracie. I love you.”

Ian looks at her. “You look so pathetic.”

Grace gets up from the bed and walks over to the closet. She does not want to do what she is about to. There is an internal battle going on inside her. She knows what she has to do. She has to leave him. She cannot keep going on this way. If he refuses to stop using drugs, she must leave him. Ian intently watches her with anger in his eyes. Reaching into the closet she pulls out her suitcase with a heavy heart.

“What, you’re leaving me?”

Grace looks at him. Tears begin to prick at her eyes.

“Yes,” she whispers, not believing the word she hears from her own mouth.

She gathers clothes and places them delicately in her suitcase. Ian walks over to her and grabs her by the shoulders. “Ian, no!” she cries out in fear.

With a rush of breath, he cries, “I’ll stop. I promise. This time is for real. I would give you the drugs if I knew where I left them, but I can’t find them.”

“Jaden has them.”

“Please, Gracie. Don’t leave me. Please,” he begs.

Ian gets on his knees and holds both of Grace’s hands in his. “Please don’t leave me!”

She cannot bear to see him this way. She lifts him up off his knees and wraps her arms around him. Believing in him is her only option. Giving up on him, giving up on their
love,
seems too cowardly an act to her.

“You have to stop, Ian. You have to stop!”

“I will, baby. I promise. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to hurt you and I can’t lose you!” he weeps.

Tears fall from her eyes. Saltiness stings her mouth as they drip down her cheeks and slide into her lips. She runs her fingers through his soaking wet hair.

“Babe, do you want to go to the ER?”

He looks up at her pale faced, eyes burning red. With foul breath, he grumbles out a harsh, “No!”

She holds his hair back as once again he vomits violently. It is all she can do to keep from throwing up. She loves him.
This is what you do for someone you love, right?
She looks around the bathroom, trying to avoid watching the torture he is going through and the smell that comes along with it.
I just can’t bear to see him like this. I know that he has to go through this to get better.
She wonders to herself,
What
am I going to do? How did we get to this dark place?

Grace helps Ian onto their bed, and he immediately curls into the fetal position. She loves him more than anything in her entire life, and she cannot stand to watch him suffer as he is, but this is the only way. He has to go through detox if he is going to beat his drug habit.

Jaden enters their room with a tray of food. “Are you hungry, Grace?” he asks, as he looks at Ian, curled into a ball on the bed.

“A little.”

Jaden sets the tray on the dresser and then sits on the bed next to Ian. He pats Ian on the back. “You can do this, man. You’re strong. You’ve been through so much in your life, you can beat this.”

Ian looks up at Jaden and gives him a weak smile.

“I’m sorry, man,” says Ian, as he looks at Jaden.

Grace can see the shame written all over Ian’s face. She is touched by the compassion that Jaden shows to Ian. She recognizes the devotion that he has for him, and she is grateful that Jaden is there for both of them at this trying time.

Ian finally falls asleep, so Grace ventures downstairs for a break. She finds Jaden on the porch.

“Were you talking about Ian’s dad when you said Ian has been through so much in his life?” she asks, as she sits on the wicker couch.

“Yeah.”

“He doesn’t like to talk about it.”

“That man is a horrible son of a bitch. It’s a good thing that Brandon and Bailey are living with their aunt now. Back in Massachusetts, Ian would stay with me a lot. He used to always come over with bruises. His dad was really good about only hitting him in places that would be hidden, but Ian always showed them to me.” Jaden looks off out to the field in front of the old Victorian.

Grace can see that what he says disturbs him.

He takes a deep breath. “A kid should never have to suffer like that, ya know. I mean, it wasn’t just a couple of times, Grace. It was almost every time I saw him, he’d be beat up.”

Jaden takes the seat next to Grace on the wicker couch. The chirping of crickets fills in the silent moments in their conversation.

“There were
even a couple
times that Ian didn’t show up for school. I found out later it was because he was in the hospital. Ya know
,
he fell down the stairs or some bullshit story like that.”

Grace lets out a small gasp. “The hospital? Oh
my gosh
. He never said it was that bad,” she says, lowering her head so that her gaze falls on the porch.

“From the time I met him until the time I left Massachusetts, it was like that.”

“Why didn’t anyone ever call the police or something?” Grace cries out.

“Ha, that’s funny! Ian’s uncle, his dad’s brother, was the chief of police, Grace. The few times that Ian tried to call the police, he was put into
juvie
. You gotta understand
,
it’s not like it is in a big city like this. If you’re from the wrong side of the fence they don’t give a shit about what goes on in your life,” Jaden says, as he shakes his head slowly. “That’s why I got the hell outta that place, man.”

Grace cannot believe what she hears. She knew that Ian’s father was abusive but never considered that Ian may have been hospitalized due to the abuse he suffered.

“The Ian that moved here with you is definitely not the same kid that I left behind back home. You have made such a positive impact on his life, Grace,” Jaden says, as he lays his hand on top of Grace’s.

Grace looks up at Jaden, tears forming in her eyes.

“Not positive enough,” she says, as she glances down at the porch again.

“He’ll beat this shit, Grace,” Jaden says, as he caresses her arm tenderly. “This is not your fault. This is L.A. I can’t tell you how many people, friends and band mates, I have seen go down this path.” Jaden lifts Grace’s chin up so that he can look into her eyes. “It happened to me, too,” he says, sounding ashamed.

Grace looks at him in disbelief.

“When I first came here I didn’t live in this house. I lived in a studio apartment with my girlfriend from back home. I was actually intending to marry her. She got heavy into the shit and so did I. It’s all around you. Everywhere you go people are offering to get you high, or I know it sounds lame, but pressuring you to get high with them. My girl was a lot like you,” he says, with a kind smile. “She was so innocent when we first moved here. She started using before I even entertained the idea of
tryin
’ the stuff. Once she started using, she changed. It was like she was a totally different person. Drugs change
who
a person truly is, Grace. She became a lying, manipulative whore. I can’t even count on my fingers all the dudes she slept with to get drugs or money after she spent every dime we had. She overdosed and that is when I knew I had to stop.” Jaden looks distraught as he finishes his story. “I could see that I had changed too, and I was not cool with the guy I was becoming. So I came to live with Gramps and got my act together.”

“Did she die?” Grace asks, hesitantly.

“No. Mandy is clean now,” he says, smiling. “Thank the Lord. She moved back with her parents and she’s in college. She’s studying to be a veterinarian.
So you see, there’s hope.”

There is so much information being shoved through Grace’s mind. Her brain is on overload.

“I thought Ian told you that I was an addict.”

Grace shakes her head, as she looks at Jaden, wide-eyed.

“He’ll beat this, Grace, and he’ll do it for you.”

“I don’t want him to do it for me, Jaden. I want him to do it for himself.”

Jaden grabs Grace’s hand and gives it a tight, comforting squeeze. He stares into her soul with his deep brown eyes. Talking to him, being able to be honest with her feelings, provides her with more comfort than she thinks he realizes.

“He’s a lucky guy,” Jaden says, as he lifts his hand up to her face and brushes his thumb over her cheek.

Something different is radiating from him, something she has never felt from him before.

“What?”

“You’re just so special,” Jaden says, shaking his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe he would risk fucking things up with you.”

“I’m nothing special.” She sighs. “But what we have is special and I can’t believe he would risk it either.”

Jaden wipes a single tear from Grace’s cheek, continues to caress her with his thumb, and then leans into her face.

He gets right up to her lips before she pulls away and says, “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

Grace backs away from Jaden, appalled. Jaden looks up at her, and she sees it, the way he is looking at her, that he wants her. Something in her gut tells her this. She can see the glossy look in his eyes. The artery in his neck pulses in time with his heart.

“Remember that new song you said you liked a while back?” he asks.

“Yeah,” she says. She wants to get up and run to her room. Get as far away from his as she can, as fast as she can.

“The one you said was beautiful, and you asked who it was about?”

“Yeah,” she replies, fully expecting that Jaden will tell her it is about his ex-girlfriend Mandy.

It was a song about longing to touch and love. She tries to recall the lyrics.

Before she can, he softly says, “I wrote that about you.”

Grace is in shock.
This cannot be happening. Jaden cannot feel this way about me.
I’m Ian’s fiancée.
She gets up without a word and runs up the stairs to her bedroom where Ian is sleeping peacefully.

Sitting on the porch, Jaden is frustrated with himself. He lies back on the wicker couch and takes a few deep breaths, struggling to calm himself. Normally he is cool, calm, and collected, especially when it comes to women. He knows he has a way with them.

Grace is the first girl to ever back away from an attempted kiss from him and it hurts his ego. Closing his eyes he thinks about the way her eyes looked as he leaned in close to her. Wide-eyed and confused, but there was something there behind her puzzlement, a barely hidden twinge of lust. How he wishes that she would have let him kiss her. Then he would know for sure if she reciprocates his feelings or not.

What the fuck am I thinking?
I can’t do this to Ian.
He is overcome with guilt. He knows that trying to kiss her is unacceptable. He should never have allowed himself to make the moves on the girl that Ian loves. They are like brothers, and he cares more for Ian than he does most people. Grace’s full, pink lips come into his thoughts and again the wish flies through his mind.
Why didn’t she let me kiss her?

Jaden sits up and reaches for a pack of cigarettes that rests on the table next to him. The cigarette dangles from his slender fingers as he watches the smoke curl through the air. Shaking his head he puts the barely smoked cigarette out in the ashtray and then heads inside.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, Jaden reaches into his nightstand and pulls out a small phone book. The pages are tattered and filled to the edges with phone numbers. Even the spine has writing on it. He licks his finger and skims through the pages in a hurry, searching for just the right name and a smidgen of his confidence. “Ah there you are,” he says and puts his finger under a name in the book. He picks up the receiver on his phone and puts it on his shoulder and then to his ear. The phone rings three times and he becomes impatient and hangs up.

“Next,” he says, as he thumbs through the book again. “Oh yeah, Samantha. You should’ve been my first choice, sweetheart.” He picks up the phone again and dials the number. She picks up after one ring.

“Jaden?” She sounds almost too enthusiastic to be hearing from him.

“Hey.” He intentionally makes his voice smooth on her like soft butter, knowing that he has a way with women. “Wanna hook up?”

“Are you kidding? Hell yeah I do!”

He laughs at her breathless response. “I’ll be there in thirty.”

For hours, Grace lies in bed with Ian, holding him and listening to his agonizing moans. She cannot take much more. Too much is happening at once. She is startled by Jaden’s voice calling her to come downstairs.
Ugh
!
I don’t want to talk about what happened.
She gets up off the bed and goes to the edge of the stairs. Standing by the front door, a single leopard print suitcase in her
hand,
is Michelle. Grace bolts down the stairs and attacks her with a huge hug. She is stunned to see her, but tremendously thankful, as well.

“
Wha
…what are you doing here?”

“Well,” Michelle says, as she sets her suitcase down. “Guess you’re not the only one in the family who James has decided to disown.”

Grace looks at Michelle, puzzled. “What happened?”

Michelle shrugs her shoulders and rolls her eyes.

Grace looks to Jaden, trying to gauge his reaction to her sister showing up on his doorstep in the middle of the night. She is thankful when he smiles then walks away to his room.

“Let’s go in here,” Grace says, motioning Michelle into the next room.

Michelle and Grace walk to the living room and sit together on the couch.

“What happened?”

“I borrowed $200 from his wallet and he found out before I could pay him back.”

“He kicked you out for $200?” Grace finds this unbelievable.

“That and we’ve kinda been fighting lately.”

Grace studies Michelle and realizes that she looks older than the last time she saw her. Reaching out she touches her soft, dark curls. “What have you been fighting about?”

“He’s an ass clown! He never lets me do anything.
I’m constantly having
to sneak behind his back, and he’s constantly catching me. How the hell did you sneak around for so long without getting caught?”

Grace takes in a deep breath. The old familiar feeling of guilt for lying to James washes over her. “He was always gone. It was pretty easy.”

“Well, he’s hardly ever gone now that he’s managing the truck company. So he’s always up my ass.”

“He’s just trying to keep you safe.”

Michelle huffs and rolls her eyes.

“I still can’t believe he kicked you out for $200, but Michelle, you should know better than to steal from James!”

“He was being a tight-ass with money, and I needed a new dress for a dance,” she says, with no remorse.

“Still, Missy, that’s your brother. It’s wrong.”

“Look if you’re going to just lecture me, I can go somewhere else,” Michelle says, as she stands.

Grace grabs her arm and pulls her back onto the couch. “There’s no way in hell I’m letting you out on the streets of L.A. by yourself!” Grace snaps. “Just let me go talk to Jaden. It’s his house and I can’t just let you move in without asking him first,” she says, as she gets up. “And you need to call James and let him know you’re safe.”

Grace knocks on Jaden’s door. It’s not exactly what she wants to do, but she knows she has no other choice.

“Come on in.”

Jaden’s room is filled with smoke, his music is playing faintly, and he has incense burning on his dresser.

“You don’t have to ask me,” he says, as he puffs out rings of smoke. “She can move in.”

“Thank you, Jaden,” she says, softly, not really wanting to even be in the same room with him due to it feeling so awkward.