The Falling of Love (15 page)

Ian grabs her face and pulls it to his so she is looking into his blue eyes.

“It’s just part of the gig, babe. If you’re going to be a rock star’s wife, you need to develop a thicker skin.”

Grace glares at him as if daggers were coming from her eyes. “A thicker skin?”

“You just have to trust me, Gracie. You have to trust in our love.” He grabs her face and kisses her softly. He pulls away from their kiss and holds her face in his hands. “You’re so beautiful, Grace. So absolutely beautiful,” he says, as he runs his fingers over her face. “I love you. You can trust me,” he says, with a lovable smile. “It’s all just part of my act.”

She wants to believe in their love and his words, but nothing he says sounds reasonable. His egotistical words leave her angry and for the first time she doubts him and their relationship.

Grace looks herself over in the full-length mirror in her bedroom. “I look fat,” she says to Michelle.

“Well, it’s not a fashion show,” Michelle says. “At least you can take comfort in knowing that everyone else there will be wearing the same hideous outfit as you.”

“I’m so glad you were able to come, Missy. Who else could comfort me like you can?” she asks, laughing.

Ian walks into the room. “Almost ready, girls? We’re gonna be late!” he says, in a hurry. He stops and gazes at Grace. “You look absolutely stunning, baby.”

Michelle bursts out in laughter as she rises off the bed and heads out the door. “You’d say that to her if she had a piece of crap on her head!”

“Thank you,” Grace says, softly, with a huge smile on her face. It still amazes her how he always makes her feel special and beautiful, no matter how bad she thinks she looks.

He pulls her to him and brushes her hair behind her ear. “You do. You look beautiful. I’m so proud of you,” he says, as he kisses her head.

She is extremely relieved that Ian is acting like himself for once. She has not seen the sweet side of him for weeks. She looks down at the ground as sadness rushes over her.

“There’s still time for him to show up,” he says, as if he is reading her mind.

“He’s not going to come. He despises me,” she says, with tears rolling down her cheeks.

“He doesn’t despise you, babe. He just doesn’t understand you. There’s still time. But, we better get going,” he says, as he pulls on her arm.

As Grace hears her name read by the principal, she realizes that she has beaten the odds. She is graduating high school despite being kicked out of her home at seventeen years old, despite her and Ian’s financial struggles, and despite living the last five months of her life on her own, without the support of her family. The moment has arrived, yet another milestone in her uncertain existence. She walks across the stage beaming confidence, and she hears Ian whistle and shout her name.

“Alright, Gracie!”

The loudest voice in the crowd belongs to Michelle. Grace looks out to the audience to see her sister, wide-mouthed as ever, screaming, clapping, and crying. Just behind Michelle, up about three rows away, she spots James. He sits still and gives her a smile that says
I’m proud of you
. She stops dead in her tracks in the middle of the stage. She cannot move. She is both overwhelmed with happiness and sadness at the same time.
He came!
She proudly resumes her confident stride, walks up to the principal, and receives her diploma.

After the graduation caps go flying and Grace retrieves hers from the ground, she searches the football field for her family. Ian runs at her at full speed, grabs her, and twirls her around. He grabs her by the face and plants a gigantic kiss on her lips.

“You’re so awesome, Gracie! I’m so proud of you!”

With difficulty, Jaden wheels Grandpa Joe over the grass while he sits in his wheelchair. Grace bends down and takes his hand. “Are you feeling okay, Gramps?”

Grandpa Joe pats her on the hand and gives her a reassuring nod. “I’m fine. Don’t you
worry.
I am so proud of you, young lady. You have worked extraordinarily hard to graduate.” His voice sounds too faint and brittle.

Jaden kneels down next to his grandfather and says, “We better get you home, old man. It’s past your nap time.”

Jaden rises to his feet and wraps his arms around Grace. He lingers in her arms before he breaks their embrace. He slowly pulls away from her as his stare does not leave her eyes.

“I’m proud of you too, sugar,” he says, in a soft raspy voice.

“Thank you both,” she says, smiling. “I couldn’t have done this without either of you.”

Jaden kisses her on the cheek once more before he wheels Grandpa Joe away.

“Where’s Missy?” Grace asks Ian.

Ian looks around then points to Michelle who is walking in their direction.

Grace runs to Michelle. “Did you see him?” she asks, out of breath.

“He left,” Michelle says, as her eyes fall to the ground. “He told me to tell you that he is proud of you.”

Sadness rushes through Grace’s body. “Why didn’t he stay?”

Michelle wraps her arms around Grace. “He’s a dick,” she says, abruptly. “A huge one, with lots of pride.”

Grace sees Becca walking toward her and frees Michelle before she takes off to her.

“Congratulations!” Grace says, as she reaches to hug Becca.

Becca hugs her tightly and kisses her on each of her cheeks. “You look so pretty! Only you could look beautiful in this outfit,” Grace says, admiring Becca.

“Oh shut up! You look absolutely stunning.”

Becca glances over her shoulder at Ian and waves to him.

“Are you coming to the party?” Grace asks, hoping that she will say yes.

“My parents are throwing this big extravagant gathering at my place,” Becca says, rolling her eyes.

“You can drop by, can’t you?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry, kitten. But let’s go shopping Saturday. My treat,” Becca says, as she kisses Grace on each of her cheeks before saying goodbye.

Grandpa Joe’s house buzzes with a mix of people that Grace knows from school, Ian’s band members, and other guests she has never seen before. After Jaden has shown her off to his friends, Grace searches the house for James, with no sight of him. Even though her gut told her he would not be at her party, she could not stop herself from hoping. She searches for Ian, as well. He disappeared as soon as they arrived home.

The flurry of strangers who have drinks and food in their hands is overwhelming and makes her anxious.
Where is Ian?
She breaks away from the crowd and goes upstairs carrying her wine glass filled with apple cider. She is dying to remove her hideous graduation garments.

She pops her head in to check on Grandpa Joe.
This man can sleep through anything
, she thinks as she covers him and kisses him on the forehead. She giggles at the loud snore that comes from his mouth.

She quietly leaves his room and walks down the creaky wood floors of the hallway to her own. When she walks in, she falls into a state of shock. On her bed, with some guy she has never seen before, sits Ian. His head is back as if he is in ecstasy. Wrapped tightly around Ian’s arm is a long, thick rubber band and stuck in the middle of his arm is a needle. She drops her glass and it shatters on the floor. Gasping, she puts her hand over her mouth. Ian looks at her in a daze, as if he does not even care that she is standing there.

The strange man pulls the needle out of Ian’s arm slowly and walks up to her. Putting his arm around her shoulder, he leads her to the bed. Grace is in shock and walks uncomfortably with the stranger as she stares at Ian. The man’s skin is cold and his touch sends a wave of unease over Grace’s body.

“I can give you a little, too. Come on and have a try. Let’s celebrate.”

The guy is tremendously creepy. He is greasy, and he smells of something horrible that she cannot even describe. Thin strands of his greasy hair attempt to cover the balding front of his forehead. His flesh has an inhuman gray color to it, and he is rail thin.
How could Ian even let a man like this in our home? What is he doing?

“Get your hands off of me!” she says, as she grabs his arm and throws it off her.

“Whoa, sweetheart, no need to be so uptight,” he says, as he pulls her closer to him and once again latches his cold skinny arm around her shoulder.

Ian barely mutters. “
Don’t
fucking touch her, man.”

The man walks over to Ian and rummages through his pockets. He finds Ian’s wallet, pulls out sixty dollars, and throws it on the bed. It lands next to Ian who is now slumped over with drool dripping from his half-open mouth. Grace is still in shock and does not know what to do.

“That should just about cover it,” he says, as he smiles with his rotting teeth.

As he walks by Grace, he brushes her arm and she smacks his hand away from her as quickly as she can. The appetizers she was munching on before she
came
upstairs start to rise up in her throat.

“Sure you don’t wanna party?” he asks her grinning, with his crooked smile and sunken-in cheeks.

Grace flashes a dirty look at him and waves him out of the door. “I’m positive!”

She stands motionless, glaring at Ian. She looks at him with disgust in her eyes.
What the hell is going on? Drugs! He’s doing drugs!
She whines. “What are you doing, Ian? Oh my God, what are you doing?”

Ian does not speak. He falls backwards on the bed. Grace is frantic. She lifts Ian’s legs so that they are no longer dangling and covers him with a knitted throw. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, she covers her face with her hands as the tears start to pour from her eyes.

When Ian wakes, his shirt and pants are caked to his wet skin. Soaking in his own sweat, light from the window stabs his eyes. The want, the
need
for more overwhelms him.
He sits up slowly and looks around the room. The ache in his head is tremendous and painful. He cannot determine whether it was a dream that Grace came into the room while he was being shot up, or if he was hallucinating. That thought escapes him as once again his hunger for more overpowers his entire mind and body.
I need more
.

His thoughts flash back to the first time he tasted the sweet, all-consuming high that he must now have.

He sat on a torn up, stained couch, that his butt sank into. He tightly gripped the neck of his bottled beer while he scanned the small crowd of people gathered in Micah’s dingy apartment.

The after parties, which started months ago, used to only consist of pizza, beer, and a couple of joints shared between him and his fellow Black Dog members. Over the past few months, as the band became progressively popular in the Los Angeles club scene, they also became known for their partying.

Ian’s eyes fell on the two girls that had Jaden pinned up against the wall. One had her arm thrown around his shoulder, and the other whispered something into his ear with tiny, seductive giggles. Jaden appeared aloof as the girl on his shoulder reached down between his legs and squeezed. Ian laughed at the sight and then brought the bottle back up to his lips and swigged at it some more.

The room was so thick with smoke that he could barely make out the figures in the tiny kitchen that sat around Micah’s aluminum table. Some of the party guests stood around and watched the game of cards that was in full force. Ian looked at the clock on the wall and realized it was past two in the morning. He assumed that Grace was freaking out about him not being home and figured he better call her. He rose from the couch and walked across the room to where a twin mattress lay on the dingy carpet, sat on it, and picked up the phone on the floor. He dialed his home phone number while he reached into the pack of cigarettes in his pocket.

Grace’s voice sounded groggy. “Hello?”

“Babe, I’m still at Micah’s place.”

She cleared her throat and there was a pause before she responded, “It’s 2 am.”

“You know how it goes. Anyway, I’ll be home soon. Just wanted to check in.”

“Okay,” she said, sounding more than a little defeated.

“Love ya.”

“I love you too, Ian.”

After he replaced the handset on the receiver he flopped backwards onto the bed. He laid there for a bit staring at the ceiling and listening to the conversation of the two people that sat with their backs against the wall, near him.

“Hey, man,” said a tall, skinny guy that kneeled next to the bed. “Great gig!”

“Thanks,” Ian said as he propped himself up onto his elbow.

“You guys are the hardest hitting band in L.A.! Any chance I could get a CD?” the guy said, after he planted his butt on the floor.

“I think Micah probably has a stash of them here,” Ian said.

“How much will it run me, man?”

Ian gauged the enthusiasm coming from him and decided to jack the price up just a bit. “$20.”

“Shit man, I don’t have $20, but I’ll tell you what,” he said, as he reached into his pocket. I’ll trade you this.”

With his bony fingers he pulled out a small baggie filled with a substance that looked like powdered, brown sugar. He dangled it in front of Ian.

“I don’t do drugs, man.”

“Oh, special are we? You’re one of those pansy ass rockers against drugs type? Just say no, huh, motherfucker?”

“It’s just not my thing.”

The guy started laughing as he threw his head back. “I thought you were a bonafide rock star.” He pushed up on the palms of his hands and started to rise while still letting out a bellowing laugh. “Fuckin’ posers.”

“What is it?” Ian asked, grabbing onto the guys arm.

“The best shit you’ll ever have in your life. You like weed?”

“Fuck yeah,” Ian said, trying to sound tough.

“This shit will blow your mind, man. It’ll jack you up way more than pot.”

“Well what the fuck is it?”

“
Skag
.”

Ian had no idea what
Skag
was, but he acted as if he did by bobbing his head with a smirk and pretending to be excited.

“You give me a CD and I’ll share some of this with you. It will make you feel better than you’ve ever felt in your life, man. Guaranteed.”

Ian had been exposed to a plethora of drug use since he moved to Los Angeles, and he admitted to himself that he had been more than a little curious to see what all the fuss was about.
It can’t hurt to try just a bit
, he thought, as he reached out and snatched up the bag from the guy.

“That’s more like it! Let’s fuckin’ party.” The guy jumped up from the floor and hurried to Micah’s kitchen.

The guy, whose name he didn’t really care to ask, opened up his army green jacket and showed him some supplies he snagged from the kitchen. He waved at Ian to follow him into the bathroom and hesitantly Ian trailed behind him. Ian glanced back to see if anyone was watching, pleased to discover everyone was preoccupied.

Coming out of his delusion, Ian gets up from the bed and searches around the room for the syringe. He finds it on his nightstand, picks it up, and flicks it with his finger. “Fuck!” he shouts. The syringe is empty. He tears the room apart.
Nothing!
He grabs his new cell phone and slams it down in aggravation when the guy he got the drugs from doesn’t answer. “Fuck!” He digs in his pockets for his wallet, but it is not there. His head whips around the bedroom searching for it. He finally sees it lying on the bed. All of his cash is gone. He abruptly walks over to Grace’s purse. With shaking hands he grabs her wallet, and pulls out her ATM card, then rushes down the stairs past Grace who is asleep on the couch. He does not say a word to her. He is so preoccupied with the want that consumes his entire body that he barely notices her sleeping there.

By the time Ian arrives home later that evening, he feels better. He has satisfied his need for more drugs and has more for later in case the starvation returns. He walks in the door and sees Grace sitting on the couch with her arm around Jaden, who is slumped over with his head in his hands. Seeing Grace with her arm around Jaden infuriates Ian. He runs over, grabs Jaden by his vest, and throws him on the floor.

“Keep your fucking hands off her, you motherfucker!”

Grace jumps up from the couch and runs up to Ian. She tugs on his arm. “Ian, Grandpa Joe passed away this afternoon!” she yells, with a wavering voice.

Ian glances down at Jaden on the floor then back at Grace in disbelief. His instinct tells him to run away, to get high, to shoot up. Grace goes to Jaden’s aid and helps him up. Ian still feels rage, but stifles his emotions. He turns and runs up the stairs to his bedroom.
You’re acting just like him,
he thinks, comparing himself to his father.

Grace is at a loss. It is the day of Grandpa Joe’s funeral, and Ian is so high that she cannot get him out of their car.

She shakes him. “Ian, we have to go. We’re late!”

Ian groans at her and roughly pushes her away.

“Fine!” She slams the car door shut, leaving him behind.

Tears force their way out of her eyes, but she pushes them back with all her might.
Can it get any more horrible than this?
she
wonders, as she heads for the church.

Jaden greets her in front of the church. “Where is he?” he asks, somberly.

“I can’t get him out of the car. I’m so sorry,” she says, quietly, feeling ashamed.

Jaden puts his arm around Grace’s waist and escorts her to the service.

“Just leave him there.”

During the service, the pastor calls for others to speak about Grandpa Joe. Grace gathers her courage and walks to the front of the church. Standing at the podium in the middle of the stage, she clears her throat.

“I had heard many things about Grandpa Joe from my fiancé...” She pauses and thinks about the meaning of the word and how Ian can’t be bothered to be with her during this tragic time. Clearing her throat again, she continues, “From my fiancé, Ian. He always told me what a wonderful man Grandpa Joe was. Although I always hold Ian’s word to be true, I could’ve never imagined a man as great as Grandpa Joe.” She wipes a few tears from her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Gramps welcomed me into his home as if I
were
his very own granddaughter, and we became extremely close. He told me incredible stories of his childhood and about the love of his life, Hattie. His love for her inspires me to strive for a love like they had. Gramps loved Jaden more than anything, and he was so proud of his ‘cool’ grandson. I’m so blessed to have been able to spend the last five months with him in my life. The four of us became a family, and now our family is broken without him. He will be greatly missed.”

Grace steps down from the podium and retakes her seat next to Jaden. She feels that her words could not begin to express how much she cared for Grandpa Joe, but it was the best she could come up with. Grace hates funerals because they are a harsh reminder of when she lost her parents. Her heart breaks for Jaden knowing all too well the pain that he must feel. Jaden cries quietly as another family member steps up to the podium to speak. Jaden grabs Grace’s hand and squeezes it with every word that is spoken about his grandfather. Returning his squeeze, she lays her other hand on top of his, longing to give him comfort.

Back at Grandpa Joe’s house, various friends and family have gathered to remember him. Grace was unable to get Ian out of the car once again, so she left him in the driveway, passed out. Grace plays hostess as Jaden retreats to someplace more private. Taking care of everyone’s needs helps keep her mind off the pain of losing Grandpa Joe, and the pain that she feels because of what is happening to Ian.

As she hurries to fill the food trays and punch bowl, a loud clash of glass and gasps come from the dining room. Grace runs through the double doors that separate the kitchen from the dining room and finds Ian on the floor, half on the toppled down table, covered in the food she just refilled.

She runs to him. “Ian!”

Jaden comes running into the dining room. “What the fuck?”

“Jaden, he’s not moving!”

Grace kneels next to Ian’s body, shaking at his shoulders. His body flops like a rag
doll’s
with every vibration. Jaden looks at Ian, horrified.

Jaden leans close to Ian’s nose and Grace looks at him fearing the worst. “He’s breathing. Don’t worry. Let’s get him upstairs.”

Jaden lifts Ian’s entire limp body up into his arms and takes him up the stairs hurriedly. Grace quickly runs up the stairs behind him.

Rushing into the first bathroom, Jaden places Ian in the tub and turns the cold water on full blast.

As the freezing, cold water pummels
him,
Ian coughs, regains consciousness, and pushes Jaden away.

“Get off me,” he says, in a barely comprehensible growl.

“Hey, man, I was just trying to help you. You passed out.”

Grace looks over Jaden’s shoulders. Panic overrules her.

“I’m
fine,
now leave me the fuck alone!” Ian screams.

Jaden grabs Grace’s arm and leads her into the hallway.

“He’ll be fine. He just needs to sober up.”

“Are you sure?”

“He needs to get back into the shower and then rest.”

Grace can see the rage in Jaden’s eyes. “I need to go check on him.”

Jaden shakes his head as he walks away flinging his hands in the air. Grace walks back into the bathroom as Ian is crawling out of the tub, soaked.

“What is wrong with you?” she shouts. “What are you trying to do to yourself?”

Ian rushes at her, grabs her by her throat, and slams her against the bathroom door.

“Shut your fucking mouth, Grace. Shut your fucking mouth now!”

She is terrified of him. He has never once laid a hand on her in such a violent manner. The enraged look in his eyes is horrifying.

Ian stops yelling at her and seems to catch a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror, his hands pinning Grace up against the bathroom wall, and the look on his face shakes her to her core. He releases her, and she rapidly throws her hands over her throat as she wheezes. With astonishment written all over his face, Ian runs out of the room, down the stairs, and out of the house.

Jaden runs into the bathroom and throws his arms around Grace.

“What the hell happened?” he shouts.

Grace holds tightly onto Jaden as she tries to make sense of what just went on. “We have to do something to make him stop, Jaden. We can’t let him keep doing this to himself.”

“We will. We’ll talk to him later. Let’s let him calm down.”

Grace nuzzles her head into Jaden’s neck and sobs.

“I
don’t need help!” Ian screams. “I can do this on my own.”

Ian looks at Grace and Jaden sitting across from him at the dining room table, both of their faces covered in disappointment and shame. He knew the time was coming when they were going to attack him for what happened at Grandpa Joe’s service, but he did not expect it to be this soon. All the guests have retreated from Grandpa Joe’s home, leaving the house cold and quiet. Only the sounds of Grace and Jaden’s voices are pounding in Ian’s ears. He lifts his head from the table, his eyes burning red.

“You look horrible!” Jaden bursts out.

Grace walks over and pulls a chair up next to Ian.

“We’re worried about your health, Ian. I can’t lose you,” she cries.

Ian looks at Grace, then at Jaden who has nothing but disgust on his face. “It won’t happen again,” he says, ashamed.

Ian wipes Grace’s tears from her cheeks and brushes her stray hairs behind her ears. Hurting her like this was never part of his plan. The Ian that he is when he is
high,
is a self-destructive and vicious person and he hates this version of himself. He never wants to be even remotely as cruel as his father is.