The Extraordinary Adventures of Ordinary Boy, Book One: The Hero Revealed (3 page)

I find it a bit hard to believe that a genius like Professor Brain-Drain could actually forget something that obvious, but, then again, I guess there wouldn’t be a show if he didn’t forget it every week.

One by one, the Robotic Rabbits attempted to sink their teeth into the Amazing Indestructo, and one by one, each of their heads exploded. Before long, Professor Brain-Drain’s lair was littered with metallic bits of bunnies. The Amazing Indestructo calmly waded through the debris, grabbed the Professor by the collar, and hoisted him into the air.

Just then, who should arrive but the League of Ultimate Goodness. The Crimson Creampuff, huffing and puffing, led the group into the warehouse.

“Here”—
huff puff
—“we”—
huff puff
—“are,” he wheezed. “Is there anything”—
huff puff
—“we can do to”—
huff puff
—“help?”

Without waiting for instruction, Spaghetti Man lashed out at one of the headless Robotic Rabbits, spinning strands of spaghetti around its immobile body. The lifeless robot tipped over, and the strands of pasta broke easily, so it came crashing to the ground.

“Where’s everybody else?” asked the Amazing Indestructo.

“Well now, pardner,” replied Whistlin’ Dixie, “Moleman is diggin’ his way here. I reckon he’ll be pop-pin’ up in pret’ near three hours. And Major Bummer is still in the heliocopter, tryin’ to get his seat belt undone. If yer int’rested in ma ’pinion, I ’spect the best thing we all could do is get this here McCavity’s Ultra-Paste back out to the desperate folk o’ Superopolis.”

“Good idea, Dixie,” AI concurred.

Whistlin’ Dixie started whistling the McCavity’s UltraPaste jingle (in perfect tune, as always) while she and the rest of the leaguers hauled out cases of the toothpaste.

“Meanwhile, I’ll deliver this vile villain to prison where he belongs,” said AI. “I suspect this is one evil genius who’s learned the consequences of not brushing your teeth.”

“Or flossing,” piped up Professor Brain-Drain just as the final credits began to run across the screen.

Another great episode
, I thought to myself. Just then I heard my mom calling me for breakfast. As I got up to turn off the TV, a commercial for McCavity’s came on. I never used to like their toothpaste because it sticks to your teeth and sort of tastes like mushrooms, but if AI recommended it, I would have to give it another try.

My ultimate goal is to be just like the Amazing Indestructo—minus the superpower, of course—because, after all, he
is
the greatest hero ever!

CHAPTER TWO

Breakfast of Champions

“OB, it’s time to eat,” my mom called again just as I came running down the stairs. Mom and Dad both call me OB. I sort of like it, except when my friends are around. All the kids call me “O Boy.”

When I came into the kitchen, my mom was holding a pitcher of juice. The icicles that hang in strips from the arms of her powder-blue costume were all jingling against each other.

“Here, honey. Have a glass of orange juice while your father finishes scrambling the eggs.”

“It’s kind of warm, Mom,” I said as she handed me the glass. This is a routine that Mom and I do every morning. She gave a quick wink, and then her eyes focused on the glass. In about two seconds, I felt it chill to exactly the right temperature.

NAME:
Snowflake. POWER: Able to freeze anything just by focusing her gaze on it.
LIMITATIONS:
Objects must be within a radius of a hundred feet.
CAREER:
After a stint with the New Crusaders, Snowflake took a high-level position with the Corpsicle Coolant Corporation.
CLASSIFICATION:
A coolheaded, class act.

NAME:
Thermo.
POWER:
The ability to generate intense levels of heat in his hands.
LIMITATIONS:
His power is not always under control. Be careful when shaking hands with Thermo.
CAREER:
A member of the New Crusaders throughout his twenties, Thermo has spent most of the last decade heating the fryers at Dr. Telomere’s Potato Chip Factory.
CLASSIFICATION:
An impressive power as long as he doesn’t get too hotheaded.

“So what was the Amazing Indestructo up to this morning?” my dad asked casually as he balanced the frying pan on the palm of his left hand. “Saving Superopolis again with that group of no-talents?”

Dad doesn’t mean to sound bitter, but sometimes he can’t help it. The League of Ultimate Goodness has rejected him every time he’s attempted to join. He’s determined to return to crime fighting, though. Thanks to all the money Mom makes from her job at the coolant laboratory, he was able to quit his job heating the fryers at Dr. Telomere’s Potato Chip Factory. Since then, he’s devoted all his time to joining a crime-fighting team.

He even bought a new costume! It has a bright-yellow circle in the middle of his chest that gradually turns to orange and then red, making it look like a three-dimensional fireball. The rest of the costume is a brilliant scarlet. He hadn’t put on his yellow cape and boots yet this morning, but they make him look even snazzier. As a final touch, Dad also dabs a little gel in his thick red hair and styles it to look like flames. His hands, of course, are always kept bare so he can use his power.

“Don’t let it upset you, dear,” Mom said calmly as he scooped the scrambled eggs onto our plates. “Could you heat up some water for my tea before you sit down?”

I felt bad for Dad as I watched him fill up the teakettle and then set it on the palm of his hand. He had been pretty hot stuff (no pun intended) when he was younger and part of a popular group of heroes called the New Crusaders.

I found Dad’s collection of newspaper clippings once. There were plenty of stories in the gossip columns because of all the super heroines he dated. The papers gave him nicknames like Hot Hands and Hot-to-Trot and things like that. (He doesn’t know that I know this stuff!) But he met my mom when she joined the New Crusaders, and that part of his life changed forever. They fell in love and both retired from crime fighting.

I know he misses it, though, and I really hope he gets into the League one of these days. Then I might get to meet AI!

“I know you want to join,” my mother consoled him, “but maybe the Amazing Indestructo just doesn’t remember what a successful hero you used to be.”

“How could anyone have forgotten”—and here Dad switched to his best booming superhero voice—“the awesome power of Thermo!” Unfortunately, the teakettle resting on his hand began to whistle at exactly the same moment.

“You’ll have your chance again, dear,” Mom said as he poured the boiling water into her teacup. “Opportunity comes when you least expect it.”

“I sure hope so,” he said dejectedly. He ripped open a bag of Dr. Telomere’s X-tra Crispy Potato Chips and filled the potato chip bowl that always sat in the center of our table. “Uh-oh, this is our last bag. I’ll have to go to the grocery store today.”

As he sat down, my mother and I both took a handful of chips and crushed them, sprinkling the crumbs on top of our scrambled eggs. There’s no meal that you can’t improve with potato chips!

Later that afternoon, while I was playing with my Amazing Indestructo action figure and his Fortress of Rectitude play set, Dad called up to see if I wanted to go to the store with him.

“Absolutely,” I shouted back.

I
love
going to the grocery store! Especially with Dad, who never argues about anything I want to buy. Dad was at the front door, ready to go, but as I reached the bottom of the stairs, Mom appeared with a list.

“This is everything we need,” she said. “I know you two go overboard every time I send you to the store together, so I’m making a new rule. Besides the items on this list, you’re only allowed to purchase two things of your own choosing. Got that? Two! Now have a good time, boys.”

It was a typical busy Saturday afternoon at the Mighty Mart. (“It’s mighty smart, shopping at the Mighty Mart,” says their jingle.) Dad and I started off in the produce section. I had to handle all the fruits and vegetables. If Dad did that, he might accidentally cook them on the spot. Dad never meant to turn fresh tomatoes into sun-dried tomatoes, but it had happened before. We were being watched carefully by the store manager, Mr. Mister. His mouth was open wide as he breathed a fine watery mist onto a section of lettuces, but his eyes were fixed on Dad.

The next aisle was baked goods, and both our eyes lit up. Dad is a huge fan of Maximizer Power Cakes. He believes their creamy center fillings enhance his powers, or “maximize” them, as their ads claim. In reality, I think they only maximize Dad’s waistline. A few feet away I spotted the entire line of Amazing Indestructo Doughnut Hole Heroes. They came in a dozen different varieties!

I had no idea which to choose. My favorite was Cinnamon Cyclone. But I also loved Blueberry Bonanza. What to do? Then I spotted the Doughnut Hole Heroes Hodgepodge Assortment: All Twelve Varieties in One Box! Grabbing it from the shelf, I returned to the cart just as Dad was about to set a box of cherry-flavored Maximizer Power Cakes in it.

“This will use up both our choices,” he said.

“We should put one of them back,” I suggested.

“You can have some of my Power Cakes,” he offered.

“I don’t like cherry,” I replied, holding my ground. “But mine is a variety pack. There’s something for everyone in here.”

Dad had no good response to my superior logic. I could tell he was flustered because his fingers were starting to leave singe marks on the box of Power Cakes. I also saw Mr. Mister following us with narrowed eyes.