“It’s over,” I said trying not to sound too harsh.
“Well, I know you’re not thinking clearly right now,” he said as if in disbelief.
“No, I am thinking clearly where this is concerned.”
He looked at me as if I was going to change my mind. “Jake, there’s someone else,” I said bluntly. He stared at me as if I owed him an explanation. I knew that I didn’t owe him anything, especially after what he had done to me.
“Who?” He raised his voice in jealousy.
“It’s no one you know.” That was all the explaining I was going to do.
“Is it someone you met over there?” he asked. My silence must have answered the question. “So you’re willing to throw everything we had away for some guy that you hardly even know, that you’ll probably never see again and sure as hell doesn’t care about you the way I do?”
“No, Jake, I didn’t throw anything away. You did. Remember the day I caught you in bed with someone else? What I do with my life is no longer a concern of yours.”
He stared at me a little bit longer before walking out the front door with more of a wounded ego than a broken heart. I closed the door behind him, feeling bad and relieved at the same time. I walked back into the kitchen and was startled by Dad, who was at the counter pouring a drink.
“When did you get up?” I asked, hoping he hadn’t heard anything.
“Just now,” he said.
“I would have gotten that for you,” I said as he took a sip of water.
“Was someone just here?” he asked curiously.
I couldn’t lie to him. “It was Jake, he stopped by to see how you were feeling and how I was doing.” I could almost see the steam coming out of Dad’s ears.
“You tell him, we don’t need him checking up on us,” he said angrily.
“Dad, he was just trying to be nice,” I said, trying to calm him down.
“No Kat, don’t fall for that; he’s circling around here like a vulture, waiting for something to happen to me so he can swoop you away. Guys like him don’t change, they just get worse.”
“Dad, calm down and give me a little more credit than that. I made it crystal clear to him that there is no hope whatsoever of us getting back together,” I said calmly.
My dad looked at me proudly. “Well Kat, even if things don’t pan out with this Julius guy….”
“Julian, Dad,” I corrected him, laughing at how he could never get a name that was more than one syllable correct.
“Well you know who I mean,” he continued, ignoring my laughter. “If things don’t work out with him at least it helped get you over that jerk,” he said, finishing up his tirade.
I smiled at his logic. He was right; if I hadn’t met Julian would I have so easily let Jake walk out the door and watch him drive away without feeling any emotion at all?
Chapter 14
Time, which I hoped would slow down, was instead quickly flying by. Thanksgiving had come and gone and it was almost Christmas. The weeks faded away, along with my dad’s health. His tough guy façade was gone, much to my sorrow, and he was finally admitting defeat. When I looked at him, I didn’t see the man I had known my whole life - my protector, my rock - and it scared me. I wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to make it without checking back into the hospital. I was determined to keep him home for as long as I possibly could. I had until mid- February before I had to return to work, for which I was very thankful. This allowed me to spend all my time with him.
The only thing that was able to make me smile as of late were my weekly phone calls from Julian. Even though those conversations were usually very brief, it comforted me just to hear his voice and get a very valued second opinion on my dad’s care.
I pulled down the Christmas decorations from the attic, getting ready to decorate the tree. If it were up to me I wouldn’t have even bothered with anything this year. I wasn’t much in the Christmas spirit. But the situation being what it was, I felt that this year more so than any, it was important to make sure I had one, for my dad’s sake. I opted for a smaller than usual one. As I looked at the tree placed in the stand, it was looking rather big.
I had invited Charles and Claire over for a pizza dinner and to help trim the tree. I hoped this would get me in the Christmas spirit. I lit the fireplace and put the Christmas carols on, trying to set the mood. My dad insisted on helping out a little bit, but quickly retreated back to the couch when he began to feel weak. I could see that he was in a lot of pain. I quickly gathered up his medication to give to him. He could no longer keep his eyes open and headed off to bed. I helped him into his room, tucking him in and giving him a kiss good night.
Charles smiled at me sympathetically as I sat down on the couch next to him.
“I hate seeing him like this,” I blurted out. Claire immediately put down the ornament that was in her hand and sat down beside me.
“I know,” Charles said compassionately.
“I can’t do any more to take away his pain,” I said.
”Have you asked the doctor about prescribing him a different medication or perhaps a higher dose of what he’s taking?” Claire asked.
“Oh trust me his doctor is sick of hearing from me at this point. I’ve double checked with Julian and he concurs that the medication that he is taking now is the strongest there is. The only thing stronger would be intravenously, which means he would have to go back in the hospital,” I said, knowing that was what I was trying to avoid.
“You’ve talked to Julian?” Charles asked.
I told him how Julian had made it a point to call me weekly just to see how things were going.
Charles nodded and raised his eyebrows as if surprised. I caught Claire giving Charles a look, indicating that maybe he was wrong about his assessment of Julian.
“Well, Kat I know you are trying to avoid it but maybe he would be better off in the hospital,” Charles said regretfully.
“I know, I just want him home until Christmas,” I said rubbing my temples knowing that if he returned to the hospital, he would never come back home.
We finished trimming the tree. It was covered in white lights, red and green ornaments, and topped off by a big red bow. Even though the tree looked beautiful it was missing its usual magic this year.
* * * * *
Christmas Day had finally arrived and my wish had come true—my dad was still home with me. I shopped as usual, buying him presents like I normally would. Then I saw the look of disapproval on his face when he saw the big pile under the tree for him. He always lectured me about spending money on Christmas presents for him, but this year I understood why he looked so disapproving. But I just couldn’t bring myself not to do it. In some strange way, this helped me to pretend that this was just another normal Christmas.
I sat drinking my coffee as he slowly opened each present. He tried his best to exhibit the same level of excitement that he would every Christmas. When he finally finished opening his presents, he told me to look behind the tree. I walked all the way around the tree and found, hidden behind the presents for Charles and Claire, a small box wrapped in white paper with a beautiful big red bow that overpowered the box. I knew immediately that it was one of Claire’s elaborate wrapping jobs. My dad gestured for me to bring it to the couch. I sat down next to him as he waited for me to open it. I carefully removed the paper, trying to preserve the beautiful bow. I slowly removed the box’s lid to reveal a beautiful, bezelset diamond pendant dangling from a long white gold chain. I recognized the diamond immediately as the one from my mother’s engagement ring. I remembered looking down at her finger so often as a child, always in awe of the way that diamond sparkled in the light and wishing that someday, when I was grown up, someone would love me enough to give me such a beautiful ring.
I began to smile and cry, both at the same time. I unclasped the necklace and lifted my hair out of the way so my dad could help me put it on. I looked down at it twinkling around my neck, as I lifted it up for a closer look.
“It’s beautiful,” I said though the tears.
My dad smiled, seeming to know that this was the best Christmas present I had ever received. “Well, I was holding on to that diamond, planning to do something with it for your wedding day,” he said sadly, knowing that he would never see that day. “So just promise me when you do get married that you wear that necklace so me and your mother can be part of your special day.”
“I promise, Dad,” I hugged him as the tears streamed down my face. We spent the rest of the morning reminiscing about past Christmases. I smiled, thinking how the best Christmases were when my mother was still here and Santa still existed.
I suddenly realized the time, and quickly got up to get myself together. Claire and Charles would be here soon. Claire was bringing over the turkey that she had already cooked so all I had to do was stick the lasagna in the oven.
I helped my dad back into bed so he could take a nap before they arrived, then walked back into the kitchen to preheat the oven. I had my head buried in the refrigerator and carelessly grabbed the phone that was ringing on the counter right next to me.
“Hello,” I answered, cradling the phone between my ear and shoulder while trying to wrestle with the lasagna pan in the fridge.
“Merry Christmas.”
I immediately shut the refrigerator door, ignoring my lasagna, at the sound of his voice.
“Merry Christmas, Julian,” I said, unable to wipe the smile from my face. “I hope you are taking it a little bit easy today.”
“Trying to,” he laughed.
“So I guess you’re not having a white Christmas there,” I joked.
“Nope; feels more like July than December,” he said with a little disdain in his voice.
“Well, here neither,” I said, trying to make him feel a little better. “Just cold, gray, and dreary.”
We began to have our usual discussion; he asked how I was doing and how my dad was feeling. I told him that I didn’t know how much longer I could keep Dad home. He was in so much pain and getting weaker by the day. Julian concurred with Charles that the hospital might be the best place for him right now. I explained how I wanted Dad to be able to spend Christmas at home.
“Well, you’ve done everything possible for him, Kat; I’m sure he knows that,” Julian said, likely sensing the defeat in my voice.
“I know; it’s just that I can’t bear the thought of him never returning home again.” I was finally realizing that my decision to keep him home as long as possible was just as much for me as it was for him.
Julian was silent for a moment, as if he knew I was gathering my thoughts. “So what are you doing for Christmas?” he asked, trying to sound more upbeat.
“Nothing very exciting; just a quiet Christmas dinner with Charles, Claire, and my dad,” I said. “I would ask you your plans, but I think I already know the answer to that,” I added regretfully as he laughed. If my dad wasn’t sick then I would be right there with him, working in the heat like it was just any other day with no signs of Christmas anywhere.
“Well, I really have to run,” he said as it started to get a little louder in the background.
“Okay,” I said, always hating having to hang up with him.
“Merry Christmas, Kat.”
“Merry Christmas,” I replied as he hung up, then waited for the dial tone, like I always did after one of his calls.
It was a very nice Christmas, considering the circumstances. Charles and Claire had arrived, we exchanged presents and had a delicious dinner. My dad was even able to eat a little and seemed in very good spirits.
My dad went to bed and Charles and Claire left shortly thereafter. I finished washing up the lasagna pan that had been soaking in the sink and walked into the living room. I sat under the Christmas tree and re-examined the outfits that Charles and Claire had picked out for me. I couldn’t wait to wear them. She always knew exactly what I liked. I looked down at my necklace, ran my finger over the diamond, and smiled. It truly was the best Christmas present ever, followed by the second best present - my phone call from Julian.
I curled up and fell asleep on the couch, only to be woken in the middle of the night by my dad in the bathroom throwing up blood. I knew that what I had been dreading most was finally here, and I quickly dressed to take him to the hospital.
He was all settled in by early morning and heavily sedated. He was unaware of anything that was going on. His doctor suggested that if there was anyone who wanted to say goodbye to him, then now was a good time to do so. I felt heaviness in my chest, not wanting it to be real.
I was amazed by my strength as I called Charles and Claire and Dad’s old partner, Tom. I made them all aware of what had happened and what the doctor had recommended.
Charles and Claire came immediately. Charles promised my dad that he didn’t have to worry, he would always make sure that they looked out for me. I walked out of the room when I felt myself beginning to choke up. They exited the room and I could see the tears rolling down Claire’s face.
“We’re just going to run down to the cafeteria and grab some coffee, did you want some?” Charles asked.
“No,” I replied.
“Okay, we’ll be right back,” he assured me. I knew that they had no intention of leaving my side today. I realized how lucky I was to have two such wonderful people in my life.
Just as they were walking away, my dad’s old partner, Tom, was walking toward me. He hugged me tightly telling me how sorry he was. He entered the room while I stayed outside in the hallway, wanting to give him privacy. He remained with my dad for about fifteen minutes before exiting the room. I was amazed to see tears in the eyes of this big burly guy who looked like he would never take any nonsense from anyone. He hugged me again, making me burst into tears as well. He told me if I ever needed anything he would be there in a minute and I knew that he had meant it. He and my dad were always there for one another. I had gotten to know him quite well over the years, growing very fond of him. I thanked him for coming as he left with his head hanging low.