The Devastatingly Beautiful Series (18 page)

10

Molly

He won’t stop apologizing. Maybe it’s because I haven’t replied yet, maybe it’s because it’s his way of grieving. Either way, I let him keep going. He deserves to feel some of the pain I’ve felt these last few days. He deserves to know what guilt feels like. He deserves it, but I still love him. A part of me feels like it was glued back together when Trey told me he was here. Not quite back to the fullness my heart felt just four days ago, but definitely on its way.

“Tatum.” I start. I know I have to talk to him about this. I know we have to clear the air. It isn’t going to be fun, but we can’t move on without this.

“I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt like a bitch when you left. I was floored that you could walk away from me like that. You left no sign that you were ever going to come back, so every day I would wake up and spend the whole day praying that you would come back for me. Every day I went to bed knowing that you didn’t.”

“I know, Molly I’m-“

“I’m not done,” I interject. He’s going to listen, damnit. “What I fear most, out of all of this, is that you will, one day, be able to walk away from me again and not look back. Ever. Three days without you taught me how much I’ve come to depend on you. How much my heart hurts and body aches when you aren’t in my life. I don’t want the rest of my life to be like these last three days. So if you can’t promise forever, I need you to walk away now.” It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to say, but it had to be said. He looks at me, eyebrows furrowed, and shakes his head.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He takes my hand and kisses it gently. “Not now, not ever.” He whispers the promise, then kisses me gently on the lips. “I love you more than you’ll ever know Molly. These three days have been hell on earth without you.”

“Good. I’m glad you felt the same pain I did.” I grin at him and he grunts. Sighing, he leans down again and kisses my hand around my IV. “Oh, and Tatum?”

“Molly.”

“Of course I forgive you.” The minute the words are spoken his shoulders relax and the pained expression on his face morphs into something a little lighter. A knock on the door brings us out of our moment and Trey walks in with a bouquet of flowers in a yellow vase.

“Molly, your husband brought these in for you and asked me grab a vase for them. I think they’d look wonderful on the windowsill, don’t you? Sorry if I interrupted anything, I figure fifteen minutes was enough time to kiss and make up.” He winks at Tatum as he walks the flowers to the window. What the hell? Husband?

“Thank you Trey.” I smile as he glides out of the room and clicks the door shut behind him. Something tells me he was waiting for just the right time to bring those in.

“Thank you, Tatum. They’re beautiful. But, um, husband?” I ask as I look across the room at the yellow and white daisies basking in the sunlight.

“Yea Sorry. I didn’t know if they let non family members in after visiting hours and I didn’t want to chance it. As for the flowers, don’t thank me, thank the old man in the elevator who felt sorry for me,” He laughs. “I was worried sick when I heard you were here, rushed over immediately. In the elevator I got to talking to this old man and he gave me his flowers to give to you. Said his lady was in a coma and wouldn’t miss them anyway.”

“Well still. Thanks for stealing flowers from a sick person for me.”

“I’d make you take that back, but I’m not quite sure how to handle you right now.” He sighs, staring at me with those beautiful eyes that I’ve fallen madly in love with. I know he wants to know what happened. Why I lost the baby. He deserves to know, and I want to tell him. Just…not yet.

“Gently. Handle me very gently.”

Tatum

Molly has the doctor finally explain to me what happened to the baby.

An ectopic pregnancy.

According to the doctor, Molly’s lucky more damage wasn’t done. The egg had attached itself to her fallopian tube and was on the verge of busting when she was rushed to the hospital. Hence the immense pain she was in. I understand, now, that the baby never had a chance. Tubal pregnancies never turn into something good. It doesn’t make it any easier, though. I had finally let myself be happy and get my hopes up, just to have them crash around me.

The only bright spot in all of this was that it forced me to come out of my reclusive cave and stop being an asshole to the woman I love. I’m so thankful that she took me back. So unbelievably thankful. I’m not sure how I would have lived my life knowing that it was my fault I wasn’t spending it with the woman of my dreams.

While Molly is napping this morning I send a quick e-mail to my dad. Tomorrow’s Easter and I didn’t ever respond to my mother’s request.
Shit
. They say never piss off a Savage man, but it’s really the women I’m more afraid of. I make sure to include the drama and heartbreak from the last few days, hoping that they’ll understand our lack of appearance at one of my mom’s favorite holidays. I then shoot a text to the bakery owner to have some breakfast items ready for me to grab on our way home. If we aren’t going to have a proper Easter meal, we’ll at least be able to fill up on the best bakery treats in town.

They’re letting Molly go home today with a bottle of pills and piles of after-care instructions. Keep things simple; no partying, no excessive weight lifting, if she starts bleeding immensely come straight to the hospital.

As the nurse wheels Molly out to the car, Trey stops and holds me back a few feet.

“Don’t hurt her, man. That’s a wonderful woman you have. Do your best to keep her around.” He smiles and gives me one of those half body man hugs. I’m appreciative that someone else was looking out for Molly when I was being a tool; even if it was her excessively feminine man nurse.

The whole drive home she’s quiet. We have so much we still needed to talk about, but right now I’m happy we’re together. I know she’s hurting. I know she blames herself for what happened. It all stems from the trauma her body took five years ago, though. The doctor said that her past of having so much damage done to her reproductive organs is one of the main reasons the tubal happened the way it did. She didn’t give us much of an outlook of ever having our own kids, but she said there are always miracles.

That thought makes me laugh. I don’t believe in that type of bullshit. Science is science. If multiple doctors now have told Molly she doesn’t have a chance to have her own kids, then that’s what I believe. It doesn’t make me happy, but I don’t have any other option. Adoption is always an option, and I’m ok with that. I just want to be with her.

We pull in the driveway and I shut the car off. Helping her out of the car, we go inside and she sits down on the couch. The entire drive home she was silent, but when she makes it to the couch she breaks. Tears start silently rolling down her beautiful face as she covers it and turns away from me. My heart breaks for this beautiful, broken woman. I don’t know what to do for her, so I sit there like an idiot, with my hand on her back, rubbing gently as she cries the built up tears.

“God Tatum. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.” Her voice comes out weak, and I wrap my arms around her, trying to take all the pain away from her.

“Baby no. None of this is your fault. You cannot blame yourself for any of this Molly.”

“I know that, but it doesn’t help. I failed you. I made you think you were getting a family, and now we know that’ll never happen. Ever. You heard them!”

I try my best to calm her, but it isn’t helping. She cries her eyes out until she falls asleep curled into me on the sofa. Her beautiful mess of her hair wrapped low on her neck, her skin now has a little more life to it than earlier today. She’s coming back to me.

She has to.

I lay my head back and close my eyes, enjoying the quiet and peaceful surroundings. I’m comfortable here. I want to be here. With her. Always.

I know exactly how to make that happen, too.

***

When I wake up the sun is just setting through the dining room window, casting light across the house and on to Molly’s face as she sleeps next to me. She’s so beautiful. How am I ever going to make her understand that I don’t care if she can never carry my baby? There are other ways to have a family. I start forming a plan in my head. I need a big gesture, something to show her how serious about us I really am.

By the time she stirs herself awake, I have all kinds of ideas that I need to put down somewhere. Email, paper… something. I’m stoked now, for the possibility of how perfect this all will be.

“Sorry for falling asleep. God how long was I out?” she asks, gently stretching. I feel the pull in my groin, but mentally tamp it down.

Down boy.

“Babe you need to stop apologizing for stupid shit. I love that you fell asleep on me… I actually took a nap too, which was much needed. By the time it looks like we were out for a few hours.” I said, rubbing her arm, unable to keep my hands off her.

She smiles at me and stands up carefully. The doctors said she may be sore for a couple days. I watch her walk to the kitchen to start the water for tea, then head into the bathroom. She’s so quiet. I know she has a ton of thoughts running through her mind, I just wish she’d open up to me.

Fuck, I still need to tell her about the blanket, and Rob, and that whole mess. Luckily there’s no way she’ll be doing the wedding this weekend after what she just went through, so at least that hurdle has been covered.

Hopefully.

11

Molly

It’s Easter Sunday. I haven’t went to church for five years, ever since my life took its dramatic turn, I’ve shied away from religious gatherings. I’m not saying I don’t believe in God, but we just aren’t really on the best of terms. Seriously, I know it’s all part of his ‘plan’. I’m not stupid. There’s a higher power that rules over all of our lives, but I’m not happy about it.

Tatum mentioned last night that this’ll be the first year ever he isn’t home with his family for Easter. It’s hard for me to believe a family like the Savage family is a religious one, but apparently this is one holiday that his mom expects everyone to be home. I feel bad that he won’t be there, but he never mentioned anything about wanting to be. He’s got the money to fly home, but he refuses to. He told me last night not to feel guilty and that he’s right where he wants to be. Want. He chose that word instead of ‘needs’. I’m really starting to think he means it when he says he’s here with me for good.

Though we don’t have an Easter dinner planned, he did go through the trouble of grabbing some of the best pastries in town from the bakery downtown. I eat about five too many for breakfast, but I can’t stay away. I‘ve gained at least 5 pounds since Tatum and I have been together. Unfortunately the recent revelation that my shorts are getting too snug wasn’t baby weight, but ‘Molly eats too much’ weight. Tatum says he loves my curves, but the more I get the worse I feel about myself.

Today is one of my good days. I have had good and bad since the incident in Washington, most have been bad for the last couple of days considering everything I’ve been through, but today I have hope. Today I feel things getting better between us. We’re spending the day in our sweats, not leaving the house. I’m still sore, but the doctor said it may take a while before I feel back to normal. Snuggled on the couch with our coffee and one of my favorite movies, I look over and notice him asleep. Now, some girls would get mad if their boyfriend fell asleep during their favorite movie, but not me. I love this. I love being able to add to my memory each line on his face, each hair, each scar. He has a rough one right above his eyebrow and another on his chin. I know he used to be in the business of roughing people up so I’m sure those scars are par for the course in his job. I still can’t believe this beautiful man is all mine. The strong jaw, the full head of hair. To be a thirty year old man with a full, thick head of hair is something that isn’t seen much these days. At least in Illinois. Add in the insane body and he is a package straight out of heaven. He stirs while I’m watching him and before I can turn away he catches me staring.

“Are you eyeballing me?” he says sleepily. I laugh. Eyeballing? Who talks like that?

“Nope.” I answer as I continue to watch the movie that I suddenly have no interest in.

“Good. Nothin to look at anyway.” He closes his eyes again and wraps his arm around me tighter. God this man is everything I thought I ever wanted. Everything I thought I’d never have. Even after all the bad that’s happened to us, I feel like the luckiest woman alive to have him by my side. We’re a team, now, and I feel like superwoman. Nothing can break us.

Tatum

If someone would have asked me a year ago what I’d be doing on Easter Sunday the answer would have been the same as always. Spend the entire fucking day at my parent’s house, listening to my dad and uncles fight about something, then finding a chick at a bar to fuck-n-dump, preferably at her place so I didn’t have to kick her out of mine. Had someone told me I’d spend this Easter cuddled on the couch with the woman of my dreams, not letting any of the outside world drama into our perfect bubble I probably would have thought they were drunk. Nate Savage didn’t do… this. Cuddles, sweat pants, chick flicks? Nope, he definitely did not. Yet, today has been one of the best days of my life.

We need this. We need to be able to sit on the couch and not worry about anything. The boxes aren’t going to unpack themselves, the dishes and laundry are definitely not cleaning themselves, but neither are we. We made a pact when we got up this morning that we wouldn’t do any work today, and so far we have stuck by this rule.

Molly loved the pastries that I got from the bakery, as I knew she would. I love that she isn’t reserved when it comes to eating around me. Most woman I used to surround myself with would have been appalled that I brought them so many carbs, but not my Molly. She downed five of them in just a few minutes, and you better believe she had me racing to keep up just so she didn’t eat my favorite ones. I need to get a gym membership if this eating style keeps up. Not that I don’t love it, but I don’t want to become one of those out of shape husbands whose wife doesn’t find them attractive anymore. No way in hell that’s happening here.

After the movie is finally over it’s almost dinner time. Molly’s stomach rumbles, reminding me that we really don’t have much food here to make dinner with. There’s no way on earth we’re going out looking like this, so we order pizza delivery and wait. We talk about non pressing issues all day. No one mentions the Delany family, nor the wedding, nor the blanket or note. Nothing that would add any stress to our day was mentioned and it was wonderful.

When the knock on the door come shortly after we order our pizza, I don’t think anything of it. When I answer the door, however, I don’t see anyone there. No pizza on the porch, no car in front of the house. It’s a little unnerving to say the least. These mind fuck games have to stop.

“Who is it babe?” Molly asks when I return to the living room. Shit.

“No one.”

“What do you mean?” She look at me with worried eyes.

“Nobody was at the door, Molly. There was no car, no pizza, and no person.”

“Huh...that’s creepy.”

I agree. Fucking creepy.

Rob

What a whore. These last few days of getting to know her without having him staring at me were great. I really thought he was out of the picture. I thought he had taken himself out of her life. I was starting to actually feel something for her. Obviously nothing more than physical, Lord knows I’m not one for vanilla relationships. Hell, I knew she went to the hospital without him, I knew he’d been out of her life, and all I could think about was how great it was going to be when I finally fucked her. Maybe I’d video it and send it to him. He was out of the picture, but I could still fuck with him.

But now, none of that can happen. Now I have to go back to the original plan.

Seeing them on the couch all fucking day, then him answering the door like he owns the place really pisses me off. He doesn’t deserve to be happy. A man like him doesn’t deserve to be enjoying himself. I had to knock on the door. It was dangerous, but it was an easy mind fuck. One that would keep him on edge. Soon, Nate. Soon you will know what it feels like to have your world ripped away. It’ll be unfortunate for poor Ms. Ward… but sometimes there are no better options.