Her smile faltered as he spoke, then vanished altogether. “Whoa. Whoa, whoa, hang
on. Phenex.” That beautiful light faded, replaced by sadness. Resignation. As though
she’d been expecting something like this all along.
“I can’t live in Terra Noctem,” Sofia said slowly. “I’m a human. Even if Justin made
an exception, the place is not at all human-friendly. I can’t live there.”
“You can if you go vampire.”
Now she was frowning, her voice taking on an edge. “We talked about this. I don’t
want to be a vampire. I don’t want to live underground. Phenex, do you have any idea
what being there does to me? I didn’t realize how bad it was getting until you brought
me here. This,” she said, sweeping her hands around her, “is wonderful. This is everything
I love—warmth, light, people walking on the beach laughing, music. I feel alive here!
I know you understand,” she pressed. “You sang for the sunrise this morning. I could
hear how you felt. You don’t belong down in the dark any more than I do.”
Phenex’s eyes narrowed. This was his fault, he thought as the hurt sliced through
him. He’d opened himself up for this. It was why taking was always better than asking.
Why not giving a damn was always the best idea. If only he could stop.
“You said you wanted to come with me.” He kept his voice even, barely.
“I didn’t think being a vampire was a requirement,” Sofia said, her own voice rising.
“
You’re
not one.”
“I’m an immortal. The only way for you to join me in that is for you to get the bite.
It’s not the end of the world, Sofia. Just a different start.”
“I don’t want a different start,” she said, almost shouting now. “I’m fine with the
start we already had. And I’m not turning myself into a vampire! I’d never see my
family, or my friends. I’d be dead to them. My career? Also dead. I’d have to start
drinking blood, my eyes would turn red, and I’d never see another sunrise! You said
we’d come away here when we could? What, so I could takes walks along the beach in
the dark? You love this place for the light of it, Phenex, and that’s something you
want to take away my ability to share. No. I won’t do that. I won’t give up what I
am.”
It took Phenex a minute to register that she wasn’t just unhappy with the vampire
idea. She was furious. His own temper flared, the shock of his hurt feelings making
it worse.
“What did you think I meant, Sofia? Get a house somewhere, watch you age and die while
I never change? Human life is barely long enough to do anything! I want to make sure
I have you forever. This is the only way.”
She seemed to be trying to contain herself. Her fingers flexed as if they were looking
for something to throttle.
“You want to
have
me, to
keep
me…the way you talk about it makes it sound more like I’m one of your instruments
than a partner.” Sofia pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, hard, before looking
at him with such misery and anger that it might have filled the entire ocean beyond
them. “I’m sorry that my humanity is so upsetting to you that you want me to change
it. But it’s not going to happen. If you want to be with me, you get
me
, Phenex. The human who will age and die, since the only way around that is unacceptable
to me. On the bright side, maybe you’d get tired of me way before I got all old and
ugly.”
This wasn’t going the way he’d wanted. At all.
“You would never be ugly. Hellfire, Sofia, I want to keep you!”
Her eyes widened and despite her humanity, he would swear they shot off sparks.
“Stop saying that! You think you can stuff me in that house in the cave along with
the other things you enjoy and call it a day? And all I have to change is everything.
What about you, Phenex? What do you lose out on here?”
He shifted uncomfortably. “Ah…”
“Yeah, exactly. Nothing. That isn’t a relationship, Phenex.” She shoved her hands
into her hair.
He’d hurt her. How had he hurt her by asking her to stay with him?
“I knew,” she muttered to herself. “I
knew
. I’m so stupid.”
“
You’re
not stupid.
This
is stupid. I didn’t ask you to slit your damn wrists and sell your soul. If you don’t
want to be with me, Sofia, then say so. I’m not going to beg.”
“You’re not going to—” She bared her teeth. “You asshole, I’m in love with you.
In love with you!
Do you even know what that means? Do you have any idea at all? I not only want to
be with you, I want it so bad that sometimes it physically hurts!”
He could only stare at her as though she’d grown an extra head, the words ringing
in his ears. Love. She couldn’t. She wasn’t supposed to.
“Sofia. Don’t.” It was a command. A plea. Love wasn’t supposed to be a part of this.
Just when he thought he was getting a handle on what he wanted from her, she shook
everything up again and made him see how much more there might be…what he could have
if he just—
“I can’t,” he rasped.
Don’t make me unlock that part of myself. I don’t even know if I can. I don’t know
if there’s anything left. I can’t.
Her laugh was bitter, and he was horrified to see that a stray tear had rolled down
her cheek. “You can’t. Can’t love me back? Can’t handle my humanity?” She shook her
head and looked away. “Well, I can’t, either. I can’t live in the dark. I can’t accept
just a little piece of you when I know there’s so much more. I want all of you, including
the heart you pretend you don’t have. I would come with you, Phenex, if there were
some middle ground. I would relocate, find a new job, start someplace new. People
do it every day. There are leaps I’m willing to make. But you would have to give,
too. You would have to let my life—and I do have one—blend with yours instead of just
trying to make me forget I ever had one. If you can’t do that, and if you can’t give
me your heart, not ever, then I can’t do this to myself.”
Phenex slid off the bed and backed away, unsure of what he’d just done. Sofia was
watching him, crying silently, and every tear that fell felt like drops of fire on
his own skin. Why did she have to love him? That word…he’d seen it ruin too many things.
He didn’t want to feel it, even if he could.
“You know what I am,” Phenex said softly. “This is a big deal for me, Sofia. I wasn’t
expecting to want you like I do. I don’t know what else I can give. What I have would
have to be enough.”
The look she gave him was haunted. “I see what you are, and what you could be. I know
this is a big step for you, Phenex. I…I get that.” She wiped at her eye. “But this
works both ways. You know what I am. And it would have to be enough, too.”
It was too much. Everything, all of it. He was a dark thing, he couldn’t love, couldn’t
be loved…he had made himself safe from the terrible power of that word, that emotion.
But from deep inside, fear surfaced, showing him images of a white-haired woman with
Sofia’s face lying peacefully in a hospital, her hands folded over her chest. He stood
staring down at her, the same as he was now. Always the same.
If only she would just let him have her. Do as she was told. Except…then she wouldn’t
be Sofia. And he damn well knew it.
“I can’t,” he said, utterly broken. “I just…can’t.”
Sofia simply nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I know.”
Unable to take any more pain, Phenex rushed for the window and vanished upward, into
the light of a blazing sun.
Chapter Twenty-One
She’d thought he would come back. Some part of her really had thought he would return,
if only to make her another ridiculous offer, or to keep fighting. That’s what she
really wanted—for him to keep fighting. To fight for her.
As the sun sank into the ocean, Sofia stood at the doors that looked out over the
sea, the salty breeze lifting and blowing her hair, gentle as a kiss.
Phenex might not have a heart to give, but he’d broken hers.
When the tears came, for what felt like the thousandth time that day, they were slow
and silent. She’d offered him the only thing she had to give—her heart. But it wasn’t
enough. He wanted the one thing she couldn’t give up.
Her life.
It was hopeless. Maybe she’d known that from the beginning. She just hadn’t understood
how much having to let go would hurt.
Sofia stood at the doors for so long that she lost track of time, finally turning
away when her eyes began to water from the sand in the rising breeze. The sun was
gone, the world had fallen into darkness by the time she came back to herself. She
wanted, needed some light. It had gone far too quickly. The room seemed to have gone
black as pitch behind her.
Sofia took a step forward, then another, and felt the air begin to thicken. She’d
felt that once before. The horror crept up her throat, but just as before, her limbs
grew heavy, and then stopped working altogether.
“So sad, little human,” came the soft hiss out of the blackness swirling around her.
“So very, very sad. You’ve become just the weakness I’d hoped. I’ve been waiting,
you know. Waiting and watching, knowing what was coming. I knew what would kill him
the night I discovered he’d stolen my pretty bird and set her free—his pathetic angel’s
heart. This fall will be his last.”
“You’re wrong,” Sofia choked out as her throat threatened to betray her. “We’re done.
He doesn’t love me. He can’t. So it’s over. You’re only hurting me, not him.”
The laugh was bright and somehow awful, like the shrieks in a carnival funhouse.
“Wrong, you hairless ape. You’re as stupid as he is. Come along with me, darling.
Come help me destroy the worthless, treacherous bastards of Terra Noctem. Amphora
will burn, and you with it. He’ll see you go up in flames, just like all the demons
he’s killed. Then he can burn, too. But I want to see his face when he hears you screaming.
It will be sweeter than any music he’s ever made.”
Sofia tried to shout, to scream for help. But her throat had tightened, refusing to
work. She swayed, then fell, all her muscles locking at once. As she fell, Sofia finally
saw Belial’s face. It was the face of an angel, beautiful and terrible. He could have
been any of the Fallen she now knew…until he smiled, and she realized what the difference
was between the high demons of Hell and Terra Noctem’s exiles. With Phenex and, to
varying extents, his brothers, their true smiles, even though rare, lit up their faces
with a light that made them astoundingly beautiful. But Belial’s smile was full of
the biting, writhing dark. It was empty, and cold.
Predatory.
All Sofia could do was open her mouth and scream, silently, as the darkness enveloped
her.
…
He couldn’t make himself go back. Just as he couldn’t make himself leave.
Phenex sat at the end of a pier, staring at the water. He’d hoped she might come out
and look around, that she might see him and come tell him that she’d thought about
it, that she would gladly give up her mortal life to come hang out in a cave with
him for all eternity.
Hellfire, what a mess.
People came and went around him, boats sailed by. But there was no Sofia, and he had
no better handle on the situation. He knew he had to go back. Nothing changed the
fact that until Belial was dead, she was his responsibility. The sticking point seemed
to be what “his” meant to each of them.
Sofia wanted love and acceptance.
He just wanted her, and the security of knowing she would neither die nor leave.
Why those two desires were incompatible was something he couldn’t fathom. Oh wait,
no. It was because she wanted dinners with her parents, her job, sunlight, friends
with reasonable lifespans…a human’s life. A home. And especially, for him to love
her back.
Everything in him rebelled against the thought. He was a demon, damn it! Demons didn’t
love. Demons didn’t have Ma and Pa Human over for casserole, and sit on the front
porch to talk about their days, and maybe bake cookies in a sunny kitchen…and get
a boat, a nice big one, that they could take out on the ocean with a bottle of wine.
Phenex buried his head in his hands. He was losing his mind. The only couples he knew
were still very…supernatural. They loved Terra Noctem. Why did he want these things?
When had he started wanting these things?
Cookies?
Hellfire.
But…maybe. Maybe?
He could hear her scream in his head, so clearly that it was like someone had shoved
an ice pick through his skull. Phenex winced and doubled over, clapping his hands
to his ears. Then it was gone, vanishing as abruptly as it had come. He whipped his
head around.
Sofia
.
He was in the air in two steps, back at the balcony in three pumps of his wings. The
doors were open, the bed still rumpled. The smell of her was strong, as though she’d
just been standing here. Then he caught the other scent—brimstone. Belial had taken
her. Another living toy for the Prince of Sloth. And this time, it was all his damned
fault.
His heart constricted painfully in his chest, and something welled up from deep within
him, places that had been locked for thousands of years. He thought of Sofia, alone
and bloody in the cage that had once held Celestine, or clasped in Belial’s fists
while she wept for a mercy that would never come. He thought of her touch, her laugh,
her smile, and the way she came apart in his arms. Even the way she’d shouted at him—
You asshole, I’m in love with you!
He wanted her back. He wanted her to
want
to come back. He needed…
Later
. Phenex rose, putting every thought aside but one. He had to find Sofia before Belial
broke her. To the demon, this was a game. One that would end with blood. All that
mattered right now was that the blood shed would be Belial’s.
With a roar that shook the building, Phenex shot into the sky, chasing the scent of
brimstone, and hoping that he wasn’t too late to finally, after all this time, make
something right.
Even with his speed, Phenex always seemed to stay just behind Belial. The demon, and
Sofia, remained infuriatingly close, but always just out of reach. He was unsurprised,
though, to find that the trail ended as the sun was setting, back in the place where
everything had begun.
Amphora was in chaos.
Phenex dropped through the roof, unable to get in the front doors. The building was
already surrounded by firefighters and police, none of whom seemed to be able to get
inside. That was luck, Phenex thought, as he fell like a shadow through a glass dome
already riddled with cracks, the building below filled with smoke.
It wouldn’t last. Eventually, whatever power kept the humans out would let them in,
and more blood would be shed. But for now, this fight was between the Fallen and the
forces of Hell.
At least Belial had chosen a Wednesday, going for surprise over maximum carnage.
It was unlike him…but a mark of how desperate he’d become for the blood of his renegade
brethren.
Phenex landed, catlike, in the middle of a smoke-filled ballroom. It was barely recognizable
as the luxe space it had been. Now,
nefari
, squat and red-horned, clambered out of holes in the ground, the walls, setting fire
to anything they wanted.
Which appeared to be everything.
The shrieks and grunts of the demon horde didn’t interest him, nor did the fifteen
or so he carved through as he strode across the room and into the hallway. Bodies
of vampires littered the floor. They’d been taken by surprise, Phenex thought grimly,
recognizing most of them. The scouts had done their jobs well.
The first dining room Phenex passed was full of upended tables, black ooze, and Murmur
battling at least fifty
nefari
. He looked perfectly happy as his fire sword flashed between the lesser demons, pieces
of them falling to the floor as he moved.
“Phenex! Good!” Murmur shouted. “Grab a sword, do something useful! Justin had to
fight his way through the tunnels to get back to Terra Noctem…they’re crawling with
demons, but they haven’t breached the city boundaries yet. Raum is covering him. Looks
like the city is moving tonight, and we’re not leaving much behind.” He hacked the
head off of another
nefari
. “They don’t pay us enough for this shit! Where’s Belial? Him I’ll fight!”
“Get in line,” Phenex said, flapping his wings to get above the horde. He spotted
an extra fire sword jammed in a painting, much higher than any lesser demon would
be able to reach, and grabbed it. It felt good in his hand, the power of it drawn
right from his blood and channeled into the sword.
He caught Sofia’s scent again and raced after it, slicing and slashing his way through
the squealing, grunting mass of low demons. Fortunately, most human ears wouldn’t
be able to hear these sounds outside, but a few would…and the noises would haunt them.
Phenex saw each of his brothers in turn as he made his way through the ruins that
Amphora was quickly becoming. They were battling masses of demons, who were pouring
through walls and floors, a clever trick that could only be facilitated by a very
powerful high demon. Phenex flew above them, or sliced through them, but he saw no
sign of Sofia.
Then, all at once, he heard her.
“No!”
Her cry was anguished, sending fury black as night pounding through him. Phenex jerked
to a halt in midair, changing direction to dive down a different hallway.
The air had grown even thicker with smoke, flames licking up the walls. He saw one
inferi
on fire, the stupid creature having assumed that it would be as much in its element
here as it was in the fiery pits. But Earth fire was a different matter. Most of the
demons here, though, were carcasses. The area had already been cleared. When a traitorous
vampire crept up behind him like a shadow, Phenex barely had to turn, ending its pitiful
existence with a single sweep of the powerful sword.
They were waiting in the last room, the one with the door he’d taken Sofia through
to get to Terra Noctem. Bodies littered the floor, this time with vampires who would
be missed in Terra Noctem. They’d died defending their city. Belial stood grinning
by the half-open door in the wall, clutching Sofia against his chest like a lover.
Belial’s hand cupped her throat, gently. A thin rivulet of blood trickled down her
skin, but she looked whole, and alive.
Her eyes were wild. Her robe looked as though it had been clawed at, sections of it
shredded. She was barely covered, and terrified.
“There you are,” Belial purred. “I’ve been waiting. I almost thought you’d catch up
to us, but you always were slow.”
“Let her go.”
Belial snorted. “No. Come, Phenex…follow me down. Catch me if you can.”
He splayed his fingers over a space of bare floor, and a section of it caved in, creating
a large, smoking hole between them, black shot through with red light that flickered
and twisted. Phenex inhaled, and smelled what had once been home. Fear curled deep
in his belly, supplanting some of the fury.
“She’ll die as soon as you take her through, Belial. No human can survive Hell for
long.”
“Oh, we’ll have a few minutes together, I’m sure,” Belial said, grinned, and then
leaped into the darkness.
Phenex heard himself bellow, but it was no use. Without another thought, he leaped
in after them.
The sounds of the battle vanished instantly, replaced by the pulse and thrum of some
ancient and hideous heart. There was a darkness, thick and black as pitch, that wrapped
itself around Phenex, squeezing him tight as he dropped through this small rift between
worlds. It would close again soon enough, but Phenex moved swiftly, and in an instant
the light grew red.
He was home. Or rather, in the deserted courtyard of Belial’s home.
The hair at the back of Phenex’s neck prickled when he imagined what might happen
if Lucifer discovered he was here. He shook it off, flexed his hand around the hilt
of the fire sword, and sprinted into the manor house through the massive doors that
stood open. No one was here, not a single one of the many low demons who served Belial.
A few wretched human souls, damned and cowed, shrank from him as he strode quick and
silent down the halls.
He already knew where Belial was headed.
Down the stairs, through the massive wine cellar where Phenex had once come to find
an expensive bottle of something to drown his sorrows, instead finding something very
different.
The door to Belial’s “game room” stood open. Phenex never faltered, stepping inside.
Nothing had changed. Not the whips, chains, spikes, and ropes that hung from the ceilings
and walls, not the massive disheveled bed with the mirrors mounted above it, not the
blood spatters on the wall nor the faint, stale smell of sex. And especially not the
large, gilded cage that had once held an imprisoned angel, and which now held a gasping,
writhing Sofia.
Her dark hair hung in her face as she tried to get to her feet, but the air itself
seemed to be too heavy for her to bear. This world had not been made for mortals.
Just being here would crush her from the inside out.
She was dying. And Phenex felt a piece of himself begin to wither painfully away as
well. What had he done?
“So here we are. This is such a perfect place to end it. My horde overruns that pit
of filth you live in, and I get you. Here. Watching the woman you love bleed out through
her nose, her mouth, her eyes… That should be soon, by the way.” He smiled, his handsome
face somehow monstrous. “It’s just a shame she won’t last longer. I discovered so
many enjoyable things before you took my Celestine away.”