“I guess that’s probably enough for tonight,” he said without looking at her. Sofia
frowned. Something had thrown him off. She just wasn’t sure what.
“No, please,” she said. “That last song was gorgeous. What was it?”
She watched his shoulders tense. “Just a thing. Nothing special.”
“You’re wrong,” Sofia protested. “It was very special. Did you write that?”
He made some sound that was neither an affirmative nor a negative, but the way he
hunched defensively was all the answer she needed. Yes, Phenex had written it. And
for whatever reason, he didn’t want to share it with her. It shouldn’t have hurt,
but it did. Every time she felt that he was opening up, something happened to shut
him back down.
Tired and frustrated, she shoved her hand into the tangles of her hair and winced.
“I’m a mess,” she said, settling for mundane chatter over fraught silence. “I need
my stuff, I need a phone… Do you get cell reception down here?”
“It’s rigged up pretty well, yeah,” Phenex replied. “Who do you need to call?”
“My family, so they don’t worry. I have no idea what I’m going to tell them, but I
feel like I should mention I’m not at home. They’ve been known to swing by, since
they’re in Baltimore and it isn’t a bad drive.”
“Just lie,” Phenex said, coming to sit in one of the mismatched chairs that sat opposite
the couch. Sofia watched the move, puzzled. Wasn’t this the guy who’d been about to
ravish her in the hallway a few hours ago?
“That’s easy for you to say,” Sofia replied, disgruntled on a number of levels. “I
don’t like to lie to my parents. I’m not a teenager anymore. I just don’t think they’d
believe the truth.”
“Even if they could, you wouldn’t be allowed to tell them,” Phenex said, stretching
out his long legs in front of him. “This place is top secret. That’s why Justin was
so pissed about you being down here. He may decide you need to have some sort of binding
spell put on you by one of the magic-wielders running around. I’ll argue against it,
but I’m just warning you.”
“Nobody’s putting a spell on me,” Sofia snapped, more harshly than she’d intended.
She tried to keep her voice steadier as she continued. “I didn’t ask for any of this,
and now I have a demon who wants to kill me because he thinks it’ll bother you, so
I’m stuck in a cave. With vampires. I have to work tomorrow, Phenex! I can’t take
an indefinite hiatus because of demons. The hospital is not going to be okay with
that, I can guarantee it. And I have bills. A life. Stuff I have to pay for.”
“Say you’re sick. Say you have the kind of flu that makes you look like Linda Blair
in
The Exorcist
.”
“No. I want to go to work tomorrow. Unless the hospital is in danger of a full-scale
demonic invasion, that part should work. It’s almost impossible to be alone there.”
His eyes hardened. “No.”
She glared back at him. “Yes. I don’t want to stay at my apartment right now, so I
won’t fight you about spending my off time down here in Creepytown. But I’m not going
to just go into hiding and sacrifice everything I’ve worked for. My job is important
to me, Phenex.”
“Your life should be more important.”
She huffed out an irritated breath. “There has to be a way you can keep an eye on
me at work. It wouldn’t be any more boring than following me while I run errands.”
“You’re safer here. Give me a list of your bosses and I’ll send one of the vamps to
thrall them.”
Sofia’s jaw tightened, and she felt the start of a nasty headache begin to pinch and
pull at her temples.
“No! Damn it, Phenex, lying or screwing with people’s brains isn’t always the answer!”
She hated the way his expression went cold. This was the part of him that was Fallen,
she knew. The part that was so utterly alien to her.
“You need to worry more about you than them, Sofia. They’re only—”
He stopped himself, but she knew exactly what he’d been about to say.
“Only human, right?” she asked softly. “Like me. I’m no different than they are, Phenex.
No better, no worse. Just human.”
Phenex stared at her, his expression hard and inscrutable, then he rose from the chair
in a blur of movement. He paced the room silently while she watched. Finally, he said,
“You could be more. You should be.”
Sofia shook her head, surprised that he seemed to have given this some thought. “What
else could I be?”
“If you haven’t noticed, mortality isn’t your only option. Having eternity opens up
so many possibilities, so many doors.”
She was so startled by the statement that she laughed, which Sofia immediately saw
was the wrong thing to have done. He looked so offended that she quickly tried to
explain. “I don’t want to be a vampire, Phenex. I like being human. I
love
the sun. I need the light. I would never want to give that up. Don’t you understand?
It seems like you would. All those flowers you’ve tried to keep…”
“They don’t mean anything,” Phenex growled, cutting her off. “They’re just some stupid
plants.”
Now he was lying to her. Again. “Fine,” Sofia said, suddenly exhausted as much by
the walls he put up as she had been by the demon attack that had brought her here.
“Stupid plants, stupid humans, stupid sunlight…whatever, Phenex. You don’t want to
like anything, fine. But there are a lot of things I like and care about, and one
of them is my job. Which I’m going to tomorrow. I need to figure out a way to make
this work, since even human, marginally intelligent me can figure out that killing
a demon like Belial is going to take some doing and that it could be a while. There
has to be some give and take here. I can’t put my life on hold indefinitely.”
“No,” Phenex said flatly. “You can’t leave unless I let you.”
Her stomach twisted at the way he said it. It didn’t sound like him, angry and petulant.
It was possessive, but not in a way she wanted to encourage. “Oh, I see. So I’m a
prisoner now?”
That seemed to break through, because she caught a flicker of regret on his face before
he turned it blank again.
“No, of course not.”
“Then don’t treat me like one.”
Phenex shoved a hand through his hair. “I gave you my word I’d keep you safe. But
it would be nice if you helped me out instead of actively
trying
to get yourself killed.”
She rose from the couch and settled her hands on her hips. “If I were trying to get
myself killed, I wouldn’t even be arguing with you. I’d just go. Can’t you at least
try to understand where I’m coming from?”
“No, I can’t. Not when where you’re coming from is a place that’s loaded with human
pigheadedness. You told me you trusted me to keep you safe. Why can’t you just do
what you’re told?”
She stiffened, his infuriated question hitting her like a slap. “Because I don’t belong
to you.”
Phenex swore in a language—maybe more than one—that she didn’t understand at all.
Then he threw his hands up and stalked toward the door. When he opened it, Sofia realized
he meant to leave her here. All of the panic she’d managed to keep at bay hit her
at once. Her chest constricted, her heart pounded. She didn’t want to be alone here.
He was supposed to stay with her. And as mad at him as she was, she didn’t really
want him to go. She could never stand to leave things unfinished. Even fights.
Sofia thrust her chin up and tried not to sound as though she cared. “Where are you
going?”
He turned and glared at her from the open doorway. “Out. I’ll send someone to take
my place for a while. Shouldn’t matter, right? After all, you don’t belong to me.”
She could hear the bitterness behind his words and realized that what she’d said had
cut him. But Sofia didn’t think that Phenex understood how to have an actual relationship
with someone, even a relationship as odd and impermanent as theirs was. And she didn’t
know if she had it in her to fix that in a guy who’d been alive since before there
were even such things as humans.
Disheartened, she wrapped her arms around herself and turned away. Maybe they both
needed some space after all.
“See you later, then,” she said. What else could she say?
There was silence for a long moment, and she could feel his eyes on her. She thought
he might say something, might bend just a little, the way he had when he’d asked her
on what had turned out to be a sort-of date. But before long, she heard the door shut
quietly, leaving her alone.
Sofia let out a long, shuddering breath and blinked back weary, frustrated tears.
Phenex was impossible, in every way she could think of. This wouldn’t be the last
time he walked away, she told herself. She might as well get used to it. He didn’t
belong to her, either.
She only wished she didn’t want him to quite so badly.
Chapter Fifteen
He felt like shit the second he stepped out the door. Had he seriously just suggested
that she ought to be a vampire because humans were worthless?
Yes. Yes he had. Awesome.
But that didn’t mean he was going to turn around and apologize.
He walked a few paces away from his house and took a quick look at who was still home.
He’d known he would have to leave Sofia with someone else at some point, because there
were things he needed to know that she didn’t need to hear. He hadn’t planned to do
it so soon, but there was no time like the present. Especially when your charge was
pissed at you.
Phenex was relieved to see signs of life at Raum and Ember’s house just across the
street, so he headed that way. Of all his Fallen brothers, Raum was the least likely
to get on his case about the situation with Sofia, probably because it wasn’t entirely
unlike what had happened to him. Of course, his wife, Ember, was the half-demon daughter
of Raum’s biggest enemy in Hell, so she hadn’t had much difficulty adjusting to life
with a fallen angel. And Raum had been watching Ember not so much to protect her as
to protect the world
from
her, since she had the capability to break the barriers between Hell and Earth.
Okay, so it wasn’t really like what had happened with him. But Ember and Sofia were
both women, so that was something.
Phenex gave a couple of short raps on the front door, and it was quickly opened by
a beautiful redhead with an equally beautiful smile.
“Phenex!” Ember said. “I didn’t think you were back yet!”
He managed a small smile. He genuinely liked Ember, an emotion he reserved for very
few people. She was always friendly, and had a hell of a temper that was fun to watch
when it went off—provided it wasn’t directed at him. And she’d been good for Raum
in ways no one would have believed.
“Yeah, I’m back for now. Change of plans,” Phenex said. “Looks like the trouble at
Amphora is Belial’s work. I had to bring Sofia down here for now, since Belial announced
his presence by trying to kill her.”
Ember’s brow creased as she took in the information. “Belial. More fun with high demons,
I guess. So Justin was okay with you bringing a mortal down here?”
“No. But she’s here anyway.”
Ember laughed at that. “Color me unsurprised. So where is she? You didn’t lock her
in the house or anything, did you?” She frowned, looking across the street. “I’m going
to be honest, any of you bringing a woman home with you scares me. I think I’ve spent
too much time watching you all.”
“No, she’s not locked in. She’s…ah…I need somebody to hang out with her so I can talk
to the others. Maybe go back downtown for a while.” And lick his wounds over Sofia’s
flat insistence that she didn’t belong to him, accompanied by the implication that
she never would. But that part, he wasn’t sharing.
Ember arched a slim red brow. He suddenly wanted to sink through the stone and vanish.
“You dragged her here and now you’re ditching her?”
“Not for long. I just…we just…”
“Uh-huh.” Ember looked deeply unimpressed. “I’ll go over and say hello. If she’s been
putting up with you for a couple days straight, she could probably use a friendly
face. Raum’s gone down to the Half Light to meet Levi already. I think the others
are probably there, too.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t go,” Phenex said. Ember was a fierce fighter when she wasn’t
running her custom scent shop, Lotions & Potions, and she was an asset to any strategic
discussions she sat in on. But Ember simply smiled ruefully and shook her head.
“Nope. I got my fill of everyone last night. Raum can have at it. I’m going to take
a well-deserved night off. Or I was.” She eyed him. “I hope your current assignment
is nice to talk to on top of being pretty. Justin mentioned that she was hot, but
that was all the gossip I heard.”
“She is. Nice, I mean.” Hellfire, that sounded lame. Sofia was a lot more than nice.
“Then why do you look so guilty?” Ember narrowed her eyes. “You picked a fight and
then left, right? Damn it, I wish you weren’t all so predictable, Phenex! Though I
thought you had a little more in the empathy department than most. Tell me why she’s
mad at you, and I’ll go.”
He didn’t want to talk about it, much less be accosted by an angry she-demon over
it. But since he knew she wouldn’t let it go, and since he really did need her to
go be with Sofia, Phenex relented.
“She wants to keep working. I told her no. When she insisted, I asked why she couldn’t
just do as she was told.”
Ember winced. “Smooth. You realize you were a jackass, right?”
“No.”
Ember sighed. “Yeah, you do. And you like her, or you wouldn’t have bothered to fight
and then run off to brood about it.”
Phenex hooked his thumbs in his pockets and glowered. “I asked for a favor, not a
lecture, Ember. And I don’t brood.”
All she did was snort. “Please. I live with a champion among brooders. Go. Take off.
I’ll go entertain Sofia.” She stepped out the door, shutting it after her, and Phenex
started to walk away, relieved. Now that this was taken care of, maybe he could clear
his head. But Ember’s voice, and her tone, strangely tentative after the way she’d
given it to him, called his attention back behind him.
“Phenex? This Sofia…what does she think of it down here?”
He couldn’t quite look Ember in the eye when he answered, since he understood what
this was about, too. Ember had found her happiness, and given Raum both new purpose
and, in her love, a form of redemption. Raum had white wings again because of Ember,
and a soul. But that didn’t mean that such a thing was in the cards for the rest of
the renegades. In fact, Phenex doubted it. Though he could appreciate that Ember cared
enough to wish it for them. He knew they weren’t an easy lot to like.
“She seems all right with it. But Sofia prefers butterflies to vampires,” Phenex said.
“I don’t think that’s going to change.”
“Oh,” Ember said, and though she tried to keep her tone bright, he could hear the
disappointment in her voice. He knew why. He’d thought about it enough. The only sort
of mate that would make any sense for a fallen angel was another immortal. Sofia had
no interest in paying the price she would have to for immortality, so pinning any
hopes on her would be an exercise in futility. She would grow old and die, and he
would still be down here, singing his songs. Alone.
Now
he was brooding.
“Well, enjoy and come back happier, okay? Maybe someone will punch Gadreel. He was
pretty well asking for it last night. That might cheer you up.”
Phenex didn’t reply to that, simply waved a hand as he turned to leave. “Thanks, Ember.
She’s…” He searched for the right word while Ember watched him curiously, but he finally
gave up. Sofia was a lot of wonderful things, but the only one that mattered was the
one she’d made clear tonight—not his. That was what he needed to remember. He’d been
the one to offer her a no-strings-attached arrangement. Ironic that he’d end up needing
the blunt “this is not forever” talk himself.
With a wistful sigh, he walked away, leaving his sentence unfinished and Ember looking
sadly after him.
By the time he got back to the house, it was near sunrise in the world above, and
the streets of Terra Noctem had been full of vampires straggling home to sleep the
day away. He’d needed the space and time to clear his head, and the other Fallen had
provided plenty of diversion. All of them were here now, returned from various assignments
that Uriel had devised for them, rooting out lesser demons in far-flung places to
prevent them from getting a foothold in any one area. Like roaches, demons were difficult
to remove from a place they’d infested.
Uriel still hadn’t shown himself, though Levi had received a short, terse message
that implied he would be along shortly…though “shortly” could mean any number of things
when it came to Uriel.
His brothers were the same as they always were, even Raum, for the most part, though
there was a
lightness
about him that had been lacking before. A something more. But Phenex was getting
used to it. Justin had been slightly less grim, though the vampire king hadn’t stayed.
He was worried about Belial’s next move, worried about Amphora. Worried about everything.
Phenex was just glad not to be king of anything.
He started to tense up again only when he neared home. He still didn’t have a clue
what to say to Sofia. All he knew was that he felt unusually bad about the way he’d
walked out, about what he’d said. He’d basically told her that she wasn’t enough,
that being human wasn’t enough. And that she should shut up and do what he wanted,
which was stupid. He wouldn’t like her half as much if she were some mindless automaton.
But she’d cut into him with her words, something he wasn’t used to. So he’d cut her
right back. In retrospect, he might have wanted to think about it before he opened
his mouth, but that wasn’t exactly a habit of his.
He’d mulled it over while Gadreel and Murmur were having the same old argument about
which of them was better at killing
nefari
and
inferi
, the low demons that made up the bulk of the demonic horde. It was uncomfortable
to actually take a hard look at why he’d gotten so angry, when normally he just accepted
his anger and used it as an excuse to wreck things. But with Sofia…he needed to get
a handle on what was going on with himself. And what was going on seemed pretty clear,
once he’d let himself think about it.
He wanted to keep her around. He thought he might want to keep her, period. That first
night he’d known she was different, and he’d been right. She made him interested in
things again. She made him
feel
. And the song he’d begun to play for her tonight…that was the music she seemed to
be giving back to him, against every odd and after a thousand years of nothing. That
was her.
But she was everything light, and he was a part of the dark. How was he supposed to
figure this out when he couldn’t even keep a pot of flowers alive down here?
Phenex paused before opening the door, tried to figure out how to play things, and
decided he would just act like nothing had happened. It might work, if she was tired
enough to just let it go. And she probably was…she’d been up all day.
He turned the knob and walked in, and was immediately greeted by the sight of Ember
curled in a chair and reading a book. She looked up, smiled, and pressed a finger
to her lips. On the couch was Sofia, covered in one of his softest blankets, sound
asleep. Her dark hair was spread beneath her head like a pillow, and he could only
see her closed eyes above the edge of the blanket, which rose and fell slowly with
each breath. The sound of a single, light snore made him smile. He completely forgot
Ember was there until she appeared at his side and gave him a poke.
“She’s a sweetheart,” Ember said softly. “Be careful with her, or I will personally
end you.” Then she gave his arm a reassuring squeeze, smiled, and let herself out
the door.
Phenex barely noticed. He approached Sofia slowly, not wanting to disturb her. Though
he’d been in her apartment the past couple of nights, he hadn’t watched her sleep.
Some things were too creepy even for a demon. Now, though, he couldn’t take his eyes
off her.
He considered her for a moment, then came to a decision. Phenex slid his arms beneath
her, scooping Sofia into his arms. Immediately, she cuddled against his chest with
a soft sigh. He closed his eyes, savoring the feel of her, the trust that was apparent
every time he touched her. He had done nothing to earn it, but she’d put her faith
in him from that very first night.
There had to be a way to keep her. He had been taking things he shouldn’t for centuries
upon centuries. He would find a way to do this, because he’d be damned all over again
if he let anyone else have her.
The anger and jealousy were familiar, and comforting in their way. They blocked out
the beginnings of what felt like despair.
Phenex carried Sofia upstairs, bypassing the little guest room and moving on to the
larger chamber that was his. With one hand, he turned down the covers of the massive
bed that dominated the room, then lay her gently in it, pulling the blanket off in
the process. What was beneath was a very pleasant surprise—it looked as though Ember
had lent Sofia a pair of pajamas. The simple cami and shorts were a little short and
a little tight, and he was overwhelmingly grateful for both issues. It took all the
willpower he had to pull the covers back over her. She shivered a little as the cold,
unused sheets replaced the warmth of her blanket. That was something he intended to
fix as quickly as possible. Phenex peeled off his jacket and shirt, tossing them to
the floor, and then slid out of his jeans, leaving him in nothing but a thin pair
of boxer briefs. He walked around the other side of the bed and slid in quickly, then
fit himself along Sofia’s back, spooning her. The warmth was immediate, and in it
he found something he didn’t expect, something above and beyond arousal. It was comfort.
Mine
, he thought, the whisper of the word inside his head not at all gentle, but ferocious.
“I’m keeping you,” he breathed into her hair. Then Phenex curled his wing over them
like an extra blanket, closed his eyes, and fell deeply asleep.