The Cost To Play (Slivers of Love) (18 page)

It was a crazy week, filled with hesitation, trepidation, and knots in her stomach. Saturday afternoon, Toshi was coming to meet her folks. The one thing that kept humming in her mind…
does he love me enough to deal with those two
? Although her body craved his touch, she managed to keep her clothes on the two times in the week she had seen him. By Friday, she was ready to go to his office, lock the door, and mount him on his desk, but she stood firm.

Saturday morning arrived and she was in a tizzy. Toshi made an attempt to hold her until her nerves settled. “No! She will smell you on me, start praying and lock herself in the damned closet!”

“What?” he said in disbelief.

“My grandmother is a bible thumping head case,” she said out loud before the flood gate of tears opened.

Toshi held her head as the tears flowed freely. “I never talk about my family because it is just too…..” She cried louder, only this time she pulled away and flung herself onto the couch.

“Do you think either of them will ask if I am perform
ing Asian sex tricks on you?”  he asked with arched brows.

Jayne looked up at him with a weak smile, but Toshi continued,
“Well, isn’t that what my mother asked about you?  Seriously Jayne, we handle it together.  Family is not going to change. We learn to accept each person as they are and for who they are.  You love them regardless and continue to live your life.  There is nothing more a person can do.”

Those words calmed her as she cleaned her face and climbed into the passenger seat of his car. Ready or not, here they come. Toshi was about to meet Grandpa Joe and Grandma Pearl. Jayne stared out the window as she entered her own prayer closet.

Joseph and Pearlie Carter lived in a four bedroom craftsman style home on a small dead end street off of Walton Way. The yard was immaculate with blooming flowers year round and comfortable rockers which adorned the front porch. Because it was the last house on the dead end street, Joseph had cleared the adjoining lot years ago to cut down on snakes and varmints, but to also make a play area for his four children.
Over the years, the cleared lot had served as a baseball diamond, a football field, and an open field for Summer cookouts and parties.

Joseph Jr. was a police officer with three large male children, who were all in law enforcement.  Sydney was a computer whiz with two tech savvy children. One who worked for Google and the other for Microsoft. Sydney complained that they never came home often enough.  Frank was a civil service employee who had recently retired, with three children. One who was an attorney, the second a crack head, and the third left hitchhiking for parts unknown six years ago and had not been heard from since. The youngest of the brood was Lillie, whom Grandpa Joe always thought was a delicate flower. It befuddled Jayne within an inch of her sanity why everyone chose to show up today.

The street in front of the house was filled with cars and the front porch looked like it does on Thanksgiving Day. It was filled with family.  Jayne nearly stopped breathing, but was able to get out the words which truly epitomized how she felt. “Frack, frack, frackety, frack, frack, frackerstein!”

“Jayne, what’s wrong?” Toshi asked, now getting really nervous.

She turned in the seat, eyes full of tears. “Let’s just keep driving Toshi. We can run away and never look back.  We can create our own little private oasis and never have to see any of these people again.”

Toshi pulled his Mazda into an empty space and turned the car off.  Taking her hands into his. “Are you ready to move with me Jayne?”  A weak smile formed through the tears. “Jayne, I need you to move with me.  Can we move forward together Jayne?”

Sobs were choked back and she tried to smile. “Fuck you Toshi!”  He erupted into laughter.

“Jayne, it is just your family.  Either they will like me or hate me, but it will not change how we feel about each other.”

“Okay, okay. I can do this,” she told him as he wiped away her tears.

“Jayne. Am I the first guy you ever brought to meet your folks?”

“Yes. You are the only person I have ever brought home.”

A gigantic grin formed as he started moving with his hands in the air to some imaginary music in his head.  “Toshi what are you doing?”

“You love yourself some Toshi.” He started rolling his fist like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

Her eyes rolled upward. “I am having a panic attack
, cursing like a sailor and you are celebrating whatever victory you think this is…..” Her voice trailed off.

“Jayne, I am celebrating the simple reality that you love me.”

“You are right. I do.”

He put his hand on the door handle. “Well come on Baby! Let’s present the man who won your heart to your family.”

“Just like that, Toshi?”

“Exactly like that,” he told her as he made his way around the car and opened the door for her.  “And later…” He whispered in her ear all the things he planned to do to her later in bed, which made Jayne turn around and reach for the car door.
He grabbed her hand pulling her towards the house, and hand in hand they approached the house. Everything had a price and she was ready to pay the cost for happiness with this man.

As they approached the front porch, her Uncles, Sydney and Frank were seated in the rockers, arguing the points between a laptop and a tablet. The argument was stopped only long enough to shake Toshi’s hand and pose the question to him, “What do you have, Son?”

Toshi leaned in to the two gentlemen. “I have a two in one combo in a Lenovo Idea Pad, with a 15 inch monitor with a touchscreen.  I have the best of both worlds.” This answer seemed to please them both, who now decided to argue on the best touchscreen computers.

Jean, Uncle Frank’s daughter, exiting the front door with a cup of coffee in her hand greeted them both. “Hey Doc! Hiya Jayne!” She then joined her father on the porch.   Jean processed their paperwork to set up their company as well as details of their partnership.  She gave her younger cousin a hug and patted Toshi on the shoulder.  Uncle Sydney sat up in the rocker. “Did you call him Doc?” This prompted Jean to tell the two men all about Jayne and Toshi’s business venture, leaving them room to escape.

In the living room, in front of the flat screen where Grandpa Joe spent many of his days, sat three large men with police haircuts, police officer stares and anger oozing from their pores. Jayne introduced them all to Toshi, who looked up at the six foot tall men that towered over him by several inches.  Pride filled her heart as a five foot eight inch Toshi stood his ground, accepting firm hand shakes, making eye contact, and committing each name to memory.

Grandpa Joe and Grandma Pearl were in the kitchen when they entered. Jayne watched as their eyes took him in. He wore black slacks and black shoes with a cream colored shirt with a coordinating tie. “It is a pleasure to meet you sir,” Toshi told him as he shook Grandpa Joe’s large meaty hand.

He turned to Grandma Pearl who immediately asked, “Jesus is my redeemer, and all praise to the Almighty. What are you
Chile? Shinto? Buddhist? Atheist?”

“He is mine as well, Mrs. Carter, and we are Methodist.” That took all the guff out of Pearlie’s sails.

“Well, don’t that beat all, Pearlie Mae! They are Methodist!” Grandpa Joe added as he slapped his knee.

Grandma Pearl was not to be outdone. “We’re getting ready to eat. You two get into that dining room and get the table set.”

Toshi seemed unfazed as he followed her around the corner to the formal dining room and nearly tripped over Jayne as she stopped cold in her steps. “Toshi, these are my parents. Malik and Lillie Wright.”

Jayne looked a great deal like her father.  She had inherited his light brown eyes and the gap in his teeth.  She had her mother’s height and build. Toshi shook both of their hands and watched with interest as Jayne failed to embrace either parent, but continued to set the table as if nothing was amiss. Toshi could feel the tension in the room.

“Excuse me while I get some water,” Toshi said as he left the room and went back to the kitchen.

Jayne was furious.  “Why are you two here now playing the role of loving and concerned parents?  As a matter of fact, why are you two here at all?” The words almost came out in a hiss.

“We are still your parents and you will act like you have some sense,” Lillie told her in a not too friendly tone.

Malik took a different approach. “Pearlie Mae said you were serious about this young man and I wanted to meet him.”

Jayne’s face had crinkled up like an old Shar-Pei. “That makes absolutely no sense at all, considering you have never shown up for anything else in my life!”

He took a step forward as Jayne took two steps back. “That is not true Jayne.”

“Sending a monthly check is a means of support, but it doesn’t have the same connotation and real support, Malik.”

“Jayne, you are being way too fresh mouthed with your father. You’re not supposed to call either of us by our first names.  We are not your pals or friends. We are your parents.”

“No, Joseph and Pearlie Mae are my parents! You are two selfish people who have forsaken your responsibilities as parents! You abandoned me!”

A large folder sat in the chair that Malik retrieved.  He pulled out a picture of Jayne at her kindergarten graduation and showed it to her. “I don’t remember this picture. Where did you get it?”

“I took it, Jayne,” he told her as he removed from the folder, photo after photo of her from kindergarten, in soccer and volleyball games, gymnastics events, and even a picture of her at the prom. His eyes were teary. “You looked so beautiful on prom night.  I could barely take the pictures. My hands were shaking so badly.”  Other pictures were of her first car, packing the car for college, and even moving into her apartment. “I tried not to miss anything.”

“A bunch of pictures don’t mean a damned thing to me, Malik! What, you posing a voyeuristic Father with a camera fetish is supposed to mean something to me?”

Lillie stepped forward and raised her hand as if she were about to strike Jayne, who turned to look at her with so much hate in her eyes, that Lillie stopped cold. “If you lay one finger on me lady, I will put a bullet in you! I will continue pulling the trigger until I unload the clip into that screwed up head of yours!”

Jayne’s breathing had become labored as she held her fist to her sides. “We deserve your anger,” Malik said with his shoulders slumped, gathering his cache of photos and putting them back in the folder. “I am here, because I failed you as a father.  I failed your mother as a husband, but I have worked hard for 27 years to give you everything you wanted and needed.  I even picked out your first car Jayne.”  He wiped at his eyes. “I didn’t come back into your life physically because I was afraid I would screw you up too.”

Today was not the day to resolve any of these issues. “Why are you here now?”

“I am hoping,” Malik said. “As you start this new phase of your life, that I can be a part of it. And maybe when the time comes, be a part of my grandchildren’s life.”

“Are you saying that I have no brothers and sisters out there, among your many love interests and afternoon humps,” Jayne added with venom.

Malik closed the folder, tucking it under his arm. “You are my only child Jayne.  You are the one thing that keeps me going each day.” 

Jayne looked to Lillie who was sitting in the chair with her head down. “And what sorry excuse do you have Lillie?”

Chin stuck in the air, eyes full of resolve, “I have no excuses and I am not going to explain myself you to because until you have lost a child, you have no idea what I went through.”

“And you know what Lillie? I don’t give a shit.  I know you lost a child, but you still had one living that you handed off like a pair of shoes that had started to pinch your feet.”

Malik attempted to say something when Jayne held up her hand. “Grandma Pearl raised me in church and taught me forgiveness, but until today, I never realized how angry, bitter, and resentful I was toward the two of you. I don’t forgive either of you. In my heart, I know I was better off without you, but it still hurts to be abandoned.”

Lillie wiped away tears, but Jayne wasn’t finished. “You two can go crawl back into whatever holes you climbed out of, because I don’t want or need either of you in my life at this point. And just so we are clear, I never plan to have any children, so if you are resting your hopes in redemption on your grandchildren, then you have come up short again.”

She grabbed her purse and went to find Toshi, who was sitting at the table playing Gin Rummy with Grandpa Joe. She touched him on the shoulder. “Toshi, we are leaving.”

Grandma Pearl opened her mouth. “God said to turn the other cheek
Chile.”

“The only cheek I plan to turn to those two are the ones holding up my ass.” She turned her back to her grandparents and made her way out the door with Toshi on her heels.  “It was nice to meet everyone,” he said as he made his way to the car.

Tears rolled down Jayne’s cheeks as he drove them home.  They arrived at her building and he walked her to the door. “Toshi, I just want to be alone tonight okay.”

“No, it is not okay.  The last thing you need right now is to be alone.”

Sunday after church, Toshi sat in his parent’s kitchen. Eri was chomping at the bit.  “
Musukosan,
did you meet her people?”

“I did
Haha
,” he told his mother, but his eyes were on his father. “They are a learned family in law enforcement. One is an attorney. She has a cousin who works for Microsoft and one who works for Google.”

Eri asked, “And her parents?”

In actuality his words were true. “Jayne is truly loved by her family and her parents, who have kept a watchful eye over their only child.”

Hirishito asked, “What does this mean for you Toshi?”

“I would like your blessing to make Jayne my wife,” he told them both.  Kunio sat quietly watching him, feeling proud of her brother for standing up for the woman he loved. She also knew that she would never feel for Akira what her brother felt for Jayne.

On Sunday after church, Jayne sat on the front porch with Grandpa Joe, with a heavy heart. “Jayne,” he said to her as he sipped at his lemonade. “I went to the Piggly Wiggly one time to get Pearlie a watermelon and left Sydney on the cash register.  I got half way home before I realized that I left my child.”

She looked at him with some amusement. “When I got back to that store, he was balling like a banshee.”

He sipped some more lemonade. “Don’t smile too big, girlie.  I left your little ass a few times as well.”  He laughed loudly. “There is no handbook on how to be a great parent, because each child is different.  What worked on Joe Jr. never worked on Frank and sure as hell didn’t work on your Mama. She was that kid on the playground, that if you didn’t play her way, then she would take the ball into the house, and nobody could play. We planted them in the same soil, fed and watered them each the same, but your Mama, was different. It was her way or no way.”

He rocked back and forth a few times in the chair. “We took her to the doctor several times, telling them something was wrong with that child. They put Pearlie on medication. Giving her a three month supply of some damned Valiums.”

He looked resigned in his thoughts. “Failure has a way of showing you what you are made of. Not all of our failures are the ones you can bounce back from.  Pearlie took to the prayer closet hoping to pray away the demons she thought riddled Lillie’s mind. I am not saying it is our fault, but Lillie was never a strong minded child. She was more like my sister, May Bell, who would change her mind sixteen times to Sunday, before making a decision. But once she made one, she stuck to it. Right, wrong, or indifferent.”

Jayne rocked silently in the chair, adding no commentary either way.  “They came back for you several times little Jayne, but we would not let you go.”

“He stood on this very same porch, yelling at the top of his lungs, that you all were going to be a family again.”  Grandpa Joe chuffed. “Six months later, they were fighting. He asked for a divorce and she locked herself back in the looney bin for four years.  Only reason she left then is because they kicked her sorry butt out.”

The look on Jayne’s face nearly said it all. Grandpa Joe held up his hand to silence her. “I love my daughter, Chile, but I had to make a choice. I chose to keep you away from those selfish assholes. If you want to be resentful about not knowing your parents, then you aim it at me.” 

Jayne wrapped her arms around her grandfather’s neck. “Girlie, Toshi is a nice young man.  Don’t hold back on giving him some pretty little Blackanese babies out of fear that you will turn into your parents.”

“They are called Blasian, Grandpa,” she told him as she let go of his neck. Grandpa Joe reached into his shirt pocket and removed a business card, handing it to Jayne who eyed the card with some trepidation. “When you feel you are ready, give him a call.”

As Jayne left the porch, she could hear him mumbling about buying diapers for him and the babies. “Whatever you want to call them chillun’, they are going to be funny looking just like you,” he shouted at her. She found herself laughing at his grumbling about making extra product in his diaper for Pearlie to clean up.