The Christmas Rescue (16 page)

She wanted to deny what he was saying, but she
couldn't lie. “I care about you, Rafe. But sometimes, caring about someone isn't enough.”

There was a moment of silence. “What do you mean?” Rafe asked, his gaze perplexed. “I'm not sure I understand.”

She took a deep breath and let it out, slowly. “I loved my husband, but over the months he was gone at sea, I began to resent him for being gone so much. Brianna's first severe asthma attack happened while Jeremy was out on the lake. I was left to deal with her being sick and in the hospital, all alone. I think I made our marriage worse, constantly harping on how much he was gone.”

“I know how awful that must have been for you, Kayla, but surely now you realize that bad things can happen even when you're not alone. Those moments when Yarborough held his gun on me, I feared he would kill me, and then kill you and Brianna, too.” His voice was rough, and she was surprised to realize the depth of his fear. “I should know, Kayla. My wife and son died in my arms. I was right there with them, but in the end, it didn't matter. God had called them home, but left me here on earth all alone.”

She sucked in a harsh breath, trying to imagine how it had been for him to hold his dying wife and unborn child in his arms. “I didn't know you held them while they died,” she murmured. “I'm so sorry, Rafe. I didn't know.”

Rafe didn't speak for several minutes, as if needing time to pull himself together. “In the past five years since losing Angela and Josué, I've drifted along in my life, dedicating myself to my career. I've never looked twice at another woman. Until I met you. I'll respect your wishes if you truly don't want to see me, but I hope you'll reconsider.” Rafe's dark gaze pinned hers intently.
“Because now I know God kept me on this earth not to suffer, but to find you, Kayla.”

Stunned speechless, she could only stare at him.

“Think about it,” he begged, slowly releasing her hand and rising to his feet. “Please, all I'm asking is that you take the time to think about it.”

As he walked away, she knew she didn't have any choice but to think about what he'd said. His words continued to echo in her mind, until Brianna began to wake up.

Grateful for the distraction, she eagerly tended to her daughter.

“Mommy?” Brianna said, dragging her heavy eyelids open.

“I'm here, sweetie,” she crooned, soothing Brianna's hair away from her face. “You're safe, Brianna. We're on our way home. Everything is going to be just fine.”

Brianna wrinkled her brow. “What happened?”

“You were taken to a small cabin, but you weren't hurt,” Kayla explained, choosing her words carefully. “Do you remember being at the church with me? When we left Clyde outside?”

For several long moments, Brianna still looked confused, but then slowly knowledge dawned. “Yes. The man was there, the one who stayed at our bed-and-breakfast. He had Clyde, but Clyde looked sick. I ran over but he put his hand over my mouth and I couldn't breathe. Then I must have fallen asleep.”

Then he must have given her drugs to keep her out of it, and must have drugged the dog at first, too, but Kayla didn't want to tell Brianna too much. “Well you're all right now, Brianna. And Clyde is right here.” She gave the dog a pat on the head and his tail wagged gratefully. “We're going home.”

“Good. But I'm hungry,” Brianna said, glancing around curiously. “And where's Mr. Rafe? Maybe he'll have dinner with us again.”

Kayla tried to smile, but inside, her heart was heavy. If she refused to see Rafe again, Brianna would be hurt.

But what was the alternative?

Was she brave enough to open her heart to Rafe in spite of his career? In spite of the constant danger he faced?

Lord guide me, show me the way.

 

Walking away from Kayla was the hardest thing he'd done in a long time. But he sensed she needed time.

And he'd stupidly just promised to give it to her. He thought he heard murmured voices, indicating Brianna might have woken up, but he forced himself to leave them alone.

Brianna might be traumatized from her ordeal.

And he wasn't a part of their family.

The ache in his chest tightened painfully. He tried to ignore the hurt as he entered the small wheelhouse where Evan and Luke were talking.

“What's going on?” he asked. “Fill me in.”

“The crew is making a sweep of the island,” Evan said in satisfaction. “We're rounding up the rest of Leiland's hired thugs.”

“Good,” Rafe murmured, glad he didn't hear a note of envy in his partner's tone. Apparently, Evan finally understood that being in the midst of danger wasn't exactly fun and games. The young man had grown up significantly in the past few days. “Did they get the two guards we left tied up? There's one in the cabin and one tied to a tree in the woods.”

“I think they have them both,” Evan said. “I'm surprised the guy in the woods didn't give you away.”

“We put duct tape over his mouth,” Rafe admitted. He was glad they'd only had one death as they rounded up the rest of the criminal smuggling ring. They'd broken up the ring. Except for one piece of the process. “Too bad we never found the guy who did the fake identities.”

“Uh, actually, that was probably Yarborough's job,” Evan said with a frown. “When I was on his yacht I found several fake passports for him, with both names, Karl Yancy and Kevin Yarborough, along with several others, likely for the rest of his criminal cohorts. He also had a sophisticated computer set up complete with a mini-camera to take pictures. I hate to say it, but Yarborough's fake passports were pretty good.”

“That would explain why he was out of his depth with the seedy part of the job, like capturing criminals,” Rafe said slowly. “Although I'm surprised, considering he was once a former Guardian.”

“Everyone reacts differently under stress,” Luke pointed out.

That much was true. But both Leiland and Yarborough were black marks against a branch of the service he very much believed in. Shaking off the troublesome thoughts, he grinned. “So we have them all.”

“Not all,” Luke corrected with a dark frown. “There's still someone working on the Canadian border patrol. However, I'm sure we can convince one of these guys to turn on their accomplice without too much trouble.”

Rafe didn't like the thought of any of them getting off with a potentially lighter sentence, although the ringleader of the criminals was clearly Leiland.

And his sentence wouldn't be lightened one bit.

Leiland's fate was in God's hands.

Just as his future with or without Kayla and Brianna was in God's hands.

G
iving Kayla the time and space she needed wasn't going to be easy, Rafe grimly acknowledged as they docked in Green Bay. Every cell in his body protested the need to let her go.

For so long he'd refused to consider having a family. Had tried to keep his distance from Kayla because he'd been leery of opening up his heart again.

But somehow, his feelings for her had grown deep, in spite of his attempt to remain friends only.

There was no point in denying the truth. He loved her. Loved Brianna as if she were his flesh and blood daughter. He'd offer to adopt Brianna, if Kayla wouldn't mind, so they'd really be a complete family.

But Kayla didn't feel the same way about him. At least, not yet.

And he wasn't sure how to convince her to give him a chance. To give their love a chance.

He couldn't imagine his life without her.

“Rafe?” Kayla turned toward him as they prepared to disembark from the boat. “Is there any reason we couldn't go home? Back to my B and B?”

He forced a smile. “No, there's no reason you can't go home. The danger is over. I'd be happy to drive you
back to the B and B. We can pick up the items we left at the motel another time.”

“Thank you,” she murmured, wrapping her arm around Brianna's shoulders and holding on to the rope he'd fashioned into a leash for Clyde. “After everything that's happened, all I want is to go home.”

Her words cut deep. Her home. Without him. He tried not to think about his empty house, knowing it was best to give her time to recuperate from the series of events. Danger had a way of heightening feelings and once the danger was gone, those same feelings could easily fade away as well.

He knew what was in his heart. Knew that he loved Kayla with his heart and soul. But it was only fair to give Kayla the time she needed to understand her own feelings.

He didn't want to think he imagined the love in her eyes, the intensity of her kiss, but seeing as she hadn't even agreed to see him again, he couldn't discount the possibility.

On the way back to Kayla's bed-and-breakfast, he stopped at a fast-food restaurant to pick up something for them to eat for dinner. He wasn't exactly hungry, but noticed Brianna devoured her meal in record time.

Brianna seemed to have bounced back from being kidnapped and drugged, but he knew she'd been through a terrible ordeal. And even though Kayla claimed she didn't blame him for Brianna's kidnapping, he knew better. The fault was his.

He should have sent Kayla and Brianna to Arizona with Ellen. He should have given them into God's care, rather than thinking he could protect them better.

Hadn't he learned that lesson five years ago, with Angela and Josué?

Lord, please forgive me.

When he pulled up to Kayla's home, things looked the way they'd left them. The burnt Christmas tree was still lying in the clearing and he wondered if Kayla would mind if he brought over a new one. He hadn't forgotten his promise to fund the repairs to her house, either. The next day he'd need to write up his report for Luke, but maybe the day after?

Kayla punched in the code for the security system and then ushered Brianna and Clyde inside. The acrid odor of smoke lingered, but Kayla didn't seem to care. Belatedly, he remembered her room was still a disaster with its slashed mattress, but there was always the room Ellen had been using.

Kayla was strong. She didn't need him. Rafe stood awkwardly on the porch as she turned to face him.

“Thank you, Rafe. For everything,” Kayla said, her expression serious.

He tried to smile. “I'm the one who should thank you. Please call me if you need anything.”

There was a slight hesitation before she nodded and his stomach clenched when he realized she had no intention of calling.

“Goodbye, Rafe,” she said, her voice so low he almost couldn't hear her.

Goodbye. Not good-night, but goodbye. He stood, his feet rooted to the floor. “Kayla, wait,” he said as she started to close the door. He couldn't walk away. Not like this. “I'll give up my job at the coast guard. For you. For us,” he amended. “Please give me another chance.”

“You'd give up your job?” she echoed, her jaw dropping open in surprise. “But you love your work.”

“I love you more.” The words weren't nearly as
difficult to say as he'd anticipated. He wanted to haul her into his arms and to kiss her, but forced himself to take a step backward giving her the space he'd promised. “I'll call you in a few days,” he said. “Just think about what I said, please?”

“I will,” she agreed. And he found he was glad to have at least that small concession.

“Good night, Kayla.” He turned and walked down toward his jeep, feeling her gaze on his back.

Lord, I know I don't deserve her so give me Your strength and guidance here. Show me Your will. Amen.

 

Kayla spent the next two days putting her house back in order and keeping a close eye on Brianna. She dragged the slashed mattress outside and put her room back together. The damage from the fire didn't look nearly as bad once she washed the walls. The drywall would need to be replaced, but otherwise the damage was minimal.

Brianna was quieter than normal but didn't seem to be too traumatized by the kidnapping. The hospital said Brianna was fine. She'd cried out in the middle of the night during a bad dream, but when Kayla gently probed to find what the dream was about, Brianna avoided talking about it by claiming she couldn't remember.

Kayla didn't push, knowing Brianna had to deal with what happened in her own way. But she prayed nightly for God to help her daughter heal without ill effects from the kidnapping and being drugged.

And she also prayed for direction as to what to do about her confused feelings for Rafe.

No matter what she did to keep busy, she couldn't get Rafe out of her mind. Dozens of times she'd been
tempted to pick up the phone to call him. To share every bit of her life with him. He'd told her he loved her.

She wanted so badly to believe him.

But when she considered a future with Rafe, she couldn't envision how they'd make things work. She was humbled by his offer to give up his career for her. For them. But try as she might, she just couldn't imagine what Rafe would do if he wasn't part of the coast guard.

She'd fallen for the man in the uniform. The brave man who'd risked everything to protect her and Brianna. What right did she have to ask him to leave it all behind?

Very simply, she didn't.

Which meant, she had to figure out if she could live with the reality of his being gone and constantly in danger all the time.

The day before Christmas Eve, she was surprised by a knock at her door. When she opened it, there was a huge Christmas tree propped there.

When Rafe poked his head out around the branches, she couldn't help but smile. “Hi,” he greeted her in a friendly tone. “I hope you don't mind that I brought you a replacement tree to take the place of the one that burned.”

Since she'd been planning to go out that day to find one herself, she couldn't complain. “Impeccable timing,” she said, opening the door wider. “We were going to head out today to get one for ourselves.”

Rafe shoved the fir through the doorway, dropping hundreds of tiny needles on the floor as he carried it over to the corner of the great room where the old tree had been. “There wasn't much to pick from,” he said apologetically. “I think this one is a bit lopsided.”

“Lopsided is fine with us,” she assured him.

“Mr. Rafe!” Brianna shouted, racing into the great room and throwing her arms around his legs in a hug. “You're back!”

Kayla's throat closed at the flash of longing in Rafe's eyes as he gazed down at Brianna. “I brought you a new tree and I have lights and ornaments in my car, too. Maybe you'll help decorate,
mi nina?
”

“Yay!” Brianna shouted. “Can I go outside to get the ornaments, Mommy? Please?”

“Of course,” Kayla said lightly, although letting Brianna out of her sight still wasn't easy. Logically she knew the danger was past, but she couldn't help feeling anxious as Brianna darted outside to Rafe's car.

“Can you hold the tree stand steady?” Rafe asked, dragging her thoughts from her daughter.

“Sure.” Kayla had rescued the old tree stand and had placed it in the corner ready for the new tree. She knelt on the floor, helping to guide the freshly cut stump of the tree into the stand, tightening the four screws to keep it sturdily in place.

“Perfect,” Rafe said in satisfaction.

She couldn't help but agree.

With Brianna around, they didn't exactly have private time to talk, but Kayla couldn't help notice how nice it was to have Rafe there helping to decorate the tree.

She brought out a tray of hot chocolate and cookies, which Rafe seemed to appreciate as much as Brianna did. They took a few moments to enjoy the treat, gazing at the brightly decorated Christmas tree.

“I wanted to let you know that I've arranged for a new mattress to be delivered and for your drywall repairs,” Rafe said, glancing at her over his steaming mug of
chocolate. “But unfortunately, I couldn't get anyone to come until after the holidays.”

“I have homeowner's insurance to pay for the damages,” she reminded him. “But thanks. I wouldn't have had any idea who to even contact for help.”

“No problem,” he assured her. Rafe drained his mug of chocolate and set it aside before reaching for his jacket. The usual cold weather they normally had in December had blown in with the north wind. The weathermen were predicating snow for Christmas. “Well, I'd better get going. Take care, Kayla. Bye,
mi nina,
” he added to Brianna, gently stroking her hair.

For a moment Kayla stared at him, blankly. He was leaving already?

Say something to make him stay.

Her mind went blank as he made his way toward the door. She hurried after him.

“Rafe?”

He paused in the act of opening the door, and then turned to face her. “Yes?”

“Ah, do you have plans for Christmas?” She winced at the blunt question that tumbled from her mouth and hastened to clarify, “I mean, would you be interested in coming for dinner on Christmas Eve? If you're not working, that is.”

He stared at her for several long seconds before a tentative grin creased his face. “I'm not working and I would love to share dinner with you tomorrow.”

There was so much more she wanted to say, but with Brianna standing right there, this wasn't the time or the place. Although she loved her daughter dearly, she wished reverently that she could have just a couple of hours alone with Rafe.

“Wonderful. Maybe stop by around five-thirty or
six?” She had no idea what she'd even serve, but that didn't matter.

She just needed to see him again. Soon.

He nodded. “See you at six, then,” he murmured. His dark eyes lingered on hers intently and she felt breathless and tingly, all the way down to her toes.

She couldn't have looked away from him if her life depended on it. Thankfully, Rafe broke off the intangible connection shimmering between them by turning and walking back toward his car before she made a complete fool of herself.

“Mommy? It's cold,” Brianna complained and she belatedly realized she was still standing there with the front door wide open.

“Sorry,” she muttered, closing the door with a decisive click. As soon as Brianna was tucked in bed for the evening, though, she hurried to the kitchen, determined to plan Rafe a home-cooked meal he would never forget.

 

Rafe pulled into Kayla's driveway at exactly five minutes before six. He threw the gear shift into park and then turned the key in the ignition, swiping his sweaty palms on his jeans before reaching over to grab the two Christmas presents he'd brought.

For a moment doubt clouded his mind. Had he misinterpreted Kayla's invitation to be something more?

He'd spend the past few days in prayer, searching for guidance. And during that time, he'd realized he needed to let go of the past before he could move forward.

He could accept God had forgiven him. But he'd needed to learn to forgive himself. God's plan always superceded his own. Why it had taken him so long to figure that out, he had no idea.

Peace filled his heart and he could sense Angela was up in heaven looking down at him with approval.

He loved Kayla. And he was willing to do whatever necessary to show her that he would always be there for her.

No matter what.

Firming his resolve, he climbed out from behind the wheel and walked up to the doorway. Brianna opened the front door before he could even knock.

“Mr. Rafe!” she greeted him excitedly. “You brought presents!”

He couldn't wait until he'd earned the right to have her call him dad. With a grin, he handed over her gift. “This one is for you.”

“I'll put it under the tree,” Brianna said, gazing at the wrapped box in awe. He followed her to the tree, placing Kayla's gift beside Brianna's.

“Hi, Rafe,” Kayla greeted him, coming out from the kitchen. He turned to look at her and his heart jumped into this throat when he saw her. She was breathtakingly beautiful. For a moment he couldn't breathe, her shiny mink-colored hair a stunning contrast to her Irish-green turtleneck sweater and pale skin. Her green eyes sparkled like emeralds. “Merry Christmas,” she murmured, shyly.

“Merry Christmas,” he returned, relaxing as he realized his instincts hadn't failed him. She'd asked him to come because she was considering giving him a chance. He walked toward her and took her hand in his, squeezing it gently. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“I had to,” she said, choosing her words carefully with a glance toward her daughter. “I couldn't bear not seeing you.”