The Boundless Sublime (38 page)

‘It’s not far.’

It was going to be awkward, whether or not Mum’s hypothetical beau was there. They’d all stare at me. Mum said they already knew about me. They knew I was the cult girl. I’d be a curiosity, like a circus freak.

We drove through an intersection that looked familiar. Traffic lights with a view of the city, and the illuminated golden snake of the freeway. I felt a throbbing in my feet, and remembered the numbing pain of walking barefoot away from the Institute.

‘Mum?’ I asked. ‘Where exactly is this meeting?’

Mum laughed, and I noticed a brittle edge to it. Her knuckles were white on the steering wheel. ‘Nearly there.’

We drove past a shabby apartment block with sheets hanging in the windows instead of curtains, and turned down
a street of light industrial buildings. We pulled in under a roller door that had been left open for us. My veins ran cold with dread.

‘Mum?’ I asked, my voice small and childlike.

‘We’re running a bit late,’ said Mum, her voice bright, as she parked the car and opened her door. ‘Hurry up!’

I got out of the car. Everything seemed quiet. I glanced out to the street and considered running. But where would I go?

My hands started trembling.

‘Come on,’ said Mum. ‘He’ll be waiting.’

My feet were glued to the ground. ‘I’ve changed my mind. Can we just go home?’

‘Don’t be silly,’ Mum said. ‘You’re here now. You may as well come in. You don’t have to say anything. Just listen.’

Her smile was too bright. Her eyes darted nervously to the doorway, and then back to me. She reached out and grabbed my hand, tugging me in through the doorway. I let her do it. What choice did I have now?

Mum led me into the mess hall, which was crowded with about twenty adults, and a handful of children. They stood with their backs to us. Welling turned around when we entered, and our eyes met. Something wrenched inside me. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t Welling who had lied, tortured and probably killed. He didn’t know any better. He was as deluded as I had been. I smiled, but his eyes skated right over me, as if he didn’t know me. As if I were invisible, a ghost. Then he turned back to face the front. Nobody else noticed us.

It was smaller than I remembered. Dirtier. The chairs and tables had been put away, and despite the stillness and silence of the crowd, I detected a certain nervous energy. I could smell stale urine and sweat and mildew. Was this
something new? Or had I just never noticed it? Mum held my hand tightly.

‘What have you done?’ I muttered. ‘What’s going on?’

‘You’ll understand soon,’ she said. ‘I promise. Daddy will explain everything.’

Daddy.

Somehow, he had got to Mum. Possibly he’d been getting to her all along. I remembered Minah telling me that Mum had gone to the Red House, looking for me. Had it been going on all this time? Had Daddy been slipping out of the Institute, working his magic on my mother, weaving her into his tapestry of lies?

A week ago, I would have been secretly delighted. Proof finally that Daddy cared about me. That he would go to extraordinary lengths to keep me close. But the veil had been lifted now. I knew who he was. Glen Ardeer. Daddy was no magician. No saviour. He was a liar, and he was dangerous.

As if I’d summoned him with my thoughts, a door opened at the front of the room, and Daddy came in. It had only been a week since I’d last seen him, and yet his presence knocked the breath out of me. He wore a long white robe, and his hair was neatly braided. The wild, elemental Daddy had gone. This Daddy seemed … almost holy. He stepped up onto a makeshift stage at the front of the room, and raised his arms for silence.

‘How could you do this?’ I hissed to Mum. ‘How could you bring me back here?’

Confusion and a flash of doubt passed over her face. ‘You don’t understand,’ she said, tears in her eyes. ‘You are
everything
. I have to protect you. For your own good. For the good of us all.’

She looked up at Daddy, and I saw trust and devotion shining in her expression.

A slow smile spread across Daddy’s face, and he beamed down at the crowd.

‘This is a great day,’ he said. ‘The greatest. What we’ve worked for has finally arrived. Your hard work, your faith and trust in me will not go unrewarded. It is time. Time for the plan. The Boundless Family.’

A ripple of excitement went through the crowd. I felt a corresponding shiver of fear. Whatever the Boundless Family was, it didn’t sound good.

‘I have spoken to you before of the Scintilla: the key that will unlock the true powers of sublimation, and help us shed our mortal flesh-bodies. In ancient prophecy the Scintilla is described as a beautiful gem, full of the fire of life. But prophecy is tricky and easily misunderstood. I have studied this technic for hundreds of years, but I never fully understood it until a few months ago. The Scintilla is here, with us. We have summoned it. It is time for us to rise up against the Quintus Septum and take our places as leaders of this planet.’

The crowd broke into rapturous applause and cheers. Beside me, Mum clapped as hard as anyone, tears streaming down her face. What was
happening
?

‘The Scintilla,’ said Daddy, and everyone fell silent. He bowed his head and spoke in low, reverent tones. ‘A crimson gem, full of life’s fire.’

Daddy paused, and my feeling of dread intensified. The whole room seemed to throb around me, pulsing with anticipation. Then Daddy raised his head.

His eyes burned a single white line through the crowd, meeting mine, as if he’d known I was there all along. I recoiled from the strength of his gaze.

‘A ruby.’

My entire body jolted into high alert, humming with fear.
Everything inside me was urging me to flee. But I couldn’t move. I was pinned to the floor like a helpless creature hypnotised by the swaying head of a snake.

‘It’s you, Ruby.’ Daddy’s voice was barely louder than a whisper, but I heard every word. ‘You’re the Scintilla.’

21

The crowd parted before me, leaving me alone and exposed. On the stage, Daddy dropped to his knees, and one by one, every member of the Institute did too, bowing their heads to me as if I were a queen or god. I reached out for Mum, but she was gone, melted into the crowd, another deluded believer cowering before yet another lie.

I tried to protest. I told them it was all bullshit. But it was like screaming into a void.

Daddy rose to his feet and reached out a hand as if to bless me.

‘We must be gentle with her,’ he said. ‘She is newly born into this body, and her mind is still forming. For the first little while, her actuality will be competing with her host – our lost sister Heracleitus. But soon Heracleitus will subside, and the Scintilla will grow strong and powerful. And under her guidance, we shall all discard our mortal flesh and ascend – true sublime bodies, boundless with everlasting life.’

People in the crowd were weeping openly, reaching up their hands towards me. At Daddy’s command, Val came forward and took me by the arms. I tried to struggle, but I was no match for his vast frame. Lib led us both towards B Block, and as we left, I looked up and saw the faintest flicker of a smile play around Daddy’s lips.

They took me to the tiny room where I’d been previously incarcerated. It felt even smaller now, even more claustrophobic.

Lib took a breath, as if she were about to say something. But then her eyes flicked over to Val, and her mouth closed back into a thin white line. She nodded briskly at him, and they left, closing and locking the door behind them.

I knew from last time that shouting would do me no good. I didn’t want to wear myself out by banging on the door and screaming. This time I was smarter. This time I wasn’t going to let him break me. I sat down on the floor, with my back against the wall, and waited.

Time passed. Hours? I wasn’t sure. Finally the door opened and Pippa stepped inside the room, holding a bundle of red fabric, which she placed carefully on the floor before crouching down next to it and leaning her forehead down so it almost touched the damp concrete floor. I flinched when I saw the bandaged stump where her finger had once been.

‘Your holiness,’ she murmured. ‘Daddy has instructed me to bring you these robes, which he wishes you to wear as a symbol of his respect for you.’

‘Pippa,’ I said, sighing with relief. ‘You have to help me get out of here.’

Pippa stood slowly, and looked at me. She seemed different: cowed and small. Even the shape of her was different. She looked soft and swollen. Frail, like a melting candle. Her clothes were too big, hanging loosely from her shoulders. Her eyes were dark hollows, and her hand fluttered nervously in front of her belly.

‘It’s just me,’ I said. ‘I’m not the Scintilla. Daddy’s trying to punish me for leaving.’

‘He said you would be confused. He said it would take a little time.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘What I did to you – I can’t ever make that right. But you have to listen. You have doubts, I know you do. Listen to them. Listen to your gut. Listen to
me—
’

‘Heracleitus, you have to let go. Surrender your body to the actuality of the Scintilla.’

Pippa’s face was blank and polite, and I knew there was no getting through to her. I let her leave.

And I waited, ignoring the pile of red fabric.

Daddy came in sometime later.

‘You haven’t changed your clothes,’ he said. ‘Those toxicant rags you wear are not suitable attire for the saviour of all mankind.’

He scooped up the bundle of red fabric and offered it to me.

I spat on it.

Daddy laid the bundle back down on the floor. ‘You must surrender. Stop fighting. You have been chosen for greatness.’

‘I know everything,’ I said to him. ‘I know your real name. I know who you are, and what you did.’

Daddy ignored me. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he murmured. ‘It’s all my fault. The pain I put you through.’

I turned my face away from him. I didn’t want to hear his lies. I knew nothing he said could be trusted.

‘I thought I was helping you,’ Daddy continued. ‘I thought I knew what was best. I thought you needed to leave Ruby behind, and become Heracleitus. I was foolish. Arrogant.’

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Daddy sink slowly to his knees. He lifted one hand and clasped the red stone he wore around his neck.

‘I should have realised. Ruby.
Ruby
. It was a sign. The divine spark. The burning crimson gem. I wasn’t listening to you. You tried to tell me who you were from the beginning. That’s why you were confused, why you disobeyed me. It was because you were trying to reassert your true actuality.’

Daddy laid his palms on the concrete floor.

‘I elutriate myself before you, Scintilla,’ he said. ‘I am your servant, awaiting instruction.’

‘Go fuck yourself,’ I said.

Daddy closed his eyes and bowed his head low. ‘You’re angry with me. I understand.’

Scrapingly, he withdrew and stood up, backing towards the door. ‘I’ll have everything readied,’ he said. ‘For your ascension. You’ll see.’

‘Let me see her,’ I said between gritted teeth. ‘Let me speak to my mother.’

The gentle, concerned expression I knew so well arranged itself carefully on Daddy’s features. Once I had been fooled by it. No longer.