The Bathrobe Knight: Volume 2 (6 page)

              Her attention turning to the door, Kass suddenly realized that the sunlight which normally filtered into the kitchen through the opaque curtain hanging over the window was blocked out almost entirely by a shadowy form.

              Robert cautiously opened the door halfway before saying, "Yes? Hello?"

              Kass couldn't see who was behind the door since her father blocked her view, and it was only partially open to begin with, but she could clearly hear the deep voice that responded.

              "Dr. Charles is ready for you, sir." The way he said it reminded Kass of being in the waiting room at a doctor's office when a nurse came in to announce the next patient. She was certain, however, that any man belonging to a voice that sounded like that would have horrible bedside manners. "The car is waiting around front. We will take you to meet him."

              Robert nodded to the man behind the door as he spoke. "Hmm, alright. I wasn't expecting a chauffeur, but why not?"

              As her dad swung the door open to give him enough space to exit the kitchen, Kass was able to catch a glimpse of the man her father had talked with. It became readily apparent why the sunlight had been blocked out: the man was massive. He was so tall that she was almost certain he would have to duck to enter through the doorway, and he was thicker around than most of the trees throughout the neighborhood. Kass was immediately reminded of some of the larger football players she had seen on TV when her dad watched ESPN.

              “Ugh, he really needs to stop ragging me about getting a job before I go crazy and start talking to myself in the kitchen,” Kass mused as she got up and went to the fridge to see what she could dig out for food.
Oooo! Pop-Tarts! The food of my people
, she mused to herself as she noticed them in the vegetable section of the fridge. Her dad had a way of trying to hide foods he wanted to eat in the vegetable section, confident that Kass would never open that drawer.
At least he didn’t put them on the top shelf of the cabinets,
she chuckled to herself as she grabbed the box and started to open it.
That was so mean. Then again, the only reason he’s probably not doing it is because I used to scratch the counter tops climbing on top of them as a kid to get up there.

              “So what do I do about you?” Kass muttered aloud for some reason as she stared at the number on the paper.

              After devouring her Pop-Tart like it was the last sheep in a cyclop’s cave, she picked up her phone and finally gave in to temptation.

              It didn’t even ring a second before a friendly female voice answered: “Hello! This is G.O.R.N! The Gamer’s Official Review Network.”

              “Yeah, great, I’m calling about the offer you--” Kass started explaining, before she was interrupted.

              “Someone will be with you in just a moment to take your call. Please enjoy the music while you wait,” the lady’s voice continued.

             
What? What happened to robots that sounded like robots? Who puts a long pause after an introduction?
Kass tried to feel less stupid about talking to the answering machine like it was a person. That said, the music wasn’t half as bad as some of the other stations that insisted on playing country or another awful mix of repetitive, downer tunes. Most places she was used to calling seemed to pick out their melodies based on ‘What is most likely to get a person to hang up and commit suicide.’

              “This is Kerrigan from G.O.R.N. How can I be of service?” a peppy voice finally broke into the repeating chorus of the song.

              “Wait, your name . . . your real name is Kerrigan?” Kass had to stop herself from snickering.

              “Yes. Yes, it is. I have absolutely no relation to anyone named Sarah though, so please don’t ask. Now, before we get sidetracked, whatchya callin’ for?”

              “Oh, right! I’m calling about the cash offer made last night for an interview with the Hydra-riding lady on Tiqpa.”

              “Excellent! So tell me what information you have on her. We haven’t been able to get even a single bit of info on her yet, so give me what you have, and I’ll write it down with your name and address. If it turns into a good lead, we’ll send you $50 and some complimentary station memorabilia as thanks.”

              “Actually, I’m the girl who was riding the Hydra.” Kass could actually hear her sigh on the other side of the line as soon as she said it.

              “Okay, okay, you’re the fourth one today.” Kerrigan sighed. “Look, do you know how to access the past 24 hours of playtime and put together a game clip?”

              “Yeah, I know how to do that,” Kass said, happy for the first time since she got the game that her dad had made her actually read the manual and had gone over all the features with her.

              “Oh, that’s a surprise. Everyone else who called didn’t even know that was possible. So that’s great! Then can you put together a one minute clip of your choosing from during the fight to send to the station?”

              “Yep.”

              “Good, then put together that clip and send it as well as a number you’d like to be contacted at to [email protected]”

              “You still use AOL? I thought that went extinct with the dinosaurs. Did you get a free AARP subscription with the account?”

              “ . . . Just send the clip.”

              “Okay, will do.”

              “Great, we’ll call you after we confirm you are who you say you are. Look forward to talking to you then.”

              Kass hung up the phone and went upstairs to pick out the clip. She knew she would have to be careful about what clip she sent. She needed them to be able to confirm that she was who she said she was, but she also needed to make sure that she wasn’t giving away important details about the StormGuard Alliance.

              She finally gave up on finding a clip that showed off her good side and decided to just randomly put together a clip of one of the fight scenes that didn’t involve a conversation and submitted it. She had titled the email, “
Whatever you say Ghosty, how’s Jim?”
She still wasn’t sure if she made the right decision and was nervous about even doing this since it felt a little sleazy to be making money off work that was mostly Darwin’s.

She was about to beat herself up about the whole thing when her phone rang. It hadn’t even been two minutes since she had sent the email when her cell phone started buzzing.
Unknown Number.
Great, it’s either them or yet another telemarketer.

              “Hello?” she answered, trying to make sure it was the people from G.O.R.N before she identified herself.

              “I am telling you, I have no relation at all to any Sarah or Jim! Well, actually, I have a dog named Jim, but his last name isn’t Raynor! Though he is fine, thanks for asking,” a voice fussed at her over the phone.

              “Whatever you say, Kerrigan. I take it you got my email?”

              “Yeah, I did, and you are definitely the Hydra-riding girl in question. Dang, it was amazing just watching that clip. I already emailed it to my boss, but since they don’t get in until they’ve finished doing golf or whatever it is old people do nowadays to avoid work--you know how bosses are--I’m supposed to set up a preliminary meeting with you to discuss the interview and go over all the financial terms. For one interview, you’re probably looking at only two to three thousand dollars . . . Maybe five if you work your cards right and have some unique information to offer. They’ll also want to see some clips, and you’ll have to go over exclusivity rights before any money is paid. So, what time is good for you, you know, to have the meeting?”

              Kass was sure she was supposed to stop Kerrigan from going on, but the second $2,000 had been mentioned for a single interview, her mouth promptly touched the floor. Her dad was bugging her over $500 dollars of rent a month, and, yes, she knew she was spoiled, so two grand was a really big number to her. That said, when the number grew to $5,000, she wasn’t really able to process it anymore. If the amount of drool that had escaped her gaping mouth over the course of a night was considered a puddle, then the drool pool under her dropped jaw was already collecting enough to be a veritable sea.

“Hello?” Kerrigan said again after a long pause. “I didn’t lose you, did I? Ugh, I hate my cell phone provider. Why is there only one alternative? It’s like picking anything from banks to politicians has to always be the less stinky of two turds. Come on, don’t tell me I lost you, girl. My boss will kill me if I lost rights to the biggest exclusive in Tiqpa this month. Tell you what: I’ll talk to the boss, and we’ll see if we can get you $6,000. Just say something. Tell me you’re on board, and please don’t hang up to go see if you can get a better deal elsewhere. I’ll lose my job! Then how will I feed my zer . . . how will I pay rent?”

“Were you about to say zerglings?”

“No, why would I say that? Just to see if you were still listening? Me? Never.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll come in. I think tomorrow or maybe even today is going to be good for me. Can I email you the best time?”

“Sure, do what you have to do and shoot me an email. If today is good for you, the boss gets in around two, so any time after that, he’ll be able to organize the screening. I promise we’ll make this worth your while. Just put together some good clips so we can make a great deal.”

“Alright, will do.”

“Oh, and one last thing . . .”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know the guy in the bathrobe? Is he a player or an NPC?”

“I . . . I’m not sure I can tell you that.”

“Wow, cryptic much? Anyways, email me what time is good for you. I guess now I can say I look forward to seeing you.”

Kass exchanged parting pleasantries with Kerrigan and went to go log on to Tiqpa.
Now I just need to figure out how much more boat time I have,
Kass thought, logging into the game against her better judgment. After all, every moment she was logged in while the ship was rocking meant she had to deal with the awful queasy feeling that came with the churning motion of a boat on the water. She stepped out of the cabin she had logged off in and was immediately greeted by Valerie and Mclean.

“Oh! How are you doing, Lady Kass?” Valerie asked cheerfully with a smile so big Kass couldn’t tell if it was fake or not.

“Ummm,” Kass held her stomach in the hope of putting off the inevitable vomit, “I’m . . . I’m okay. How much longer till we reach land?”

“I don’t know. A few hours. Daniel went out to fly around and check on everything, but we haven’t heard back from him in an hour. Figured it was a good chance to catch up on girl time. Want to join?” Mclean sounded as chipper as Valerie did.

How do people stay this cheery on such an awful contraption as a boat?
Kass wondered, doing her best to choke down the inevitable upchuck. “No. No, I need to go do something.”

“Ah, gonna join Darwin and Alex for spoon sparring?”

“Spoon sparring?”

“Yeah, Darwin was dual-wielding spoons and sparring with Alex all morning. I was honestly a little reluctant to log on just to wait on a boat, but then I saw Darwin sparring with cutlery. It was a mix between, ‘Wow that’s a magnificent sparring match’ and ‘How much more ridiculous could this guy get?’”

“Uhh, no, I need to do something in the real world. Just wanted to see how much longer we had.”

“You have until around mid afternoon if you want to be safe about it. I didn’t expect the trip to be this long, but Justin Yoo said Darwin shifted course to a more eastward point. No idea why, but it does mean less chance of running into any White-Wings wondering why we left the faction.”

Okay, good, that means I can make it there and be back in time,
Kass thought, looking at the two and then looking at the door.
I really don’t want to be rude to our new faction members, but,
“Alright, ladies, I have to run. Work stuff. See you ‘round!”

“Later!” the two of them waved bye to her as she rushed back into the cabin and logged off.

Even as she returned to reality she could still feel the gentle rocking on the insides of her stomach as her breakfast tried to escape.
This game is too real for its own good. Sometimes it feels less like logging into a game and more like traveling to an alternate dimension.

Qasin
:

              Qasin looked at each side of his boat as a group of eight half-woman, half-reptile, scaly sea creatures climbed up the sides of the small, black sailboat he was steering. Each one had the upper body of a beautiful woman and the lower body of a very large and long serpent and was carrying a trident and net in her hands as they all made their way onto the craft.

              “If you chop up a human and serve him with rice and seaweed, does it still count as sushi?” one of the Mermaids said to the other as she stood upright on her long snake-like tail, the others following suit.

              “That all depends, how slimy and scaly of a man is he?” One of the darker-scaled ones laughed, adjusting her trident and net into a battle ready stance as she crept closer to Qasin and the boat’s wheel.