The Abandoned Trilogy (Book 1): Twice Dead (Contagion) (50 page)

As our bodies slowly became our own again, we said nothing for a moment or two for we were breathing heavily, slick with our shared body fluids and sweat.

Wolf slid out of me, I felt a rush of hot liquid between my legs, seeping into the lavender that I was lying on. I slowly sat up. My skin tingled, my body throbbed, but I felt surprisingly calm inside. That was novel.

              “Christ,” Wolf said in a stunned voice, “Jesus Christ!”

              “Wrong continent, “I said and then I added, “I don’t think he had much to do with what we have just done.”

              Wolf put his head in his hands, groaning out, “I’m sorry…” he started to say but I interrupted him.

              “No, don’t you dare say sorry!” he turned to look at me and I began to fumble with my clothes, as they were pretty much all over the place, partly on and off me.

              “You are something else Lucia,” Wolf finally said.

              I smiled, and then I said, “Thank you,” he went still and I added, “For being a friend.”

              “Friends don’t do what we have just done.”

              “They do if they are one shovel short of a treasure hunt and live in a residential home,” I said and I saw his lips twitch as he tried desperately not to laugh, “I won’t say anything if you don’t.”

              “Like with Corporal Peters and Jasmine?” Wolf said wryly.

              “You knew?” I was surprised.

              “I guessed, I spoke to Captain Lacks-Renton, she told me she had it sorted.”

              “You were good,” I said and I had the pleasure of seeing his cheeks redden.

              “You weren’t too bad yourself,” he said which made me laugh.

              “Yeah, for my first time, not bad,” I said. He went still.

              “You were…” his face was a picture.

              “Yes,” I said, “Up until a few minutes I was unsullied, as pure as the driven snow, the last English virgin.”

              I had managed to shock him yet again, “We better head back to the site,” he said abruptly, “Or someone will come looking for us.”

              “Shit!” I said, and I began to scramble around, getting myself tidied and cleaned up, there were some moist wipes in the coat I had on, and they were lemon scented, boy did I need those.

              Wolf got up off the ground first after he had tidied himself up, accepting the offer of a lemon wipe and then he held out his hand to me. I let him pull me up from the ground. It took a few minutes for me too steady myself and he waited patiently.

              “Are you OK?” he said.

              “Yes,” I said. We walked slowly, mainly because I wasn’t able to move all that quickly and not just because my leg hurt.

              “What did you mean you wanted to get it right this time?” Wolf asked me as we trudged through the woods.

              I didn’t speak for a couple of minutes. It was time to live the life I needed to live. So I told him. I told him everything. It didn’t hurt to speak to of it now. Yes, there was pain, a lot of pain, but that pain was the pain of losing Theresa and Jack, not what I had done.

              I also told him what Adag had asked of me not so long ago and how I had agreed to help her if and when the time came.

              “I would have done it,” I said simply to Wolf, “But you understand I think, better than anyone, you had to do the same for your Sergeant.”

              Wolf looked ahead, not at me, and then said, “I could have ordered one of my people to do it.”

              “No,” I shook my head, “I don’t think s.”

              “He was my friend, we joined together, he didn’t want to be an officer, he liked being a grunt he said, he asked me to do it before he fully changed into a Twice Dead.”

              “Some things we do out of love,” I said reflectively, “Are harder to do than something done out of hatred.”

              “I did as he asked, I had a duty to him,” Wolf said stiffly. He was hurting, I hadn’t realised how much he was hurting until now.

              “You loved him,” I said simply, “Like I loved Jack and Theresa, I used to think I had murdered them, but I hadn’t, and you didn’t murder your friend, you set him free, he died a human being, just as Theresa died as Jack’s mother and he as her son, they died the way they lived, nothing more, nothing less.”

              We didn’t speak until we were almost in the clearing. I was tired, but I had found an inner peace inside of me for the moment. How long it would last, I had no idea, but for the moment, I would embrace it.

              “We buried Beau with Gregory,” Wolf said.

              “Oh.” I wondered when they had done that. Probably at night when we were asleep.

              “You don’t mind do you?”

              “No,” I reached out and squeezed his hand briefly, “It’s only fitting they should be together.”

              “Yes,” Wolf said and we stepped out of the woods into the copse. I didn’t get a chance to respond for I heard Jasmine’s voice. Or rather her shriek, loud, clear and filled with happiness.

“Lucy! It’s Lucy.” And for the next hour after that it was total chaos, but I didn't mind. Yes, I was still hurting, but so was everyone else, but I had to deal with it. We all did.

I made the decision to speak to everyone before we left to return to Thorncroft. Wolf agreed it was a good idea to clear the air before we were all crammed in the coach together.

              I wasn’t looking forward to certain conversations that I was about to have but it had to be done.

Phoenix was first. We were allowed the privacy of the coach whilst everyone milled about outside, getting ready to pack up and “bug out” as Wolf said.

Bug out? Army speak, I was not going to learn another fucking language. I already spoke English, Irish Gaelic and Adapted Makaton, Army speak could piss right off.

Phoenix was rocking back and forth in his seat, his laptop was on the seat beside him, its solar battery trickling power into it. When I had got into the coach, he had not acknowledged me.

I looked out of the window of the coach window. Cassidy was still sleepy from his sedation, but he was sitting on the ground next to Stevie who was feeding him crisps from our food stash. Karma was bouncing happily by the side of Private Bryson and Gabe was holding baby Poppy and giving her a bottle.

Luckily Rachel had given Nat her baby bag when they were at her house and it had managed to survive the Twice Dead rampage. Water from the river had been boiled in one of the soldier’s jerry cans and milk formula added.

The door to the coach was open and I could hear everyone’s voices. I smiled when I heard Percy shout to Gabe he was on nappy changing duty from now on.

“You’d think you’d be able to change a bloody nappy.” I heard Gabe shout back to his husband, “You’ve picked up enough dog poop in your time!” This caused much hilarity with Bubba and Rodriquez and the other soldiers who were nearby.

“Dog poop, baby poop, very different!” was Percy’s swift response.

Jasmine and Corporal Peters were with Dov and Seth by the river. Jasmine was washing Seth’s face and he was grumbling about it, but she took no notice of him. Corporal Peters was putting Dov’s shoes on his feet. I had a feeling that the two boys would be spending a lot of time with Jasmine and Corporal Peters and I suspected that Rachel would be fine with that.

Eden was sitting next to Private Topaz who was showing her the shee-wee, Eden was giggling and Topaz was smiling as well.

Mitch was looking at Lewis. The two men were I guessed discussing how it possibly could be repaired.

“You’re going to need new tires,” Mitch was saying.

Nat, I knew was in the back of the van with Zimmerman and Duke. Apparently Duke’s head injury was more severe than was realised. He was unconscious. No one much cared, but he was being looked after. As Stevie had pointed out, we had to be good because others were bad.

I saw Jasper picking his way through people, he looked tired I thought. He was carrying a bag and I heard him shout for Lieutenant Barnes.

Dov was being carried by Corporal Peters, and Seth skipped ahead of Jasmine, waving when he saw his grandmother who had just come from speaking to her brother. She looked weary too I thought, weary and sad.

Elise was with Wolf, she had obviously been allowed out of the coach; they were probably discussing how we would get back to Thorncroft safely.

“Do you remember when you asked if I was scared?” I said, I didn’t look at him, he didn’t reply, I didn’t expect him too; I began to pick bits of lavender out of my nails, as I continued “Well I am still scared, shit scared, in fact even more scared than before, because things have changed, and I have had to make a choice that I am frightened I will totally screw up, because this was never supposed to happen, I thought I would die, that would be far easier than having to do all of this…” I sighed, “I’m only human Phoenix and not a very good one at that.”

I waited. I would wait as long as it took. The world outside would still be there no matter how long it took, just a little bit older, like me.

“You went away,” Phoenix finally spoke. He stared into space, his rocking decreased but he was still moving back and forth. I reached out and put the flat of my palm on his chest. He stopped moving. I could feel his heart thumping. A strong beat.

“Yes,” I said simply, “I did.”

“Why did you come back?”

“I came back,” I said slowly, “Because being afraid isn’t a good enough reason to run away, and trying to ignore that I was hurting because of losing Gregory, Shannon, Paul and Adag,” my voice shook slightly as I said their names, “Isn’t the best way to try and make things better.”

I wasn’t sure if he would understand. Phoenix’s brain is wired to be totally linear, he doesn’t see things in the way everyone else does. I could see confusion in his eyes, he was desperately trying to understand.

“I didn’t run away from you Phoenix, I promise you that, I ran away from me.”

“It’s hard,” he said at last.

“Yes, it is.”

“I try to understand.”

“I know you do.”

“My family…” he began and then he stopped.

“Do you miss them?” I asked him gently. He didn’t reply, he but his lower lip trembled. He had not grieved properly I thought. Oh, he had screamed, had a couple of meltdowns, gone into himself, but he had never truly cried.

And no one expected him to cry in the conventional sense. He was a just a walking computer, an unfeeling machine which occasionally malfunctioned. To most everyone in the home, he was more machine than human.

“They are gone,” he said finally, “Twice Dead.”

“Yes,” I said softly, and my hand dropped to my lap, “They are.”

“You left too.”

“I came back.”

“Will you go away again?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly, “But if I do, I will tell you, ok?”

It was the right thing to say. He nodded his head.

“I heard what Duke said to you,” Phoenix said suddenly and before I could ask him what he meant, he added, “About your Uncle.”

My stomach turned, of course, the Bee-in-the-SKY, it had audio.

“I didn't know,” I said finally.

“I looked him up,” Phoenix reached for his laptop, “He’s a joint Chief General, in the New World Succession cabinet, representing the United Kingdom, Military and Logistics Division.”

“I didn't know,” I repeated, “I have never met him, I have never met any of my real parent’s family, Duke said he didn't know about me,” I didn't believe that, but to be honest I didn't really care, James Bowes-Lyons had not been in my life ever, until now.

“He didn't,” Phoenix said.

“Didn't what?” I am sometimes a tad slow in making certain connections.

“He didn't know about you.”

“Of course he knew about me,” I said tersely.

“No,” Phoenix shook his head, “He didn't, he was your father’s best friend at university, that is how your parents met, he had been posted abroad for a five-year deployment two months before your parents left, he was told of your parent’s death but no mention was ever made of you.”

“How do you know this?” I whispered.

“He has an encrypted diary online, it’s linked to his Drop Box, he wrote in about your parents, he tried to contact them, but they didn't respond, he was told of their death whilst he was abroad, his mother wrote to him, she only mentioned your mother and father, she made no mention of you.”

“He still could have known,” I insisted.

“No,” Phoenix was relentless in all the facts being right, “He didn't, he wrote how he wished he had seen them before he went abroad, and he was sorry they hadn't contacted him, to speak to him about what they were going to do.”

“It makes no difference,” I said tersely. I was shocked but at the same time I wasn't devastated by the revelation, it was dead history, a bit like the world itself now. Also my logical mind began to put things into perspective. Duke would have updated Epsilon Command of all our details, including my link to Bowes-Lyon, if my so called Uncle realised who I was, he certainly didn't care now. What was done was done.