The Abandoned Trilogy (Book 1): Twice Dead (Contagion) (49 page)

              “You’re welcome,” he said.

              “Is everyone OK?” I asked.

              “What do you care?” his response I have to admit took me off guard.

              “I just want to know if they are ok,” I said. I wasn’t looking at him when I spoke, if I had been I would have realised he was really mad. I just don’t mean a little bit mad, I mean furiously mad.

              “Actually,” he said his voice shaking with rage, “They aren’t OK, no one is. I left Eden and Jasmine in hysterics. Mitch is threatening to cave my head in for upsetting you. Cassidy had a meltdown, he had to be sedated. Stevie would have run off again, to look for you this time, only Rodriquez managed to stop him. Percy was beside himself because he had helped you leave the coach to go to the toilet, Gabe was trying to calm everyone down, but he was crying as much as the girls. We arrived at the van just as Seb and Captain Lacks-Renton were both about to head into the woods to look for you. When I told them we had to organize ourselves, Captain Lacks-Renton told me that with all due respect, you had a head start and she was going to find you with or without my say so!” I heard the outrage in his voice at Elise’s act of defiance, “Right now she is cooling her heels in the coach along with Private Salter who decided he was going to disobey me as well, he told me to kiss his ass when I told him to stay where he was. Seb had to be hauled out of his wheelchair by Private Bryson because he took off in it, telling me I was a son-of-a-bitch, and Phoenix won’t speak to anyone, he is just sitting in one of the coach seats rocking back and forth not to mention that all of my people are blaming themselves for not looking out for you the way you looked out for them, and you just want to know if they are fucking ok?” He shouted the last three words and I winced, because everything he said made me feel physically sick.

              What could I say? I didn’t know how to tell him what was going on inside of me. How would he understand? A battle hardened soldier who didn’t let his feelings get in the way of what he had to do. That wasn’t me. Yes, I had done what needed to be done, but now in the aftermath, well now I was struggling with what I had done. I was questioning every single decision I had made in my life, from what I did when I was 15 years old, to the battle of Ashby Forest and now I had the added burden of pissing everyone off.

              “I’m sorry I upset everyone,” I said stiffly and then my teeth were clattering together because Wolf had grabbed hold of my upper arms and was shaking my whole body hard.

              “You didn’t upset everyone, it has nothing to do with upsetting them,” he yelled at me, “Do you know how much you have come mean to them? Do you? Not just to Cassidy, Stevie and the others, but my people too? To the soldiers you were willing to lay down your life for, in order to give them their chance? Private Jasper, Corporal Peters, young Salter, they would have willingly given their lives for you. Especially Salter. Do you think that Mitch and the others would have stayed and taken on the Twice Dead if you weren’t the person you are? No they fucking wouldn’t have! They would have run a mile and rightfully so, but they followed you because they believed in you! And they still believe in you! They need you and you need them…Yes, you are hurting, Jesus, you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t hurt, you watched two people you loved blow themselves up, but Lucia, for whatever reason they choose to do that, it was what they WANTED to do and nothing you could have done would have changed it, no don’t you dare try and run away again!”

              I was now struggling to pull free from him, his words were tearing ragged holes in my heart. I tried to bite him, scratch his face, but he was far stronger than me and he wasn’t finished speaking yet, “Paul was dying Lucia, you knew it, I knew it, and he sure as hell knew it,” Wolf said and my heart began to explode all over again, “Nat said he had days left, not months, and those final days would be spent in agony because even the drugs we had would not have touched the pain he would have been in, he didn’t only have Leukemia, he had liver cancer too, end stage, how he lived as long as he did, God only knows, but I suspect at some point you gave him a reason to live, you let him use his brain and mind to go beyond the boundaries of his human frailty, without meaning too, you inspired him. As for Adag she made her choice to be with him at the end, all the way, you might hate her for that, but that was what she wanted to do, just as you were willing to try to give the others their chance at life, she did the same for us and YOU!”

              I was crying again, great gulping sobs shaking my body, the pain was greater than it had been when I had run into the woods, I hadn’t thought that was possible, how could I hurt so much inside all over again?

              “I wanted to be with them!” I screamed at Wolf as I finally wrenched free from his grip and struck him in the chest with my clenched fists, “I survived the last time, but I could have gone with them, you didn’t let me go with them, why didn’t you let me go with them? I messed it up before, I wanted to be with them, you didn’t let me go to them! I should have been with them! We had a deal, it wasn’t supposed to end like this! I was going to be with them! This time I was going to get it bloody right!”

The palour of Wolf’s face took on a ghostly hue. He grabbed me by the arms again, only he didn't shake me as he did before, instead he slammed me onto my back on the moss and lavender leaving me momentarily winded. He looked down at me as he pinned me under him with the weight of his body, “Don't you ever say that again!” He shouted in my face, “Don't you even fucking think like that…do you know how much you mean to me…us…Jesus Christ, I…we need you, this isn’t just about you, stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself! You’re not the only one who has lost everything!” Anger surged through me. I clawed at his face, but he grabbed my hands and yanked them over my head.

“Stop it!” he shouted at me, “Stop it!”

              But I couldn’t stop. I needed a release, I needed a vent, a release to give me back my humanity, my desire to live, rather than die. I needed to touch that place inside of me that I had let wither away when Theresa and Jack had died but had come back to life with the dawning of the Twice Dead. I managed to free one of my hands and I slapped Wolf’s face, it was a hard slap, it made his face jerk and he swore.

              “You little…” he never got to finish his words because I managed to free my other hand and I grabbed his hair, short and fine in my fingers, I dragged his face to mine, my mouth found his, I tasted sweat, and coffee, felt the scrape of his roughly shaven skin against mine.

I thrust my body upward, grinding hard into his pelvis, I felt his groin stir, violently, his eyes went huge, he tried to pull away but I pressed my face to his and my tears ran down his chin and in a voice filled with desperation I whispered, “Help me Wolf…help me, don’t leave me in my darkness alone…I can’t…help me…please…” my hands moved spasmodically over his head, clutching at his hair, my knuckles pressing into his scalp.

              “Christ…” he muttered and then this mouth was crushing mine, his tongue filled my mouth, it felt good, I could already feel him swelling, and then his hands were tearing at my clothes, pulling my shirt out of my pants, dragging them open, and I was doing the same to him.

              When he pushed his fingers inside of me, I bucked, crying out, his thumb stroked a part of me that I was only briefly aware of from whenever I showered and my hand slid between my legs and I felt that brief tremor run through me as I made contact with the part that proved my womanhood.

              His thumb was like silk on a velvet peach surface, moving back and forth, making me cry out, begging him not to stop. He drew my good leg up so it hooked over his hip, and his fingers moved in deeper. I was wet, the sensation was like nothing I expected, and I thought of Jasmine’s dreamy words not so long ago, “Sex is nice,” well this part was, that was damn sure!

              The cool air of the late morning rippled across my now bare breasts, Wolf’s hard kisses made me gasp, I pushed my hands under his shirt, feeling his flesh on my palms, warm and smooth, he was fit, his body was a mass of toned muscles, I followed my instincts, kissing his throat, moving downwards, letting my tongue snake over skin. I tasted salt, warm, sweet, the bitter tang of the river water we had all been doused in; I rolled my tongue over one of his paps and I felt it mottle, that was nice, and he liked it. He moaned and I marveled at his rippling chest, whilst running my tongue over his heated skin. I rubbed himself against me and then his mouth curved around my nipple and my world went white.

              I cried out, pushing myself into his mouth, his hand so big and strong cupped my breast, squeezing it so he could take more into his mouth, dear God, no wonder Jasmine had been banging Corporal Peters like a rabbit if she felt anything like I was feeling now!

We kissed, our bodies twisting on the lavender bed underneath us. The heat, the sweat, the sound of ragged breathing, it was if a door inside of me was being slowly pushed open. All that I kept deep inside of me began to swell, surge through me.

              Who was I? A child of a now defunct state? A daughter briefly to the troubled Theresa, sister to Jack, the boy who so wanted to be a soldier, or had Adag given me a part of her daughter Pia, now either Twice Dead or devoured by them, and Paul another brother, wise beyond his years, wanting to find infinity though the stars.

              What had he said to me that time we had played chess, “All that you touch you change, all that you change changes you, the only lasting truth is change,” that quote had stayed with me. I had thought Paul was talking about the change going on around us, but now as I shed the skin of my former existence I wondered if he had been talking about me?

The bulge in Wolf’s pants was huge now. I might not have been experienced sexually but I knew the facts of life. And what was in those pants needed to go somewhere soon. Very soon. I think Wolf realised this too.

              “Need to stop!” he gasped, and he tried to pull away, but my leg was still hooked over his hip so I gripped him with the back of my knee, stopping him from moving too far.

              “No!” I said into his mouth which was hovering over me, his brow was dripping with sweat, running down his sun burnished face and I flicked out my tongue, catching the salt from his face, “More.”

              “Lucia…” Wolf said hoarsely, “I can’t…won’t be able to stop…need to get rid of…” my hand snaked swiftly between us, the buttons of his combat trousers had all but popped open under the pressure of his erection and I drew him fully out.

He felt my hand on his member, I let my palm slide up and down it, taking in the heat, marveling at its girth, he sucked in his breath, shook his head but it was too late for I was pushing upward with my body whilst guiding him inside of me. He was so warm, a pulsating hardness engorged with blood and passion.

“Lucia!” he spluttered, trying to pull way, “No! Don’t!” I thrust hard before he could do just that, it hurt, the man was big as I said but he was now inside of me.

“No!” he cried out in shock and I rolled my body slightly, catching him off balance and he pushed further inside of me instinctively.

I thrust again, even harder, I felt pain and pleasure and then he was all the way inside of me.

“No! We have to stop…” I smiled up at him and I drew his head downwards to my breast.

“Yes,” I whispered into his ear, my breath warm, moist against his salted flesh, “Oh yes…” I felt the pleasure of his mouth on my mound, he gave in then, I was moving my body, my hands were like butterfly wings, they fluttered over him and I kissed his forehead and then his eyes. He let out a moan and crushed himself hard on me, grinding his knees into the dirt we were lying on, wanting all of himself deep inside of me.

The strokes of his undulating body, unwilling before, became harder, stronger, and he rose and fell on top of me like the waves rushing back and forth on a beach and I rose to meet him, I didn’t scream, I didn’t cry out, I just moved with him. We were looking at each other now, no words, just our bodies locked together.

It had to end, for both of us but it was worth it. Our release when it came was shared. We were inside each other, and our needs I realised were equal to the other. The beginning rush of our shared pleasure flooded through us both. It was gloriously hot, sweaty and intense.

Wolf tilted my head back with his hand so my throat was stretched. He kissed and lapped at the damp, salty flesh and I found myself firmly moving his head and guiding his mouth to my nipple.

“Oh yes,” he moaned as he latched on, his thrusting getting faster inside of me and I kissed the top of his glistening head and then the powerful wave of sexual pleasure reached its peak.

Wolf didn't withdraw, I think he knew that wasn’t going to happen. So he went along with it. He caught my face in his hands and we kissed. A glorious kiss, full of the flavours of our pumping bodies. My orgasm was like nothing I can even begin to describe, the juices inside of me simply exploded and Wolf let out a gut wrenching roar as he gave one final and powerful thrust, arching his body like a perfectly curved bow. I felt him fill every part of me, I crossed my legs around his back, wanting every single bit of him inside of me for as long as possible. He shuddered on top of me, his forehead met mine, I was gasping for breath, my chest heaving under his chest. Before it ended we kissed. Soft, gentle, silently. Wolf had set me free.

              Yes, I was still hurting over the loss of Adag and Paul, that would be with me forever, just as Jack and Theresa would be with me more forever but I would, no could not let their deaths define me. I would embrace their sacrifices, for love, for friendship, for family and finally, for me.