Tempest of Vengeance (40 page)

Lash nodded that he did.

“Danial and I were over, Lash,” I sighted,
looking into space. “But when Theo disappeared, I went back to him.
I couldn’t give up on Theo, though, so I promised myself I wouldn’t
Oath to him, or marry him. I told himself it was the mortality
difference, but it wasn’t, not then—”

“Sar, this is water long over the dam, and
down the river.”

“—
but I knew he wanted a child, and I
thought to myself, I could give him that instead. I had wanted one
anyway, after being Elle’s mother. But I had no idea all this would
happen.”

“You mean Devlin wanting you, and the Rulers
wanting you, and all that?”

“I never thought about it. But Theo brought
it up, right when we first went to see Carol. He was right, Lash.
Everything that happened later built on my having Theoron with
Danial. And if Theo hadn’t been taken, I wouldn’t have gone back to
Danial. I’d have stayed working at the metal fabrication plant.
Theo would’ve married me, and would’ve quit working for
Danial—”

“He was going to quit?” Lash said, rolling
his eyes. “Sar, there’s no quitting this line of work. You do it
until you get killed. That’s it for a retirement plan.”

“He said as much later. But even so, I’d have
let Danial go, probably only seen him a few times a year in
passing. Elle wouldn’t have known him well, either. I would’ve had
more children with Theo. Devlin would never have been interested in
me.”

“That’s untrue,” Lash hissed softly. “He was
angry, very angry for what happened to him at Terian’s hands, Sar.
So was I. He blamed you for it, more so than Terian, or Theo. You
know Devlin well now. You know he would not have been out of power
for long, no matter what he had to do to get it again. I would’ve
done what I did for him with Ebediah probably, and he would have
become a Ruler again. As soon as he was a Ruler again, I would’ve
come for you, to bring you to him, no matter where you were, or who
you were with.”

I shivered, because it was there in Lash’s
tone that he was telling the truth.

“But why are you thinking of this now?” Lash
hissed. “In the world you speak of, most everyone’s lost in misery.
Danial never knows the joy of being a father, or loving you, and
he’s alone. Devlin’s powerful again, but despite him probably
laying everyone in sight, he’s not happy as he is now; he’s
emotionally empty, and still angry at the world for losing
Annabelle. Danial and he are still estranged. You are a prisoner of
Devlin’s, having had at least one child for him by now. Theo’s dead
by my hand. And I’d be dead for sure.”

I hugged Lash against me tighter. “I’m very,
very glad you aren’t dead.”

“Me, too,” he agreed, laughing a little. “So
why are you thinking of this?”

“Because so much would’ve been different. I’m
not saying it would be better—”

“You are thinking of Furface, because he made
you feel as if you’re to blame for the way things turned out,” Lash
hissed, annoyed. “He wouldn’t be happy, either, Sar. If a
challenger like Robert hadn’t killed him, I would’ve killed him
when I came for you. Devlin only came himself that night to take
you because he thought you were alone, with maybe a human
boyfriend, if that, and there was no real risk to him. If he’d
known Theo was living with you, he’d have sent me to get you, and
bring you to him. In that world, I was never your lover, never knew
you like I do, Sar. And as much as I might have felt sorry taking
you from your family, I would have done it, probably killing Theo
in the process. I don’t want to admit it, but the truth is you had
caused the events that led to Danial getting Devlin deposed. I
would’ve wanted revenge myself on you for that, as you were the one
who sealed my fate, doomed me.”

I wondered what he would have done to me for
revenge, and decided I wasn’t going to ask. I still remembered
Devlin’s confession more than a year ago; I didn’t want another one
to keep me awake nights. “Titus might have told Dev what was needed
to save you. He’d have no reason not to then, with us not being
together.”

“Save he hates me, and always has,” Lash
hissed angrily. “But you’re right. Devlin could’ve drank Ebediah’s
blood, and let me have Sola’s. I possibly could’ve lived, if Titus
had given me that potion he had talked about.” Lash tilted my head,
so I looked at his eyes. “But Devlin would’ve tried sooner or later
to have a child with you, no matter what else happened. He would’ve
tried until he succeeded, Sar. The other Rulers would’ve wanted you
then. He also would have shared you with Danial, eventually, and
you’d have had a child with him, too, in time, probably called
Theoron. You would’ve ended up Oathed to them both in that world,
too, most likely living here as you do now. But

there’s no way to say this nicely

you’d have been fucked up in the process. Devlin has
hurt women in the past, Sar, and enjoyed it. I don’t like to tell
you bad things about him, but it’s fact that he would’ve broken
you, when he bent you to his will. You’d have fought him, and he’d
have liked you fighting him, liked showing you that no matter what
you did, he was going to have anything he wanted of you. He’d have
been sorry after you had his child, when he would’ve cared for you,
maybe even loved you, but by then it would’ve been too late.”

“Stop,” I said, sickened. “You’re right, this
is pointless to discuss.”

“Listen,” Lash hissed, “Know this, Sar. The
only thing truly different in that world is that Theo’s dead and I
killed him. And that you and I would never have been together,
because you’d never have forgiven me taking his life.” He paused.
“I never want to hear you utter another word about what might have
been, because the thought of not knowing you, not being like this
with you is so awful I don’t want to ever think about it, or have
you think about it, either. There is no world but this one, where
we sleep together every night, and you’re my mate.”

I clasped him to me and hugged him. “I’m
sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“The point is I feel good,” Lash hissed
contentedly, rubbing his scratchy cheek against mine. “I’ve been
alone my whole life, even when I had a woman I called my own. But I
have you now, and Venus and Dev, too. I’m happy.” He paused, his
tone becoming tender. “Even though you’re still hurting, when
enough time passes, you’ll be happy again, too, Sar. I’m looking
forward to that time, when I see you truly smile again.” He paused,
stroking my back with his hand. “Mind you, I’m not rushing you to
heal your hurt. Tell me, if you need me to hold you, or give you
space, or whatever. I’m here for you, and Dev is, too, even if he
gets moody about not getting his way.”

“Thank you,” I said gratefully, burrowing
into him.

He sighed, and held me close. For some time
after, we didn’t speak. Then abruptly, I realized I had a question
for him. “Titus knew what you meant with that knife you gave me,
didn’t he?”

Lash nodded. “He can read most languages,
Sar. He saw the symbol, and knew what I was asking you, even if you
didn’t. That’s why he was so permissive about the sex, after he
found out we had been together. He knew you were my mate then. He
knew you’d come to me willingly. But even though he knew I was
loyal to Devlin, he could tell I wanted you for myself. That’s why
he recharged the tracking spell on you, and made sure that Devlin
found us together. He didn’t trust me not to grab you and take
off.”

I ran my hands over his chest, stroking
gently. “But you wouldn’t have done that.”

Lash looked at me and laughed, but it was a
mocking laugh. “Don’t be so sure,” he cautioned, kissing my cheek.
“When I was lying with you that last hour, making out, and we were
waiting for Titus to come to get you, I was thinking hard about it,
about asking you to come with me and just take off, to be with me.
But I couldn’t do it, not just because of Dev, and the damned
tracking spell, but because I thought you might still need the
vampire blood to live. I didn’t want you to die, or for me to have
to turn you into snake.”

“I almost tried to get you to bite me, that
day back in the spring. To turn me.”

Lash lifted my chin, so he could see my face
clearly. “When was this?”

“That day Dev forced me to wear his collar,”
I said, blushing at the memory. “But it was for selfish reasons. I
thought if I was weresnake, you’d help me escape him, want me for
yourself—”

“I did want you for myself, even then,” Lash
admitted, kissing my shoulders. “I wanted you to wear my snake
colors, so I could think of you in snake form.”

“But I was pregnant then,” I finished. “I
thought my children would die, if you bit me, and I couldn’t risk
it.”

Lash drew back. “I remember now,” he said
softly, his eyes dark and serious. “I saw you reach out to me, and
I wondered if you wanted me, the real me. But when you took your
hand back, I decided you’d just been going to ask me something, and
reconsidered. I never slept Sar, not when we were out in the open,
and vulnerable, though you did. We were together, and that was
enough.” Lash kissed me again. “I wouldn’t have bitten you, even if
you’d asked me to. It would’ve killed your children, changing for
the first time, and I could never harm a child. Not ever.” There
was something in his tone, some old pain, that made me hug him
tighter. But Lash did not elaborate.

“But if Titus was so permissive, why was he
against us spending time after we came back? He went on and on
about staying away from you, every time he talked to me.”

“Because he didn’t want you with me, just
like he hates that we are together now,” Lash said acrimoniously.
“He doesn’t like to think of me anywhere near you, much less in
you, you who he considers his daughter. He refused initially to
make the potion for me to give you to become snake. Devlin finally
had to force him to do it. But he seems to have calmed down some.
Is he still giving you any shit about me?” Lash’s tone had turned
angry by the end.

“He’s not happy,” I admitted finally. “But he
can see that we care about each other, and he knows that we’re
officially mated, and that being yours is part of my Oath.”

“How does he know?” Lash said quickly. “I
never said anything.”

“I told him,” I confessed. “I wanted him to
leave you alone, and I’d heard enough badmouthing of you. So I told
him, and he relented. He just reminded me again that he felt like a
father to me, and he hoped that I was happy.”

“Good,” Lash said, grinning. “Maybe I’ll call
him ‘Dad’ next time I see him, just for kicks.”

I hit him lightly and he laughed, smirking at
me. “You have anything else to confess?”

The moment he said the words, it hit me that
I did. I turned to Lash with tears in my eyes.

He went still immediately. “What is it?”

“I’m so sorry, Lash. I broke a promise to
you. I told Devlin why I came back to him—that it was because of
you helping me.”

Lash’s eyes went flat instantly, the rage
emanating from him so hot it was making him twitch. I stayed
motionless, a little afraid, watching him get it under control.

“Why?” he got out finally.

“I was drunk, and angry,” I admitted, crying
a little, and feeling stupid. “You and I had fought, then you’d
gone to Davy’s. I’d cut myself deeply on the knife you’d given me,
and was trying to bring Danial back—”

Lash’s anger disappeared, and he clutched me
to him tightly. “Dev stopped you? Healed you?”

I nodded.

“And?”

“Devlin told me to go and make up with you. I
was angry, and it slipped out.”

“How did he take it?” Lash asked warily.

“He said he’d suspected, but he was upset,
until I told him I could have children again, and then he said he
didn’t care.”

“You told him that, too?” Lash said, letting
out a breath. “Well, that’s—”

“He knows about our baby, about my
miscarriage.”

“Sar, I’m guessing Dev didn’t take more than
an hour to show up at Davy’s, and find me passed out. How the hell
did you have so much time to discuss all this?”

“Lash, you told him about the baby. You were
drunk, really drunk, but you were awake, when we both found you.
You don’t remember, but I came to Davy’s with Dev. You fought—”

“No, I went to Davy’s and trashed the place,
and then drank myself into a stupor. Dev came and got me, and
brought me home, I guess. You woke me up the next afternoon.”

“No, I went with him, and we found you
drinking, and you called me a bitch.”

He gave me a look that said he didn’t believe
me, but was unwilling to call me a liar. “Why do I not remember
this? I always remember what I’ve done, drunk or not! What the hell
happened, Sar?”

“Dev stuck you with something while you were,
um, distracted, and it knocked you out. He said you wouldn’t
remember.”

Lash looked at me with flat eyes, but this
time it was because he was very, very nervous.

“What else did I say?”

It’s obvious he’s afraid to know.
“You
said some things, Dev said some things. You fought with him, and
stabbed him and bit him. Then you had me on the pool table
again.”

“Shit, I want to remember that! Was it as
good as last time?” He grinned widely.

I gave him a look that said it had not been
the same. “Not really, no.”

He hugged me. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he
said hesitantly. “Please tell me I didn’t hurt you.”

“You were rough, and angry,” I said honestly.
“But when I told you how much I loved you, you calmed down. You
were very tender, near the end.”

Lash actually blushed. His voice when he
spoke was more worried than ever. “What did I say? What did I do!
Tell me everything, word for word!”

I looked at him warily, debating what to edit
out and what to tell him.