Talania - a Trip Down Memory Lane... (2 page)

The sound of quiet is almost the worst sound there is. When your own breath bounces off the walls echoing in your ears, it is like your own personal hell; I need noise. I need noise for many reasons, but the main reason I need noise is so I don't hear the sound of the Intrathecal chemotherapy machine with its steady hum. When it is quiet, that sound haunts me. That sound is my own personal hell. I need loud: a loud so loud that it would deafen anyone else.

Because the other half of the dorm is covered with rock posters, I finish decorating what I assume is my side of the room, All of a sudden a very happy-go-lucky girl comes bouncing and giggling into the room, a broad smile shining on her face.

“You must be Evelyn Beaumont,” the girl with streaked hair says.

“Yes I am, but you can call me Ev.” I smile at her.

“Well, I’m Adella Parsh.” She smiles back.

Her eyes spot my cancer survivor bracelet when I am folding up a moving box. Adella looks up and sees that I have caught her watching me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to stare; it’s just you’re so young.” Her eyes start to tear up.

Oh, no — no more pity for me. I am a survivor!

“Look, it’s fine. I survived, see?” I pull up my hair showing her my scars from my surgeries.

“Oh my God,” she whispers.

“It’s fine. I am fine now, so please don’t tiptoe around me or anything. This is why I’m here— to experience life and live it to the fullest.”

“You’ve got my word,” she says and zips her lips.

“Thank you Adella,” I say as I gesture to her posters. “So, you’re a big fan of rock, right?”

“Yes! We have a pretty big band right here on campus actually. Look; that’s Tristan and Drake Monroe along with Shawn Thomas and Kyle Worthington. They’re all hot and crazy talented.” She sighs, looking at her poster.

I look at the band on the poster. She is right; they are all gorgeous. “So the band is called ‘Lost’?” I ask.

“Yeah, it has something to do with Tristan losing someone very important to him when he was younger.” Adella shrugs it off. “So we have the weekend before orientation starts and the dullness of college life begins, so do you want to party with me this weekend?” she asks, jumping up and down on her bed. I already like this girl. She is a free spirit and that is just what the doctor ordered up for me.

“Why not? What’s the plan? I’ve been cooped up in hospitals and on bed rest for almost five years, so let’s do something fun.” I grin.

“Yes, now that right there is a true survivor.” She points.

She’s right. She is completely right! If I dwelled on losing five years of my life or almost five years of memories I wouldn’t get anywhere. Those memories and those years are lost. It is time to start new. I was given a second chance and I am not going to waste it.

“Okay, so here’s the plan tonight. We are obviously going to ‘Before and After’. It’s the local bar where Lost is playing tonight. Tristan owns it. Then we will go to the after party. That’s how we’ll start this weekend.” She starts riffling through her drawers.

“I’m only twenty. How am I going to get into a bar?” I squeak.

“Oh, never mind that. The bouncers are cool and someone else will buy our drinks; they always do.” She stops. “But if you don’t see it come straight from the bar you don’t drink it, okay?” She looks at me seriously.

“Gotcha.” I mock salute.

“Seriously Ev! Do not drink any drink that you do not see the bartender make. People slip in the date rape drug and all kinds of shit.”

I frown at that.

“I understand. Now help me find something to wear. I haven’t done anything since the age of 16 and I can’t even remember that year. Actually, I can’t remember anything from the age of 14 to 19. I don’t know what’s cool anymore.” I shrug helplessly.

“No problem Little Miss Diva Survivor. Momma has you covered.” She pulls out a little black dress.

“Do you have any shoes to match this?” she asks me.

I go to my closet door and open it up, showing her all the shoes in my shoe rack. “I may have been cooped up, but I know how to shop online,” I say with a cheeky grin.

“Holy moly, you aren’t lying.” She heads straight for my classic black pumps with red bottoms.

“Here, these will do just fine.” She hands me my shoes.

We both get ready. I decide to keep my hair down. It’s still growing back out from the chemo. It has finally made it to my shoulders. My eyebrows and eyelashes have grown back too. I barely need to shave my legs, though that’s a good problem to have. I am just thankful that I have most of my hair back.

I never take my cancer bracelet off. It’s not like I want to announce to the world that I’m a survivor, but it’s my reminder when I start feeling down. I fought cancer with all that I had and I came out victorious. I kicked cancer in the butt.

“Okay Ev, are you ready to go?” she asks while I coat my eyelashes in one more coat of mascara.

“Yep.” I throw the tube down on my dresser. “All set. Show me how college life is.” I reach for my purse and shove my phone inside. “If my parents can’t reach me they will flip out.”

I stop and look in the full-length mirror. I finally look healthier. I have gained a little of my weight back and my curves are starting to fill back in.

“You look fine. Now let’s go.” Adella takes my hand, giggling while we lock up our room.

We make small talk the entire way to ‘Before and After’. There is a huge line waiting to get in as we walk up.

“This is because the band is just that good. C’mon, I know the bouncer. He’ll let us skip the line,” she says as she pulls me forward.

“Hey Skinny! What’s up handsome?” Adella purrs at a big burly guy who is most definitely not skinny.

“Adella, baby, who’s your friend?” He eyes me up and down.

“Fresh meat. Let us in.” Her eyes roam over to the door.

“Go ahead baby, show her how it’s done,” Skinny sighs.

“Thank you Skinny,” I say shyly.

“No problem baby girl.” He removes the red clip on the velvet rope. “Well, go on.” He gestures us in.

It’s dark and the music is loud. I don’t mind loud music; in fact, I love it. It helped get me through some dark moments in my life. Mom and Dad say music plays a bigger part in my life than I know. Doctors told them it was best if I forgot the lost years and move forward, because there is a huge chance those years were not coming back. That is one of the things I disagree with the doctors on.

The strobe lights are amazing. Everything is so alive in here. Alive: I am freaking alive. I sigh with a happy grin. I got a second chance. Adella drags me to a booth by the stage. I don’t understand why, because it says reserved.

“Adella, um, this says it’s reserved for the bands,” I point to the sign.

“Yes, the bands and the friends of the band mates. I grew up with Shawn.”

Drinks come over from the bar. “Ladies, Shawn sent these over for you,” the male waiter says.

“That’s my hubby.” Adella grins.

“Hubby?” I repeat slowly.

“No, but one day that man is going to wake up and realize he’s in love with me and marry my ass.”

“I’m sure he will Adella. I’ve known you for all of two seconds and I already love you.” I laugh.

“See? I’m a free spirit.”

She really is. I can’t help but think that my being paired in a dorm room with her this year has happened for a reason.

“Lost is getting ready to go on,” she says as she points to the stage.

That is when I realize a few things. First, the poster did them no justice at all. Second, the energy coming off them is so strong I feel weak in the knees. Third, I think I just fell in love.

“Tristan is the lead singer and guitarist. Shawn is backup vocals and a guitarist. Drake is on drums. He can sing, but he never does Kyle is a jack of all trades, except for singing.” She laughs at that.

I stare at the men. That is what they are, full-fledged freaking men. I cannot wait to get a better look at them in the light. Just thinking about them makes my panties wet.

The thing is I’m not a virgin, but I can’t remember losing my virginity or whom I lost it with. The doctors say I am most definitely not a virgin, so that means I had a life, possibly even a fun one, before cancer.

“Tristan is a bad boy,” Adella points. Tristan is now in the light and my breath hitches in my throat. I cannot breathe. He is so gorgeous and tanned with his brown hair tousled about. I want to see his eyes. “Rumor has it a girl broke his heart back when he was seventeen and he’s never recovered. In fact, he screws his way through the campus.” I could see that possibility.

“He’s gorgeous.” I sigh.

“Wait until you hear him sing. Oh and when they come and sit with us, his presence alone will drive you crazy,” she giggles.

I sip on my drink. It’s fruity and I have no idea what it is, because I don’t even know if I have ever had alcohol. Sometimes I wish for those years back, but it’s not good to want things you can’t have.

“Welcome to 'Before and After', we’re Lost! Have you ladies heard of us?” Tristan’s voice drips through the microphone. As soon as he speaks, the girls around us start screaming.

“Oh, you have? Well, let me hear y’all scream a little louder.” He holds the microphone out to the crowd. His smile is so contagious. Tristan’s smile is the kind of smile my mom used to warn me about when I was thirteen. She would stick her acrylic nails into my face pointing, ‘Them kind of boys are sweet to the tooth, but leave you with a cavity’.

“Oh, sweet tooth,” I sigh.

“Mmhm, I told ya.” Adella grins at me.

“So what do the pretty ladies want to hear first?”

The crowd goes wild shouting ‘Lost Love’. I can’t help but notice the small frown that appears on Tristan's masculine face. “‘Lost Love’ it is.” He walks over to a stool and effortlessly sits down, pulling his guitar in front of him and placing the microphone in the stand.

His band mates all look sad for him too, and when his voice starts whispering across the large amps, I understand why.

Lost love

Lost love

Why did you have to be my lost love?

What did I do wrong?

Was it something I did?

Was it something I said?

Lost love

Why did you have to be my lost love?

Everything about the song is sad. His voice drips with sadness; a sorrow I feel myself wanting to know more about. Even with the sadness though, it is amazingly beautiful.

I am captivated through their entire set. I don’t breathe; I don’t move. I just sit in awe with tears in my eyes.

When their final song ends, the groupies attack them.

“They’ll be here in a minute. Shawn doesn’t leave me sitting here long,” Adella whispers and all I can do is nod.

“Where’s the restroom?” I ask.

She points me to a small hallway.

“Okay. I’ll be right back,” I grab my purse and head to the bathroom. I need to straighten up my mascara. I know it has to be a mess. I push through the door and stand in front of the mirror. Thankfully, I still look okay, but I did need to touch up my makeup a little.

Heading back out to the booth, I run into someone, a strong someone.

“Excuse me. I’m sorry.” I mumble as I try to move around him. The guy removes a towel from his face.

“Motherfuck— Evelyn Beaumont, is that you?” I take two steps back.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” I ask, backing slowly away.

“Know me? Do you know me? It’s me, Drake. We only vacationed together for three summers in a row down at Laguna Beach. You and Tristan were inseparable.” He looks at me as if I am crazy.

“I’m sorry; I think you have the wrong person. I need to get back to Adella.” I try walking away.

“No wait, let me walk with you.” He grabs my arm lightly and I look down at his strong hand wrapped around my fragile wrist.

“Please, let go of me.” I say quietly.

He looks at me, confused. “You really don’t remember me do you?”