From the moment I woke up after the were-attack, I knew my life would never be the same. I knew, deep down inside, that my grandfather, my birth mother’s father, would disown me. I also knew that he would give Dad the go-ahead to finally be free of me. Even though I knew, when it actually happened, it still shocked the crap out of me. And it hurt like hell.

It made no sense that Felix, my pureblood, way distant, vampire relation, was accepting me and taking me in as his own, while my half-blood grandfather was writing me off.

Dad, he’d never liked me, so that made sense. But again, it still hurt. I think what hurt the most was Dad telling me that I could never see Mom (well, step-mom, but the only mom I’ve ever known) and my little brother, Harrison, ever again. That probably hurt the most. Not the names he called me or the physical way he shoved me out of the house. Not even the cutting me off.

It was losing Mom and my little brother that crushed me.

To top off the anguish I felt, I couldn’t fight back my angry and rejected tears any longer. I’d never cried in front of anyone, other than Mom, and now, now I was fighting the waterworks as Felix drove me home.

It was after I’d gotten settled back at school and my apartment that he’d accompanied me to my parents’ house. I knew I needed to tell my family about the “incident” before they heard it from someone else. Even though we’d all been sworn to secrecy, I just knew that, with my luck, somehow they’d find out about the whole being bitten-by-a-werewolf-thing.

So, Felix had taken me over to my parents’, and Granddad met us there. Felix had waited in his SUV while I sat at my parents’ dinner table, shaking, waiting for the inevitable.

My little brother, Harrison, wasn’t home. Mom had mentioned something about him being at a friend’s. She knew me well, and she knew that I had something important to share. She also knew it was best that Harrison not be a part of whatever it was I needed to tell them. And he wasn’t. My vampire line comes from my biological mother’s side, and my bio-mom had died giving birth to me—hence the reason for my dad’s hatred toward me.

It was ridiculous, really, to hate and blame a child for the death of their mother, especially during childbirth. It was a burden I’d always lived with, something I would always live with. But as Mom has always told me, my mother gave her life for mine because she loved me that much. My dad’s problem, well, according to Mom (aka Julie), it wasn’t really me as a person that was the problem; it was the fact I reminded Dad of my real mom. I have her eyes, and from what Julie/Mom has told me, I have her spirit. Odd though, you’d think that if he ever really loved my birth mom then he’d love those things about me. But he didn’t.

My step-mom, Julie, she had been my real mom’s best friend, and I’m pretty sure she was the reason I was still alive. More than once Julie interfered when my father was “teaching me a lesson.” More than once did she doctor me after an altercation with Dad, and more than a million times did she hold me and whisper to me, telling me that one day it would all be alright. I believed her words. Every time. Still do. And someday, I know it will be alright. Just not yet.

What made things even more unbearable, was that Granddad and I had been close, and now, now that relationship was over. Just like that, he said nothing when I finished telling the three of them what had happened. He just looked away, and he was done with me.

I knew that, when I was little, Julie/Mom would’ve taken me away from Dad in a heartbeat, had she had the chance. It was Granddad who had the power over Dad, somehow, and he made Dad raise and support me until he said otherwise. Well, Granddad was finally saying otherwise.

Dad hates my grandfather, he fears him, and it wasn’t until over the summer, when Granddad told me about my vampire lineage, that I understood any of it. Well, at first I thought Granddad was bat-shit crazy. It wasn’t until I started noticing things—like when I’d seen Oliver’s fangs at one point—and putting the puzzle together. I think that’s when it clicked for me. Dad actually feared me, too. The fact that I had a vampire line, and Dad was aware of it, I think he feared me becoming stronger than he was. Little did he know, I’d never stoop to his level. So, Dad continued to beat me down to make me believe I was weak and pathetic, among other things. Sadly, this realization made me feel a little better about myself.

Julie pretended to love my dad and married him because she had loved my real mom and me so much that she sacrificed her life for mine, kinda like my birth mom had. For I was the last good piece of my mother left, Julie always told me. It hurt that she’d done all of that for me, but it also made up for the ass of a father that I was dealt. I told myself that secretly she did love my father, she just didn’t like him. It made life more bearable, made me feel less guilty.

Harrison had been a surprise and a bonus, and now, possibly a curse. Mom had to stay with Dad even longer now because of my baby brother. But Harrison hadn’t killed his mom while leaving her body as I had. He wasn’t some vampire bastard, like me. Harrison was safe from the wrath of our father. This, I was thankful for.

As I rode home and tried to suck up my cry-babying, I thought maybe this was that “one day” that everything was going to be alright. Maybe being set free from that bastard was, as they say, a blessing in disguise.
Maybe? Maybe not?
It definitely was not if Mom and my brother weren’t in my life. Then it was just a continuation of the nightmare I’ve lived my entire life, just a different version.

When we got back to the apartment was when Felix told me he’d take care of my college funds and any of my financial needs. I argued, of course. I wasn’t going to be some mooch. But Felix demanded. And when that big fella demands, you shut the hell up. I appreciated everything he’d done for
me, and at
that moment, I could’ve kissed his enormous feet and worshiped the ground he walked on. Instead I cried like a goddamn baby. Again.

Laney and Oliver came home, and I tried to hide my misery from her, but we’d grown too close and she knew immediately. I hid my face while she comforted me, but what I really wanted to do was bury my head in her lap until the pain was gone. But Oliver was there, and so was Felix. Plus, I didn’t want her to see me cry. I didn’t want her to see that weak side of me. I’d save that for Mom and only my mom.

That night I went out in the hopes of drinking my pain away and quickly realized that I had no money, at all
. So instead,
I got a job as a dishwasher at Shakes, the burger joint, and I’d be working extra shifts as the damn chicken guy…

So I’d lost my family, my girlfriend, gotten a wicked-nasty scar on my face, and could possibly lose my life when the moon would soon present itself in full form. But I’d gotten a job as a freakin’ chicken! Life was good! In case it wasn’t clear, that last statement was dripping with sarcasm.

Let’s skip forward, past my first humiliating day as a chicken on the corner. The only bonus the chicken costume had was that it made Laney laugh, and when Laney laughed… Well, let’s just say it’s a very good thing. Anyway, skipping forward, Oliver was out of town, and Laney and I were hanging out. Well, she’d picked me up from work, and I was trying to convince her to go out that night—which she wanted no part of—when we ran into Kiera. It was kind of painful to see her. She hadn’t been returning my calls—even though I had no idea what I’d say if she did. I wanted her back, but I didn’t. I didn’t want this life for her. The possibility that I could die or turn into a beast…she deserved better. Hell, she deserved better even before the were-thing happened! She snubbed me when we saw her,
and
when she revealed that she was going out on a date, it felt like a knife to my chest. I did want her back, but I just couldn’t subject her to this life. She was too innocent, too pure, and I was pretty sure she wouldn’t accept this shit so easily. I didn’t want her to have to.

Laney was always awesome with me, and she already knew about all of this freaky vampire/werewolf crap. I didn’t have to hide it from her or explain anything. She wasn’t afraid of me or what I might become, and she wasn’t afraid to tell me the truth. She wasn’t afraid of telling me that I was an idiot or that I’d screwed up the greatest thing ever to enter my life—Kiera, for example.

Laney’s opinion of me had never once wavered in all the years we’d known each other, no matter what she knew about me. But that was Laney, loyal friendship until the end, unless you hurt her. And if you hurt her, she’d never trust you again. I’d only seen it happen a few times, but I k8new that Ashton, Avery, and Tate would never again get to be a part of her life. Not like they used to be. They’d all betrayed her, hurt her in some way and that was it. No second chance. I’d never hurt her, or let anyone hurt her again. Maybe that was why I had my issues with Oliver—I feared he’d break her heart. Because I’d only seen Laney let her guard down once, and it backfired on her. And that was nothing compared to the feelings I’d seen her show for Oliver. It scared me.

That’s why what happened next was one of the stupidest things I could’ve ever done. At first, I just wanted to go watch Harrison’s
game, and at
first, that’s what we did. Then my dumb ass had to add alcohol. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions, gives us liquid courage, and makes us total flaming idiots. I was pretty good at those things without
liquor, but with
it, I demonstrated all of the above in full-
force, and
with my encouragement, Laney did the same, and I’m lucky she’s still speaking to me.

Seeing Mom and Harrison was amazing and over needed. Seeing Dad only brought back my feelings of rejection which I acted on by filling myself with tequila. Kinda pissed I let that bastard get to me the way he does. I wanted to be the bigger man, the better man. We’ll just call the next few hours an epic fail on my part. Big time.

As soon as Harrison’s game was over, I should’ve taken Laney straight home and sat on the couch—at a safe distance, of course—until her boyfriend, her vampire boyfriend, came home. Then, when the two of them snuck off to his room to “sleep,” I could’ve gotten drunk off my ass, safely, in the comfort of my own home. But instead I included her in my downfall, and I’d pay. We both would, possibly forever.

I knew she wanted to get home to Oliver. The two were inseparable when duty didn’t call him away. But I didn’t like it. I didn’t like how she was always there for him, but he was constantly leaving her. I get it, that he has a job and shit, but what did he really do? I didn’t know, and I was pretty sure she didn’t know, either.

I’ll admit, I didn’t like the idea of him biting her. I knew the rules, I knew he wasn’t allowed to bite her unless she said yes or if they were mated, but she was so head-over-heels in love with him, I was pretty sure she’d let him do anything to her. Anything. And I didn’t like it. I didn’t like sharing her. There, I said it and maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the truth, but I loved her.
This is what it felt like to want someone you knew you couldn’t—knew you shouldn’t—have…

I knew I wasn’t good enough for her, but neither was he. She deserved the world, and I was fairly certain he wouldn’t be able to deliver.

Once I got some of the Schnapps into Laney, she finally relaxed a little, and that’s when I made my move.

Stupidest move EVER!

I was pretty much full of nothing but tequila when I kissed her. But even mostly liquored up, the rejection from Laney was like a slap across the face. A really hard slap. And yet, she wouldn’t let my stupidity hurt us, and I was thankful. Mortified, but thankful. It was also then that I was pretty sure we were being watched, and I had a damn good idea I knew by whom.

And maybe, that little fact was why things played out the way that they did, or maybe it was the tequila’s fault
.
Either way, it was I that ended up causing so much hurt.

After those damn wiener dogs and that giant lady chased us up and down the street, things became fuzzy, but I still knew what I was doing. I was in pain, felt full of rejection. Kiera had hurt me, and I wanted to return the favor. Again, I was letting how others were making me feel control my actions.

Looking back, the one person who’d never hurt me or betrayed me ended up being harmed the most. Poor Laney. I didn’t deserve her even as a friend.

Once Laney was done calling me names and losing trust in me—something I’d never wanted her to do—I still pushed her, and we ended up at the Lunatic Stallion. It was the only bar that regularly had an eighteen-and-over night. I knew it was where Kiera would be.

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