After Tahn had seen the Wittleys off with their wagon newly laden with gifts, he and Jarel rode into the wooded hills beyond the springhouse estate. Jarel stayed ahead until they were more than a mile out. Then he turned his horse and stopped. “Did you ever know your parents?”
Tahn walked his animal closer. “I don’t know. One man I remember slightly, but I don’t know if he was kin.”
“Was he good to you?”
“I don’t remember. I only know it was upsetting to see him hanged.”
“He must have meant something to you, then.”
“Evidently.”
“I lost my parents to your mercenary brothers,” Jarel said.
“I know, sir.”
“Let’s go.” Jarel stirred his horse to a run again, and Tahn followed.
It was a long while before Jarel stopped, and the surroundings were beginning to be unfamiliar to Tahn. “Are you sure you should be so far out from your soldiers, sir?” he asked. “And only one man with you?”
“I’m not the important one,” Jarel answered. “Benn is.”
“I don’t think he would agree with that.”
“Of course he would. He knows he’s important.”
Jarel was dismounting, and Tahn did not even try to answer.
“Need some help, Mr. Dorn?”
Tahn swung his leg over and lowered himself to the ground. Oh, Lord, how it hurt! This was harder than he’d thought.
“You’d better sit a minute.”
Tahn didn’t hesitate. He lowered himself carefully against a tree.
“You’ll manage?” Jarel asked.
“Yes, sir. Just a moment, and I’ll be ready to get you back home.”
“I’m not ready. Not yet. Who would trouble us? The baron’s men are bound to peace, and the mercenaries seem to be your friends.”
Tahn looked up at him, knowing there was a challenge in his words. “We can’t put confidence in either of those ideas.”
“Can I put confidence in the Dorn’s protection, then? My uncle seems to think so.”
Tahn sighed. “I appreciate his trust. But I am not as able right now as I hope to be.”
“And what do you hope for, when you’re fit and able? You’ve made a lot of progress. You get around pretty well now.”
“Jarel, why did you ask me here?”
“Answer my question, will you? What do you hope for?”
Tahn bowed his head. He was not welcome in Jarel’s eyes. Netta’s cousin would like nothing better than to have him gone.
“Well?” the young Trilett pressed.
“I don’t know, sir. I haven’t thought much further than safety for the children and for your family.”
“You expect me to believe that’s all that occupies your mind? What interest do you have in my safety? I think not! I think your interest is my cousin.”
“We need to go.” Tahn started to get up, but Jarel shoved him down again.
“Don’t do this, sir,” Tahn pleaded.
“What? Don’t get you angry? Is that what you mean? What would you do?”
Tahn turned his head away in silence.
“You might be able to kill me, even at less than full strength, but you’d never explain going back without me, would you? There are no tracks of any horses but ours, no black-garbed warriors dropping from trees to explain it away!”
Once again, Tahn tried to get up, but Jarel pushed him harder, into the tree. To the young Trilett’s surprise, Tahn let it happen again and sunk meekly to the ground.
“I don’t want an enemy,” Tahn said. “If you can’t stomach my presence, I will go.”
“And leave Netta?”
“Yes, sir.” He turned his face away, afraid of what Jarel might be able to see there.
“Fair enough. You’ve got a good horse. I’ll give you money right now. Will you ride on out, once you’ve rested?”
Tahn took a deep breath. “No, sir. I would see you back to your home and not have you ride the distance alone. I have that obligation to your uncle. And I would think it cruel not to tell the children good-bye.”
Jarel stared at him, not sure how to respond. “You would go, then, once your details are taken care of?”
For the third time, Tahn pulled himself to his feet. “I think that I am ready now.”
Jarel didn’t push him down this time, and Tahn took a step toward the horses, knowing that these wouldn’t respond to his whistle.
“I don’t think I’m finished,” Jarel said, his voice much quieter.
“It seems that I am.” Tahn took another limping step.
“Mr. Dorn, do you think my uncle would let me run you off like this?”
“You’re family. You’ll come to terms.”
“Sit down.”
Tahn turned and looked at him. “I will not create a war for myself or anyone else. If my presence does that, I’ll have to leave.” He turned away again quickly.
But Jarel had seen his eyes. “Do you love her?”
He couldn’t answer. He took another step, but felt Jarel’s hand suddenly on his shoulder.
“I asked you a question.”
But he pulled away and took the horse’s reins.
“That’s what you’ve wanted all along, isn’t it?” Jarel demanded. “A chance at fair Netta, to do what you will?” He slapped his hand down again hard on Tahn’s shoulder.
It was a reflex. Before he could think about it, Tahn had whirled around and knocked the young Trilett to the ground. Both horses skittered away from them.
Jarel looked up and shook his head. “I knew I could get a reaction. Now that I’m down, what do you do?”
Tahn turned away again. He wanted to leave this difficult soul in the woods and flee, but he knew he couldn’t do things that way. “I’ll not fight you, sir.”
“That’s not how it appeared just now.”
“I’m sorry.” He slowly sunk again to the base of a tree. “I’ll wait here until you’re ready to go back. Forgive me.”
Jarel sat up and looked at him. Was he serious? He had not expected such meekness. But he knew he’d struck a nerve, a deep one. Could he dare probe it further? “Mr. Dorn, do you know what you are to me?”
“I can only imagine.”
“A vexation! My uncle respects your opinion in our situation more than mine. And my only surviving cousin would rather have your company, though you entertain men who have slaughtered all my immediate family!”
“I am sorry. Please believe me. I am sorry.”
“I wasn’t sure today if you’d kill me or if I’d manage to kill you. But you’re not being very cooperative.”
“I won’t hurt you, but you shouldn’t put yourself in danger. You’re important to a lot of people, whether you know it or not.”
Jarel stood. “Karll was my friend, Mr. Dorn. Perhaps the best friend I ever had outside of the family that’s gone now too.”
He couldn’t answer. Jarel’s pain justified his words, his actions.
“I’ve wanted to hate you, Mr. Dorn,” Jarel admitted. “But Benn and Netta do not make it easy. Nor do you. Why couldn’t you just be the foul murderer they claimed? We could have let Onath hang you and be done with it. But you aren’t blamed for Karll, because now you’ve saved lives. You aren’t blamed for kidnapping Netta because you helped her. You’ve a collection of orphans to win the heart of the hardest skeptic. What am I to do with you? It’s no wonder Onath is willing to hail you now!”
“No, sir,” Tahn spoke quietly. “I’m no hero. I don’t want your town’s attention. And if I am not to be blamed, it is because of Christ’s mercy. I’ve got no other claim. I well know the darkness that was in me.”
Jarel turned toward him. “What kind of darkness? Can you answer me honestly?”
Tahn sighed. If there were any practical way out of this, he’d have taken it. “I will try,” he said. “But God is my Savior. I’m not what I was.”
Jarel smiled. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to determine here. But you may have had that figured.”
A test. Tahn thought of Samis, dagger in hand.
“Let me test your mettle, boy!”
he’d taunted. Tahn shook the thought from his mind and turned his eyes to Jarel.
“If you’re a deceiver, you’re the devil at it,” Jarel said.
“Uncle Benn trusts you with his life, and Netta’s willing to cry tears over your miserable past. I know it’s true to a point, but I need to know how deep it goes, Mr. Dorn. Could we count on you if you had to stand against your mercenary friends? Or if you never had a hope of Netta’s interest? Please answer me.”
“I’ve already stood against them, and I expected nothing but your cousin’s fear when I kidnapped her.”
“What about now?”
“Were she as bold as you, perhaps I would face
her
hard questions.”
Jarel laughed again. “What do you think she’d ask you?”
Tahn swallowed. “If I had it to do again, would I yet spill Karll’s blood?”
“Would you?”
“Not as a Christian. But if I was still living under Samis’s power, I don’t know. I had no strength to resist in those days.”
“So did you like it, the killing?”
“No. Can we not return now?”
“You said you’d wait till I was ready. I know you’re uncomfortable. That’s exactly what I wanted.”
“If you had found the villain you were looking for, sir, you would have put yourself at risk. Don’t take such chances.”
“Are you telling me not to be alone with you?”
“A man’s instinct is a good guide,” Tahn told him. “I’m saying that if you don’t trust a man, no matter who he is, don’t be alone with him.”
“A little late for that now.”
“But easily remedied.”
“It’s you not wishing to be alone with me.”
“I’ll not deny it.”
Jarel smiled. “You may think me a pig, but Netta is worth that to me.”
Tahn nodded.
“You didn’t answer me before,” the young Trilett pressed. “You think you love her, do you?”
“I would not wish to put her in such a spot.”
“But what about you? Are you in that spot already? Has she got a fire lit in you like the farmer’s daughter has in Vari?”
Tahn looked up at him in surprise.
“Oh, I see a lot. They can’t very well hide it, can they? You, on the other hand, are trying very hard. You can’t move too quickly, of course, without ruffling Benn a bit.”
“Jarel, sir—” Tahn took a deep breath. “Your uncle was not distressed by my feelings. But I’ll never pursue them. Neither God nor the lady would have it from me. I wouldn’t trouble her for all of this world, but I can’t deny that I care for her. I think you know that already.”
“How do you expect to live with it and not act on it?” Jarel questioned.
Tahn sighed. “Elsewhere, truly.” He lowered his head to his hands. “I’ll go, sir. You are right that I should.”
Jarel looked down at the figure before him.
He’s like a whipped pup
, he thought.
A wounded child, just like Netta said. What might I have been like in his place?
“Mr. Dorn,” he said with quiet voice. “Perhaps we’ve been gone long enough. Can I help you up?”
“I’ll manage, sir.” He stood carefully and turned toward the horses again.
Jarel put out his hand toward Tahn’s shoulder but drew it back, uncertain. The man’s limp was worse. He seemed to be carrying an extra weight. “Can I help you mount?”
“No, sir—”
“You’ll manage.”
“Yes.”
“But how will
I
manage if you leave us now?”
Tahn stopped. Whatever could he mean by that?
“Everyone in the house is rather fond of you,” Jarel said. “I don’t need them angry at me. Things are hard enough already.”
“Maybe you don’t realize how they value you, sir. I can’t imagine any anger there.”
Jarel met his eyes. “You’ve leveled with us completely, haven’t you?”
“As best I know how.” He knew Jarel’s stricken look but not the reason for it. “Sir, I’m sorry about Karll. I’m sorry about your family. I can’t change the past, and I can’t excuse what I did. But I hope you’ll forgive me one day.”
He turned back toward the horses, but Jarel quickly stepped in front of him. “I came out here wanting to condemn you, Dorn. I should ask
you
to forgive
me
.”
He shook his head. “There’s no need. You have a right—”
“No. Not to throw my hurt onto you. You’ve got plenty of your own. You’ve been beaten enough, haven’t you?”
Tahn couldn’t meet his eyes this time. Something inside him was shaking.
“This may be the safest home you’ve ever had.” Jarel sighed. “You shouldn’t leave it on my word.”
But Tahn only reached for the horse’s bridle and with great effort pulled himself into the saddle.
L
ucas rode through the foothills north of Joram. A farm boy had said he’d seen an old man riding a black stallion not long before. Samis might be close.
He kept considering what to do when he found him. He remembered the master steadying himself against the wall in his chamber. Something was wrong with him, more than soreness from a fall. How long would he be able to pursue his vengeful ideas? They should shelter somewhere and get a healer before things got worse. But going back to Valhal might not be wise. Burle still claimed more than a dozen of Samis’s men and posed a threat in that area. It was hard to say where Samis would be safest. Any of the men might be pleased to pay him back for the pain he’d caused them. He must find the master before they discovered him alone.
The scolding call of a bird interrupted his thoughts. He looked around him at the nearly barren trees. It had been autumn like this the first time he’d ever traveled this way—with Tahn when they were twelve and thirteen. By then, many of the men had thought Tahn mad because of his fearsome screams at night and his unpredictable manner.
But Lucas knew him better than most, and traveling alone with him had been a welcome relief from Samis and his ruffians at Valhal. He’d never felt threatened by Tahn, except when the man was asleep.
And that was something he still felt guilty about. Because they’d shared a room as young boys, Lucas had been the first to learn about Tahn’s dreadful dreams. It scared him, and he’d gone to the master with it hoping for a remedy.
But God Almighty!
Lucas cried in his heart.
Why haven’t I killed Samis by now?
The horrible man had only used Tahn’s torment to torture and bind him, piling scars on top of the ones he’d already had.
Why haven’t
you
killed him, Lord God?
Lucas questioned.
Why would you let a man like Samis steal our lives from us?